• You are only as good as your last status message.
• I feel so naked… like everything in my life has been put up on Facebook.
• My life is in a state of flux… just like the Facebook interface.
• Yesterday: I have hundreds of friends!
Fibber!
Today: I have hundreds of friends!
FBer!
• Hasn’t the world suddenly become a “Friend”lier place?
© Sunil Rajguru
Step 1: Take a celebrity or a superfair model.
Step 2: Darken his or her face via make-up or Photoshop.
Step 3: Get him or her to act really really gloomy.
Step 4: Show your product to the public.
Step 5: Get back to the original fair face.
Step 6: Watch your sales soar even though everyone on Earth knows that the celebrity or model didn’t even sniff your fairness cream.
© Sunil Rajguru
BJP: BSY kab jayega? Hame Congress se corruption pe ladna hai…
Andhra Congress: YSR kyu hame chhod ke chale gaye?
Congress: Ye SC, ED sab kyu peeche pade hue hai?
Media: NDTV main khot hai, baaki sab saaf hai...
SC: HC main khot hai
Kalmadi: Ye CWG kab mujhe chhodega?
For everyone else, it’s the attack of the G+G (Sorry, 2G)
© Sunil Rajguru
• One day when I dressed up really smartly, he said, “Wow! You’re looking as cool as an idiot!”
When I glared at him, he said, “What? Haven’t you seen 3 Idiots?”
• When I made him walk quite a distance once, he said, “God! I’m sure you made me walk at least a million millimeters today!”
• They say you need a good memory if you are a liar.
That applies to being a father too.
I often hear, “But last time you gave a different answer to the same question!”
• While watching the movie Kaminey on TV, after a couple of songs he said, “If one has a lisp and the other stutters, then how come they sing so well? This movie is illogical.”
And he stopped watching.
• When the cool Batmobile emerged in Batman Begins, all he could ask was, “Does he have a license for that thing?”
• He hates brushing his teeth.
One day he complained, “If all the children brush their teeth regularly, then what will all the poor dentists of the world do?”
• He has advice for my writing.
If ever you write a tragedy, then you should add at the end: “And they lived sadly ever after…”
• My wife got him a watch from New York.
He kept fiddling with it but couldn’t change the time to Indian time.
He tossed it aside and said, “Forget it, the watch is jetlagged.”
© Sunil Rajguru
Opposition holds Parliament to ransom. No proceedings for weeks.
What it really means: Is there any change in the functioning of the country? No. We are irrelevant and the country’s on auto-pilot. All we are interested is in making money and that is going on without any stalling, thank you very much.
I am innocent. You have no right to accuse me. I only believe in the judicial system. Let the courts decide.
Meaning: Hahaha! They’ll take a few decades by which time nobody would know what the real issue was. I love judicial delay!
Raids conducted at the premises of top leaders all over the country.
Meaning: This is just to shut you up. Kuch hone nahin wala. Even if charges are filed, look at the “Meaning” right above this one.
Today a rally is being held in the city to protest against the corrupt state government.
Meaning: To add to your woes of corruption, let’s add some big traffic snarls today.
We will hold a bandh today to protest against the economic conditions of this country.
Meaning: To solve big economic problems, let’s give a lot of little economic problems to the traders and people.
© Sunil Rajguru
India gets its own brand of superheroes…
• Is it a lobbyist? Is it a spy? No it’s PR Woman!
• Hounded by the media, reviled by his opponents and painted as a vicious Dark Knight by sundry NGOs… yet Gandhinagar City turns to only one man for its development and progress… Modiman!
• Raja-man, Raja-man,
Does whatever a scamster can.
Spins a telecom web, any size,
Catches politicians, journalists and industrialists just like flies!
Look out!
Here comes the Raja-man!
• Some time back, the first Prime Minister of India took a Phantom-like “Oath of the PMO”…
“I swear to devote my life to the destruction of the enemies of the Congress… and my sons and daughters and their sons and daughters shall follow me!”
This Version by Sunil Rajguru