Enjoy your movie and tell the whole world to SOD off!

There is no such thing as a good movie or a bad movie.

Every movie is unreal and basically a lie trying to sell itself to every member of the audience.

It all boils down to Suspension of disbelief (SOD).

When this phrase was first used for books, the onus was on the reader and not the writer to achieve SODhood.

That’s the same thing with movies.

The viewer can either choose to happily believe what he sees (=SOD) or go on with his utter disbelief  (=absence of SOD).

If a viewer achieves SODhood, then he even delights in the little things.

If he doesn’t achieve SODhood, then even a brilliant piece of cinematic work will look ridiculous.

That’s why a movie that is considered “greatest ever” by a critic is considered utter trash by millions of viewers.

And vice versa!

Even the worst of movies will end up finding a small fan following.

Even the best of movies will find some fierce critics.

There are many important ingredients of movie making.

But the most important ingredient of movie watching is simply SOD!

SOD is in your head and no-one really knows when, why and how the SOD factor will kick in—or not!

But it’s the difference between a SODingly good movie and one which makes absolutely no SODing sense.

So basically if you enjoy a movie, just enjoy it and tell the whole world to SOD off!

© Sunil Rajguru

Why only PJ? Why not BR32PDJ?

Tired of “Good Joke” and “Poor Joke” being just about the only ways to classify jokes, The Indian Institute of Social Welfare for Jokes has decided to introduce a brand new classification scheme.

When you listen to a joke, weigh in your mind how good or bad it is and classify accordingly…

FBCJ: Forbes Billionaire Class Joke.

RJ: Rich Joke.

MCJ: Middle Class Joke.

PJ: Poor Joke.

RPJ: Really Poor Joke.

BPLJ: Below Poverty Line Joke.

DCJ: Destitute Class Joke.

And finally, the absolute worst of all jokes…

BR32PDJ: Below Rs 32 Per Day Joke.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Oh Lord! We are thankful for…

OK, the Congress Government is under a lot of flak and everything seems to be going totally wrong.

However, it has still given us many things to be thankful for…

(Don’t they tell us to count our blessings?)

Dear Sonia Gandhi,
Thank you for not becoming Prime Minister in 2004, a move that would have turned the country’s top post into a 24X7 tamasha by your belligerent detractors.
Thanks for engaging Civil Society in the decision making process even though, like RTI, it has turned totally against you in the end.

Dear Manmohan Singh,
Thank you for being an honest and clean head of state in this cesspool of corruption, even though you couldn’t do anything about it, or maybe you have, merely by letting it out in the open.
Thanks for never ever have used bad, unparliamentary or abusive language, like many other so called great politicians and for always conducting yourself with dignity and grace.
Thanks for your concern over nuclear energy.
Who knows, it may yet become India’s best idea in 20-30 years!

Dear Kapil Sibal,
Thank you for getting those pesky telecallers off my back!
Thank you for at least trying for a badly needed major educational reform in this country.
If you were a little less arrogant, then people might actually notice your many achievements.

Dear Jairam Ramesh,
Thanks for scuttling a lot of schemes that would have otherwise destroyed the environment and at least trying sincerely for much needed land reforms in the country.

Dear Ajay Maken,
Thank you for taking on rich powers like the BCCI and not giving tax rebates to even richer sports like F1.

Dear Mani Shankar Aiyar,
Thank you for being the biggest critic of your own government.

Dear Digvijay Singh,
Thank you for providing so much fodder to cartoonists and humour writers.
Without you, India would be a much less interesting place than it is now.

Dear Rahul Gandhi,
Thank you for not becoming Prime Minister… yet. You will definitely get that post one day, it is your birth right, but you haven’t earned it… yet.

Dear Congress,
Thank you for giving this country political stability in the last seven years despite having just 27% seats in the Lok Sabha from 2004-09 and 38% thereafter.

Yours Gratefully,
Sunil Rajguru

Chaos and the Bellary Butterfly Effect

Timeline: 2004 to 2011

Voters to BJP: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

BJP to RSS: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

RSS to Advani:
Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

Advani to Yeddy: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

Yeddy to Reddys: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

Reddys to Bellary: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

Bellary to Itself: Kyunki mining services bache hi nahin hai. Maine kisi ka kya bigaada re, ki main aisa ujad gaya! Sab ke jebe bhar bhar ke main khud kangaal ho gaya hu!

How green was my valley!

The Butterfly Effect: The flapping of a butterfly’s wings in Mexico can unleash a tornado in the US.

The Bellary Butterfly Effect: The flapping of ballot papers in Delhi can unleash an environmental and economic tornado in Bellary.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Robert Frost in the 21st Century…

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have many Facebook profiles to peep,
And so many emails all in a heap,
Science has taken such a gigantic leap,
For its rewards I have to stay up 24X7 to reap,
I also have so many silly little promises to keep,
(Sleep? My alarm clock keeps going beep beep,
And then I just feel like going weep weep…)
And I have miles of virtual words to key in before I sleep…
And miles to go (in circles I think) before I sleep.

With due apologies to Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

The day Indira Gandhi died…

radio-2224443_640“Where were you when… such and such a thing happened?” is such a cliché.

But you still want to task that question.

Today is October 31, the day Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated.

I was a school student when it happened in 1984, and certain things still stick to this very day…

AIR revives Indira: In the ghastly act, her guards pumped 30 bullets into her body at about 9.30 in the morning. She was officially declared dead by the doctors an hour later. But since President Zail Singh was out of the country, the government didn’t declare the news before evening time.

Doordarshan kept saying that she was “serious” all day. One All India Radio broadcast in the afternoon even said something to the effect of: According to unconfirmed sources, she may have regained consciousness!

Such a media blackout is unthinkable in today’s Twitter Age where everything breaks instantaneously and universally. Of course everyone knew the truth in India through word of mouth, but there were still many who thought she would survive till the official confirmation finally came.

The Kid on the Bike: The moment we got the news, one of my school seniors and neighbours screamed “Indira is dead: Now Vajpayee will be Prime Minister!” After that he cycled all day in the neighbourhood shouting “Vajpayee for Prime Minister.”

To me it seemed quite bizarre considering the fact that I had heard Vajpayee’s name for the first time in my life. But his words became prophetic as Atal Bihari Vajpayee did indeed become PM after 12 years.

The Fateful Speech:Mere khoon ka ek ek katra is desh ke liye kaam aayega,” (Every drop of my blood will serve the nation) is a popular statement she made in a political rally days before she died.

This was the talking point for everyone for months on end after Indira’s death.

But when I entered journalism, some seniors told me that she never made such a statement.

It was a figment of the Congress’ imagination and part of their propaganda!

Seven Years Later: In 1991 Indira’s son, former PM Rajiv Gandhi, was also assassinated. But this time it was after 10 in the night when half of India was either asleep or blissfully unaware of the tragic news.

I fell into the latter category. I took my morning walk and when I returned home I saw (what was to me at least) the most shocking “Breaking News” ever.

“Rajiv Assassinated” was above the Times of India masthead.

My late sister’s journalism teacher had told her that such an event was a rarity and happened very few times in a newspaper’s lifetime.

Of course, now the times have really changed.

Today if you are a rich industrialist with a few crores to spare, then you may be able to announce your son’s birthday above the Times of India masthead, with the way it’s going!

© Sunil Rajguru