#RioOlympics2016 musings…

Badminton champion gets Rs 10+ crore for getting our only Olympics woman silver in 100+ years.
Daughter of badminton champion gets Rs 10+ crore for every film, hit or flop.

‪#‎Irony‬
Shobhaa De trolled the India Olympics contingent really gracelessly.
Instead those who outed her are being called trolls.

#Ind Post-1947.
6 #Olympics Gold medals.
3 cricket World Cups.
1 hockey World Cup.
All under Congress Prime Ministers. 100%.
#Replug

Most politically incorrect song from Bobby during the #Olympics
Na chahoon Sona Chandi…
Ye mere kis kaam ke…
Ye to hain bas naam ke!

I think they should award a fourth place “Pewter Medal” in the Olympics for the benefit of countries like India.
‪#‎Rio2016‬

Other countries…
You don’t win a silver, you lose a gold.
India…
You don’t lose a bronze, you win a fourth place.
‪‪#‎Reality‬

‪#‎BetiBachaoBetiPadhao‬
should be officially changed to
‪#‎BetiPadhaoBetiKhilao‬

Shobhaa De should make a few more nonsensical statements.
A couple more Indian women will end up winning ‪#‎Olympics‬ medals.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri and his parallel universe…

Other people take a break when they work too much.
Kejri takes a break when he Tweets/alleges too much.
‪#‎Vipassana‬

Modi is so frustrated that he can have me killed.
Translation—I am so supremely frustrated and desperate that I just thought that up!
‪#‎Kejri‬

In Hollywood’s Wag the Dog, they create a fake war.
In Bollywood-style India, Kejri has made a complete fake universe around himself.

Modi may kill me: Kejri.
Kejri may kill me: Asim.
‪#‎AAPception‬ (AAP + Inception + Deception)

After blasting AAP, Sidhu can still join with his head held high because he is already part of two industries: Entertainment and politics.

If an AAP leader sets off a nuclear bomb in Delhi and is arrested, Kejri will Tweet…
Modi just arrested AAP man.
He’s not letting us work.

Not just ‪#‎Sidhu‬.
‪#‎Churchill‬ was a party hopper.
So is ‪#‎Trump‬.
And about half of India’s Prime Ministers too.

Why blame ‪#‎Sidhu‬?
About half of India’s Prime Ministers were party hoppers.
‪#‎Morarji‬ ‪#‎Charan‬ ‪#‎VPSingh‬ ‪#‎ChandraShekhar‬ ‪#‎Gujral‬ ‪#‎Gowda‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

US Presidential election musings…

Advisor 1: If Hillary becomes Prez, First Lady will become what?
Advisor 2: Ask Bill.
Advisor 1: Sir, First Lady?
Bill: LOL! First Lady? I am on my 2000th Lady!

Democrat: If our system was perfect, then Trump would never have been nominated.
Republican: If our system was perfect, then Hillary would be in jail by now.

For media, liberals, intellectuals, Leftists, seculars and DNC, Hillary is the messiah and Trump is an anti-Christ.

If you are perplexed at how Modi won and Trump is winning, it means you read/watch too much of mainstream media.
Social media trends are rarely wrong.

For those still thinking that Trump is “fringe” and “pariah”, know that 14 million people have already voted for him!
‪#‎RepublicanPrimaries‬

Bill’s charisma pushed her to the Senate.
Barack made her Secretary of State (out of guilt?).
DNC made her a Presidential candidate.
Self-made?

Democ(linton)rats.

In a fair election, Sanders may have beaten Hillary.
By settling with a DNC apology and endorsing Hillary—he’s betraying his own supporters.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The never ending Indian political musings…

1000 crimes in WB—Yawn!!!
1000 crimes in Bihar—I love Lalu!!!
1000 crimes in UP—Ignore till Dadri.
1 crime in Modi’s BJP-ruled State—This is Sparta!!!

Student: Bharat tere tukde!
Liberal: Wah wah! Maja aa gaya!
Citizen: Bharat Mata ki Jai!
Liberal: Sanghi! Bigot!
Arnab: India first!
Liberal: Pathetic journalism!

#‎SleepingBeautyRahul‬
Ye bechaara kaam ka maara, ise chaahiye chhutkaara.
Congress: Par hum denge ise party President ka tiara.

Advisor: Apologize or we will have a lengthy court case.
Pappu: Suits me. I have nothing to do. Ye sab accha time pass hai!
‪#‎RSSCase‬

In 2009 the BJP was done and dusted.
Social Media biggest factor in its revival.
If BJP cracks down on Social Media, backlash will be colossal.

Log poochte hain ki Modi sahab videsh main itna khush kyun rahate hai.
Arre bhai Bharat main to kucch log unko 24X7 gaali dete hai, to kaise khush rahe?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

July 2016 Status Updates

All-in-one Indian cities.
Venice during rains.
Celebrating Earth Hour during power cuts.
Ghost towns in the night.
War zones during the day.

(July 29)

Q: So what are your priorities after the coup?
Erdogan: Infrastructure.
Q: ?
Erdogan: Jails. I need many more jails. I don’t know where to put all these people!

(July 28)

#‎BangaloreStudents‬
April-May: Summer Vacations.
October: Dussehra Vacations.
December: Christmas Vacations.
July: Transport Bandh Vacations.

(July 27)

Being Human is totally incorrect.
On screen he’s Superhuman.
Off screen he’s Inhuman.
‪#‎Bhai‬

(July 25)

Christopher Nolan can still make Inception 2 and claim that Inception 1 was all a dream and the sequel is the real world movie.

Listen to a talk or interview and count to the number of times a person says “You know!”
It’s an epidemic.

(July 20)

#‎TerrorAxe‬
‪#‎TerrorTruck‬
‪#‎TerrorCar‬
‪#‎TerrorPlane‬
‪#‎TerrorCycle‬
‪#‎TerrorBelt‬
‪#‎TerrorShoe‬
‪#‎TerrorSuitcase‬
‪#‎TerrorUnderwear‬
‪#‎TerrorChildren‬

(July 19)

2004: Masti.
2013: Grand Masti.
2016: Great Grand Masti.
2018: Super Great Grand Masti?

Cook can break Sachin’s Test records.
Kohli/Amla can break Sachin’s ODI records.
Nobody can breaks Hobbs’ record of 61,760 First Class runs.

(July 16)

Why the 3 Khans never age…
Salman
1989 bachelor—Maine Par Kiya
2016 bachelor—Sultan
Aamir
1984 student—Holi
2009 student—3 Idiots
SRK
1996 Major—Army
2012 Major—Jab Tak Hain Jaan

(July 12)

The irony…
A living Saddam leads to tens of thousands of deaths.
A dead Saddam leads to hundreds of thousands of deaths.

Breaking the eardrums.
Breaking all logic.
Breaking the country.
Breaking the peace.
Breaking each other’s necks.
Anything but breaking news.

(July 11)

What if a lab finds more fat content in certain Indian foods than burgers and pizzas?
‪#‎KeralaFatTax‬

(July 9)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru