Whatever happens, Manmohan is Mr Clean, OK?

When a fake story of a PM wearing a Rs 10 lakh suit came, tremendous outrage.
When a real story came of a PM causing a loss of Rs 2 lakh crore—well that’s OK!

Corrupt (adjective): Having or showing a willingness to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain.
(Sticking on to PM’s chair = Personal gain.)
Usage: Manmohan Singh is corrupt to the core.

CWG scam—Off with Kalmadi!
2G scam—Off with Raja!
Coalgate—Err… ummm… the Coal Minister/Prime Minister is such a sweet fellow na?

Bolo Manmohan beta, C for Coalgate.
Manmohan: Nahin! C for Clean chit from madam. So there!

Pahele chori. (UPA2’s Coalgate, 2G, CWG, etc etc etc)
Fir seena zori. (‪#‎MarchForManmohan‬ ‪#‎IStandWithMMS‬)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Latest Indian political musings…

The 71-0 rule…
71% illegal coal block allocations took place under Coal Minister Manmohan Singh and yet most news reports gave him 0% coverage.

Sequels are rarely better than the original.
Pappu: But we had planned a threequel where I was to come at the end!
‪#‎UPA1‬ ‪#‎UPA2‬ ‪#‎UPA3‬‬‬‬

Very soon, all Indian bookshops will have a separate section on UPA exposes.
‪#‎Baru‬ ‪#‎Parakh‬ ‪#‎Natwar‬ ‪#‎Rai‬‬‬‬‬

Advani looked retired in 2004.
Virtually retired in 2005.
Should have retired in 2009.
Looks fully retired in 2014.
‪#‎2019Polls‬ ‪#‎IllBeBack‬‬‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Twisted quotes to suit scam India…

Satyam scamam sundaram.

Thorium hai thorium ki zaroorat hai.

2G or not 2G, that is the question.

I love you C.. C… C… Coalgate!

DIAL S for scam.

Tum mujhe cash do, main tumhe (Lok Sabha) votes doonga.

Kar chale hum fida saara dhan saathiyo,
Ab tumhara hawala watan sathiyo.

Arre huzoor, wah Taj scam boliye!

Mera Adarsh hai ek scam.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh and state of the nation musings 2…

The current crisis is much worse than 1991 because this time there’s no Narasimha Rao to bail us out.

Rupee. Petrol. Economy. Inflation. Corruption. Naxalism. Pak. China. 2G. Coalgate. Missing files. Opposition. Dissent. Parliament logjam…
Too many problems: Men freeze and do nothing.

When the Rupee, Onion and Petrol all touch Rs 80, petrol pumps ($1=1 litre) and vegetable vendors ($1=1 kg) will be told to accept $1 bills to solve the change problem.

Bhaag Files Bhaag.
Koyala kaala hai,
Badmasho ne paala,
Andar kaala, baahar kaala,
Sab ghotala hai saala…

The Father of Reforms: Narasimha Rao.
The Father of Deforms: Manmohan Singh.

Since 2004, Osama has been nabbed, Prabhakaran been killed, Mubarak has fallen, an African American has become US President…
Bas Manmohan nahin sudhrega.

The Coalgate files are not missing.
Their RTI access has been revoked for the common citizen.

Every morning MMS gets up hoping to make India a better place.
Every night he sleeps knowing he has failed.
Don’t worry. Just a few hundred days more.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congressi bashings of the day…

· Let a 100 flowers bloom: Mao.
Let a 100 scams boom: Manmohan.

· Haath jodte hue aate hai Congressi sab,
Thappad maarte hue woh to jaayenge,
Aur hum voters Muqaddar ke Bandar jaaneman kehalayenge.

· Pachaas kos door shahar me jab Congressi ke ghar main bachcha raat ko rota hai to maa kahati hai beta so jaa… so jaa nahi to CAG aa jaayega.

· Agar MMS sach bolta…
Kya tum doodh se dhule hue ho?
Nahin, main koyala se ragada hua hu.

· Teacher: Give an example of an uncountable noun.
Student: UPAScam.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Today’s musings on Coalgate and other scams…

∙ Ole TV show…
Sawaal dus crore ka.
New UPA-CAG reality show…
Sawaal dus lakh crore ka.

∙ Some very large numbers…
Centillion, Millinillion, Icosillion, Googleplex, Googol, Size of UPA Scams…

∙ The 3Cs against the Congress: CAG, Civil Society & Courts.
The 1C for the Congress: Corruption.

∙ Sonia has by far the greatest ROI in the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty.
With a minority share (145 & 206) of Lok Sabha seats, she has presided over a dictatorial government with the greatest scams.

∙ CAG Power=Coal, Aviation, Generations of mobile telephony, Power scams

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes Coalgate chapter

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Coalgate who?
Coal gets you Rs 1.86 lakh crore in this country!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kanimozhi who?
Can you move me to the Coal Ministry? 2G is so passé now!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Jaiswal who?
Je sawaal karna band karo, koi ghotala nahin hain… zero loss hai… in fact minus zero loss hai…

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Manmohan who?
Man more henpecking from Sonia coming my way!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

It’s raining scams…

The scams in India just keep piling up. Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, the CAG presented three scams in a single day including Coalgate, the biggest of them all…

Please sing to the tune of It’s Raining Men by The Weather Girls…

Hi, Hi! We’re your neighbourhood politicians, ah-huh,
And have we got news for you—You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely citizens,
and leave those scruples at home, alright!
Corruption is rising, morality’s getting low,
According to all sources, the scam’s the way to go,
Cause today for the first time,
Just about 2012,
For the first time in India’s history,
It’s gonna start raining scams.
It’s raining scams! Hallelujah! It’s raining scams! Amen!
These politicos are gonna go out to run and let themselves get
absolutely soaking wet in black money!
It’s raining scams! Hallelujah!
It’s raining scams! Of every shape and size!
Billions, millions, big and small,
Power, coal, spectrum, housing, coffins, oil… they’ve covered them all.
God bless the First Politicians, they knew what to do,
They ripped off all our resources and did what they had to do,
They taught every next politician to live his own black dream,
So that each and every leader could find the perfect scam,
It’s raining scams! Hallelujah! It’s raining scams! Amen!
It’s raining scams! Hallelujah!
It’s raining scams! Ame———nnnn!

(Original Song: It’s Raining Men.
Group: The Weather Girls.
Year: 1982)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more musings on Coalgate and other scams…

∙ They should call him Sri Prakash Jai-sawal-pe-sawal.

∙ UPA=Unlimited Profiteering Alliance, Utterly Pathetic Alliance, Unaccountable (to) People Alliance, Unashamed Parties Alliance, Unbalanced Power Alliance, Un-Productive Alliance, Unbearable People’s Alliance, Unbelievably Pretentious Alliance, Uncertain Policies Alliance, Ulta Pulta Alliance, Unchecked Power Alliance…

∙ As far as the Congress is concerned, CAG=Campaign Against Government and VR (Vinod Rai) should get VRS. But seriously, CAG=Corruption And Government.

Bharst nazar wale, tera muh kaala, tera spectrum kaala, teri bijli kaali aur koyla hai to kaala hi…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on Coalgate and other scams…

∙ The perfect Indian neta brushes his teeth with Coalgate, uses a 2G mobile, is proud of his Army’s Bofors guns, signs all his papers on Telgi stamp papers, has a house in Adarsh, is very proud of our success in the 2010 CWG Games, puts a very high price on his vote, is a loyal Swiss Bank customer, uses palmolein oil at home and loves shady Big Bulls.

∙ UPA logic…
Only a “fraction” of funds reach masses.
Greater the amount of scams, proportionately greater that “fraction”!

∙ The ABC of scam busting
is actually
The CAG of scam busting.

∙ UPA 2.0 means scams in the region of Rs 2.0 lakh crores.
Wait for UPA 3.0!

∙ 2G scam’s No. 1 status up in the air.
Coal scam blacker than the blackest!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru