General political musings of the day

CONGRESS
Care
Of
Nehru
Gandhi
Rajiv-Rahul
Emergency-Indira
Sanjay
Sonia

First you win, then they fight you, then they laugh at you, then they ignore you.
*They=People of India.
You=Pappu.
Win=2009 Lok Sabha win.

When they go low, we go high.
—Michelle Obama.
I’m always high no matter how low we go.
—Pappu.

When they go low, we go high.
—Michelle Obama.
When he goes high, we go low.
—Opposition on Modi.

Bihar-WB ruin continues;
Behenji is playing super victimhood;
Kejri is spouting utter nonsense;
Sonia’s abroad—
All’s normal with politics!

Prashant Kishore is like Manmohan Singh.
PK was good under Modi, but bad under Pappu-Akhilesh.
MMS was good under Rao, but bad under Sonia.

Opposition attacking Modi hysterically 24X7, ignoring voters and clueless about real strategy.
And you ask why Modi keeps winning.

It may be possible to beat Modi in 2019.
But not if the entire opposition runs around like headless chickens all the time.

Bad news for BJP.
Diggy Raja may be removed from Karnataka.
Shows Congress is serious.
Now if Pappu doesn’t campaign, then Congress has a fighting chance.

The current ABC of misgovernance…
Arvind
Banerjee
Congress.

AAP chose the broom to think that they would sweep all States.
Fate chose to sweep AAP out of all States, Delhi bhi jaayega.

Kejri will probably say to his workers…
We did not lose Punjab-Goa, but in fact we won.
That’s because we saw a 30% growth in total MLAs!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on L’affaire #Gurmehar

What they tell you…
A martyr’s daughter’s freedom of speech.
What it is…
An AAP supporter playing intense politics.
Why else has the entire establishment backed her in such a manner?

Synonyms
#AwardWapsi
#Intolerance
#Kanhaiya
#Gurmehar

For an #AdarshLiberal, Bharat tere tukde honge is free speech, Pakistan tere tukde honge is hate speech and the genocidal Mao is a god.

Then…
Ae mere watan ke logon, zara yaad karo kurbani, jo shaheed…
Now…
Ae mere watan ke tukde tukde karenge, kurbani gayi tel lene, kaun shaheed?

The real issue is that India is steadily getting azadi from these nonsensical azadi demanding groups.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi will never be PM.
Brexit can’t happen.
Trump will never be President.
Peddlers of fake news calling their rivals fake news.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on the 2017 Assembly elections…

#2017Polls
If Pappu wins…
If Pappu loses…
Answer is the same.
He’ll eventually become Congress President.
Life ho to aisi!

If Kejri wins Goa and Punjab, then along with Delhi it will be a sort of Bermuda Triangle where all governance will go missing.

So will Punjab be the second State to have AAPRajya after Delhi?
Supreme Leader Kejri to extend his domain?

In 1952, Congress won 388/429 seats in the UP elections.
In 2017, it is dancing on one leg because it is getting to contest 105/403 seats.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri baba will do everything but governance

Do we need our IIT graduates to sell detergents?
—Pranab Mukherjee.
No, we need them to do non-stop dharna, anarchy and nautanki!
—AAP.

If all the elections were held simultaneously, Kejri would be a CM candidate for 29 states and also PM candidate.

AAP planning 29 clones of Kejri for 29 CMs. Original will eventually become PM.

Odd day Delhi CM.
Even day Punjab CM.
Delhi-Chandigarh flight just 1 hour.

Garbage Chief Minister.
Garbage party.
Garbage politics.
Garbage city.

Raasto se karwa tak,
Is zamee se aasma tak,
Mai hi mai hu mai hi mai hu,
Doosra koi nahi,
Mujhko dekhoge jaha tak,
Mujhko paoge waha tak!
#KejriThemeSong

Kejri during 2020 Delhi elections…
I successfully blamed Modi for all of Delhi’s problems from 2015-20.
Vote for me and I’ll do the same for 2020-25!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

AAP nahin sudhrega musings…

Abuse Modi.
Attack LG.
Cry victim.
Move court.
Get summoned to court.
Get bail.
Holiday in style.
Blame blame blame.
Anything but work.
#AAP

AAP wanted to be…
Greatest political party.
But is…
1. Greatest comedy show.
2. Greatest reality show.
3. Worst political party.

Modi trying to kill me.
Jung trying to ink me.
Nobody letting me work.
Poor me.
I’m the greatest.
Everyone hates me.
Everyone is jealous of me.
Boo hoo!
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Kapil Sharma: I want to join politics.
Advisor: You have an FIR against you. Now the ideal party for you to join is the AAP!

Kejriwal is surrounded by charlatans, law-breakers, goondas and misogynists.✘
Kejriwal hires charlatans, law-breakers, goondas and misogynists.✔

Dear AAP,
Our freedom fighters went to jail fighting for Independence and not for rape, murder and fraud.

AAP will sing in 2020…
Loot le ho duniya ko thenga dikhai ke,
Aisa koi saga nahi jisko thaga nahi,
Aisi maari langdi ki soya jaga nahi!

Kejri wanted to replace Pappu as the national alternative.
Instead he replaced him as the national joker.

AAP should rename itself to TuTuMainMain.

Kejri = Lalu.
1. Turning Delhi into Bihar.
2. Scam pe scam.
3. Abusive language.
4. Most MLAs turning criminals.
5. Will eventually rule from jail.

Trending
#IndiaComesFirst
For Congress
#PappuComesFirst
For #AdarshLiberal
#PakistanComesFirst
For AAP
#SupremeLeaderKejriComesFirst

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Total AAP leadership failure musings…

I don’t have authority to buy a pen, but I have authority to spend thousands of crores on ads, perks and privileges.
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

People thought Kejri was a character from the 2001 film Nayak.
They were right.
He’s Amrish Puri.

Sab pe apna raaj hai,
Darne ki kya baat hai,
Ye to bas shuruaat hai,
Abhi (2016) to party shuru hui hai,
Party chalegi till 2020…
—Kejri

The best way Modi can troll Kejriwal right now is by making Kiran Bedi Lieutenant-Governor of New Delhi.

The disaster is not that Sisodia is in Finland.
The disaster is that he’s totally useless whenever he’s in New Delhi.
#AAPHaiAbroad

Aam Aadmi political party nahin hai.
Free for all never-ending party with freebies for all its leaders.

Leader.
1. Responsibility. 2. Accountability.
Indian leader.
1. Responsibility. 2. No accountability.
Kejri & Co.
1. Responsibility/accountability dono gaye tel lene. 2. Only perks and privileges.

Kejri seeking votes in 2019…
LG didn’t let me work from 2015-19.
Make me PM and I promise you Prez of India won’t let me work from 2019-24.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet another brand new innings for Sidhu the Great

Cricketer turned Commentator turned Convict turned Comedy Show Star turned Chief Minister?

Kevin Pietersen played the switch hit on the field.
Right to Left.
Sidhu played the switch hit off the field.
Right to Left = BJP to AAP.

Strokeless Wonder-Palm Grove Hitter.
Cricketer-Commentator (English-Hindi).
Reality Show Judge-Reality Convict.
Lok Sabha-Rajya Sabha.
BJP!-AAP?

For every State the BJP gains, it loses an MP.
Not a bad bargain actually.

Sir are you Out of the BJP?
Sidhu: Please wait for the decision of the Third Umpire.
‪#‎AAP‬ ‪#‎PunjabPolls‬

The BJP just lost Punjab.
(But then they never really had it in the first place)
‪#‎Sidhu‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri nahin sudhrega musings…

Kejri tomorrow…
What’s Modi doing?
Obama, investigate with UN Secretary General, consult with Pope and report to me.
Pranab, you’re sacked!

Wannabe Prime Minister.
Officially Chief Minister.
Unofficially Mayor.
Practically doing nothing for Delhi, but only making things worse.

Kejri has great foresight.
In 2011 he demanded Right to Recall.
He knew it would be priceless in kicking out lousy politicians like him.

Delhi went from Dixit in 2013 to deep shit in 2016.

BJP has 280 seats in Lok Sabha and no-one else in 3-digits.
7 parties are in 2-digits.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
AAP not even a dwarf, but gets a Giant’s coverage.

The only promise Kejri kept…
There will be no corrupt Congress MLAs in the Delhi Assembly.

Kejri rich person’s kid who can’t be kicked out of school.
Jung class monitor.
Modi principal.
Ye nautanki chalti rahegi.

If Kejri makes PM, he’ll attack the Prez.
If Kejri makes Prez, he’ll attack the PM.
But he’ll be happiest as UN Secy Gen as then he’ll attack 200 Heads of State!

Kejri’s political role models…
1. Lalu.
2. Sonia.
3. Mulayam.
4. Mamata.

#‎PaanchSaalKejriwal‬
26% loaded.
74% left.
At 100% Delhi will self-destruct.

Britain discussing Brexit.
Economists discussing R3exit.
Many Delhiites wondering if they can get Kejrexit before 2020.

By 2020, Delhiites will be spending hardly anything on water and power.
Not because they will be free, but because they’ll hardly be there.

Only Yugpurush Kejri can solve Delhi’s entire water crisis just by sending out a Tweet and getting a journalist sacked.

Top Indian politicians on Twitter…
1. Modi 20 million.
2. Kejri 8 million.
3. Sushma 5 million.
Kejri sees himself as Modi’s natural successor.

Manmohan with 27% MPs in the Lok Sabha ran the government for 5 years.
Kejri with 96% MLAs in the Assembly is facing total breakdown after 1+ year.

Every day Sheila Dixit gets up, watches the news and bangs her head against the wall saying, “They chose this joker over me?”

Forget Ram Rajya.
Very soon Delhiites will start agitating for a return of Sheila Rajya.

Kejri took the “dog ate my homework” and “sir, I’m late but so was he!” from school to the adult political world.

Those responsible for Delhi mess…
Prez.
PM.
LG.
Ambani.
Police.
Opposition.
CBI.
ACB.
Past CMs.
Media.
Everyone except current Delhi CM.

Sir, postman aaya hai.
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.
Sir, aapko gas hua hai.
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.
Sir, earthquake!
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.

At this rate, the MLAs will soon break into two large groups…
AAP (Free) (But still lawless) & AAP (Jailed).
Basically, Bihar and Tihar.

In Kejri’s parallel universe, he’s global President and the whole world bows out of fear to him.

After masterminding 2011 August Kranti, the resulting events ended up making Modi PM and Kejri CM.
Kejri feels cheated and wants to rectify.

Kejri should be declared the patron saint of @TheUnRealTimes and @fakingnews.
Whatever he does is surreal, unreal and feels like fake news.

Forget Modi, so far Kejri is not even 10% of Sheila Dixit.
If he surpasses anyone or anything, then its only Pappu’s nonsense.

When Kejri hugged Lalu, irony was singing…
Chor ka chor se ho bhaichaara!

Kejri has bungled his party seniors, water, electricity, garbage, ties with L-G, office of profit, governance…
We can call it Bungle Raj.

AAP: Delhi Police has a law and order problem.
Delhi Police: AAP is our biggest law and order problem.
AAP: See, they have a problem! We said so!

All AAP MLAs seem more desperate to go to Tihar than to work.

nA̲utA̲nki P̲arty

Those asking for ‪#‎Dexit‬ should realize that Dikshit was far far better.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri has 0% control over Modi but will spend 50% time talking about him.
On the issues Kejri has 100% control over, he’ll spend the remaining 50% time blaming Modi.

After 2014 infamous Kejri midnight dharna, BJP-Congress-Third Front will never give statehood to Delhi.
Too risky.
Referendum not happening.

So what if there are water, power and garbage problems in Delhi?
I̶n̶d̶i̶a̶ Modi lost NSG.
That’s all that matters.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri believes that Delhexit took place from India in 2015 and that’s why he behaves like the ruler of an Independent republic.

Kejri is competition with…
1. Prime Minister of India.
2. President of America.
3. United Nations Secretary general.
Ye Delhi kya cheez hai?

Scary that once Congress implodes, its space will be taken by Kejri-AAP.
They were always “replacement for” not “alternative to” Congress.We risk becoming what we hate.
—Desmond Tutu.
Remember how much Kejri and his team hated bad corrupt lying scheming politicians in 2011?

New phrase.
Delhi ki janata gayi tel* aur pani** lene.
*for generator
**from tanker

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Really bad governance musings…

Congress unleashed violence on CPM.
CPM unleashed violence on Trinamool.
Trinamool unleashing violence on BJP.
Looks like the way to pass on power.
BJP looks good for 2021.

Reduce power bills.
Mismanage to ensure power cuts.
Penalize power cos and compensate consumers.
In the process run out of both electricity and money.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Emergency protests produced some politicians worse than Indira’s lackeys.
2011 protests produced some politicians worse than Sonia’s lackeys.

Emergency protests.
Campus protests.
Anti-corruption protests.
They all end up being political recruitment camps.

Lalu-Rabri created the Jungle Raj of 1990-2005.
They loved him then, so why will they condemn Nitish-Lalu’s Jungle Raj 2?
‪#‎JungleRaj2‬

2015: Choose AAP, Save Delhi.
2020: By the time AAP is finished choosing its nonsense strategies, Delhi will be in need of saving.
2017: Choose AAP, Save Goa…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri Delhi dubaayega musings…

AAP should change name to BAAP.
So many AAP leaders/MLAs out on bail.
Bail Aam Aadmi Party.
They also think that they are everyone’s baap.
(Delhi will also need a bail-out with the way they are governing)

Piyush Goyal: Mere paas reforms hai, high productivity hai, rural electrification hai, solar augmentation hai, wind power hai. Tere paas kya hai?
Kejri: Mere paas danda hai!

Delhi ke bagal main UP ke bagal main Bihar ke bagal main WB.
Chaar Mukhya Mantri.
Chaar Modi Haters.
Chaar governance debacles.
Chaara Ghotala Guru.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How Kejri has travelled a million miles in U-turns…

Rants against politicians.
Becomes politician.

Rants against Congress.
Takes support of Congress.

Rants against Lalu.
Joins hands with Lalu.

Rants against chargesheeted legislators.
Starts collecting chargesheeted MLAs.

Rants against political ads.
Gives record political ads.

Rants against paid news.
Gives ads which look like paid news.

Rants against high politicians hiking their salaries.
Gives himself and cronies four-fold salary hikes.

Rants against perks and privileges.
Takes record perks and privileges.

Rants against mainstream media.
Makes friends with mainstream media and utilizes it fully.

Rants against abuse and violence.
Uses abuse and violence.

Rants against caste and minority politics.
Milks caste and minority politics to the full.

Rants against misogynists.
Goes on a midnight dharna to support a misogynist.

Rants against secrecy and lack of transparency.
Takes the very same route.

Rants against tokenism.
Makes tokenism the cornerstone of his policy.

Rants against lazy politicians.
Takes no portfolio and keeps taking breaks.

Rants against politicians not taking responsibility.
Keeps passing the buck.

Rants against corruption.
Still ranting against corruption without doing anything.

Praises democracy to the hilt.
Behaves like a dictator.

Complains that Modi refuses to meet him.
Refuses to meet many of his own party men.

Says he’s an aam aadmi.
Behaves like a super khaas aadmi.

Complains of abuse on Twitter.
Abuses himself.

Tells all politicians to behave themselves.
Keeps ranting rudely in public against anyone.

Talks of farmer suicides…
…even though there are no farmers in Delhi and one mysteriously died in his rally.

Talks of being a messiah of the middle class.
Concentrates on the lower class for votes.

Says he’s going to change the system.
Anarchy is all he has.

Flays politicians for giving false promises.
Gives even more false promises himself.

Calls Anna Hazare his guru.
Dumps him at first available opportunity.

Rants against Modi using private planes.
Takes one immediately after that.

Calls Sheila Dixit corrupt and says he’ll take action.
People still waiting.
(In fact waiting for Kejri to do something really good is like Waiting for Godot.)

Ranted so much against the cold selfish establishment.
Has become the cold selfish establishment.

Phew!
And he still has tonnes of supporters.

© Sunil Rajguru

Also read…

All my Kejriwal and AAP Columns.

Kejri aur sarvanaash

Indian Revenue Service.
No idea of revenue.
No idea of service.
No idea of Indian.
Indian Institute of Technology.
No idea of technology.
Chief Minister of New Delhi.
No idea of New Delhi.
Only idea: “Chief”. I. Me. Main.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri
Film reviews ✓
Personal attacks ✓
Allegations ✓
No portfolio ✓
No work ✓
Solve…
Garbage woes✘
Power woes✘
Delhi problems✘
Anything!✘

New Delhi…
2011: Spring of Hope.
2016: Winter of Despair and Discontent.

It is said that Delhi is a city which has been destroyed and rebuilt 7 times.
After Kejri is finished with it, it may have to be rebuilt the 8th time.

Loading Anarchy in New Delhi.
20% downloaded.
80% left.
‪#‎EkSaalGayaChaarSaalBaaki‬

Give a self-confessed Anarchist 67/70 seats in an Assembly and you will definitely get anarchy. Just four more years though.

Highest paid Chief Minister in India.
+ Most media goodwill.
= Least amount of work.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri’s 2 gears.
1. Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me.
2. Modi Modi Modi Modi Modi Modi.

2 “Left” turns = 1 U-turn.
2 U-turns = Back to where he started.
‪#‎ArvindKarlMarx‬
Repeat process again and again.

Kejri with 67 MLAs is 10 times more powerless than Sheila Dixit with 43 MLAs.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru