Congress versus Cyberspace 3

· Government guidelines…
$1billion in Swiss Bank Account: Safe.
Hate article in fringe publication: Safe.
Formation of violent fringe group: Safe.
Twitter Account: Dangerous!

· US: Wag the Dog. India: Wag the Virtual Dog.

· During appraisal, it was found that real PMO Twitter account was trending last among all PMO accounts.
They just decided to kill the competition, that’s all!

· Obama WikiLeaks ke peeche, Manmohan Twitter ke peeche.
World War 3 will be fought in Cyberspace.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress versus Cyberspace 2

· 1975: Emergency. 2012: e-mergency.
(e=electronic, a la “email”)

· Hindi-Chini bhai-bhai,
Censorship ki ek hi ladai.

· While Congress is the Chief Online Blocker, Mamata is the Chief Offline Blocker.
Ram milaaye jodi, ek andha (can’t see the reality) aur ek behari (doesn’t listen to anyone).

· Congress Pre-1947: We will give you freedom.
Congress 2012: We will take away your Internet freedom.

· The UPA has finally implemented Right to Reject and Right to Recall.
Only it refers to rejecting and recalling websites on the Net.

· Twitter: A social networking platform.
Tweeple: People who Tweet.
Twits: Those who want Twitter banned.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Congress versus Cyberspace

· Dear Government,
Trying to get the Internet constipated?
You’ll only end up with a full blown case of diarrhea attack upon you!

·The 4Cs that are Cutting the Congress: Cyberspace. CAG. Civil Society. Courts.

·We will eradicate Partition pain: Nehru.
We will eradicate poverty: Indira.
We will eradicate Twitter, Facebook: Manmohan.

·When there’s a war, cities undergo blackouts.
The Government wants blackouts in cyberspace before it attacks further.

·Advisor: There is a real problem of Bangladeshi illegal immigration into India.
Government: We are more worried about the problem of Twitter &FB’s illegal immigration of ideas into Indian thought.

·1975: When the media was asked to bend, they crawled.
2012: When the Government looked, the media (MSM) were already crawling in the first place!

·Congress: Twitter has 140 shady characters.
Twitter: Congress has more than 140 shady characters in its ranks.

·Many countries have a Sense of Humour.
India has a Sense of Tumour, a cancer which is eating away at humour, creativity, free speech and expression.

·MMS is a chuha in real life (doing nothing) and a Singham in cyberspace (banning everything left right and centre).

·Quota Politics. What after 5 SMSes a day limit? 5 status messages a day limit? This current government exceeded its quota of good ideas years back.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Robert Browning in the 21st century…

The year’s at the winter,
And day’s even at night;
Morning’s a crazy blur at seven;
The hill-side’s heavily polluted;
The children are at their video consoles,
The father is with his Blackberry,
The mother is in cyberspace,
And all’s right with the world…

With due apologies to Pippa Passes

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

It’s so funny that…

* The real world full of rich colour, smells, tastes and unbeatable experiences is called the “off”line world.

* A PhD genius not using a computer is an “illiterate”.

* You never count your friends in real life but know exactly how many friends you have in each networking site.

* In the real world your parents may be the best of friends, but you’d hate to add them as friends in a social networking site even though you’ve added hundreds (or at least dozens) of people you just about vaguely know.

* In the real life if someone tells you that you’ve won a million dollars, you’d tell him to get lost.
But when you get an email with the same thing, you actually believe it.

* Chatting is not something done in real life over a cup of tea or coffee.

* If you saw someone slapping someone, you’d run away in disgust.
But in the virtual world, it’s OK to kill a few thousand innocent virtual lives and destroy virtual cities: All in a day’s work.

* You want to moonlight as a farmer, though only virtually.

* Recently, you have keyed in more words for “social networking” people you have never met than spoken words with your best of friends.

* The good ole solid reliable postal service that we used to exchange endless letters, greeting cards and packages is called “snail”mail.

* Something that keeps hanging, crashing, has to be continuously updated, spoils your eyes and fingers is cool while something solid and reliable and not requiring updates is not.

Which is the real world and which is the virtual one?

© Sunil Rajguru