The fall and fall of Sri Sri Kejri Baba…

You can fool all the people some of the time (2011 August Kranti agitation), and some of the people all the time (Delhi 2013 and 2015 elections), but you cannot fool all the people all the time (2014 Lok Sabha elections, 2017 Punjab-Goa elections).
#Kejri

AAP’s internal survey has found that Kejri is already the Prime Minister of India and hence they can stop contesting elections henceforth.

Media created Kejri in 2011, launched him in 2013, boosted him in 2015.
Media created Akhilesh in 2012, boosted him till 2016.
Both busted in 2017.

Sees himself: Virtual Prime Minister.
Media/Modi Haters see him: Future Prime Minister.
Is: Glorified Delhi Mayor with Sisodia doing all his minuscule workload.

Some people live in Reality.
Others in Virtual Reality.
Kejri lives in Media Reality, the world of TV channels, advertisements and Twitter.

Delhi will be like London—Kejri.
Matlab kya?
Thames airlift karke laoge?
Big Ben-Buckingham Palace banaoge?
Shakespearean nautanki laoge?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Total AAP leadership failure musings…

I don’t have authority to buy a pen, but I have authority to spend thousands of crores on ads, perks and privileges.
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

People thought Kejri was a character from the 2001 film Nayak.
They were right.
He’s Amrish Puri.

Sab pe apna raaj hai,
Darne ki kya baat hai,
Ye to bas shuruaat hai,
Abhi (2016) to party shuru hui hai,
Party chalegi till 2020…
—Kejri

The best way Modi can troll Kejriwal right now is by making Kiran Bedi Lieutenant-Governor of New Delhi.

The disaster is not that Sisodia is in Finland.
The disaster is that he’s totally useless whenever he’s in New Delhi.
#AAPHaiAbroad

Aam Aadmi political party nahin hai.
Free for all never-ending party with freebies for all its leaders.

Leader.
1. Responsibility. 2. Accountability.
Indian leader.
1. Responsibility. 2. No accountability.
Kejri & Co.
1. Responsibility/accountability dono gaye tel lene. 2. Only perks and privileges.

Kejri seeking votes in 2019…
LG didn’t let me work from 2015-19.
Make me PM and I promise you Prez of India won’t let me work from 2019-24.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri and his parallel universe…

Other people take a break when they work too much.
Kejri takes a break when he Tweets/alleges too much.
‪#‎Vipassana‬

Modi is so frustrated that he can have me killed.
Translation—I am so supremely frustrated and desperate that I just thought that up!
‪#‎Kejri‬

In Hollywood’s Wag the Dog, they create a fake war.
In Bollywood-style India, Kejri has made a complete fake universe around himself.

Modi may kill me: Kejri.
Kejri may kill me: Asim.
‪#‎AAPception‬ (AAP + Inception + Deception)

After blasting AAP, Sidhu can still join with his head held high because he is already part of two industries: Entertainment and politics.

If an AAP leader sets off a nuclear bomb in Delhi and is arrested, Kejri will Tweet…
Modi just arrested AAP man.
He’s not letting us work.

Not just ‪#‎Sidhu‬.
‪#‎Churchill‬ was a party hopper.
So is ‪#‎Trump‬.
And about half of India’s Prime Ministers too.

Why blame ‪#‎Sidhu‬?
About half of India’s Prime Ministers were party hoppers.
‪#‎Morarji‬ ‪#‎Charan‬ ‪#‎VPSingh‬ ‪#‎ChandraShekhar‬ ‪#‎Gujral‬ ‪#‎Gowda‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri nahin sudhrega musings…

Kejri tomorrow…
What’s Modi doing?
Obama, investigate with UN Secretary General, consult with Pope and report to me.
Pranab, you’re sacked!

Wannabe Prime Minister.
Officially Chief Minister.
Unofficially Mayor.
Practically doing nothing for Delhi, but only making things worse.

Kejri has great foresight.
In 2011 he demanded Right to Recall.
He knew it would be priceless in kicking out lousy politicians like him.

Delhi went from Dixit in 2013 to deep shit in 2016.

BJP has 280 seats in Lok Sabha and no-one else in 3-digits.
7 parties are in 2-digits.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
AAP not even a dwarf, but gets a Giant’s coverage.

The only promise Kejri kept…
There will be no corrupt Congress MLAs in the Delhi Assembly.

Kejri rich person’s kid who can’t be kicked out of school.
Jung class monitor.
Modi principal.
Ye nautanki chalti rahegi.

If Kejri makes PM, he’ll attack the Prez.
If Kejri makes Prez, he’ll attack the PM.
But he’ll be happiest as UN Secy Gen as then he’ll attack 200 Heads of State!

Kejri’s political role models…
1. Lalu.
2. Sonia.
3. Mulayam.
4. Mamata.

#‎PaanchSaalKejriwal‬
26% loaded.
74% left.
At 100% Delhi will self-destruct.

Britain discussing Brexit.
Economists discussing R3exit.
Many Delhiites wondering if they can get Kejrexit before 2020.

By 2020, Delhiites will be spending hardly anything on water and power.
Not because they will be free, but because they’ll hardly be there.

Only Yugpurush Kejri can solve Delhi’s entire water crisis just by sending out a Tweet and getting a journalist sacked.

Top Indian politicians on Twitter…
1. Modi 20 million.
2. Kejri 8 million.
3. Sushma 5 million.
Kejri sees himself as Modi’s natural successor.

Manmohan with 27% MPs in the Lok Sabha ran the government for 5 years.
Kejri with 96% MLAs in the Assembly is facing total breakdown after 1+ year.

Every day Sheila Dixit gets up, watches the news and bangs her head against the wall saying, “They chose this joker over me?”

Forget Ram Rajya.
Very soon Delhiites will start agitating for a return of Sheila Rajya.

Kejri took the “dog ate my homework” and “sir, I’m late but so was he!” from school to the adult political world.

Those responsible for Delhi mess…
Prez.
PM.
LG.
Ambani.
Police.
Opposition.
CBI.
ACB.
Past CMs.
Media.
Everyone except current Delhi CM.

Sir, postman aaya hai.
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.
Sir, aapko gas hua hai.
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.
Sir, earthquake!
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.

At this rate, the MLAs will soon break into two large groups…
AAP (Free) (But still lawless) & AAP (Jailed).
Basically, Bihar and Tihar.

In Kejri’s parallel universe, he’s global President and the whole world bows out of fear to him.

After masterminding 2011 August Kranti, the resulting events ended up making Modi PM and Kejri CM.
Kejri feels cheated and wants to rectify.

Kejri should be declared the patron saint of @TheUnRealTimes and @fakingnews.
Whatever he does is surreal, unreal and feels like fake news.

Forget Modi, so far Kejri is not even 10% of Sheila Dixit.
If he surpasses anyone or anything, then its only Pappu’s nonsense.

When Kejri hugged Lalu, irony was singing…
Chor ka chor se ho bhaichaara!

Kejri has bungled his party seniors, water, electricity, garbage, ties with L-G, office of profit, governance…
We can call it Bungle Raj.

AAP: Delhi Police has a law and order problem.
Delhi Police: AAP is our biggest law and order problem.
AAP: See, they have a problem! We said so!

All AAP MLAs seem more desperate to go to Tihar than to work.

nA̲utA̲nki P̲arty

Those asking for ‪#‎Dexit‬ should realize that Dikshit was far far better.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri has 0% control over Modi but will spend 50% time talking about him.
On the issues Kejri has 100% control over, he’ll spend the remaining 50% time blaming Modi.

After 2014 infamous Kejri midnight dharna, BJP-Congress-Third Front will never give statehood to Delhi.
Too risky.
Referendum not happening.

So what if there are water, power and garbage problems in Delhi?
I̶n̶d̶i̶a̶ Modi lost NSG.
That’s all that matters.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri believes that Delhexit took place from India in 2015 and that’s why he behaves like the ruler of an Independent republic.

Kejri is competition with…
1. Prime Minister of India.
2. President of America.
3. United Nations Secretary general.
Ye Delhi kya cheez hai?

Scary that once Congress implodes, its space will be taken by Kejri-AAP.
They were always “replacement for” not “alternative to” Congress.We risk becoming what we hate.
—Desmond Tutu.
Remember how much Kejri and his team hated bad corrupt lying scheming politicians in 2011?

New phrase.
Delhi ki janata gayi tel* aur pani** lene.
*for generator
**from tanker

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#UdtaKejri musings…

Kejri doing time pass till his next working day on Thursday.
(When he’ll review ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ on its premiere)

Don’t worry, by 2020 we will have a film called ‪#‎UdtaDelhi‬ showcasing the total breakdown of the city by then.

Kejri won the battle which didn’t even really concern him… ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬
But he totally lost the war… ‪#‎21UdteMLA‬

Delhiite 1: Par usne to bola tha ki main Delhi main bahaar launga?
Delhiite 2: Arre buddhu, usne bola tha ki “main Bihar launga”!

Kejri: Kya Modi bataaenge…
Modi’s office: Kripaya intezaar keejiye. Aap kartaar main hain. Aapk number 345678 hai…

Kejri was nausikhiya: Got 28 seats.
Did crazy midnight dharna: Got 67 seats.
Now he’s given such abysmal governance that he’ll get 70 seats next time.

Kejri said he would change the system.
He has spectacularly succeeded!
(He has made it much worse)

Mujhe PM banao, main poore India main anarchy failaaunga!
Voter: Pahale Delhi main karke dikha, fir dekhte hai.
Kejri: Challenge accepted!

Then…
There are cases against 40% MPs!
Now…
There aren’t cases against 40% AAP MLAs!
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri isn’t CM without portfolio. He’s…
Minister of External (Anything but Delhi) Affairs.
Minister of Information & Broadcasting Against Modi.

Zero portfolios.
Multiple MLAs out on bail.
21 extra parliamentary secretaries.
Water-power-garbage woes.
A million allegations.
‪#‎KingKejri‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Raj karega Kejri baba musings…

After frothing in the mouth over India’s really bad political parties, Anna Hazare decided to gift us the worst ever.
‪#‎AAP‬

Tum mujhe khoon do, main tumhe azaadi doonga.
—Netaji.
Tum mujhe support do, main tumhe AAP doonga.
—Annaji Hazare.

When it comes to celebrations, beat this…
Spends tonnes of money to advertise nationwide nothing done in a municipality.
‪#‎Kejri‬

AAP did not aspire to be different.
It aspired to be worse than the worst politicians of the land.

Jinke sheeshe ke ghar hote hai—unhe pathar nahin fekne chahiye.
Kejri: Isi liye maine bulletproof glass ka istemaal kiya hai!
‪#‎ShootAndScoot‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Kejri absurdity continues musings…

What have you done?
Narasimha Rao: A 100 new policies.
Chandrababu Naidu: A 100 new projects.
Lalu: A 100 months of Jungle Raj.
Kejri: A 100 baseless allegations.

History repeats itself first as a tragedy (Kejri’s first term in office) then as a farce (Kejri’s second term in office).

Beyond comedy there is farce.
Beyond farce there is Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Kejri is the only person in Indian politics who is a parody of himself.
You can’t distinguish between his real and spoof handles on Twitter.

Kejri thinks his one Tweet has more impact than an ED/CBI probe or a court judgement.
Welcome to our very own Judge Advocate Twitter General!

I never thought there could be a worse idea than Lalu-RJD.
Then Kejri-AAP happened.

Is he an ad for Communism or anarchy or nautanki?
‪#‎Kejriwal‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Mukhya Mantri Kejriwal musings…

2014…
Kaunsa film laga hai?
A—Dharna Zaroori Hai.
2015…
Kaunsa film?
A—Sequel. Dharna Mana Hai.
Par koi bolta asli naam—Dharna Zaroori Hai 2.
‪#‎DelhiTalkies‬

Same man with same ideology but…
2011: Great hope! What a challenger!
2012: Who is he? Media creation!
2013: Great hope! Modi challenger!
2014: Who is he? Media creation!
2015: Great hope! Modi challenger!
2016: ???

Wheel of fortune…
2014: BJP gets greatest Lok Sabha mandate since 1984.
AAP: 4 seats.
2015: AAP gets one of the greatest Assembly mandates since 1947.
BJP: 3 seats.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Kejriwal won Delhi by a landslide…

Delhi voter 1: Modi is dictator of India. We have to do something.
Delhi voter 2: What?
Delhi voter 1: Make Kejri dictator of New Delhi!
Delhi voter 2: Great idea!

1990s BJP Delhi CM…
Khurana, err Verma, err Sushma…
1998 Delhi voter: Forget it!
2010s BJP Delhi CM…
Goel, err Harsh Vardhan, err Mukhi, err Upadhyaya, err Bedi…
2015 Delhi voter: Forget it!

One explanation…
Anti-incumbency votes of Sheila government
+Pro-incumbency votes of 49-day government
+Anti-incumbency votes of Modi government
= 67/70 seats!

In 2013, BJP beat AAP 32-28.
In 2015, AAP thrashed BJP 67-3.
Both parties have exactly the same core ideologies.
Voters’ attitudes have changed.

If the entire Delhi BJP MLAs can fit on a cycle, then the entire Congress MLAs can fit on an electron of an atom.

2014: Kejriwal is CM for 49 days.
2015: Bedi is CM candidate for 25 days.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More #PaanchSaalKejriwal musings…

AAP after May 16…
Chaar bach gaye lekin party fir bhi baaki hai.
Delhi BJP Unit after February 10…
Woh gaana gaane ka huq bhi hum se chheen liya gaya hai!

Before: The AAP should merge into the Congress.
Now: The Congress should merge into AAP.

Dharnawaale: 67/70.
(Get ready for August Kranti 2015)
Ex-IPS led party: 3/70.
(Delhiites finally take their revenge over Delhi Police)
Sheila’s 15-year-legacy: 0/70.
(Pappu who?)

BJP 1998-2020…
Delhi door hai!

Now New Delhi will demand total Independence and freedom from Modi. AAPistan Zindabad!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#PaanchSaalKejriwal musings…

You can fool some of the people some of the time.
#2013
You can’t fool all the people all the time.
#2014
But you can fool some of the people all the time.
#2015

Modi finally beaten by AAP+JDU+CPM+Cong+MSM+TMC+AIIA+ABCtoXYZ…

The Communist Manifesto was released in 1848 and died in 1991.
However it was reborn in New Delhi in 2015.

Congress didn’t allow Kiran Bedi to be Delhi Commissioner.
Congress votebank transfer didn’t allow Kiran Bedi to be Delhi Chief Minister.

KB = Kiran Bedi. (The End)
MB = Moron Bytes (Ashutosh & Co. rule).
GB = Good Bye (Good Governance).

Now: (Kejri)Wall for Modi Wave!
Later: (Kejri)Wall for Delhi development!

1 Assembly poll first place
+ 1 49-day stint as India’s most insignificant CM
+ 4 Lok Sabha seats
= Greatest relative media coverage ever since 1947.

#‎PaanchSaalKejriwal‬
‪#‎PaanchSaalBawaalHiBawaal‬
‪#‎PaanchSaalBooraHaal‬
‪#‎PaanchSaalInternalLokpal‬
‪#‎PaanchSaalAshutoshKaKamaal‬

Looks like ‪#‎BlowToModiIsBack‬ with a bang.
‪#‎BlowToModi‬

India wins World Cup in 2011.
Loses to Bangladesh in 2012.
Analysis: OMG! India will lose the World Cup in 2015!
Key: India = BJP. World Cup 2011 = 2014 Lok Sabha Polls. Bangladesh = AAP.

Best of luck Delhi for the next 5 years!
(You are going to need it)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri is CM musings…

1917: Lenin leads Russian Revolution.
1949: Mao leads Chinese Revolution.
1977: Basu leads Bengal Revolution.
2015: Kejri leads Delhi Revolution???

A million ‪#‎BlowToModi‬ headlines, reports, analyses, status messages, blogs… that were put into the trash can on May 16 have been retrieved.

Every small thing is ‪#‎TestForModi‬.
If he doesn’t fare well its ‪#‎BlowToModi‬
If he does, move on to ‪#‎NextTestForModi‬.
Started in 2002, still running.

2015 August Kranti Agitation …
Anna Hazare=Leader at Jantar Mantar.
Kejriwal/Bedi=CM/Opposition of Delhi.
Baba Ramdev=Government representative, negotiations at Ramlila Grounds.
Target—U̶P̶A̶2̶ NDA2

If BJP loses the New Delhi Assembly elections, then Anna Hazare may request a Ghar Wapasi to Kiran Bedi for his upcoming agitation.
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The grass is greener on the other side.
The banks are blacker on the other side.
(Or how to totally forget black money parked in India.)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru