#Demaunetization: When the silent one spoke!

If Einstein was alive, he would have said of Manmohan…
Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth without a spine.

Sonia released Robot 1.0 in 2004, it ran till 2009.
Sonia released Robot 2.0 in 2009, it ran till 2014.
Even Rajinikanth can’t beat that!

Manmohan as The Trinity…
1991-96: The Creator.
2004-09: The Preserver.
2009-14: The Destroyer.

Manmohan Singh taught me…
1. Money doesn’t grow on trees.
2. #TheekHai.
3. In the end we are all dead.

Modi doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because it’s extempore.)
Manmohan also doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because someone else has written it and he’s given it at the last moment.)

His multiple choices …
a) First Manmohan Singh became Economist.
b) Second he became Bureaucrat.
c) Third he became Politician.
d) Finally he became “None of the Above”.

SINGH is King!
S = Spectrum, coal and many other scams.
I = Internet Emergency.
N = No spine whatsoever.
G = Gayab. (Awaaz, governance, etc…)
H = Home and abroad both equal failures.

A movie on Manmohan Singh’s life would be called O.H.M.S.
On Her Majesty’s Service.
He has been serving the Dynasty and not the nation since 1998.

Everyone knew Manmohan was a tubelight.
He started speaking about 2004-14 misrule only in 2016.

The problem with watching Manmohan Singh’s speech is that I funnily get the feeling that any time now he’s going to burst into tears.

Manmohan Singh…
The only man to have given 1300 official speeches and still said nothing.

Sanjaya Baru calls Manmohan Singh an accidental Prime Minister.
Par accident to India ka hua na?
MMS = Minion of Madam Sonia.

Madam: #Demonetization kaisa hai?
Puppet: #TheekHai!
Madam: Kya!!! Aaj RS main blast karna hai!
Puppet: #TheekHai! (I’ll just describe UPA)

Even at the age of 84, after his speech he’ll have to go to her and say…
Madam! Main theek bola na? Aap khush to ho na?

Under the Manmohan regime, crooks freely converted white money to black with impunity.
He’s upset it’s all being undone by #Demonetization.

Manmohan Singh: The Father of Polinomics.
Half (Politicize economics)
+ Half (Economize politics)
= Zero.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Whatever happens, Manmohan is Mr Clean, OK?

When a fake story of a PM wearing a Rs 10 lakh suit came, tremendous outrage.
When a real story came of a PM causing a loss of Rs 2 lakh crore—well that’s OK!

Corrupt (adjective): Having or showing a willingness to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain.
(Sticking on to PM’s chair = Personal gain.)
Usage: Manmohan Singh is corrupt to the core.

CWG scam—Off with Kalmadi!
2G scam—Off with Raja!
Coalgate—Err… ummm… the Coal Minister/Prime Minister is such a sweet fellow na?

Bolo Manmohan beta, C for Coalgate.
Manmohan: Nahin! C for Clean chit from madam. So there!

Pahele chori. (UPA2’s Coalgate, 2G, CWG, etc etc etc)
Fir seena zori. (‪#‎MarchForManmohan‬ ‪#‎IStandWithMMS‬)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Sonia-Manmohan Raj ends…

Leader: Your RS term is coming to an end.
Manmohan: No I’m still a Rajya Sabha MP.
Leader: I meant Rubber Stamp term.
#TheekHai

The Dynasty Trinity…
Jawaharlal: The Creator.
Indira: The Preserver.
Sonia: The Destroyer.

Today…
I&B Minister: We don’t need an I&B Minister.
After May 16…
Sonia: We don’t need a Prime Minister.
P.S. But we didn’t have one from 2004-14.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh’s last days as PM…

Army chief gaya BJP main yaar,
Home Secy bana saffron star,
RAW chief bhi gaya us paar,
Mera bhai bhi ho gaya faraar,
Abki baar Modi sarkaar.

If Einstein was alive, he would have said of Manmohan…
Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth without a spine.

“I feel very sad. I have no control.”
—Manmohan Singh on his brother joining BJP.
But that also applies to scams, economy, defence, security, governance and just about everything else.

Manmohan Singh: My brother joined the BJP.
Priyanka Vadra: Lucky you! Unfortunately mine joined the Congress.

Manmohan Singh’s final words…
#TheekHaiYaar
#AbkiBaarModiSarkaar

2004: I am ready to work under Madam.
2009: I am ready to work under Pappu.
2013: I am ready to work under Pappini.
2014: I am ready to work under Modi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Our dear ole accidental Prime Minister…

Sanjaya Baru calls Manmohan Singh an accidental Prime Minister.
Par accident to India ka hua na?

Sanjaya Baru’s book is fiction: PMO.
That Manmohan was ever PM itself is fiction: Citizen.

Manmohan Singh’s biography…
The Accidental Prime Minister.
Rahul Gandhi’s biography…
The Accident.

MMS = Minion of Madam Sonia.

Baru ne kee MMS pe vaar,
Abki baar Modi sarkar.

Jag main sundar do hai naam,
Chaahe remote control kaho ya rubber stamp.
—Sonia Mata.

1992: Everyone knows Babri demolition planned.
2014: Breaking News! Babri demolition planned!
2004: Everyone knows MMS is Sonia stooge.
2014: Breaking News! MMS is Sonia stooge!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Manmohan Singh finally spoke…

MMS speech…
Main #TheekHu
Pappu #TheekHai
UPA #TheekHai
Corruption #TheekHai
Economy #TheekHai
Modi #TheekNahinHai
Vote for Congress in 2014.
UPA3 zindabad!

MMS: I want Pappu to become PM so that history will then judge me as the second worst PM ever and not the worst!
#TheekHai

Q: How do you know Modi will be a “disastrous PM”?
MMS: Well, I’m the best judge as I have been one for 10 years now ain’t I?
#TheekHai

Apparent MMS logic…
Scams of UPA1 are OK because we got re-elected in 2009.
Scams of UPA2 are OK because Modi will be a disastrous PM in 2014.
#TheekHai

Arvind Kejriwal: Yeah! I am finally trending above Narendra Modi!
Alok Nath: Bitch please!
Manmohan Singh: My one boring speech can change that, #TheekHai?

Every night Manmohan Singh stares at the 2009 giant spoof poster “Singh is King” in his bedroom, sighs and goes to sleep.
#TheekHai

MMS statement…
Scams in UPA1 are OK because we got re-elected in 2009.
Corollary…
So if you don’t get re-elected in 2014, then you are guilty of scams of UPA2?

Future tense…
Modi as a PM will be a disaster: MMS.
Present tense…
MMS as a PM is a disaster.
Past tense…
On hindsight, even UPA1 was a disaster.

Manmohan: Pappu beta, tu PM banega?
Pappu: #TheekHai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The full form of “Manmohan Singh”…

Main azaad nahin hu!

Army chief retire ho ke bhi mujh pe waar kar raha hai!

Nuclear Deal ki victory hai kisiko yaad?

Modi ka pressure ab sahan nahin hota!

Oil prices, inflation, high taxation ka magic wand kahan hai!

Hai hai abhi bhi sab #TheekHai.

Andimuthu Raja ye tune kya kiya!

Nahin! Main Coalgate aur koi scam ke bare main kuch nahin jaanta!

Shehzaade ke neeche kaam karne ke liye main tayar hu!

Information ka Right ko bahaar pheko!

NREGA ke oopar Food Bill? Ab tijori khaali!

G se bahut dar lagta hai… 2G, CWG, CAG, Soniaji, Rahulji…

Hazaron jawabon se acchi hai meri khaamoshi.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan the destroyer…

Manmohan as The Trinity…
1991-96: The Creator.
2004-09: The Preserver.
2009-13: The Destroyer.

He is the 13th Prime Minister of India.
As they say:
13…
Lucky for some (Manmohan Singh)…
Unlucky for others (all other Indians).

SINGH is King!
S = Spectrum, coal and many other scams.
I = Internet Emergency.
N = No spine whatsoever.
G = Gayab. (Awaaz, governance, etc…)
H = Home and abroad both equal failures.

The amount of investigation that has been done against Modi, even if 1% of that was done against UPA2 scams, Manmohan would probably find himself behind bars.

Manmohan Singh’s symbol should be the Lotus.
He is the longest surviving PM in the biggest pile of mud.

New remixed quote…
Power corrupts, Manmohan corrupts absolutely.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The tragedy that is Manmohan…

Manmohan Singh should officially get the title of…
Punching Bag of the Nation.

Kabhi Modi ne maara,
kabhi SM ne maara,
kabhi Pappu ne maara,
kabhi Nawaz ne bhi maara,
main Manmohan hu yaaro,
mujhe har kisi ne maara…

De-evolution of Manmohan…
1. Spineless human.
–>2. Lame duck.
–>3. Totally legless.
–>4. Headless chicken.
–>5. Dead as a Dodo.

Manmohan running India…
2004: Look Madam, no spine!
2008: Look Madam, no morals!
2013: Look Madam, no pride!
2014: Look Madam, no country!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu and MMS musings…

Jethmalani was a lawyer in 1942.
Advani was a politician in 1951.
Pappu was a kid in 1979.
Sachin was a cricketer in 1989.
Sigh! Some things never change!

Principle…
Buy one and get one free.
Example…
Vote for Sonia and get Manmohan for free.

If there was such a thing as autopilot to run the country, it would run better than the way it is being run now.

In 2004, Manmohan Singh was a trainee Prime Minister.
In 2008, he was still on Probation.
He was confirmed in 2009 and like all good government employees, promptly stopped working after that.

What if…
Rupee fir jawan ho raha hai, market fir uth raha hai, public memory short hai, so in 2014…
I’ll be back!
—Manmohan Singh.

CBI.
For Friends of Congress
= Criminal Bachao Institution
For Enemies of Congress
= Criminal Banao Institution.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

It’s still Congress all the way…

Plans for UPA3?
Manmohan…
Ho Raha Pappu Nirman.
Pappu Shining.
Mera Pappu Mahan.
Then Aam Admi’s slogan will be…
Pappu Hatao!

Rahul is about
½ of Manmohan’s age
¼ of his grace
1/6 of his experience
1/8 of his intellect
But Manmohan is zero.
So they are both same in the end.

In 2009, the Triumvirate ruled.
In 2014…
Sonia: The Mistaker.
Manmohan: The Caretaker.
Pappu: The Undertaker.

Then: Queen Victoria.
Now: Queen Sonia.
Then: Foreign hand.
Now: Saffron hand.
Then: Gareebi Hatao Slogan.
Now: Gareebi Hatao Bill.

India invented the Zero.
Then the Congress kept adding a Zero to their scam amount every time they got re-elected.

Jethmalani at 90 still thunders.
Mugabe at 89 is Prez.
Lee Kuan Yew retired at 87.
Advani at 85 still hopes to be PM.
Manmohan at 80 to jawan hai!

Macbeth Manmohan…
This government’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets its hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a regime,
Led by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
(With due apologies to William Shakespeare)

Said…
Manmohan: I am ready to work under Rahul.
Unsaid: I am just a remote control. Doesn’t matter who handles it.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru