Bollywood Movies based on the 2G scam…

PR to hona hi tha!

PR Kiya To Darna Kya?

1.76 Lakh Crore Maar Khan

Raja Teri Spectrum Maili

Ajab Desh Ki Ghazab Kahani

Phir Phir Phir Phir Hera Pheri

Spectrum Band ka Baj Gaya Baaja Thanks To Raja ki Baraat

Meri Awaaz Suno

Spectrumwale Maal Le Jayenge

Kal Ho Na Ho: Aaj Sab Loot Lo

Rang De Spectrum

Golmaal Keeps Returning

Raja aur Radia (Remake of Bunty and Babli)

Raja Hindustani a.k.a. Saudagar

Doom 1, 2 & 3 (The story of India, actually)

Mujhse Deal Karogi?

Hum Deal De Chuke Sanam

Mantri No 1

Maine Deal Kiya

Raja Babu Aur 40 Chor

Roti, Kapda, Makaan aur Spectrum

Phir Wohi Deal Laya Hu

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Cricket sayings…

• He was traveling at the speed of Sehwag!

• He’s been around for as long as Tendulkar.

• May you be as lucky as Dhoni.

Aapki jodi Sehwag aur Gambhir ki tarah salaamat rahe.

• You wouldn’t want the misfortunes of the Pak cricket team on you!

• May you be as fit as Kapil.

• Be careful, or it will all come crashing down like Modi in IPL.

• Don’t worry, you’ll come back just like Nehra.

• As unpredictable as the Indian fast bowling line-up.

• They’re falling just like the Aussies.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Know your onions…

Latest sayings…
• You are the onion of my eye.
• You are worth your weight in onions.
• Show me the onions!

• An onion a day gets the taxman to visit your doorstep.

Most popular non-vegetarian dishes…
• Chicken no Pyaaza
• Pyaaza raha gaya mutton

New election slogan…
Hum aapko denge Roti, Kapda, Makan, Bandwidth aur Pyaaz!

Hit songs…
Pyaaz, pyaaz na raha, lahsun, lahsun na raha, zindagi hame tera aitbaar na raha
• Goro ki na kaalo ki, ye duniya hai onionwalo ki

• The study of Onion Economics, Onion Politics, Onion Cycles and Onion Trade.
The Indian Institute of Onions will also roll out Onion Management courses.
The first Onion Billionaires are expected soon.

Hindi usage…
Mujhe pyaas lagi hai! (A quenchable thirst)
Mujhe pyaaz lagi hai! (An unquenchable thirst)

Latest role models…
• Jains.
They have been doing away with onions and garlic for millennia!

• After the Stock Exchange and Metal Exchange, the government is considering a Vegetables Exchange for rare and precious vegetables.

Love boasts…
Jitne tumhe aasman main tare nazar aa rahe hain, utne main tumhe pyaaz laake doonga agar tum mujhse shaadi karogi!
• My love for you is as deep as there are layers in an onion.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 24

• Old age saying: Walls have ears.
New age saying: Firewalls have ears.
(The WikiLeaks effect)

• Let’s have just 6 months in a year from now on…
That way you’ll live twice as long and be hopeful that your luck will change every 6 months instead of every 12.

• A million websites and nothing to read…

• Indian batsmen are like lemmings.
If one commits suicide in an innings, all the others feel compelled to follow.

© Sunil Rajguru

More Facebook Quotes…

• You are only as good as your last status message.

• I feel so naked… like everything in my life has been put up on Facebook.

• My life is in a state of flux… just like the Facebook interface.

• Yesterday: I have hundreds of friends!
Today: I have hundreds of friends!

• Hasn’t the world suddenly become a “Friend”lier place?

© Sunil Rajguru

How to make a fairness cream ad in India…

Step 1: Take a celebrity or a superfair model.

Step 2: Darken his or her face via make-up or Photoshop.

Step 3: Get him or her to act really really gloomy.

Step 4: Show your product to the public.

Step 5: Get back to the original fair face.

Step 6: Watch your sales soar even though everyone on Earth knows that the celebrity or model didn’t even sniff your fairness cream.

© Sunil Rajguru

Attack of the alphabets…

BJP: BSY kab jayega? Hame Congress se corruption pe ladna hai…

Andhra Congress: YSR kyu hame chhod ke chale gaye?

Congress: Ye SC, ED sab kyu peeche pade hue hai?

Media: NDTV main khot hai, baaki sab saaf hai...

SC: HC main khot hai

Kalmadi: Ye CWG kab mujhe chhodega?

For everyone else, it’s the attack of the G+G (Sorry, 2G)

© Sunil Rajguru

Every day is a Sonday 3…

• One day when I dressed up really smartly, he said, “Wow! You’re looking as cool as an idiot!”
When I glared at him, he said, “What? Haven’t you seen 3 Idiots?”

• When I made him walk quite a distance once, he said, “God! I’m sure you made me walk at least a million millimeters today!”

• They say you need a good memory if you are a liar.
That applies to being a father too.
I often hear, “But last time you gave a different answer to the same question!”

• While watching the movie Kaminey on TV, after a couple of songs he said, “If one has a lisp and the other stutters, then how come they sing so well? This movie is illogical.”
And he stopped watching.

• When the cool Batmobile emerged in Batman Begins, all he could ask was, “Does he have a license for that thing?”

• He hates brushing his teeth.
One day he complained, “If all the children brush their teeth regularly, then what will all the poor dentists of the world do?”

• He has advice for my writing.
If ever you write a tragedy, then you should add at the end: “And they lived sadly ever after…”

• My wife got him a watch from New York.
He kept fiddling with it but couldn’t change the time to Indian time.
He tossed it aside and said, “Forget it, the watch is jetlagged.”

© Sunil Rajguru

What it really means…

Opposition holds Parliament to ransom. No proceedings for weeks.
What it really means: Is there any change in the functioning of the country? No. We are irrelevant and the country’s on auto-pilot. All we are interested is in making money and that is going on without any stalling, thank you very much.

I am innocent. You have no right to accuse me. I only believe in the judicial system. Let the courts decide.
Meaning: Hahaha! They’ll take a few decades by which time nobody would know what the real issue was. I love judicial delay!

Raids conducted at the premises of top leaders all over the country.
Meaning: This is just to shut you up. Kuch hone nahin wala. Even if charges are filed, look at the “Meaning” right above this one.

Today a rally is being held in the city to protest against the corrupt state government.
Meaning: To add to your woes of corruption, let’s add some big traffic snarls today.

We will hold a bandh today to protest against the economic conditions of this country.
Meaning: To solve big economic problems, let’s give a lot of little economic problems to the traders and people.

© Sunil Rajguru

Modern Indian Superheroes…

India gets its own brand of superheroes…

• Is it a lobbyist? Is it a spy? No it’s PR Woman!

• Hounded by the media, reviled by his opponents and painted as a vicious Dark Knight by sundry NGOs… yet Gandhinagar City turns to only one man for its development and progress… Modiman!

• Raja-man, Raja-man,
Does whatever a scamster can.
Spins a telecom web, any size,
Catches politicians, journalists and industrialists just like flies!
Look out!
Here comes the Raja-man!

• Some time back, the first Prime Minister of India took a Phantom-like “Oath of the PMO”…
“I swear to devote my life to the destruction of the enemies of the Congress… and my sons and daughters and their sons and daughters shall follow me!”

This Version by Sunil Rajguru