#IndVsEng series musings…

Jo shatak banayega wohi Sikander.
#Sachin
Jo Jeeta wohi Sikander.
#Sachin
MC-BC. Sikander gaya tel lene.
Shatak bhi mera, jeet bhi meri!
#Kohli

Test captaincy.
Test anchor.
ODI anchor.
iT20 anchor.
RCB captaincy.
RCB anchor.
3500+ runs in all the above.
Pressure? Woh kya hota hai?
#Kohli

Batsman Kohli—May surpass Sachin.
Captain Kohli—May surpass Dhoni.
Spinner Ashwin—May surpass Kumble.
All-rounder Ashwin—May surpass Kapil.

Batting Averages.
Great player…
Tests—55.
ODIs—50.
iT20s—40.
Kohli…
Tests—50.
ODIs—53.
iT20s—57.

Only two active cricketers have scored more than 650 runs in a Test series versus Australia in Australia.
#Cook #Kohli
Funny Anderson thinks Kohli needs pitches to score.

Prophecy: A Karnataka batsman will cross 200 at the Chennai Test.
Rahul out on 199: Damn! The prophecy was wrong!
Karun Nair: No it wasn’t!

#Dravid #Kumble #Laxman #Dhoni #Kohli
Greater match-winners than Sachin.
Sachin is not even the greatest in his own team.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

General cricketing musings…

Champs for 10 years and counting…
2007-09—T20 World Champs.
2009-11—Test World Champs.
2011-15—ODI World Champs.
2013-17—Defenders of Champions Trophy.
Pakistan.
Shortest T20 Champions 2009-10: 329 days.
Shortest Test champions in 2016: 42 days.

Have you seen the Rocky series?
Sir Ravindra Jadeja: No I am busy creating the Ronchi series.
There’s already Ronchi 1, 2, 3 and 4.
I am looking forward to Ronchi 5 in the next match.

When he comes in to bat.
JadejAA.
When he takes a wicket.
JadeJAA.
#IndVsNZ

ICC Test No. 1 rankings began in 2003.
Ganguly-Dravid-Kumble couldn’t take us past No. 3.
Now both Dhoni and Kohli have taken us to No. 1.

Our bowlers carry our #SurgicalStrikes against Kiwi batting and Pakistan loses the ICC Test rankings No. 1 battle to India.
#IndVsNZ
Headline…
MS Dhoni Biopic makes Rs 66 crore in first weekend.
All I see is Dhoni and 6 6. Makes perfect sense!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#IndVsNZ #EdenGardens: Greatest batting line-up ever…

Here’s looking at the highest scores of all 11 batsmen in the second Test between India and New Zealand at Eden Gardens…

1. Shikhar Dhawn 187.
2. Murali Vijay 167.
3. Cheteshwar Pujara 206*.
4. Virat Kohli 200.
5. Ajinkya Rahane 147.
6. Rohit Sharma 177.
7. Ravichandran Ashwin 124.
8. Wriddhiman Saha 104.
9. Ravindra Jadeja 68.
10. Bhuvneshwar Kumar 63*.
11. Mohammed Shami 51*.

That means a whopping 8 have scored a century and the remaining 3 have scored a century.

The number 9 batsman is also the only Indian to have three first class triple centuries including 2 in a month.
Gautam Gambhir with 4000 Test runs is on the bench and injured KL Rahul got 3 centuries in his first 6 Tests including a 158.
Pujara with four 150+ scores finds himself in and out of the team.

By Sunil Rajguru

Yet another brand new innings for Sidhu the Great

Cricketer turned Commentator turned Convict turned Comedy Show Star turned Chief Minister?

Kevin Pietersen played the switch hit on the field.
Right to Left.
Sidhu played the switch hit off the field.
Right to Left = BJP to AAP.

Strokeless Wonder-Palm Grove Hitter.
Cricketer-Commentator (English-Hindi).
Reality Show Judge-Reality Convict.
Lok Sabha-Rajya Sabha.
BJP!-AAP?

For every State the BJP gains, it loses an MP.
Not a bad bargain actually.

Sir are you Out of the BJP?
Sidhu: Please wait for the decision of the Third Umpire.
‪#‎AAP‬ ‪#‎PunjabPolls‬

The BJP just lost Punjab.
(But then they never really had it in the first place)
‪#‎Sidhu‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#2016T20WorldCup musings

Glory days of West Indies cricket of the 1970s-80s in ODIs and Tests won’t return, but they’ve come back at least in international T20s!

Dhoni has been doing unconventional things for 9 years.
With that he’s won 3 ICC Trophies and 2 Asia Cups.
So you can’t say that he’s gone wrong suddenly.

Sehwag didn’t get his 3rd Test triple.
Dhoni isn’t getting his 3rd World Cup.
But Rohit will get his 3rd ODI double.

1975-Hockey-Indira.
1983-ODI-Indira.
2007-T20-Manmohan.
2011-ODI-Manmohan.
All 4 World Cups under Congress Prime Ministers.

1983 World Cup final…
183 in 60 overs enough with West Indies.
2016 World Cup semi-final…
192 in 20 overs not enough with West Indies.

1979—Eng-WI final.
Since then from 1983-2015 all World Cup (ODI + T20) finals (14 in all) had at least one team from Australasia
Full circle…
2016—Eng-WI final.

Greatest fighter: Bruce Lee.
Greatest villain: Christopher Lee.
Greatest cricketer: Virat Koh Lee.

Teacher…
Every day is not a Sunday.
Kohli…
Every day is an MC-BC chakka-chauka maaro day.

Kohli ko neend main se utha ke bat thama do to fir bhi kisiko bhi 6 maarega.

The England riddle…
Great Test and T20 team.
Rubbish ODI team.

Sachin was declared a better batsman than Gavaskar.
ODIs had a great role in that.
Kohli will surpass Sachin.
iT20s will ensure that.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Virat “King Kohli” musings…

Foreign intellectuals will soon start an ‪#‎AwardWapsiCampaign‬ to protest Kohli’s Rising Intolerance against all bowlers in all formats.

When it comes to Kohli, MC-BC now stands for…
Master Chaser-Boss of the Chase.

Kohli ko chase main harana mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.
Iska hal gaayra mulko ki coaching departments khoj kar rahi hai.
‪#‎DonKohli‬

Q: What do you think of ‪#‎GharWapsi‬?
Kohli: Yes I love it. First we sent the Pakistanis home and then the Aussies. I want to do the same with the Windies.

Phone call: Can I speak to xyz Indian batsman?
Answer: Woh abhi batting pe gaye hai. Noodles chadha do. Boil ho jaayenge, tab tak wapis aa jaayenge.
Phone call: Can I speak to Kohli?
Answer: Woh abhi batting karne gaye hai. Kucch ghante baad jab India ki jeet ke phatake phootenge, matlab woh free ho gaye. Tab call karna.

Kohli to Australia…
Aisa hai bhai, aap logon ne ODI World Cups kuch had se jyaada hi jeete hai. Ab hum tumhe T20 World Cups nahin jeetne denge.

Rohit: Poori innings ya to main kheloonga ya tu.
Kohli: Chal hat. Is maamle main, main thoda selfish hu.

Australia in first 4 overs = 53 runs.
India in last 4.1 overs = 59 runs.
Tu great starter, to main greater finisher.
—Sri Sri Kohli Baba.

And Dhoni too…

Ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust,
If Kohli don’t get you,
Dhoni must.

Umpire: Line belongs to me.
Dhoni: Last over belongs to me.
Kohli: BC. MC. Poora inning mera.

Indian batting…
Body: Kohli.
Tail: Dhoni.
Yaane ki Indian batting ki umar hai itni sanam,
Kohli se shuru aur Dhoni se khatam.

Brangelina se dumdaar jodi hai Dhonikohli.

Smith wins the toss, elects to bat. Dhoni, you disappointed.
Dhoni: Thanks Steve! Kohli will anchor the chase and I’ll hit the winning shot.

Steve Waugh could do mental disintegration over a period of five days.
MS Dhoni can do that in one ball.

Chase main koi double century bhi maarega phir bhi winning shot main hi maarunga.
—Sri Sri Dhoni Baba.

Lethal jodi…
Kohli takes single and Dhoni comes on strike.
Bowler apna sar patakta hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

MS Dhoni musings…

Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!
—Bollywood ka Baadshah.
Last over abhi baaki hai mere dost!
—Cricket ka Baadshah.
‪#‎LastBallDhoni‬

March schedule…
19th: Bura na maano, Kohli hain.
23rd: Bura na maano, Dhoni hain.
24th: Bura na maano, Holi hain.
‪#‎2016T20WC‬ ‪#‎HappyHoli‬

Dhoni: Aaj kuch toofani karte hai!
Kohli: Last ball Victory 6?
Dhoni: Yaar woh bahut kar chuka hu.
How about last ball Victory Run Out?

The film “M.S. Dhoni: The Untold Story” should actually be called “Jo Jeeta Wohi Mahendra”.

Andheri raat ke baad teen din ki chandni…
Overs 1-19.3: Pathetic fielding.
19.4: Good catch.
19.5: Great catch.
19.6: Brilliant run out.
‪#‎IndVsBan‬

Before India used to panic.
Now Dhoni induces panic in the opposition.
‪#‎IndVsBan‬

Hardik Patel ko mila jail.
Hardik Pandya ne diya Team India ko bail.
‪#‎IndVsBan‬ ‪#‎2016T20WC‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#IndVsPak #T20WC2016 musings…

Sharjah is a fixed Harjah for India versus Pakistan.
World Cup is a mobile Harjah for Pakistan versus India.

Very soon Kohli, Yuvi, Raina etc will do a Mauka Mauka ad to hit the winning shot which always seems to go to Dhoni.

Keep calm!
Kohli will rebuild the innings.
Dhoni will hit the winning shot.

Dhoni aur winning shot.
Kamaal ki jodi.
Fevicol ki jodi.
Tootegi nahin.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#T20WorldCup2016 musings…

After playing for 20 years, teenager Shahid Afridi says “Picture abhi baaki hain mere dost”, and probably wants to play for 20 more years.

Sometimes you’re the pigeon and sometimes you’re the statue…
Aus hit record ODI score.
SA surpass it on same day.
SA hit record WC T20 score.
Eng surpass it on same day.

England scored a whopping 412 runs in their first 2 T20 matches and were still 2 wickets away from Zero points!
‪#‎EngVsWI‬ ‪#‎EngVsSA‬ ‪#‎T20WC2016‬

The Indian top order either plays till the end or crashes at the first hurdle.
They know no Middle Path.
‪#‎T20Cricket‬ ‪#‎RohitShikharVirat‬ ‪#‎T20WC2016‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Rohit and Team India musings…

Australia 348/8…
Bowlers: Thank God it’s over.
Dhoni: Gayi meri captaincy!
Rohit: Chance to score 200!
#IndVsAus #Canberra

On Twitter he’s the clown.
But on the cricket field he’s the ringmaster and all bowlers are reduced to clowns.
#Melbourne #Brisbane

Sharmaji = roHIT.
Team India = NOhit.
#Melbourne #Brisbane

Dhoni’s club biography will be called IPLT20CSK2RPSG.
#RisingPuneSuperGiants

Ganguly.
Dravid.
Dhoni.
Sabka time aata hai.
Fir jaata hai.
#KohliRaj

India in ODIs in Australia…
1980s: Mini World Cup win.
1990s: Zero series wins.
2000s: Triangular series win.
2010s: Zero series wins?

Indian batsmen can take a 300 score at will.
Indian bowlers can give a 300 score at will.
#ODIs

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Feroz Shah Kotla Test musings…

Ultimate irony.
Feroz Shah Kotla stands named Viru 309 & 319 after his blitzes.
AB de Villiers and Hashim Amla pay their respects by scoring super slow 43 off 297 and 25 off 244 in first match after that.

AB de Villiers is the only batsman in the world who can hit both 100 off 30 balls and 30 off 100 balls.
‪#‎IndVsSA‬ ‪#‎FerozShahKotla‬

First Extremist Shastri…
Fast: 200 off 123 balls in a First Class innings.
Slow: 10 off 63 balls in an ODI innings.
Second Extremist ABD…
Fast: 149 off 44 in an ODI innings.
Slow: 43 off 228 in a Test innings.

Green pitch: Bad!
Spinning pitch: Bad!
Dead pitch: Bad!
Great pitch: That which produces result in last over of Day 5.
(Meaning rocket scientists will now have to design Test pitch)

The Test conundrum…
Amla and ABD played brilliant cricket.
It was also a brilliant cure for insomnia.

#‎RohitTalentSharma‬
ODIs: Debuted in 2007, scored 200 in 2013.
Tests: Debuted in 2013, will score 400 in 2019.
Keep the faith!

Unke dus aadmi hamare ek ke barabar hai!
Rahane: Challenge accepted!—127.
South Africa—121.

(Ref: Fourth India-South Africa Test)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India-South Africa Nagpur Test musings…

The level of intolerance against South African batsmen shown by Indian spinners has reached new depths.

South Africa requires 310 runs in 1704 balls (284 overs) and they’re still not the favourites!
Welcome to Test cricket!

Strange team South Africa.
Hasn’t lost a Test series abroad in 9 years.
Hasn’t won a Test series at home against Australia in 45 years!

Even though it’s the Third Test, today is the 5th day of the India-South Africa Test series.

Nagpur opens with a 5th day 3rd session pitch on the 1st day 1st session!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru