Faaltu Full Forms

Political parties’ series…

DMK = Daddy Misses Kanimozhi.

ADMK = Amma Despises Muthuvel Karunanidhi.

BSP = Builders of Statues & Parks.

NCP = National Cash-cow for Pawar.

INC = Indian Network of Corruption.

BJP = Busted Jaded Party.

CPI = China Please Instruct.

CPM = Chillar Party of Marxists.

TRS = Train-roko. Raasta-roko. Strike-karo.

JD = Just Dead.

UPA = Unilaterally Pissing-off Anna.

NDA = Never-say Die Advani (for PM).

SP = Sinking. Perishing.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

MMS, the new Harry Potter of India…

Move over Harry Potter, India has its own hero in the form of Manmohan Singh (MMS) with seven exciting books in the series.

A brief synopsis of each book…

MMS and the Sorcerer’s Wand: Our hero stumbles upon a magic wand that makes him prime minister of his kingdom. But what’s this? It is totally ineffective against inflation, price rise and media scrutiny! How will our hero overcome all of this? Read the Sorcerer’s Wand to find out!

MMS and the Chamber of Dirty Secrets: While exploring the kingdom, our hero stumbles upon the chamber that holds all the dirty secrets related to scams, corruption and other wrongdoings of the land. Being squeaky clean himself, how will he cope with this shock? And can his spotless white kurta escape the stains of all the muck around him? Read to find out…

MMS and the Prisoners of Tihar: One by one, our hero’s ministers start disappearing from his cabinet and magically apparate into Tihar Jail. Is all of this a conspiracy? And the curses and spells seem to be coming near the prime minister’s sacred inner cabinet. Can his top ministers escape? And more importantly, can he counter all the spells that are unleashed directly at him?

MMS and the Trial by Fire: Capturing the throne was the easiest part. Holding on to it is tougher. Every day our hero has to battle confidence motions, forces behind the throne, a belligerent cabinet, media scrutiny, funny fasting old men, a mysterious entity called the RSS along with forces from other evil kingdoms… Will he survive?

MMS and the Order of the Spokespersons: In this episode all the brain-dead empty headed leaders of the kingdom get together and form the highly idiotic and irritating Order of the Spokespersons. They plague the entire kingdom with their non-stop verbal spells that fly through the airwaves and multiply through cyberspace plunging the entire land into gloom. The movie version will be titled: The League of Extraordinarily Irritating (and not so) Gentle Men and Women.

MMS and the Half-blood Prince: Is the half-blood prince, who claims divine unbroken prime ministership from his father’s side, a friend or a foe? Will the prince redeem the kingdom and save it from ruin or will he usurp MMS from his coveted post and consign him to the dustbin of history? Can one live while the other survives?

MMS and the Deathly Fellows: We reach the last stage of the saga of the tragic hero. There is death and destruction all around. Reputations, schemes, plans are all dying with great regularity. No new spells can be created and the magic wand is busy deflecting mundane petty attacking spells all day. Will the lame duck manage to limp across the finishing line and maybe even take his fellowship into another term?

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Everybody loves Dr Strangelove…

Pakistan to US: We have nukes, don’t mess with us.

India to Pakistan: We also have nukes, but we allow you to mess with us, don’t we?

China to world: Nukes gaye tel lene, we’ll mess with who we please.

Russia: We have thousands of nukes and nobody even notices us anymore.

Britain & France: What about us, we’re invisible nuclear powers too!

Israel, North Korea, Iran…: Me too! Me too!

US: Bachha log jhagadna band karo. We rule the world without using a single nuke.

(Hiroshima and Nagasaki happened in the last century).

Japan: Besharmo, ek nuke ka kya asar hota hai, koi hamse poochho!

Terrorists: Bhagwan ke naam pe ek nuke dede re baba.

Moral of the story: Everbody loves Dr Strangelove and they have learnt to stop worrying and love the bomb.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Kal Aaj Kal aur Facebook

∙ Yesterday: Friend, Philosopher and Guide.
Today: Friend, Subscriber and Liker.

∙ Yesterday: You’ve got mail.
Today: You’ve got notifications.

∙ Yesterday: Stop bugging me.
Today: Stop poking me.

∙ Yesterday: Main aur meri tanhai
Today: Main aur mera status message…

∙ Yesterday: If you have 5 true friends, it’s enough.
Today: If you have 500 Facebook friends (true or false, who cares), it’s enough.

∙ Yesterday: The more books you read, the more your brain will develop.
Today: The more friends you have on Facebook, the bigger your brain size.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

The Diggy Raja Times…

Here is the news today…

∙ Libyan leader Muhammed Gadaffi was finally killed thanks to the close ties he had developed with the RSS in the last days of his life. His views of Kashmir were highly biased since they were influenced by RSSRSS (Really Simple Syndication of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh).

∙ The Bangalore Metro finally took off because BSY, who is extremely high on RSS radiation, is no longer in charge. The relatively low level of RSS contamination faced by Sadanand Gowda greatly helped matters.

∙ The RSS Virus has finally turned Team Anna into a sick patient. I had warned earlier that it was severely affected with the RSS Virus and the symptoms are there for everyone to see now: Infighting, dissent, loss of credibility and corruption.

∙ The RSS Virus has also hit Team England who were fit enough to beat us on their soil, but have fallen sick after coming to India. There is a Patel in the team and all Patels are close to Narendra Modi. That could be the source of infection.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

News in Limericks 3

There was this team from India,
That lost badly to Britannia,
Not once but again,
and again and again,
Par apne gali main goro ko dikha diya!

There was this domino in Tunisia,
That fell and rocked Arabia,
The dominoes did fall and fall,
And fall and fall and fall,
Till they reached Wall Street in America!

There was this thing called Corruption,
Which was attacked by this thing called anshan,
The government did shake,
And managed the fast to break,
But now Team Anshan’s mired in dissent and corruption!

There was this exotic “Indo-Pak talk”,
That was opposed by many a hawk,
The moment it raised its head,
A blast would turn everything red,
And peace would be forced to take a walk.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru