If ponytail was their catchline writer…

Congress: Dare to think beyond the Dynasty?

BJP: Dare to think beyond Modi?

Diggy Raja: Dare to think beyond RSS?

BCCI: Dare to think beyond Dhoni?

Tata: Dare to think beyond a Tata?

Bansal: Dare to think beyond Raebareli?

BSP/SP: Dare to think beyond your Votebank?

For a dose of his own medicine…
Dare to think beyond Section 66A?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Free Speech musings…

· Online: Comment. Go to jail. Like. Go to jail. Share. Go to jail. Draw cartoon. Go to jail. Criticize. Go to jail. Joke. Go to jail. (OR Get blocked).
Offline: Murder. Be free. Rape. Be free. Scam. Be free. Threaten. Be free. Riot. Be free.

· India is a country where making fun of a criminal on Twitter or Facebook makes you a criminal.

· Instead of Free News: Paid News.
Instead of Free Speech: Paid Speech, meaning you pay a heavy price if you exercise your right of Free Speech in India.

· Free Railways WiFi will come with the message…
This bandwidth is brought to you by the Congress.
You aren’t allowed to criticize us.
Have a safe journey and avoid Section66A!

· If there was an offline version of Section 66A for politicians, all of them would have been in jail by now.

· Do you believe in Free Speech?
Hillary Clinton: No I believe in Expensive Speech.
(5 speeches per million dollars, to be exact!)

© Sunil Rajguru

Cricketing musings…

· February Chennai India-Australia Test report…
Michael ki cycle stand giri. No time to Siddle down as they Wade through tricky waters for Hughes defeat. Starc contrast between the two teams, as Lyons become lambs. It’s a Warner for the remaining Tests as they Ed to Hyderabad. Spin’s in: It’s elementary, my dear Watson!

· 0-4: Koi baat nahin Dhoni!
0-8: Koi baat nahin Dhoni!
1-2: Enough, perform or perish!
Bam bam bam bam bam… 224!
BCCI: Sigh! Pahale kyun nahin warn kiya!

· Steyn: Me Best.
Philander: Me Bester.
Abbott: Me bestest.
(Dear Cricket South Africa,
More ODIs/T20s instead of Tests?
Warm regards,
BCCI.)

· The curse of 2 Test Triples?
Lara was in and out of the team.
Gayle was dropped for ages.
Sehwag looks on his way out.
(Exception: Bradman)

© Sunil Rajguru

Political musings…

· The Congress launched Garibi Hatao in 1971.
The people launched Congress Hatao in 1977, 89, 96 and 2014.

· Thanks to Dhoni becoming VP of India Cements, Rahul can’t even hope to be the hottest VP in India.

· In 2009, UPA1 became UPAWon.
But since then UPA2 is UPAThoo!
UPA3 will be UPAChee!

· Rahul’s latest: Yesterday night Bansal came and hugged me and cried, “IRCTC is poison!”

· Jaitley: BJP-Congress bhai bhai?
Pranab: BJP-Congress spy spy!

© Sunil Rajguru

It happens only in India…

A woman who has absolutely no qualifications to speak of and who has been a housewife for most of her life is now the most powerful person in India.

A bureaucrat of financial matters with absolutely no grassroots support and who lost the only Lok Sabha elections he fought in his life is Prime Minister.

A lawyer who led many strikes in his youth which kept challenging authority all the way is now Defence Minister and in charge of the armed forces which are not supposed to challenge authority in any way.

A lawyer who represented the infamous Enron and who also once resigned from the Cabinet over his link with Fairgrowth (a company involved with a stock market scam) is now Finance Minister.

A former Sub-Inspector of police is now Home Minister and giving orders to the IGs and DIGs of India.

A career lawyer is the Communications IT Minister while an Electronics and Communications engineer is the HRD Minister. To assist the IT Minister, the Minister of State is an MBBS.

The Minister of State (HRD) is a foreign affairs expert.

A film star is Tourism Minister.

But in the past, this man set the all-time record…

A trade union activist, he became Industry Minister.
He led one of the biggest strikes of Indian Railways in 1974 and even lay in front of the tracks in front of a train and he subsequently became Railway Minister.
He fought authority all his life and protested against atomic bombs only to become Defence Minister and oversee the Pokhran-II atomic blasts, fully justifying them.

© Sunil Rajguru

What they say and what they mean…

We will get to the bottom of it. (Corruption is an abyss without a bottom!)

The law will take its own course. (It’s been more than 20 years since Bofors, I love the Indian system for the course is infinite!)

We are ready to talk about this. (But we definitely won’t listen!)

The guilty will be punished. (Because according to us, nobody is guilty in the first place!)

We have a zero-tolerance policy. (Zero tolerance to criticism, that is!)

© Sunil Rajguru

More IIPM musings…

· PM: Block those URLs!
Sibal: Aye Aye PM!
DoT: IIPM bhi?

· Crime…
Yesterday: Lock him up!
Today: Block his URL up!

· Q: What is the difference between criticism and defamation?
IIPM: Aren’t they synonyms?
(Dare to think against IIPM?)

· Internet India ka naya drum hai.
Har koi aake bajake chala jaata hai.
Koi ponytail se bhi baja ke chala jaata hai!

© Sunil Rajguru

IIPM musings…

· Indian Internet Pe Maar.
Indian Institute of Publicity Management.
Indian Institute of Personality—Mine!
I I Plus Me!
I I Ponytail Me!

· Latest books…
Block your chickens before they hatch.

Discover the blocking power in you.
The Great Indian Dream: Restoring blocked URLs to a nation betrayed.
Blocks to Competition.

· Out there is a flourishing cyberspace in a parallel universe with all the URLs blocked by the Congress and IIPM.

· Ponytail: I’m really annoyed!
Sibal: Section 66A hai na?
Ponytail: Blocked!
Sibal: See? You see?
UGC: UC? UGC bhi???

· IIPM wins the battle with 73 measely URLs and loses the war with the remaining million odd URLs that have blasted him so far.

· Dare to think beyond the Congress?
(IIPM gets a whopping 73 URLs blocked)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Choppergate musings

· Congress releasing ABCD: Any Body Can Double-deal, where the party makes the whole country Dance to their corruption tune.

· Congress’ 1-2-3 solution…
1. Pranab crucial for chopper scam probe.
2. Pranab as Prez can’t be called to court…
3. …so chopper scam probe can’t be completed.

· Congress completes its “modernization” of defence forces…
Army: Bofors guns.
Navy: HDW-Scorpene submarines.
Air Force: Agusta helicopters.

© Sunil Rajguru

What SRK has been trying to say with his latest films…

Om Shanti Om: Main hu King Khan, Shanti rakho.

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi: SRK aur Yash Raj Films.

My Name Is Khan: My Name Is King Khan.

Ra.One: Main bhi Dabangg superhero ban sakta hu.

Don 2: The Chase Continues: Main hi Don hu, the other Khans are still chasing me.

Jab Tak Hain Jaan: Main bhi Dabanggwalah heroine se romance kar sakta hu.

Chennai Express: Shettybhai, Kajol ke pati ko chhod aur mujhe pakkad.

Happy New Year: Happy New beginning with Farah.

© Sunil Rajguru

C for Congress, C for Corruption…

C for Coalgate, Commonwealth Games, Cash-for-votes, Cement scam, CBI Control…

O for Oil for Food scam, Oil import (Palmolein), Ombudsman (Lokpal) not coming…

N for Nagarwala, NREGA State scams, No conviction No action policy…

G for Generations of scams since 1947…

R for Rajiv’s Bofors, our biggest brand name till date…

E for Emergency wanted again to wipe out all scams…

S for Spectrum (specifically 2G), Scorpene, Swiss Banks…

S for Satyam, S-band ISRO scam, Sukh Ram…

© Sunil Rajguru

Answer paper for Indian SPSC (Scam the Public Services Commission)…

Q1: Please give an example of one scam in the following ministries…

Finance Ministry: Harshad Mehta Scam.
Defence Ministry: Bofors
Power Ministry: Enron.
Sports Ministry: Commonwealth Scam.
Foreign Ministry: Oil for Food Scam.
Telecom Ministry: 2G.
IT Ministry: Satyam.
Industries Ministry: Cement Scam.
Civil Aviation Ministry: DIAL Scam.
Coal Ministry: Coalgate.
Mining Ministry: Madhu Koda Scam.
Agriculture Ministry: Palmolein Scam.
Road Transport and Highways Ministry: Highway Scam.
Tourism Ministry: Taj Corridor Scam.
Parliamentary Affairs Ministry: Cash-for-votes Scandal.
Health Ministry: UP NRHM Scam.
Shipping Ministry: Belekeri Port Scam.
Atomic Energy Ministry. Thorium Scam.
Space Ministry: ISRO S-Band Scam.
Minority Affairs Ministry: Wakf Land Scam.

Q2: Please give an example of one scam in the following States…

Andhra Pradesh: EMMAR Scam.
Arunachal Pradesh: PDS Scam.
Assam: Education Scam.
Bihar: Fodder Scam.
Goa: SEZ Scam.
Gujarat: Sugarcane Scam.
Haryana: Forest Scam.
Himachal Pradesh: Pulse Scam.
J&K: Recruitment Scam.
Jharkhand: MGNREGA Scam.
Karnataka: Bellary Mining Scam.
Kerala: Sex Parlour Scandal.
Madhya Pradesh: MGNREGA Scam.
Maharashtra: Irrigation Scam.
Meghalaya: Forest Scam.
Odisha:Paddy Scam.
Punjab: Paddy Scam.
Rajasthan:Vasundhara Raje Land Scam.
Tamil Nadu: Granite Scam.
Uttar Pradesh: Stamp Duty Scam.
Uttarakhand: Land Scam.
West Bengal: Purulia Arms Drop.

Q3: Please give an example of one scam associated with the following countries…

Canada: SNC-Lavalin.
Czech Republic: Tatra.
France: Scorpene.
Germany: HDW.
Iraq: Oil for Food.
Italy: Finmeccanica.
Japan: Maruti 1970s Scam.
Latvia: Purulia Arms Drop.
Malaysia: Palmolein Scam.
Singapore: Kuo Oil.
South Africa: Cricket match-fixing.
Sweden: Bofors.
United Kingdom: Jeep Scam.
United States: Enron.
West Indies: St Kitts Forgery.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru