Bollywood: Khan, Khaner and Khanest!

converse-1935024_640Box office…
SRK Big. Salman Bigger. Aamir Biggest.

Fan power…
Aamir Big. SRK Bigger. Salman Biggest.

Scope of heroine in the film…
Aamir Small. SRK Smaller. Salman Smallest.

Lack of logic in films…
Aamir Big. SRK Bigger. Salman Biggest.

Hype of the three Khans…
Aamir Big. SRK Bigger. Salman Biggest.

Age of the hero…
SRK Young. Aamir Younger. Salman Youngest.

© Sunil Rajguru

Dangal Baahubali musings…

film-2233656_6402017 beginning, zero Indian movies in Global 1000 box office list.
Now both Baahubali 2 and Dangal in Top 500.

Dangal made Rs 1000 crore in China.
Baahubali 2 is planning a big China launch.
Tubelight heroine is the Chinese Zhu Zhu.
2017 Bollywood’s year of “Hindi Chini” bhai bhai?

All time blockbuster Indian movie.
Hindi: Baahubali 2.
India: Baahubali 2.
US: Baahubali 2.
China: Dangal.
Worldwide: Dangal (Till Baahubali 2 is released in China).

Dangal joins the ¥1 Billion Club in China.
(That’s in the region of Rs 1000 crore)
P.S. Baahubali 2 releasing soon in China.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Baahubali musings…

cinema-2093264_640Baahubali 2 enters $Quarter-Billion Club.
(500 odd global movies in that club)

Aamir—Big Khan.
Salman—Middle Khan.
SRK—Little Khan.
#BoxOffice
Then there’s Baahubali!

Bahubali 2 + Dangal have crossed Rs 3000 crore worldwide.
That’s more than the lifetime gross of many Bollywood stars.

The times have changed…
Shah Rukh Khan’s last 5 movies…
Raees Rs 272 crore
+ Dear Zindagi Rs 139 crore
+ Fan Rs 188 crore
+ Dilwale Rs 389 crore
+ Happy New Year Rs 343 crore
= Rs 1331 crore
Baahubali 2 alone beats that.

After #Baahubali2, Bollywood should start releasing their movies dubbed simultaneously in regional and foreign languages.

#Baahubali2 makes Rs 100 crore in a day.
In the future it will be asked…
How many hours did this film take to join the Rs 100 crore club?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Oh God! Does anyone have sequel fatigue yet? The 2017 list…

cinema-1814606_64019th film of the Amityville franchise.

15th, 16th and 17th films of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

10th Star Wars film.

10th film of the X-men series.

8th film of the Fast & the Furious franchise.

6th film of Resident Evil.

6th “Alien” universe movie.

4th and 5th films of the DC Cinematic Universe.

5th film of Underworld.

Pirates of the Caribbean 5.

Transformers 5.

Insidious: Chapter 4.

Despicable Me 3 (4th Gru movie).

2nd and 3rd Lego films.

Cars 3.

3rd film of xXx.

3rd Smurfs movie.

Pitch Perfect 3.

Blade Runner sequel.

Sequel to Trainspotting.

2nd film of Fifty Shades.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2.

2nd John Wick film.

Kingsman 2.

Jumanji 2.

Paddington 2.

Daddy’s Home 2

Yet another Mummy movie.

Yet another Planet of the Apes movie.

Umpteenth Beauty and the Beast adaptation.

Umpteenth King Arthur adaptation.

Another Murder on the Orient Express remake.

Reboot of a King Kong remake.

Flatliners sequel.

Phew!

The A to Z of Shah Rukh Khan controversies

shahrukh-khan-2380411_640A for Amitabh Bachchan

One is the Shahenshah and one is the Badshaah. And of course, it’s impossible for them to get along. Or so the grapevine would have us believe. There’s a cold war that keeps brewing and we keep getting the details. One such was when Jaya Bachchan called Happy New Year a nonsensical film and that got SRK mad and Amitabh had to apologize.

A is also for Abhijeet who once declared that he wouldn’t sing for SRK ever again as he didn’t get enough respect to him. You could say that Abhijeet’s playback career got cut short after that. He only came back in the limelight when he became a strong supporter of Prime Minister Narendra Modi on Twitter.

barber-2165745_640B for Billu Barber

This one defied logic. If the hero of a movie is called Billu and is a barber, then what else can one call the movie? But barbers of the world (or rather India) found it derogatory and the film had to be renamed to Billu.

C for Chalte Chalte

It was reported that due to a fracas between Aishwarya Rai and Salman Khan on the sets of the film, the former was sacked from the movie and replaced with Rani Mukerji. Years later SRK wasn’t invited to the marriage of Aishwarya at the Amitabh household.

D for Dilwale

This comes straight after I for Intolerance. SRK got into the whole #AwardWapsi controversy and Twitter started trending #BoycottDilwale. SRK pleaded T for Tolerance before the movie but the damage was done. People protested with banners and continued the campaign. One trade analyst said the film made losses to the tune of Rs 50-60 crores for distributors and hence could be called his biggest flop ever.

That set SRK back, but the flop of Fan hurt him even more. Thanks to all this, the release of Raees was pushed from Eid 2016 to Republic Day 2017. With Raees having Pakistani Mahira Khan, it could still release to a major controversy.

Shah Rukh Khan’s career is now officially over

How SRK and Dilwale got punished for Aamir over intolerance

Why SRK’s Fan and Raees will suffer like Dilwale

Does Shah Rukh Khan want Bollywood to boycott him?

D is also for Deepa Sahi. Remember Maya Memsaab in 1993? That had generated a lot of controversy over the sexually explicit content. The censor board cut some scenes, which made their way to YouTube years later.

E for the Eyes of Amar Singh

At an awards show, SRK joked that he saw “darindagi” (evil) in erstwhile Samajwadi Party leader Amar Singh’s eyes. Amitabh was miffed and SP partymen agitated in front of SRK’s home.

F for Farah Khan

When Farah decided to do her 3rd movie without SRK, all manner of reports came of a split between the two. The superstar later clarified that it was a date problem and nothing else. Since then SRK and Farah Khan have patched up and made Happy New Year. However then Jaya called the film nonsensical.

F is also for foetal test. A report appeared that SRK and Gauri went in for a foetal sex test during pregnancy and there was even a probe into those allegations!

G for Gay

The SRK-Saif Ali Khan gay act in Kal Ho Na Ho was a big hit and the acting continued well into award shows. That led some people to spread rumours that he was gay in the first place. To be fair, the duo sportingly carried on this theme while hosting a film award show.

H for Hosting film award shows

When the King Khan hosts a film award, then it can’t be normal. At the Filmfare awards, he and Saif took potshots at everyone: critics, the film industry, themselves… Not everyone was amused though.

H is also for Pakistani terrorist Pakistani Hafiz who invited SRK to Pakistan after a controversial write-up in Outlook magazine. Declared SRK: I sometimes become the inadvertent object of political leaders who choose to make me a symbol of all that they think is wrong and unpatriotic about Muslims in India. I have been accused of bearing allegiance to our neighbouring nation rather than my own country.

I for IPL

After failing to get Mumbai, SRK landed with Kolkata in his kitty. Since then it was been trouble with Dada Sourav Ganguly, coach John Buchanan, irate fans, bottom of the table performances, Pak players controversy and initially they didn’t even reach the semis. G is also for (Sunil) Gavaskar. This is what the cricketing legend had to say about Buchanan: A failed former cricketer making a living telling international players to do what he couldn’t do. Needless to say SRK wasn’t amused. Since then KKR has won the IPL twice, though winning captain Gautam Gambhir soon found himself out of the national team.

J for Junk Food Actors

burger-2167270_640In the 1990s, he once made certain remarks about “junk food actors” which allegedly referred to action stars Akshay Kumar and Sunil Shetty. The comments were subsequently totally denied and everything was fine between the three.

K for Khan Wars

It is impossible for the Three Big Khans to get along. Bollywood is simply too small for Salman, Aamir and SRK. Either they are not on talking terms or are cold to each other at parties and meets. Aamir even once got into the mood and questioned SRK’s No. 1 status followed by the below-the-belt comment on his blog that a dog called Shah Rukh was licking his legs. The love-hate relationship between the three Khans continues. There was that famous SRK-Salman hug though.

Then there’s the Chalte Chalte controversy as mentioned above and there was also supposed to be another confrontation between the two at Katrina Kaif’s birthday party.

K is also for Kunder as it was alleged that SRK slapped Farah Khan’s husband Shirish Kunder at a Bollywood party. Kunder even Tweeted making fun of the fortunes of Ra.One saying, “I just heard a 150 cr firework fizzle”. Since then after a lot of apologies, SRK and Farah got together for Happy New Year.

L for Lux Cozi

Lux Cozi sponsored Kolkata Knight Riders. Lux Cozi promoter was charged with the abetment of suicide of Rizwanur Rahman. And the deal got promptly frozen, even though the ads kept coming on TV long after the press conference where the announcement was made.

M for My Name is Khan

One of the biggest controversies in recent times. The Shiv Sena. The MNS. The Maharashtra government. Everyone seemed to have got involved. The film got released amidst unprecedented security and SRK is still clueless on what exactly happened and why it happened. (The Thackerays said they were protesting SRK batting for Pakistani players in the IPL.) What the Shiv Sena did for MNIK, the MNS is hoping to do for Raees.

N for Newark Airport

newark-2021159_640SRK was detained Newark Airport in the US for more than an hour “Because His Name Was Khan”. While SRK kicked up a racket, his detractors found the plot too eerily similar to the movie he was shooting for.

O for Om Shanti Om

While this movie opened to bumper full house without any problems, thespian Manoj Kumar made a big fuss about how his character was portrayed negatively and wanted an apology plus the scenes being cut.

P for Priyanka Chopra

priyanka-chopra-1748203_640SRK has a great personal life and usually stays out of the news for the wrong reasons, but he was once linked to Piggy Chops and the Bollywood grapevine had a gala time. P for is also for parties. There’s something always happening at Bollywood parties.

Q for Quiz Shows

Why did SRK take up Kaun Banega Crorepati? To prove a point to Amitabh? Was Kya Aap Paanchvi Pass Se Tez Hain a washout? Why did SRK host a college quiz?

R for Ra.One

No SRK movie has come in for so much flak over its story line and penchant for offending a whole host of communities. Panned by the critics, this movie raked in the moolah for SRK but still wasn’t the blockbuster it was made out to be.

An Open Letter to Shahrukh Khan regarding Ra.One

R for is also for Rab Ne Banadi Jodi. During the shooting of this movie, it is alleged that SRK smoked on the premises of a “No Smoking” Sikh college in Amritsar. SRK was also caught smoking in the Sawai Mansingh Stadium in Jaipur during an IPL match and a case was filed against him.

S for Scanner

baggage-hall-775540_640Heathrow airport proudly introduced body scanners that would tighten security. However people claimed to have saved and distributed images of SRK’s body, leading to an outcry by privacy groups.

T for Trimurti

This was one of the major box office debacles of the mid-nineties and director Mukul Anand and producer Subash Ghai traded barbs on who was responsible. Fingers were also pointed at the performances of Anil Kapoor and Jackie Shroff and this was one of the few controversies SRK quietly walked away from.

U for United Producers and Distributors Association Forum

Being a producer himself, SRK was thick in the middle of the 2009 Bollywood producers’ strike. Initially the TV channels just focused on rivals SRK and Aamir coming on one platform.

W for Whiteness Creams

While stars and cricketers have got flak for endorsing any and every product they can get their hands on, SRK got maximum flak for selling a skin whitening cream—and that too for men!

7 reasons Indians are the most racist in the world

W is also for Wankhede Stadium. A grand fracas after a match (that KKR won!) led to SRK being banned from the stadium.

The badshaah of Bollywood extends his domain

X for Xerox

printer-29111_640A Xerox of Dilip Kumar. A copy of Amitabh. That’s how his acting was described when he started out his career. Then there was that hamming label. That way, he has come a long way with his performances in Swades, Chak De India and MNIK.

Y for Yale University

yale-university-1604157_640On his way to give a speech in Yale, SRK was again detained by airport security yet again in 2012. Then it was third time unlucky in Los Angeles in 2016.

His name is Shah Rukh Khan and US won’t (ever) stop detaining him

Y for is also for Yash Chopra. While SRK and the Chopras have shared an excellent relationship, the very first movie Darr had Sunny Deol crying foul over the way his role was cut to size and the ending was shot and edited without him being taken into confidence. The media reported that they didn’t talk for years after that.

Z for Zaara, the Pakistani girl

When Veer-Zaara was released, Pakistan President General Pervez Musharraf was very upset with the negative portrayal of Pakistan. Luckily, that did not escalate into anything nasty.

© Sunil Rajguru

(First version posted on February 24, 2010 and has been updated multiple times)

Also read…

King Khan: A king for debut directors, too!

Shah Rukh Khan’s career through trilogies…

Major Shahrukh Khan versus ACP Pradyuman

Neither Big B nor SRK: Can Incredible India think beyond film stars?

The most politically correct Western ever…

I just saw 2016’s The Magnificent Seven, probably the most politically correct Western of all time… (Spoilers!)

The Seven consist of…

1. An African American.
2. A Native American.
3. A Mexican.
4. An Asian.
5-7. Three Whites.

In the end only the No. 1-3 representing minority groups of America are left standing.

The character Jack Horne who once made a living out of hunting and scalping Native Americans is killed by a Native American and Horne’s death is avenged by his Native American gang member.

It shows Goodnight Robicheaux, a Confederate veteran and the “Angel of Death” realize the horrors of war and refusing to kill at the beginning of the movie.

For gender equality, the Seven are hired by a woman who also becomes the one who shoots the main villain in the end, which none of the Seven can achieve.

The director is African American, the music is done by a Jew, while those with screenplay and cinematography are of Italian descent.

© Sunil Rajguru

How fresh is Hollywood’s creativity?

A look at the Hollywood $1 Billion Dollar Club (worldwide box office gross) and the year in which the idea of the movie was created—that is the year when the event, the original first book of the series was published or when the original movie of the sequel/remake came out.

avatar-1738010_6401. 2009. Avatar.

2. 1912. Titanic.

3. 1977. Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

4. 1993. Jurassic World.

5. 1963. Marvel’s The Avengers.

6. 2001. Furious 7.

7. 1963. Avengers: Age of Ultron.

actor-1299629_6408. 1997. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.

9. 2013. Frozen.

10. 1963. Iron Man 3.

11. 2015. Minions.

12. 1941. Captain America: Civil War.

13. 1984. Transformers: Dark of the Moon.

14. 1937. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.

15. 1953. Skyfall.

16. 1984. Transformers: Age of Extinction.

17. 1939. The Dark Knight Rises.

jack-sparrow-496090_64018. 1967. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.

19. 1995. Toy Story 3.

20. 1967. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

21. 1993. Jurassic Park.

22. 1977. Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace.

23. 1865. Alice in Wonderland.

24. 2016. Zootopia.

25. 1937. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.

26. 1939. The Dark Knight.

Break-up…
19th Century: 1.
1900-25: 1.
1926-50: 5.
1951-75: 6.
1976-2000: 8.
2001-16: 5.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The very versatile Mr Akshay Kumar…

Bollywood superstar has played a really wide variety of on screen roles.
Just check them out…

God (OMG – Oh My God!)

Gigolo (Desi Boyz)

Sexually harassed victim (Aitraaz)

Blind robber (Aankhen)

Counter terrorism expert (Baby, Holiday: A Soldier Is Never Off Duty)

Mixed martial artist (Brothers)

International wrestler (Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi)

Heist specialist (Special 26)

Dissociative Identity Disorder (Housefull 3)

Psychiatrist treating Dissociative Identity Disorder patient (Bhool Bhulaiyaa)

Manservant (De Dana Dan)

Vegetable cutter (Chandni Chowk to China)

Don (Once Upon ay Time in Mumbai Dobaara!, International Khiladi)

Businessman vigilante (Boss)

Ageing international cricketer (Patiala House)

Panauti (Housefull)

Auto rickshaw driver (Insan)

Sikh (Singh is King, Singh is Bliing)

Saviour businessman (Airlift)

Evil scientist (2.0)

Corruption crusader (Gabbar is Back)

Corrupt constructor (Khatta Meetha)

Tainted naval officer (Rustom)

Army officer (Sainik, Ab Tumhare Hawale Watan Saathiyo)

Private detective (Thank You)

International con man (Tees Maar Khan)

Hollywood stuntman (Kambakkht Ishq)

With supernatural powers (8 x 10 Tasveer)

Nerd (Jaan-E-Mann)

Automobile engineer (Humko Deewana Kar Gaye)

Pilot (Aarzoo)

Impersonator (Aflatoon)

Most repetitive…
Police officer (Khakee, Main Khiladi Tu Anari, Mohra, Khiladi 786, Aan: Men at Work, Police Force: An Inside Story, Daava, Insaaf, Paandav, Tarazu, Angaaray, Meri Biwi Ka Jawaab Nahin, Ashaant, Mr Bond)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#UdtaPunjab musings…

Shahid Kapoor visited Punjab as a squeaky clean kid in 2007 (Jab We Met) but returned as a hardened drug addict in 2016 (‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬).

Punjab Problem (Udta Punjab)
Kashmir Problem (Haider)
Mumbai Riots, Kargil, 9/11, Godhra (Mausam)
Match-fixing, drugs (Kaminey)
Education problem (Paathshaala)
‪#‎ShahidKapoor‬

#‎UdtaPunjab‬ is a catchy name and a catchier hashtag.
Multiple Twitterstorms were inevitable.

“Adult with Caution” films at red light areas!
What next?
Red Light Mall Multiplexes?
‪#‎CensorBoardRevamp‬

Superheroes, aliens and spaceships are more real, believable and relevant than drugs, sex and nudity—hence we’ll pass the former.
‪#‎CensorBoard‬

Fact is stranger than fiction.
—Anonymous.
Fiction can’t be based on strange facts.
—Censor Board.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬

Drug problem is there.
India is corrupt and racist.
Gays are in large numbers.
Sex exists.
So, reality can’t be shown in fiction?

Censor board: Please replace Punjab with a fictitious land.
(The problem is that their image of Punjab itself is fictitious!)

Anurag Kashyap now has the unique record of having a film banned under Vajpayee, MMS and Modi.
Guess which made most noise?
‪#‎Paanch‬ ‪#‎BlackFriday‬ ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬

#‎UdtaPunjabVerdict‬
Shahid Kapoor
+ Kareena Kapoor
+ Alia Bhatt
+ Anurag Kashyap
+ Ekta Kapoor
+ Diljit Dosanjh
thrash Pahlaj Nihalani

The fact.
Every Censor Board since Independence has sucked.
The spin.
It started with Nihalani.
Modi hired Nihalani.
It’s Modi’s fault.

Gokul Shankar banned under Nehru.
Aandhi banned under Indira.
Pati Parmeshwar banned under Rajiv.
Black Friday banned under MMS.
Stop behaving as if it’s something new!

Time is right to make a film on the crazy chain of events in the ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ controversy.

Too many jokers are supporting ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ for all the wrong reasons.

Kejriwal is unhappy.
He doesn’t get a chance to waste an evening and review ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ for his Punjab voters.
Hence the attacks.

Above an “A” certification, just put a “Danger” certification and just go ahead and release the film as it is!

Reminder…
Censor Board was formed under Nehru.
It had a non-filmi ignoramus under Manmohan.
It has always been a problem.
But now it is finally being revamped under Shyam Benegal.

2004: ‪#‎AnuragKashyap‬’s Black Friday ready for release.
2007: Finally released by SC after censor ban.
2016: Delay in ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ makes India North Korea.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian filmi musings…

Very soon we will need an underground film circuit where films can be screened without censor interference.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

2016 in a parallel universe for India domestic Box Office…
Hollywood film No. 1 nearing 200 crore ‪#‎JungleBook‬
Film on Gulf War second biggest hit ‪#‎Airlift‬
SRK film couldn’t even do 100 crore ‪#‎Fan‬
Sonam acted well for realistic superhit ‪#‎Neerja‬

Think it over…
A film starring Kareena Kapoor, Diljit Dosanjh, Shahid Kapoor and Alia Bhatt has been banned.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

Maybe India’s censor board itself should be permanently censored.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

Shouldn’t the hashtag be ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬ instead of ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Shah Rukh Khan’s career through trilogies…

The Debut With Senior Citizen trilogy…
Deewana (1992) (Rishi Kapoor).
Chamatkar (1992) (Naseeruddin Shah).
Dil Aashna Hai (1992) (Jeetendra-Mithun).

The Bhootnike trilogy
Chamatkar (1992).
Paheli (2005).
Bhootnath (2008).

The Debuted and Soon Died Playing Villainous Role trilogy…
Baazigar (1993).
Darr (1993).
Anjaam (1994).

The Rakesh Roshan Mixed Bag trilogy…
King Uncle (1993).
Karan Arjun (1995).
Koyla (1997).

The Kajol Young Jodi Trilogy…
Karan Arjun (1995).
Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (1995).
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1997).

The Aditya Chopra trilogy…
Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (1995).
Mohabbatein (2000).
Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi (2008).

What He Acted In Those Films? trilogy…
Zamaana Deewana (1995).
Guddu (1995).
Chaahat (1996).

The Yash Chopra Romantic trilogy…
Dil To Pagal Hai (1997).
Veer-Zaara (2004).
Jab Tak Hai Jaan (2012).

The Karan Johar Fluffy Romance trilogy…
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1997).
Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham… (2001).
Kal Ho Naa Ho (2003).

The Aziz Mirza trilogy…
Yes Boss (1997).
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani (2000).
Chalte Chalte (2003).

The Serious Cinema Trilogy…
Aśoka (2001).
Swades (2004).
Chak De! India (2007).

The Kajol Oldie Jodi Trilogy…
Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham… (2001).
My Name Is Khan (2010).
Dilwale (2015).

The Farah Khan Mindless Superhit trilogy…
Main Hoon Na (2004).
Om Shanti Om (2007).
Happy New Year (2014).

The Major trilogy…
Main Hoon Na (2004).
Veer Zaara (2004). (Major equivalent Squadron Leader)
Jab Tak Hai Jaan (2012).

The Deepika Padukone Mindless Blockbuster trilogy…
Om Shanti Om (2007).
Chennai Express (2013).
Happy New Year (2014).

The Playing a Superstar Like Himself trilogy…
Om Shanti Om (2007).
Billu (2009).
Fan (2016).

© Sunil Rajguru

Yet more Bollywood musings…

Rights done.
PR done.
Marketing done.
Signings done.
Bookings done.
Music done.
All done.
What about story?
Time nahin. Shooting start karo.

Kajol-SRK…
Baazigar, Karan Arjun: SRK dominated.
DDLJ: Both dominated.
KKHH, K3G: Kajol dominated.
MNIK: Box office domination decline.
Dilwale: Box office domination zero.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru