The Kejri suffering continues unabated…

Poor (allegedly economically) Kejri.
Poor (fate-wise) Delhi wallahs.

An internal survey shows that Kejri is god and the whole world worships him.
Since this is not so, it shows that not only EVMs, but the world itself is rigged.

2011…
Kejri: Any minister without corruption charges out there?
2017…
Kapil: I am the only AAP minister without corruption charges!

Full-circle…
2011.
Kejri: All politicians are accepting crores of cash.
2017.
Kapil: I saw Kejri accept crores of cash.

Sisodia: Kejri uncle, aaj Assembly main kya khele?
Kejri: Chalo EVM-EVM khelte hai!
Sisodia: Weeee!!!! Bada maja aaya!

Kejrwal thinks that people are total fools.
Unfortunately with 67/70 seats in his kitty, he has every right to think so.

Double dhamaka!
2013: Entry of AAP will improve politics!
2017: Exit of AAP will improve politics!

Tomorrow AAP to banks…
Hand over your servers-safes for 3 hours and we’ll prove that money is not safe in banks.

Kejri: Leader of Opposition (Modi).
Kapil Mishra: Leader of Opposition (Kejri).

Lalu to Kejri: Ye kya hai nautanki? Hum to paper ballots ko bhi hack karte the ek zamaane main!
#BoothCapturing

Even if paper ballots are handed over for three hours, they can be tampered with.
#EVMNautanki #AAP

So France gets its Kejriwal.
An artificially created inexperienced party that storms the elections.
#Macron

Lalu. Akhilesh. Kejri.
Same to same.
Useless.
English media once really loved all of them.

Kejriwal was like this from Day 1.
AAP was like this from Day 1.
It’s getting difficult to hide it nowadays, that’s all.

Latest AAP reality show…
Tragedy Days With Kapil.

Yugpurush Kejri is such that even if convicted he will remain India’s most honest politician.

Old.
Live life king size.
New.
Live life Kejri size.
(Arthaat, “aam” aadmi gaya tel lene)

In 2013 Kejri said he would remove corruption.
He forgot to add that he would then transfer it all into his home.

Next New Delhi budget will have the following sections…
1. Outstation ads.
2. Anti-defamation fees.
3. DIA (Delhi Investigating agency).
4. Chai-samosas.

Time for someone to publish a book titled…
The 1001 Controversies of Arvind Kejriwal.

Propaganda Minister.
External (out of Delhi) Affairs Minister.
Spymaster. (Feedback Cell)
The Buck Stops at Sisodia.
Anything but Chief Minister of Delhi.
#Kejri

Yesterday…
Do you know, 150+ chargesheeted MPs are in the Lok Sabha!
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.
At the current rate, tomorrow…
Do you know, there are 150+ chargesheets against the AAP!

The conundrum for April 1.
Is today #AprilFoolDiwas or #PappuDiwas or #KejriDiwas?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The fall and fall of Sri Sri Kejri Baba…

You can fool all the people some of the time (2011 August Kranti agitation), and some of the people all the time (Delhi 2013 and 2015 elections), but you cannot fool all the people all the time (2014 Lok Sabha elections, 2017 Punjab-Goa elections).
#Kejri

AAP’s internal survey has found that Kejri is already the Prime Minister of India and hence they can stop contesting elections henceforth.

Media created Kejri in 2011, launched him in 2013, boosted him in 2015.
Media created Akhilesh in 2012, boosted him till 2016.
Both busted in 2017.

Sees himself: Virtual Prime Minister.
Media/Modi Haters see him: Future Prime Minister.
Is: Glorified Delhi Mayor with Sisodia doing all his minuscule workload.

Some people live in Reality.
Others in Virtual Reality.
Kejri lives in Media Reality, the world of TV channels, advertisements and Twitter.

Delhi will be like London—Kejri.
Matlab kya?
Thames airlift karke laoge?
Big Ben-Buckingham Palace banaoge?
Shakespearean nautanki laoge?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri and Delhi’s problems

Huge money wasted on ads✔
Garbage pile-ups✔
Record air pollution✔
Absentee indifferent CM✔
Focus on trivial issues✔
Zero planning✔
#5SaalKejri

#NewsKiDukaan
Before.
Kya news chahiye? Politics? Sports? National? Foreign?
Now…
Kya opinion chahiye? Anti-Modi? Anti-Modi Strong/Lite? Pro-Kejri? Pro-Pappu?

Are you more worried about PM 2.5 or PM 10?
Kejri: I am more worried about PM 2.0.
Eh! What’s that?
Kejri: I will not let the current PM get a 2nd term.Odd/Even may not be enough.
May have to opt for daily Odd+even scheme.
Every day both odd and even vehicles be kept off the roads.
#Delhi

Congress scrapped #OROP. BJP implemented it.
Pappu spin…
Congress backed OROP. BJP haven’t implemented it.
Validated by Kejri, Pappu’s political twin.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri and his parallel universe…

Other people take a break when they work too much.
Kejri takes a break when he Tweets/alleges too much.
‪#‎Vipassana‬

Modi is so frustrated that he can have me killed.
Translation—I am so supremely frustrated and desperate that I just thought that up!
‪#‎Kejri‬

In Hollywood’s Wag the Dog, they create a fake war.
In Bollywood-style India, Kejri has made a complete fake universe around himself.

Modi may kill me: Kejri.
Kejri may kill me: Asim.
‪#‎AAPception‬ (AAP + Inception + Deception)

After blasting AAP, Sidhu can still join with his head held high because he is already part of two industries: Entertainment and politics.

If an AAP leader sets off a nuclear bomb in Delhi and is arrested, Kejri will Tweet…
Modi just arrested AAP man.
He’s not letting us work.

Not just ‪#‎Sidhu‬.
‪#‎Churchill‬ was a party hopper.
So is ‪#‎Trump‬.
And about half of India’s Prime Ministers too.

Why blame ‪#‎Sidhu‬?
About half of India’s Prime Ministers were party hoppers.
‪#‎Morarji‬ ‪#‎Charan‬ ‪#‎VPSingh‬ ‪#‎ChandraShekhar‬ ‪#‎Gujral‬ ‪#‎Gowda‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#AAPDrama musings…

Free W̶i̶F̶i̶ drama
20 c̶o̶l̶l̶e̶g̶e̶s̶ +1 office of profit cases
500 s̶c̶h̶o̶o̶l̶s̶ Cr ads
S̶w̶a̶r̶a̶j̶ AAPraj
New l̶e̶a̶d̶e̶r̶ dictator

Most State governments communicate with the Centre via post, email and phone.
The Delhi government does so via full page newspaper ads across India.

For the benefit of the people of Delhi, MLA should release a list of MLAs who don’t have any kind of cases against them, no matter how small the list.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri nahin sudhrega musings…

Kejri tomorrow…
What’s Modi doing?
Obama, investigate with UN Secretary General, consult with Pope and report to me.
Pranab, you’re sacked!

Wannabe Prime Minister.
Officially Chief Minister.
Unofficially Mayor.
Practically doing nothing for Delhi, but only making things worse.

Kejri has great foresight.
In 2011 he demanded Right to Recall.
He knew it would be priceless in kicking out lousy politicians like him.

Delhi went from Dixit in 2013 to deep shit in 2016.

BJP has 280 seats in Lok Sabha and no-one else in 3-digits.
7 parties are in 2-digits.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
AAP not even a dwarf, but gets a Giant’s coverage.

The only promise Kejri kept…
There will be no corrupt Congress MLAs in the Delhi Assembly.

Kejri rich person’s kid who can’t be kicked out of school.
Jung class monitor.
Modi principal.
Ye nautanki chalti rahegi.

If Kejri makes PM, he’ll attack the Prez.
If Kejri makes Prez, he’ll attack the PM.
But he’ll be happiest as UN Secy Gen as then he’ll attack 200 Heads of State!

Kejri’s political role models…
1. Lalu.
2. Sonia.
3. Mulayam.
4. Mamata.

#‎PaanchSaalKejriwal‬
26% loaded.
74% left.
At 100% Delhi will self-destruct.

Britain discussing Brexit.
Economists discussing R3exit.
Many Delhiites wondering if they can get Kejrexit before 2020.

By 2020, Delhiites will be spending hardly anything on water and power.
Not because they will be free, but because they’ll hardly be there.

Only Yugpurush Kejri can solve Delhi’s entire water crisis just by sending out a Tweet and getting a journalist sacked.

Top Indian politicians on Twitter…
1. Modi 20 million.
2. Kejri 8 million.
3. Sushma 5 million.
Kejri sees himself as Modi’s natural successor.

Manmohan with 27% MPs in the Lok Sabha ran the government for 5 years.
Kejri with 96% MLAs in the Assembly is facing total breakdown after 1+ year.

Every day Sheila Dixit gets up, watches the news and bangs her head against the wall saying, “They chose this joker over me?”

Forget Ram Rajya.
Very soon Delhiites will start agitating for a return of Sheila Rajya.

Kejri took the “dog ate my homework” and “sir, I’m late but so was he!” from school to the adult political world.

Those responsible for Delhi mess…
Prez.
PM.
LG.
Ambani.
Police.
Opposition.
CBI.
ACB.
Past CMs.
Media.
Everyone except current Delhi CM.

Sir, postman aaya hai.
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.
Sir, aapko gas hua hai.
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.
Sir, earthquake!
Kejri—Modi se main nahin darta.

At this rate, the MLAs will soon break into two large groups…
AAP (Free) (But still lawless) & AAP (Jailed).
Basically, Bihar and Tihar.

In Kejri’s parallel universe, he’s global President and the whole world bows out of fear to him.

After masterminding 2011 August Kranti, the resulting events ended up making Modi PM and Kejri CM.
Kejri feels cheated and wants to rectify.

Kejri should be declared the patron saint of @TheUnRealTimes and @fakingnews.
Whatever he does is surreal, unreal and feels like fake news.

Forget Modi, so far Kejri is not even 10% of Sheila Dixit.
If he surpasses anyone or anything, then its only Pappu’s nonsense.

When Kejri hugged Lalu, irony was singing…
Chor ka chor se ho bhaichaara!

Kejri has bungled his party seniors, water, electricity, garbage, ties with L-G, office of profit, governance…
We can call it Bungle Raj.

AAP: Delhi Police has a law and order problem.
Delhi Police: AAP is our biggest law and order problem.
AAP: See, they have a problem! We said so!

All AAP MLAs seem more desperate to go to Tihar than to work.

nA̲utA̲nki P̲arty

Those asking for ‪#‎Dexit‬ should realize that Dikshit was far far better.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri has 0% control over Modi but will spend 50% time talking about him.
On the issues Kejri has 100% control over, he’ll spend the remaining 50% time blaming Modi.

After 2014 infamous Kejri midnight dharna, BJP-Congress-Third Front will never give statehood to Delhi.
Too risky.
Referendum not happening.

So what if there are water, power and garbage problems in Delhi?
I̶n̶d̶i̶a̶ Modi lost NSG.
That’s all that matters.
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri believes that Delhexit took place from India in 2015 and that’s why he behaves like the ruler of an Independent republic.

Kejri is competition with…
1. Prime Minister of India.
2. President of America.
3. United Nations Secretary general.
Ye Delhi kya cheez hai?

Scary that once Congress implodes, its space will be taken by Kejri-AAP.
They were always “replacement for” not “alternative to” Congress.We risk becoming what we hate.
—Desmond Tutu.
Remember how much Kejri and his team hated bad corrupt lying scheming politicians in 2011?

New phrase.
Delhi ki janata gayi tel* aur pani** lene.
*for generator
**from tanker

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#UdtaKejri musings…

Kejri doing time pass till his next working day on Thursday.
(When he’ll review ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ on its premiere)

Don’t worry, by 2020 we will have a film called ‪#‎UdtaDelhi‬ showcasing the total breakdown of the city by then.

Kejri won the battle which didn’t even really concern him… ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬
But he totally lost the war… ‪#‎21UdteMLA‬

Delhiite 1: Par usne to bola tha ki main Delhi main bahaar launga?
Delhiite 2: Arre buddhu, usne bola tha ki “main Bihar launga”!

Kejri: Kya Modi bataaenge…
Modi’s office: Kripaya intezaar keejiye. Aap kartaar main hain. Aapk number 345678 hai…

Kejri was nausikhiya: Got 28 seats.
Did crazy midnight dharna: Got 67 seats.
Now he’s given such abysmal governance that he’ll get 70 seats next time.

Kejri said he would change the system.
He has spectacularly succeeded!
(He has made it much worse)

Mujhe PM banao, main poore India main anarchy failaaunga!
Voter: Pahale Delhi main karke dikha, fir dekhte hai.
Kejri: Challenge accepted!

Then…
There are cases against 40% MPs!
Now…
There aren’t cases against 40% AAP MLAs!
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri isn’t CM without portfolio. He’s…
Minister of External (Anything but Delhi) Affairs.
Minister of Information & Broadcasting Against Modi.

Zero portfolios.
Multiple MLAs out on bail.
21 extra parliamentary secretaries.
Water-power-garbage woes.
A million allegations.
‪#‎KingKejri‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri vs Modi…

Only in India would…

…a man who has frauds related to education with his MLAs question the degree of the Prime Minister even though there was zero controversy in that regard.

…a man call the Prime Minister a psychopath on Twitter, see his online supporters indulge in dirty tricks and then complain of non-stop abuse from trolls.

…the least experienced and zero achievement Chief Minister try to rubbish one of the most successful Chief Ministers ever.

…a man who faces a handful of cases against himself and dozens against his brand new party keep hurling non-stop allegations against the Prime Minister.

…a man hug one the most corrupt Chief Ministers in country and then accuse the Prime Minister of corruption.

© Sunil Rajguru

I have succeeded because it is my delusion that he has failed…

Q: What are your qualifications?
Kejri: Modi has a fake degree.

Q: What is the Delhi Model?
Kejri: The Gujarat Model is a flop.

Q: There are many cases against AAP MLAs. Should they be arrested?
Kejri: Modi is not arresting Sonia because he is afraid of her.

Q: You haven’t ever attacked Sonia directly.
Kejri: Modi is not arresting Sonia because he is afraid of her.

Q: You have met many religious hardliners. Are you communal?
Kejri: Modi is communal.

Q: Modi is leading a power transformation in India.
Kejri: Power situation has deteriorated in Delhi. Modi is a flop.

Q: Private vehicles contribute to just 2-3% to air pollution. What’s the point of the odd and even scheme with all its exceptions?
Kejri: It is a conspiracy by Modi.

Q: Why are you spending so much money on ads all across India?
Kejri: Modi has spent more.

Q: But he is Prime Minister of all of India and you are Chief Minister of just New Delhi.
Kejri: Modi has spent more.

Q: What are your achievements?
Kejri: Modi is a failure.

© Sunil Rajguru

Raj karega Kejri baba musings…

After frothing in the mouth over India’s really bad political parties, Anna Hazare decided to gift us the worst ever.
‪#‎AAP‬

Tum mujhe khoon do, main tumhe azaadi doonga.
—Netaji.
Tum mujhe support do, main tumhe AAP doonga.
—Annaji Hazare.

When it comes to celebrations, beat this…
Spends tonnes of money to advertise nationwide nothing done in a municipality.
‪#‎Kejri‬

AAP did not aspire to be different.
It aspired to be worse than the worst politicians of the land.

Jinke sheeshe ke ghar hote hai—unhe pathar nahin fekne chahiye.
Kejri: Isi liye maine bulletproof glass ka istemaal kiya hai!
‪#‎ShootAndScoot‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Kejri absurdity continues musings…

What have you done?
Narasimha Rao: A 100 new policies.
Chandrababu Naidu: A 100 new projects.
Lalu: A 100 months of Jungle Raj.
Kejri: A 100 baseless allegations.

History repeats itself first as a tragedy (Kejri’s first term in office) then as a farce (Kejri’s second term in office).

Beyond comedy there is farce.
Beyond farce there is Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Kejri is the only person in Indian politics who is a parody of himself.
You can’t distinguish between his real and spoof handles on Twitter.

Kejri thinks his one Tweet has more impact than an ED/CBI probe or a court judgement.
Welcome to our very own Judge Advocate Twitter General!

I never thought there could be a worse idea than Lalu-RJD.
Then Kejri-AAP happened.

Is he an ad for Communism or anarchy or nautanki?
‪#‎Kejriwal‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri, is it true?

An editor told me that a politician told him that an activist told an intellectual that an artist was told by me that XYZ is corrupt.

I will behave like an aam aadmi.
But treat me like a khaas aadmi.
I have the power of a khaas aadmi.
But the responsibility of an aam aadmi.

2015 review.
‪#‎AwardWapsi‬ is in the past.
‪#‎LaluWapsi‬ and ‪#‎KejriWapsi‬ is in the future and will destroy Bihar and Delhi by 2020.

Vadra: Are you serious?
Kejri: Is it true?
Sonia: My MIL is Indira.
Pappu: I’m on vacation.
‪#‎AdarshLiberal‬: Rising intolerance.
Media: ‪#‎BlowToModi‬.

#‎KejriExposedXYZButGotExposedInTheProcess‬
XYZ keeps changing every week.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru