It’s so funny that…

* The real world full of rich colour, smells, tastes and unbeatable experiences is called the “off”line world.

* A PhD genius not using a computer is an “illiterate”.

* You never count your friends in real life but know exactly how many friends you have in each networking site.

* In the real world your parents may be the best of friends, but you’d hate to add them as friends in a social networking site even though you’ve added hundreds (or at least dozens) of people you just about vaguely know.

* In the real life if someone tells you that you’ve won a million dollars, you’d tell him to get lost.
But when you get an email with the same thing, you actually believe it.

* Chatting is not something done in real life over a cup of tea or coffee.

* If you saw someone slapping someone, you’d run away in disgust.
But in the virtual world, it’s OK to kill a few thousand innocent virtual lives and destroy virtual cities: All in a day’s work.

* You want to moonlight as a farmer, though only virtually.

* Recently, you have keyed in more words for “social networking” people you have never met than spoken words with your best of friends.

* The good ole solid reliable postal service that we used to exchange endless letters, greeting cards and packages is called “snail”mail.

* Something that keeps hanging, crashing, has to be continuously updated, spoils your eyes and fingers is cool while something solid and reliable and not requiring updates is not.

Which is the real world and which is the virtual one?

© Sunil Rajguru

Overheard on Facebook…

* My life is like an open Facebook, everyone knows what I’m doing.

* It’s not what you are thinking… we’re just Facebook friends.

* If you don’t like me, you can at least like my statuses.

* You call me your friend and never even bother to tag me!

* Nobody likes me and nobody even reads my Notes.

* I’m detoxifying my mind. I won’t log in to Facebook for a week.

* I haven’t seen you on Facebook for ages. Is everything OK?

* Didn’t I meet you in Farmville once?

* I never met her. She was just a Facebook friend.

* Sorry, but all our Facebook quizzes show that we are incompatible.

* Forget him, he’s just a mere Orkuter.

© Sunil Rajguru

4 reasons why this austerity drive should stop…

The Global Slowdown has been on for what seems like forever (in fact, the economy may even be on an upward swing now) but suddenly India is seeing a political austerity drive. The high and mighty will no longer stay in five star hotels. They will travel by economy class in air and also use trains. While some have welcomed it, I don’t support it at all. Here are my four reasons for doing so…

Whither Security?

Stop being partisan or cynical for a minute: I would want my Prime Minister and the top people who run this country to be safe. While the number of all-out wars may be going down in the world the number of relatively small-scale attacks is on the rise. When a VVIP goes by a private or Air Force jet, it is very difficult for someone to infiltrate. Not so with economy class. Any troublemaker could come as a passenger.
And if the VVIP is at risk, isn’t so the public travelling along?
Future Prime Minister potential Rahul Gandhi’s train got attacked the very first time he went austere. I don’t see this as a long-term solution.

Grave Public Inconvenience

VVIPs and the Common Man live in two different worlds. And rightly so! I remember from my college days, whenever the Prime Minister would visit Bangalore, traffic jams would see some people being stuck for 4-6 hours! Let them all travel in luxury helicopters all the time. Both worlds would be happy. Imagine if you were sitting in an Air India plane where the top five rows were reserved for security and a VVIP entourage:

1. Movement would be restricted.
2. All the airhostesses and stewards would be busy with the “front-seaters” and you might be left high and dry.
3. If the back loo was out of order, then you might not be able to use the front loo for security reasons!

They are entitled to it man!

The bigger the company: The bigger the perks. The bigger the rank: The greater the luxury. It’s as simple as that. It applies to every company and most governments in the world. India’s GDP stands at more than a trillion dollars!
That’s more than $1,000,000,000,000.
When the top executives of billion dollar companies travel in fancy cars and business class, what’s wrong with high-profile politicians doing the same? Whether you like it or not, they are the country’s custodians.

Whither Real Issues?

In 2009, Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee presented a budget of Rs 1000,000 crore! Out of that about Rs 39,000 crore was for the National Rural Employment Guarantee Scheme, more than Rs 12,000 crore was for the National Rural Health Mission and Rs 15,000 crore plus was for highways. That’s what the Finance Minister should concern himself with. Roads. Agriculture. Education. Basic amenities… All this austerity and “no five star” talk will save a few crore rupees at best: That’s peanuts. By doing such stunts, attention is being diverted from the real issues.

Austerity, then, is a Red Herring.

© Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock jokes 2

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Chandra.
Chandra who?
Chandrayawn it should be—it’s permanently gone to sleep.

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Bangalore.
Bangalorewho?
Bengaluru, yes, that’s the new name of Bangalore.

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Jinnah.
Jinnah who?
I gather you haven’t been following the current BJP crisis.

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Jaswant.
Jaswant who?
Jus’ went for a trip down memory lane and look what happened!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Jet.
Jet who?
Jet set go… the airlines will be gone at this rate.

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Delhi Metro.
Delhi Metro who?
Delay Metro is what it will be called at this rate.

© Sunil Rajguru

Thak Thak Chutkule 2: Alphabet Soup

(Knock Knock Jokes in Hindi)

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
GK.
GK Kaun?
Jee ke kya karna hain, ab hum mar hi jaate hain!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
AB.
AB kaun?
AB koi zindagi hain bhaaya?

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
Q.
Q kaun?
Kyu, kaun, kab, kaise, kahan… ye sab sawal hum bhi pooch rahe hain…

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
AC.
AC kaun?
Aisi ki taisi sab ki ho jaaye.

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
AB.
AB kaun?
AB maane Big B ko nahin jaante kya? Hindustani nahin ho kya bhaaya?

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
DD.
DD kaun?
Didi tera dewar deewana…

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
BB.
BB kaun?
Bibi ne ghar se nikaal diya bhaaya, isiliye main aapke ghar aaya hu.

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
U.
U kaun?
Yuhi chala aaya aap se milne bhaaya.

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
CD.
CD kaun?
Seedhi tarah se darwaza nahin kholega to tod doonga bhaaya!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
EC.
EC kaun?
Isi wajeh se aap shakki kahalate ho bhaaya, kabhi kabhi darwaza khol ke bhi dekha karo.

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
PK.
PK kaun?
Peeke koi nahin aaya aaj, hum sab sober hain.

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
GO.
GO kaun?
Jeeo to shaan se jeeo!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
IO.
IO kaun?
Aiyyo main hi hu re!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
GA.
GA kaun?
Jeeye to jeeye kaise…

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
G1.
G1 kaun?
Jeevan kya hain, koi nahin jaane.

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
PR.
PR kaun?
Pyar se nahin pooch sakte kya bhaaya?

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
PRVR.
Pyaar Vyaar, dil vil, main kya jaanu re!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
SI.
SI kaun?
Aisa hain ki aap darwaza jaldi kholiye, mujhe bathroom jaana hain.

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
CT.
CT kaun?
Seeti koi baja raha tha. Maine bhi suna!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
BD.
BD kaun?
Bidi jalayeliyo bhaaya.

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
AG.
AG kaun?
AG OG lo ji suno ji, main hum manmoji, 1 2 ka 4, 4 to ka 1, my name is Lakhan.

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
SQ.
SQ kaun?
Aise kyu poochte rahate ho jab dekho bhaaya!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
KC.
KC kaun?
Kaisi thi maine bhi nahin dekha!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
OA.
OA kaun?
Oye, thoda tameez so poochoge?

© Sunil Rajguru

Knock Knock Jokes In Hindi Part 1

8 suggestions for the ICC…

I’m no expert, but as a humble cricket fan, here are my 8 suggestions to the International Cricket Council regarding changes I would like to see in international cricket:

1. Overhaul the entire umpiring system: A few hundred million people know whether the batsman is out or not. And the batsman, bowler and umpire don’t know it. That has desperately got to change. The third umpire brought some confusion and referrals didn’t help matters. How many referrals should be there? Three? Logically shouldn’t every decision be referable? So, why not re-engineer the whole concept of the field umpire and TV umpire? In short, the Third Umpire becomes the First Umpire.

Before you totally dismiss this offhand, here’s my proposal on how it should be done:

Imagine a room with 4 big screens and one big screen assigned to each umpire. Each umpire would be assigned just one task and his job would be to pass on that decision instantaneously to the field umpire via earphone or a flashing hand panel.

No Ball Umpire: Would just see whether it is a no ball or not. If so, he would have to immediately beep to the field umpire.
Wide Ball Umpire: Would just see whether it is a wide ball or not. If so, he would have to immediately beep to the field umpire.
LBW Umpire: Would check if the ball has hit the bat or pad or both and calculate the hawk-eye trajectory and beep the umpire immediately if it’s an LBW. (This could take time and maybe could have a referral system initially)
Fielding Umpires: Would check the validity of catches, 4s & 6s and run outs.
Chief Umpire: Would monitor all the umpires and would be from the current Elite Panel.
Field Umpires: Would either take the instructions through earphone instantaneously or there would be a remote panel, which would flash for No balls, Wide balls, LBWs, etc.

Now the field umpires would be made free to concentrate on other things like:
1. Discipline: Most of the discipline has to be decided on the spot. This should be the field umpires chief responsibility as all other decisions have been outsourced.
2. Chucking: Who better than the field umpire knows whether a ball has been chucked or not? The field umpire should be empowered towards that effect. He can best tell if the elbow has been used to impart energy to the ball or not. If a team opposes the decision, then it would be reviewed by an elite panel of umpires, but off the field.

2. Bring forced declarations into Tests: Despite all the innovations in Tests, a draw rules most of the time. If the pitch is too batsman friendly, then the batting meanders on. If the pitch is too lethal, then the game is over in three days and still everyone feels cheated. One way to change this would be to bring a forced declaration in the first innings only. That is, the batting team would have to declare after 160 overs. This will ensure that the second team bats on the second day. And mainly, the “limited” (or nowadays the “T20”) element would come into Tests. Teams would be forced to plan and regulate their innings and the best part would be if the batting team lost just 4-5 wickets after 140 overs. You would have a fine legal T20 blast in the middle of a Test match. Howzzat to liven up things?

3. Regulate ad breaks: How irritating isn’t it when your team’s bowler takes a wicket and they immediately go in for an ad break. The same thing happens when your batsman hits the winning shot. Right now if there are 100 overs, there are 100+ ad breaks. 20 more if wickets fall between overs. All I’m proposing is that the ad breaks be brought down by just 10-15%.

The Ad Break Regulation Rule: Whenever an opposition wicket falls or a home player hits a 4 or a 6, the ad break gets cancelled, especially if it happens to be the last ball of the over. Moreover, ad breaks are cancelled for 3 minutes after the victory moment.

The ad revenue would go down by a fraction but viewing enjoyment would go up by leaps and bounds.

4. Restrict Tests & ODI WCs to 8 nations: Let’s face it: Test cricket belongs to 8 nations only. The others will never catch on. Bangladesh and Zimbabwe are the prime examples. And now with the advent of T20s, it seems even more remote. Stick to the Permanent 8 permanently. And in ODIs, stop tinkering with the format. The 2003 World Cup went on for ages and in the 2007 World Cup, India and Pakistan were kicked out after playing just 3 matches each. The best format was the 1992 World Cup where only 8 teams were called and everyone played everybody. That was exciting and that should be the permanent ODI WC format.

5. Promote T20 in 32 nations: T20 is where the future is and where more countries can come in and compete competitively. In the T20 WC, you can have 16 teams. The ICC can stop promoting Tests and ODIs ranked 9-32 and actively propagate T20s. Have T20 series, triangulars, tournaments… T20 is the only form where the whole world can catch on and the ICC should go all out for that.

6. Have a Test World Cup: You’ll need only 9 Test matches to pull this off in a period of 2 months. Only the top 4 teams should be called and the semi finals and finals should be a 3-match series each. The No. 1 & 2 ranked teams would be the host nations for the semis and the No.1 nation for the final. That would ensure a sell-out crowd for the semis and even if the No. 1 team doesn’t reach the finals. The television ratings would still be high and it would be a commercial success.

7. Ban ODI triangulars and have T20 ones instead: One of the biggest failures has been the triangular ODI where usually a third weak team is called and the finals become a foregone conclusion. Why not have triangular T20 tournaments in every tour. In fact, a tour could be standardized. Say first have a T20 triangular followed by a 3-match ODI series followed by a 4-match Test series.

8. Set up an ex-Players Super Committee: Right now great cricketers are spread out in various roles in a disjointed way. Others criticize it from the outside. The best way to counter that would be the consolidation of great ex-payers. The Top 8 Test playing nations should nominate 2 players and set up a Super Committee of 16. While the current ICC management would remain the same, this committee would guide policy and handle tricky and controversial issues.

Parting Shot: I personally would want ODIs to be abolished and First Class games to be lessened.

The future belongs to Tests and T20s.

© Sunil Rajguru

Are you an Obsessive Compulsive Forwarder?

There is a disease that afflicts almost all of us email users and we don’t even realize it. It’s called Obsessive Compulsive Forwarding (OCF). The moment we get a mail that’s not personal, we feel like forwarding it to as many people as we can. Thank God we don’t have to pay for every email we send!

But there are many reasons why I dislike this random forwarding without thinking…

1. Check your facts: Nowadays I’ve seen, an email forward has more weight than the Encyclopedia Britannica. And it’s almost like eGoebbels. Take a Falsehood in an email and forward it a million times and it becomes a Truth. The greater the initial falsehood, the greater the eventual truth. Some examples:

a. The Stanford Story: There’s one which begins: “A lady in a faded grey dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun suit walked in timidly without an appointment into the Harvard University President’s outer office…” It then goes to tell how a certain Mr and Mrs Stanford were rebuffed because of their appearance and went on to form the now famous Stanford University, with a tagline like: “Never judge a book by its cover” or “How our inner Ego sometimes misjudges a Person”.
Fact: Leland Stanford was the Governor of California and a very successful businessman! The President of Harvard would have needed an appointment to walk into Mr Stanford’s office. The truth is that Stanford merely enquired with Harvard on the cost of setting up a new university. How that morphed into the above story, God only knows.

b. The NASA Indians: Anywhere between 36-42% of people working with NASA are supposed to be Indians. This email has been floating for years. While people believing it is fine, last year a minister raised it in Parliament! While the minister raised a lot of flak and I thought I had seen the last of it. Then recently the li’l host of Sa Re Ga Ma Li’l Champs mentioned it again! Sometimes you’ve to use your head to verify facts. Aren’t there so many Indian Americans in the news nowadays? M Night Shyamalan, Bobby Jindal, Kal Penn, Kalpana Chawla…. That’s the result of a mere near 1% of America’s population being Indian American. 42% at NASA would be astronomical! For all you know, maybe it’s 3.6% and a typo made it 36% and that error got forwarded a million times!

c. Unique Bangalore: Then there’s one floating about how unique Bangalore is. For one Bangalore is the fastest growing city in Asia (I’ve been hearing that for 10-15 years now and I don’t know how it started. Bangalore usually comes as the second or third fastest growing city in India in most of the surveys I read, dunno about Asia.) It also says that close to half a million Bangaloreans are foreigners. Do a bit of Maths and you’ll find that that means every 12th or 14th person you see should be a foreigner. And yet I go for days without sighting a single foreigner in Bangalore! The last point is absolutely loony. “Bangalore is the city of girls, dogs and software engineers”. What crap! Girls, boys and dogs are present in every Indian city and town and software engineers are present in good numbers in Hyderabad, Pune, Gurgaon… How in heaven’s name can that be a unique fact?

2. Don’t wish your friends bad luck:
Why are people so scared when they get a message saying: “If you don’t forward this to 10 people then a ton of bad luck will fall on you!”
Even the non-superstitious type fall for that. When you add the millions of mails that are forwarded like this, aren’t they merely spam? Plus most never forward these things, so when you send one to such people, aren’t you merely wishing them bad luck?

3. Obscenity and Modesty: There are some forwards which are plain obscene. It could be a very vulgar joke. Some people in your mailing list could be sensitive. Or if it is a really gruesome image, then what happens when the person checks the mail during lunch hour. Might he or she not feel like throwing up?

4. Privacy and Aesthetics: Finally, when you forward, an ugly looking Fwd: is attached to the subject line. Then another gets added… sometimes I see 6-7 FWds: in the subject line. What stops people from deleting all those Fwds and sending a clean subject line? Some people don’t even bother to delete all those email IDs that become part of the message. I definitely wouldn’t want my email ID going public! It takes just a little time to delete all those email IDs and forwards. You can also suppress your email list or simply email yourself and put everyone in the bcc field.

So next time you forward, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Is it factually correct?
2. Am I merely being superstitious?
3. Am I merely spamming?
4. Am I being obscene or offensive?
5. Am I giving out private emails IDs in a public forum?

Of course, if someone is an Obsessive Compulsive Forwarder, then there is no hope.
Just pray that email service remains free for life!
;)

© Sunil Rajguru

14 things to note while driving on Indian roads…

1. The Bigger the Righter: Right of Way in four-wheelers means whichever is the bigger vehicle gets its way. So a mini has to give way to a sedan, which has to give way to a luxury vehicle, which gives way to an SUV. However, the bus overpowers all of these and nothing can beat a Horn OK Please truck, OK?

2. Gender Rule: Women drivers are really really bad.
Most men, however, are worse.

3. Absence Changes Everything:
If there is no traffic policeman to be seen, then there are no rules in the first place. It’s not merely enough to be a strict rule follower: People around you will be breaking them Left, Right and Center. Accident main dono parties ko takleef hoti hain.

4. The Traffic Light Rule: An Amber Light is a Green Light. A Red Light is a Green Light for the first second.

5. The Jigsaw Puzzle: Traffic is actually a jigsaw puzzle. Whenever you see an empty space on the road, you have to fill it with your vehicle. For two-wheelers, this extends to the pavement when traffic is really dense.

6. It’s All a Test: Every day when you leave your home, you are actually entering a situation reaction test. Anyone in front of you (or behind you) may do anything silly at any moment. You are being prepared for some higher celestial traffic situation.

7. The Road Rage Rule: Save your anger. Hike your tolerance level. You will get a chance to get angry every 15 seconds on Indian roads. That means high BP and eventual heart attack. Save your anger for the really major foul-ups.

8. Be Aware: Keep track of fluctuating oil prices. Keep abreast of all the political developments. When you feel there is a price rise (or even the rumour of one) fill your tank a good 48 hours in advance.

9. The Pedestrian is King: Pedestrians have the ultimate right of way. No zone is out of bounds for them. They can appear suddenly from anywhere and sprint across the road. Remember, if you hit them, it’s ALWAYS your fault.

10. The Gymming Rule: When you go to a gym, forget about working out for your biceps and thighs. Do only exercises that will strengthen your feet, fingers and wrist. Remember: You will be hours at the steering wheel and pedals and only those muscles have to be preserved and strengthened.

11. When an Accident Finally Happens…: Come out with all guns blazing. “It’s not my fault” “It’s his fault…” Swear. When a crowd gathers, patiently explain to everyone how it wasn’t your fault. It’s all about perceptions, not realities.

12. Music or Mantra: Search for a Mantra that calms you. Search for the right music that soothes you. Now use them extensively!

13. Waterworld: Indian roads are prone to get flooded. Make sure your shoes/chappals are dry. If they are wet, they can slip off the pedals. Stick to the middle lane. Follow a vehicle rather than be beside it as wheels splash water. Especially stay clear of trucks and buses, which spray a lot of water. Don’t accelerate suddenly in a flooded area.

14. Small is Beautiful: If you think traffic congestion can’t get any worse, just wait for the Nano!

…and 5 things for the Bangalore roads…

1. One-way Rule: Any one-way may become a two-way overnight. Any one-way may become a two-way overnight. Always read all road signs even if you’ve been driving on the same route for 25 years.

2. Left is not Always Right: In certain areas (like Majestic) you have to suddenly become an American and drive to the Right. There is also a road with three lanes where the middle lane goes in one direction and the outer lanes go in the other direction.

3. The Congested Road Rules: If you have to cover a long distance on Hosur Rd, Sarjapur Rd, Old Madras Road… then keep a good stock of water, CDs and biscuits in your car and patience in your heart.

4. There is a place in Bangalore called Richmond Road Circle. On it there is a flyover. And that flyover has a Red Light on top of it.

5. If you don’t have a Karnataka registration, then get one fast, to avoid being stopped by traffic policemen again and again. Once stopped, you never know what issues may come up.

© Sunil Rajguru

August 2009 Short Takes

Is Concrete Jungle se Mujha Bachao!
August 31

In Sprite of their excellent ad campaign, I still prefer Pepsi
August 31

MJ finally reaches the cult status of Elvis! People claim that he is now alive.
August 31

Nowadays RSS feeds drive the BJP. Incoming RSS feeds decide strategy and important issues. Outgoing RSS feeds supply inside dope to the media.
August 31

The Force is always with Mallya
August 31

JP ruled from 1977-80. Then it disintegrated. JD ruled from 1989-91, 1996-98. The it disintegrated. BJP ruled from 1998-2004. Then it disintegrated??? The curse of the Second Party in India?
August 28

If anything, the BJP has suddenly won the battle of TRPs. For an outsider watching Indian TV, it’s as if the Congress just doesn’t exist…
August 28

What’s on your mind?” is incorrect. It’s actually “What do you want to say?”
August 28

I think we should Leapfrog straight to 4G. With the way its going, it’ll take the same amount of time as 3G
August 28

The maturity of a nation should be judged by the way it disposes its garbage.
August 27

Sinha Salvo. Jaswant Astra. Shourie Chakra. Sudarshan Chakra. It’s open war now and the BJP has just become the MBJP: MahaBharat Janata Party
August 26

The Real issue is not the Partition of India in 1947. It is the Partition of the BJP in 2009.
August 26

BJP is a party heading towards Suspended Animation. (So many of its leaders are getting agitated and Animated and subsequently Suspended)
August 25

Jinnah yahan, Nehru wahan, Partition ke siwa, chaara bhi kya…
August 25

2005. Advani: Jinnah Jinnah! Jaswant: A friend in need is a friend in deed. 2009. Jaswant: Jinnah Jinnah! Advani: A friend in need is a friend to run away from.
August 25

Agar BJP ek insaan hota, to cheekhta: Mujhe apne aap se bachao!
August 25

India is finally ahead of Australia in both Test and ODI rankings. And yet we are not No. 1.
August 24

Kalyan was Mr UP. He was expelled. Uma was Firebrand No. 1. She was expelled. Govindacharya was the soul of the BJP. He was expelled. After Vajpayee retired, Advani instead of consolidating, got sidelined. In the BJP, it’s not lonely at the Top, the Top is from where you get kicked out.
August 24

BJP’s theme song: Jinnah yahan, marna yahan, iske siwa jaana kahan…
August 24

In IPL 1 the only two teams that had non-Icon captains made it to the finals. In IPL2, two teams which stripped Icons of captaincy made it to the finals. In IPL 3…
August 24

Please observe a two-minute-silence. The Aussie team is finally dead. But do not mock them. They won 3 straight World Cups and dominated Tests like Tyrants for more than a decade. And there will be an upheaval and in a year we will see whether the new team will be stronger or weaker.
August 24

Goodbye Freddie! Thanks for the Test memories! See you in IPL3.
August 24

Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust / Like a Phoenix, England rose from the Dust…
August 24

Prince aur saathiyo ki Jai Ho! Saakshaat Krishna lagte hain. And yes, India’s definitely got talent, a wider and richer spectrum than other countries.
August 22

Morning Tea. Morning Newspaper. Morning Facebook Update. That’s where the Real World, the Written Word and the Virtual World all meet… (Or is that going too far???)
August 21

Connecting with long lost friends of 10, 20 and even 30 years ago on a daily basis… that’s the best part I like about Facebook.
August 21

What’s on my mind? Do even I really know?
August 21

Let’s Face it, we are all Booked and addicted for Life, here on FaceBook…
August 21

Indra Nooyi kya kisiki zindagi badlegi? Ya to logo ko kam Pepsi pilayegi ya zyaada. She’s at No. 3. Sonia has rebuilt the Cong party given stability and has influence on policies that affect hundreds of millions of people. She’s at No. 13. These lists are utter rubbish.
August 21

Why are all flashbacks in movies shown in Black & White? In the olden days, was everyone colour blind?
August 21

Inside News: Jaswant wanted to retire and become a writer. The party by banning the book and expelling him, gave him a “controversial and flying start” to his career. Nothing sells like controversy.
August 21

At the virtual entrance of Facebook is the message: Abandon hope all ye who enter here…
August 19

Henceforth, the term will be: An Usain of lightning
August 18

Ekta is planning to revive her career with the following new serials: Kahani Swine Flu Ki, Kyunki “Swine” Flu bhi kabhi “Human” thi, Kasauiti Swine Flu ki…
August 18

Fanta: Mujhe bahut acchi bimaari hui hain. Banta: Accha? Kaunsi? Fanta: Shahid se pakdi hain. Woh use Fine Flu kahata hain!
August 18

Post-Kaminey, they are coming out with a new line of jokes called Fanta-Banta jokes.
August 18

Fast Food: Always take a combo meal. The burger has processed meat made from useless animal parts and high on preservatives. Fries are high on saturated fat (Cholestrol alert!). And Colas have very high sugar and caffiene. Body ka band bajana hain to acchi tarah se bajao.
August 18

When I see an irritating ad, I have 3 reactions: 1. The dude who made this ad is a retard or 2. This dude should be banned from admaking or 3. This dude should be hanged from the nearest lamp post. Anyone else feels that way? (Sincere apologies to my dear Facebook friends in the ad industry)
August 18

I am very Statusified with Facebook, unlike may other social networking sites.
August 14

If someone writes “Love in the Time of Swine Flu“, it’s sure to be a 2009 bestseller.
August 14

Mr friend’s tip: Invest your money in the stock of companies dealing with swine flu vaccines, face masks and hand sanitizers.
August 14

Once air travel used to be exciting. Now it just spells fear. Flu fear.
August 14

The World is Flut
August 14

Achoo! Swine Flu! Bless you! Why does it all rhyme?
August 13

Tu mera, tu mera, tu mera, tu mera… tu mera Hero H1N1
August 13

Right now, up there, is a pig’s soul looking down in wonder and amusement at the global furore it has created. Maybe it’s exchanging notes with a monkey and a bird.
August 13

Fact: Even the mosquito can catch the flu. Conjecture: Will we have Mosquito Flu one day? Question: Does the mosquito sneeze when it catches the flu?
August 13

Hey! Let’s all collect our FB Status messages and come out with a Great Big Fat Bestselling PJBook!
August 12

Will Nadal’s knees withstand the onslaught of a Fully Filled, Fulfilled and Fed Federer?
August 12

Early privatization and liberalization of Swine Flu testing and treatment would have prevented the current epidemic. Ye Government disease pe bhi monopoly chahata hain!
August 12

If you want long leave from office: Pretend to be short of breath, hold your chest, look dizzy and confused, keep coughing and tell everyone you feel nauseous, all the while refusing to take leave.
August 12

Federer and Saina don’t get death threats. SL cricketers faced terrorists in an attack that could have been meant for the Indian team. If the Indian cricketers get jittery giving their location to WADA 365 days a year, then atleast they have a right to do so. We are all paranoid to some extent.
August 10

Heard: Kasab is going to act in a Bollywood movie… It will be titled Kabhi Ha, Kabhi Na
August 10

Fact of the day: Tiruvalluvar lived more than 2000 years ago, at a time when there was no Karnataka, No Tamil Nadu and not even the idea of India.
August 10

Even the boy/girl who comes last in Sa Re Ga Ma Li’l Champs, hats off to him/her.
August 8

Great pavements are coming up in India. But they are mainly used for hawkers, garbage, as toilets and for dog poop. Government apathy–>Citizen action. Government action–>Citizen apathy.
August 8

Coming soon after IPL & KPL: Bangalore Premier League, Banashankari Premier League, 7th Stage Premier League, 3rd Cross Premier League…
August 7

How do you do? No flu thank you
August 7

Seems I missed the 12.34.56 7-8-9 today. Not to worry, I’m soon going to catch the 12.3456789 seconds in the next minute.
August 7

Dum dum digga digga, sab kuch digga digga, road repair digga digga, phone cables digga digga, storm water drains digga digga, Metro Rail digga digga, main to gira, main to gira hai…. (Almost fell into a digging zone today. Ye furious digging kab tak chalega???)
August 6

Khubh jamega rang jab char yaar milenge computer, internet connection aur Facebook ke sang.
August 5

Coming Soon: Rakhi ki Shaadi. Rakhi ka Honeymoon. Kyuni Ab Rakhi ki Saas Bhi Hain… I’m sure the creative team of NDTV Imagine is working overtime. (Picture abhi baaki hain mere dost)
August 5

Does Happy Rakhi mean Happy Festival or a Happy Sawant?
August 5

The stock market is not all Bull. Learn to grin and Bear it.
August 4

Why is the stock market so sensitive, sentimental and touchy about everything?
August 4

Dhanda hain bhai dhanda hain. Thanda hain bhai sab thanda hain. (Arthath: Thanda matlab Dhanda)
August 4

For the next couple of years, RoI will be referred to as Recession on Investment.
August 4

WADA is all this happening in cricket nowadays?
August 4

The latest Reliance controversy is a load of gas…
August 3

There is no harm in eating your words. They are not fattening and they don’t give you indigestion.
August 3

Rakhi ka Swayamwar: Ek ko mala pahanayi, 15 ko rakhi aur millions of viewers ko topi
August 3

People say the stock exchange is on a Roll. Par Roll nahin hain, Roller Coaster hain. Neeche bhi speed se hi jaata hain.
August 1

© Sunil Rajguru