The Kejri suffering continues unabated…

Poor (allegedly economically) Kejri.
Poor (fate-wise) Delhi wallahs.

An internal survey shows that Kejri is god and the whole world worships him.
Since this is not so, it shows that not only EVMs, but the world itself is rigged.

2011…
Kejri: Any minister without corruption charges out there?
2017…
Kapil: I am the only AAP minister without corruption charges!

Full-circle…
2011.
Kejri: All politicians are accepting crores of cash.
2017.
Kapil: I saw Kejri accept crores of cash.

Sisodia: Kejri uncle, aaj Assembly main kya khele?
Kejri: Chalo EVM-EVM khelte hai!
Sisodia: Weeee!!!! Bada maja aaya!

Kejrwal thinks that people are total fools.
Unfortunately with 67/70 seats in his kitty, he has every right to think so.

Double dhamaka!
2013: Entry of AAP will improve politics!
2017: Exit of AAP will improve politics!

Tomorrow AAP to banks…
Hand over your servers-safes for 3 hours and we’ll prove that money is not safe in banks.

Kejri: Leader of Opposition (Modi).
Kapil Mishra: Leader of Opposition (Kejri).

Lalu to Kejri: Ye kya hai nautanki? Hum to paper ballots ko bhi hack karte the ek zamaane main!
#BoothCapturing

Even if paper ballots are handed over for three hours, they can be tampered with.
#EVMNautanki #AAP

So France gets its Kejriwal.
An artificially created inexperienced party that storms the elections.
#Macron

Lalu. Akhilesh. Kejri.
Same to same.
Useless.
English media once really loved all of them.

Kejriwal was like this from Day 1.
AAP was like this from Day 1.
It’s getting difficult to hide it nowadays, that’s all.

Latest AAP reality show…
Tragedy Days With Kapil.

Yugpurush Kejri is such that even if convicted he will remain India’s most honest politician.

Old.
Live life king size.
New.
Live life Kejri size.
(Arthaat, “aam” aadmi gaya tel lene)

In 2013 Kejri said he would remove corruption.
He forgot to add that he would then transfer it all into his home.

Next New Delhi budget will have the following sections…
1. Outstation ads.
2. Anti-defamation fees.
3. DIA (Delhi Investigating agency).
4. Chai-samosas.

Time for someone to publish a book titled…
The 1001 Controversies of Arvind Kejriwal.

Propaganda Minister.
External (out of Delhi) Affairs Minister.
Spymaster. (Feedback Cell)
The Buck Stops at Sisodia.
Anything but Chief Minister of Delhi.
#Kejri

Yesterday…
Do you know, 150+ chargesheeted MPs are in the Lok Sabha!
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.
At the current rate, tomorrow…
Do you know, there are 150+ chargesheets against the AAP!

The conundrum for April 1.
Is today #AprilFoolDiwas or #PappuDiwas or #KejriDiwas?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The fall and fall of Sri Sri Kejri Baba…

You can fool all the people some of the time (2011 August Kranti agitation), and some of the people all the time (Delhi 2013 and 2015 elections), but you cannot fool all the people all the time (2014 Lok Sabha elections, 2017 Punjab-Goa elections).
#Kejri

AAP’s internal survey has found that Kejri is already the Prime Minister of India and hence they can stop contesting elections henceforth.

Media created Kejri in 2011, launched him in 2013, boosted him in 2015.
Media created Akhilesh in 2012, boosted him till 2016.
Both busted in 2017.

Sees himself: Virtual Prime Minister.
Media/Modi Haters see him: Future Prime Minister.
Is: Glorified Delhi Mayor with Sisodia doing all his minuscule workload.

Some people live in Reality.
Others in Virtual Reality.
Kejri lives in Media Reality, the world of TV channels, advertisements and Twitter.

Delhi will be like London—Kejri.
Matlab kya?
Thames airlift karke laoge?
Big Ben-Buckingham Palace banaoge?
Shakespearean nautanki laoge?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri ko #Demonetization pe itna gussa kyun aa raha hai?

2011: Anti-corruption march.
2016: Anti anti-corruption march

2011 August Kranti: Anti-corruption.
2016 November Bahut Krantikari: Anti Anti-corruption.

2011: Promises all measures to fight against all corruption.
2016: Fights against all anti-corruption measures.

2011: I will end the corruption of UPA.
2016: I will end the anti-corruption of NDA.

Who would’ve thought?
The party born out of the anti-corruption movement is now marching against anti-corruption!

Mamata rules like a dictator.
Calls #Demonetisation Draconian.
Kejri claims to be against corruption.
Calls an anti-corruption move corrupt.

Does dharna-anarchy.
He won a Magsaysay?
Talks nonsense 24X7.
He’s an IITian?
Talks nonsense on #Demonetization.
He’s ex-IRS?

After running out of his current nonsense, Kejri will be alleging aliens, UFOs, Illuminati, Area 51, the Apocalypse… in the 2019 elections.

If Kejri was Sports Editor of a newspaper…
Sports Page would carry business, foreign, national, films, horoscope…
Anything but sports!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri and his parallel universe…

Other people take a break when they work too much.
Kejri takes a break when he Tweets/alleges too much.
‪#‎Vipassana‬

Modi is so frustrated that he can have me killed.
Translation—I am so supremely frustrated and desperate that I just thought that up!
‪#‎Kejri‬

In Hollywood’s Wag the Dog, they create a fake war.
In Bollywood-style India, Kejri has made a complete fake universe around himself.

Modi may kill me: Kejri.
Kejri may kill me: Asim.
‪#‎AAPception‬ (AAP + Inception + Deception)

After blasting AAP, Sidhu can still join with his head held high because he is already part of two industries: Entertainment and politics.

If an AAP leader sets off a nuclear bomb in Delhi and is arrested, Kejri will Tweet…
Modi just arrested AAP man.
He’s not letting us work.

Not just ‪#‎Sidhu‬.
‪#‎Churchill‬ was a party hopper.
So is ‪#‎Trump‬.
And about half of India’s Prime Ministers too.

Why blame ‪#‎Sidhu‬?
About half of India’s Prime Ministers were party hoppers.
‪#‎Morarji‬ ‪#‎Charan‬ ‪#‎VPSingh‬ ‪#‎ChandraShekhar‬ ‪#‎Gujral‬ ‪#‎Gowda‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#UdtaKejri musings…

Kejri doing time pass till his next working day on Thursday.
(When he’ll review ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ on its premiere)

Don’t worry, by 2020 we will have a film called ‪#‎UdtaDelhi‬ showcasing the total breakdown of the city by then.

Kejri won the battle which didn’t even really concern him… ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬
But he totally lost the war… ‪#‎21UdteMLA‬

Delhiite 1: Par usne to bola tha ki main Delhi main bahaar launga?
Delhiite 2: Arre buddhu, usne bola tha ki “main Bihar launga”!

Kejri: Kya Modi bataaenge…
Modi’s office: Kripaya intezaar keejiye. Aap kartaar main hain. Aapk number 345678 hai…

Kejri was nausikhiya: Got 28 seats.
Did crazy midnight dharna: Got 67 seats.
Now he’s given such abysmal governance that he’ll get 70 seats next time.

Kejri said he would change the system.
He has spectacularly succeeded!
(He has made it much worse)

Mujhe PM banao, main poore India main anarchy failaaunga!
Voter: Pahale Delhi main karke dikha, fir dekhte hai.
Kejri: Challenge accepted!

Then…
There are cases against 40% MPs!
Now…
There aren’t cases against 40% AAP MLAs!
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri isn’t CM without portfolio. He’s…
Minister of External (Anything but Delhi) Affairs.
Minister of Information & Broadcasting Against Modi.

Zero portfolios.
Multiple MLAs out on bail.
21 extra parliamentary secretaries.
Water-power-garbage woes.
A million allegations.
‪#‎KingKejri‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Kejri absurdity continues musings…

What have you done?
Narasimha Rao: A 100 new policies.
Chandrababu Naidu: A 100 new projects.
Lalu: A 100 months of Jungle Raj.
Kejri: A 100 baseless allegations.

History repeats itself first as a tragedy (Kejri’s first term in office) then as a farce (Kejri’s second term in office).

Beyond comedy there is farce.
Beyond farce there is Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Kejri is the only person in Indian politics who is a parody of himself.
You can’t distinguish between his real and spoof handles on Twitter.

Kejri thinks his one Tweet has more impact than an ED/CBI probe or a court judgement.
Welcome to our very own Judge Advocate Twitter General!

I never thought there could be a worse idea than Lalu-RJD.
Then Kejri-AAP happened.

Is he an ad for Communism or anarchy or nautanki?
‪#‎Kejriwal‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

If AAP wins Delhi musings…

Lord of Lutyens
2013: Fellowship of the AAP.
2014: The Twin Towers of Swearing in and Resignation.
2015: Return of the Kejri.

Every small thing is ‪#‎TestForModi‬.
If he doesn’t fare well its ‪#‎BlowToModi‬
If he does, move on to ‪#‎NextTestForModi‬.
Started in 2002, still running.

If Modi loses, then the Delhi cocktail circuit’s Happy New Year will finally begin on February 10.

Usually governments celebrate after 100 days in power.
This time in the Capital will go wild after 50 days.

After winning the World Cup, looks like a loss to Bangladesh.

Looks like TV news channels finally beat Modi.
(Kejri, Bedi, Shah all being incidental)

What They Don’t Teach You At Harvard Business School—Mark H. McCormack.
What They Don’t Teach You At Kharagpur Engineering School—Arvind Kejriwal.

The fall…
From 2009-14, media backed Sonia, the most powerful woman in India with 200+ Lok Sabha seats, 60+ Rajya Sabha seats and many States.
In 2015, media backed Kejri, a nobody with 4 Lok Sabha seats, 0 Rajya Sabha seats and 0 States.

Parity…
In 15 months BJP wins Lok Sabha plus India’s 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 5th*, 8th, 10th, 16th and 21st largest States (by area).
But if Kejriwal wins the 30th largest State, get ready to be told by media that Modi Wave is dead, Modi has failed referendum, Amit Shah is over, blah blah blah…
*PDP deal pending.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru