How Indian media focuses its camera…

photographer-424622_640Once upon a time…

Modi’s faults: Zoom in, zoom in!!!
Modi’s successes: Zoom out, zoom out!!!

Congress’s successes: Zoom in, zoom in!!!
Congress’s failures: Zoom out, zoom out!!!

Then…

Just zoom out of Congress (totally gone case) and zoom in on Modi’s speeches.

After that…

AAP’s successes: Zoom in, zoom in!!!
AAP’s failures: Zoom out, zoom out!!!

After the Somnath Bharti raid…

AAP’s faults: Zoom in, zoom in!!!

And it’s always been…

India’s tamashas, nautankis and sensationalist events: Zoom in, zoom in!!!
India’s real issues: Zoom out, zoom out!!!

© Sunil Rajguru

If Pappu had to answer these questions…

Q1: What is the capital of France?
A: The French people should be empowered.

Q2: What is the capital of Maharashtra?
A: We have introduced RTI and through that we can get the answer.

Q3: Name the top 3 scams of UPA2.
A: We have introduced Lokpal and six more bills are pending.

Q4: What is the square root of 9?
A: The system to get this answer has very sound fundamentals.

Q5: Why are you doing business with a corrupt person like Laloo?
A: Laloo is an idea. An idea is just an idea and cannot be corrupt.

Q6: How is the Congress not involved in 1984 and the BJP involved in 2002?
A: Because the Congress not involved in 1984 and the BJP is involved in 2002!

Q7: What is exactly going on in your mind?
A: I am not sure it is possible for RTI to be used in all possible situations and that system is not very sound on fundamentals.

Q8: How will you give power to the people?
A: By empowering them.

Q9: What are your views on woman empowerment?
A: Women should be given power.

Q10: Why aren’t you engaging in a debate with Modi?
A: Yes, we can debate that.

Q11: What do you think of AAP?
A: Koi AAP nahin, koi main nahin, sirf hum hai.

Q12: You are answering none of the above questions.
A: It is only by strengthening the fundamentals of the questions and thereby changing their system that you can empower the answers and even that is not possible because there are really no answers but just ideas and ideas are open and not closed to the system and this I learnt from my father who learnt it from my grandmother and I think that will finally prove to you that Congress was not responsible for 1984 and BJP was responsible for 2002 and this would have been evident had you exercised RTI which we implemented while our Lokpal will ensure that such tragedies will never happen again and hence it is not necessary to debate Modi and so when you understand this answer, you will have understood a little bit about who Rahul Gandhi is and what Rahul Gandhi’s circumstances have been and if you delve into that you will get an answer to the question of what Rahul Gandhi knows and what he does not know and how he is going to open up a closed system by opening up his brain in such fashion and that’s how I see more energy in India and no energy in all the other political parties put together and that’s the idea that the Congress (which itself is an idea) gives to India (which is also an idea) and to put it finally, I have absolutely no idea what I am talking about and that pertains any idea whatsoever.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more Pappu musings…

The Rahul Gandhi of Rahul Gandhi’s dreams is exactly like Superman, Batman and Spiderman.
(They are all fictional characters)

First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they ridicule you again and then they ridicule you again and again and then they ridicule you again and again and again and then Modi wins.
—Pappu.

If Pappu was a Brand Ambassador or a side actor in Bollywood, then I think I would really like him.
But a Prime Minister???!!!???

The fall of Pappu…
2009: Future PM.
2012: Will Modi checkmate him?
2013: Can he counter Kejriwal?
2014 headline…
Can he beat Kumar Vishwas in Amethi?

Charles is his inspiration.
At 65 he’s still a Prince to the Queen.
Pappu is just 44.

If Modi gives 9 great speeches then they’ll focus on the 10th lacklustre one.
If Pappu gives 9 stupid speeches then they’ll call the 10th above average one a masterpiece.

Star kids may get 15 flop Bollywood films before a hit.
Dynastic scions may get 15 flop elections before a success.

The contradiction…
The only way Pappu can re-invent the Congress is by removing the dynasty.
That is by removing himself.

I see only two categories of people cheering a Pappu speech…
1. Congressis.
2. TV reporters/anchors.

Premise…
I won’t vote for NaMo because of Namotards.
I won’t vote for AAP because of AAPtards.
Conclusion…
Vote for Pappu because there are no Papputards!

1919—Motilal Congress President, signals beginning of Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty.
Maybe Pappu is targeting 2019 to end the Dynasty.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Arnab interviewed Pappu…

The Arnab-Pappu interview is the interview of the century because now the Congress may never win again in this century.

He should now be renamed “General Pappu”.
(Since he runs away from specifics and talks only of “general” things.)

I think the high point of Pappu in 2014 is being interviewed by Arnab.
That’s how low things have reached for him.

Frost/Nixon was made into critically acclaimed film.
Pappu/Arnab will be made into a comically acclaimed film.

Pappu: You can’t blame me for 1984, tab main bachcha tha.
Comment: Please don’t blame him in 2014, woh abhi bhi bachcha hai.

There’s no me, main or hum… Rahul Gandhi refers to himself in the third person.

Blah blah blah RTI empowerment… Blah blah blah RTI empowerment… blah blah blah RTI empowerment… blah blah blah RTI empowerment… blah blah blah RTI empowerment…

Arnab…
Just getting Pappu: Coup.
Asking tough questions: Another coup.
That’s coup coup!
Pappu…
Plain cuckoo!
#ArnabAurPappu

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejriwal-AAP-dharna musings…

A tale of three anarchists…
Laloo: Bihar.
Akhilesh: UP.
Kejriwal: Delhi.

Swaraj is my birthright, and I shall have it!
—Tilak.
Nautanki is my birthright, and I shall have it!
—Kejriwal.

What happens if Delhi Police comes under Kejriwal and he holds dharna for something else?
Will he order Delhi Police to join dharna instead of safeguarding city?

Both the CIA and INC love creating monsters which eventually attack them in the end.
Pakistan will eventually take on America and AAP will eventually cannibalise Congress vote base.

Everyone will get their 15 minutes of fame.
—Andy Warhol.
We will get our 15 minutes of fame each and every day.
—Arvind Kejriwal.

Comedy Nights With Kapil.
Comedy Days With Kejriwal.

Like NaMo and RaGa, they should start calling Arvind Kejriwal…
ArKe.
Since he’s the opposite of what he promised, he should be called AnrKe.

AAP is the only establishment that is anti-establishment.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The AAP dharna drama…

Kejriwal claim: Main Delhi Police ki chutti karoonga.
Reality: Maine Delhi policeman ki chutti okay kar di.

When AAP shuts shop as a political party, it can re-register itself as a drama company or agitation event management company or TV PR or…

Kal peon Kejriwal sahab ke liye chai thandi laayega to woh dharna pe jaayenge.
Saawdhaan!

Evolution of Kejriwal…
2011: August Kranti to send corrupt to jail.
2014: January Dharna to save vigilante minister who broke rules.

Congratulations New Delhi!
You are now in proud possession of a Chief Moral Vigilante who will police you 24X&7!

Khoda pahaad (Delhi Police should come under our control), nikli chuhiya (a couple of cops to go on leave).

Overheard…
A: This Delhi Police is totally out of control, does what it wants, it’s almost like anarchy!
B: What’s the solution?
A: Why, hand it over to that anarchist Kejriwal!

Section 144 according to AAP…
Not less than 144 people should assemble in one single place of protest.

Modi: Main Rajdharma karoonga.
Pappu: Main Raj…duhh???… karoonga.
Kejriwal: Main Rajdharna karoonga.

If Kejriwal becomes PM, he will hold a dharna in front of Rashtrapati Bhawan every day and hence rid the nation of all evils.

2011…
Kejriwal: Chargesheeted MPs/MLAs are a disgrace for India!
2014…
CM & MLA Kejriwal chargesheeted.
First beat them in polls, then join them in crime!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more NaMo musings…

The media turns everyone into such a Hero that they eventually become a Villain.
#Pappu #Nitish #Kejriwal
The advantage with Modi is that they turned him into such a Villain from Day 1 that he eventually became a Hero for many.

NaMo’s Mission2014 diary…
Nitish self-destructed. <Check>
Advani self-destructed. <Check>
Pappu self-destructed. <Check>
–>Kejriwal self-destruct sequence initiated.

Vajpayee: 1980s hardliner, 1990s moderate.
Advani: 1990s hardliner, 2000s moderate.
Modi: 2000s hardliner, 2010s moderate?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The full form of Arvind Kejriwal…

Anarchy
Rebellion
Vigilantism
IdiotBox
Naxalism
Dharnas
KarlMarxism
Emergency
Jailbharo
Revolution
Idiocy
Wannabes
Agitations
Lawless

This AAP AAP is rapidly deteriorating into a Tu Tu Main Main

Superfast progress…
1885: Congress formed.
1947: Calls to disband Congress.
2013: AAP formed.
2014: Calls to disband AAP.

What they said…
Kejriwal will overtake NaMo.
What happened…
Kejritards have overtaken Namotards.

History has seen Blackshirts and Brownshirts.
Now we should start calling AAP vigilantes as Whitecaps.

AAP Governance 1-2-3…
1. Ensure safety of Indian women by molesting Ugandan women.
2. Protest Delhi Police when they get it right for a change.
3. Protest law and order situation in Delhi by breaking law and order.

It just hit the ceiling in New Delhi…
Congress + AAP = (C)ong(R)essA(AP).

Now showing in New Delhi…
(Governance se) Bhaag AAP Bhaag!

Then…
Jitni shaurat kisiko 20 maheene main nahin mili, inko 20 ghante main mili.
Now…
Jitna bad press kisiko 20 maheene main nahin mila, inko 20 din main mila.
#AAP

Evolution:
First…
AAP–>Aam Aadmi Party.
Then…
Khaas Aadmi Party–>KHAP.
Finally for its supporters…
Khaas Logon ka Political Dal.

What’s the difference between Gandhi Topis and Aam Aadmi Topis?
Pahale waale pahante hain, doosre waale pahanaate hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

AAP musings…

AAP = All-ideologies All-isms Potpourri.

The AAP National Policy is like a Free and Open Source Software which Arvind Kejriwal himself won’t be able to control and which will change month to month.

Aam Aadmi Party’s media coverage…
Aam ke aam guthliyon ke daam!

My hugging Kejriwal has resulted in Zero Loss of votes for my party: Sibal.
Same here: Kejriwal.
How?
Because…
Vote for AAP = Vote for Congress.

Anna Hazare: Lokpal!
Arvind Kejriwal: Jokepal!
#SomnathBharti
Kejriwal: Our internal Lokpal has found him not guilty.
(Ah! You mean internal Jokepal?)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congressi dynasty musings…

The Infinity Loop of Inaction…
Pappu: I am ready to do what the Congress wants.
Congress: We are ready to do what Pappu wants.

The symbol of Indian politics should be Two Hands.
One Hand holding the Hammer and Sickle.
The other Hand holding the Broom.

The diminishing Pappu…
2010: Likely successor to Manmohan.
2012: Likely challenger to Modi.
2014: Likely lost it to even Kejriwal.

The dynasty (Sonia) wrecked UPA2.
Solution: Get more dynasty (Pappu).
Failed again.
Next solution: Get even more dynasty (Priyanka).

The Congress is toying with the idea of making the wife of a humble farmer with a simpleton brother their PM candidate.
#PriyankaVadra

Priyanka would be the worst PM ever.
The only choice we’ve known that she’s made is marrying Robert Vadra.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Why they want to join the AAP…

AAP joining form…
Are you a…
a. Separatist.
b. Naxalite.
c. Modi hater.
d. Communist.
e. Poor gullible middle class citizen.

Arvind Kejriwal should first hold a referendum within the party in order to decide what referendum should be held among the people.
#PrashantBhushan

Q: Do you have an app for how you allocate coverage?
Media: No, right now we only have an AAP.

Another AAP (Aam Aadmi in Pakistan) loves AAP’s Prashant Bhushan’s views on Kashmir.

AAP ko lag raha hai ki AAP aam ke majboot ped pe baithe hue hai.
Par AAP ko media ne chane ke jhaad pe chada diya hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The many forms of AAP…

Aam Aadmi.
Aam Separatist.
Aam Naxal.
Aam Industrialist.
Aam Anarchist.
Aam Mob Member.
Aam Opposition Politician.
Sab ka swaagat hai!
#AAP

Spot the difference…
Haryana: Khap Panchayat.
Delhi: AAP Panchayat.

Delhi media’s current song…
Saare shahar main AAP saa koi nahin, koi nahin…

Fact 1: AAP’s No. 1 plank = Anti-corruption.
Fact 2: Congress has maximum cases of corruption.
Fact 3: AAP won’t act against Congress.
Hence final agenda: Modi Hatao!
#HowPredictable

Cage-ri-Wall.
Congress ke Cage main, BJP ke liye Wall.

Merge AAP with the Congress.
Make Priyanka President.
Make Kejriwal the PM candidate.
Problem solved.
UPA3 back with a bang…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru