Why nobody is responsible for UPA scams…

Q1: Who was Coal Minister when Coalgate happened?
Q2: Who was Atomic Energy Minister when Thorium scam happened?
Q3: Who was Space Minister when ISRO scam happened?
Q4: Cash for votes helped which Prime Minister?
Q5: Who was Prime Minister when 2G, CWG, DIAL, Radia… scams happened?
A1/2/3/4/5: Manmohan Singh is the cleanest and most honest politician in the history of Independent India.

Q6: Then who is responsible?
A6: Since Manmohan is the cleanest and most honest politician in the history of Independent India and Sonia Gandhi wasn’t ever Prime Minister, nobody is responsible.

Q7: Raja claims he was taking orders from Manmohan. Can he be considered guilty?
A7: Since it is claimed that Manmohan was taking orders from Sonia, again, nobody is responsible.

Q8: What about the National Herald scam?
A8: Where is the scam?

Q9: Where did all the scam money go?
A9: Precisely! Nobody saw the scam money go anywhere and hence there was no scam money.

Q10: Where are the fabled acche din?
A10: Are you kidding? For scamsters they started in 1947 and are still continuing. Come to think of it, they really began during British rule!

Parting shot…
Good governance has many fathers but all scams are orphans.

© Sunil Rajguru

Latest Indian political musings…

The 71-0 rule…
71% illegal coal block allocations took place under Coal Minister Manmohan Singh and yet most news reports gave him 0% coverage.

Sequels are rarely better than the original.
Pappu: But we had planned a threequel where I was to come at the end!
‪#‎UPA1‬ ‪#‎UPA2‬ ‪#‎UPA3‬‬‬‬

Very soon, all Indian bookshops will have a separate section on UPA exposes.
‪#‎Baru‬ ‪#‎Parakh‬ ‪#‎Natwar‬ ‪#‎Rai‬‬‬‬‬

Advani looked retired in 2004.
Virtually retired in 2005.
Should have retired in 2009.
Looks fully retired in 2014.
‪#‎2019Polls‬ ‪#‎IllBeBack‬‬‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Goodbye Congress musings…

Goodbye…
UPA2.
MMS.
Sonia.
Goodbye and see you in 5 years…
Mrs Vadra.
Try to stay humble for 5 years …
BJP.
What will you do for 5 years?
Pappu.

In 1919 Motilal became Congress President and formally launched the dynasty.
If Pappu-Pappini lose in 2019 too, then they can put flowers on its tombstone on the Centenary.

Now the entire mainstream media can proudly call themselves anti-establishment.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

UPA2 preparing for UPA3…

Many successful schemes in UPA1 led to the reality that is UPA2.

Now UPA2 is going all out to ensure there will be a UPA3.

Some of the schemes on the anvil…

NREGA2: After the Mahatma Gandhi NREGA, now we will soon have the Rahul Gandhi NREGA or Net Regulation Employment Guarantee Act where millions of unemployed urban youth will be hired to pre-screen millions of Facebook, Twitter and Orkut accounts along with tens of thousands of prominent websites and blog.

RTI2: The RTI Act Part 2 will cover the politicians’ Right to Information related to our online accounts, logins, passwords, identities etc. Now the Internet companies will simply have to provide whatever Information that the politicians feel they have a Right to.

New States Re-organisation Bill: The UPA will come out with a bill to divide India into 50 states to pre-empt moves like Telangana, Vidarbha and the splitting UP. It will also go well with the party’s “Divide and Rule” policy.

4G: To bring in much-needed extra revenue for the government’s coffers. A Raja is likely to make a spectacular comeback.

Cyber Communal Violence Bill: The Communal Violence Bill will be modified for cyberspace and instead of State governments, the Centre will be able to dismiss Internet companies that don’t co-operate with it.

© Sunil Rajguru

September 2011 Status Updates

Aal Izz Well?
Really? Howz that?
There’s no Rancho is UPA2.

Sonia’s mystery illness discovered.
She’s totally sick of the cancer of corruption and the virus of party infighting.
Still unwell as cure nowhere in sight.

(September 30)

Breaking News: The news related to 2G has already been broken and broken down so many times that is has turned into a fine powder to surround the very air, sorry spectrum, around us like an invisible mist.

The Congress is now planning a DND against the Opposition, Civil Society and Common Citizen till 2014.

An astrologer told Manmohan in 2009 that his Rajyog would continue till 2014.
On rechecking the note in 2011, it actually said ‘Raja’yog.

2G ghotala Rule No. 23…
Chidambaram’s Bureau of Investigation cannot investigate Chidambaram.
How dare you ask?

The Government has realized the error of Rs 32 per day as a poverty line.
The new amount is Rs 4.20.
That way poverty will be eradicated from India forever.
Ho gaya Bharat Nirman!
Jao sab ameer log ghar jaake so jao!

The cash for votes scam story till now…
Accept bribe. Go to jail.
Arrange bribe. Go to jail.
Expose bribe. Go to jail.
Give bribe… em… nobody gave the bribe!

Will the Judicial Accountability Bill cover reality show judges?
Most of them are horrendous and have no judging talent whatsoever.

Flash: India has just been declared a Developed Country.
That’s thanks to the Rs 33 per day “rich” quota and Paris Hilton’s generosity.
In fact we are doing so well that New Delhi will be renamed New Paris.

Mausam review…
Serendipity meets Ayodhya and drags on till Godhra…

Jab tak Sooraj Chand rahega,
Dev Anand ka flop film rahega…
(I think he has had just one superhit after I was born).

The Government is dead.
Please observe 2-minute silence.
As for Manmohan, he’s observing a 2-year silence.

In India, a human life is worth less that Rs 27.
With Rs 33 however, it becomes rich.
The mathematics never adds up in real life.

(September 27)

To aakhir PC ko bhi Corruption Virus lag hi gaya.
Sonia bimaar. Rahul Baba pareshan. Aadhi Janta Tihar main.
Sirf MMS hi immune lag raha hai…

(September 26)

Even after retirement, Shoaib Akhtar has the ability to chuck, land no balls and beamers!
Enough Free Hits for his critics and detractors.
Controversially Yours = Predictably Yours.

(September 24)

The Metro Monsoon song…
Shanghai-Singapore nahin,
to Venice hi sahin,
Ye hai Delhi-Mumbai ji,
Kyunki baarish hui hain abhi abhi…

A Time of Healing is on the horizon in Indian cricket.
Soon fatigue will be forgotten and small injuries brushed under the carpet.
This Time of Healing is also known as the Champions League.

(September 17)

The way Federer was continously Nadalized in the past, Nadal is totally Novaked out these days!

(September 13)

Old Saying: Delhi door hai.
New Saying: Sachin ka sauwa shatak door hai.

The UPA Government has also done a great deal of good.
It’s just a Kabhi Schemes Kabhi Scams type of Government.

We are all perennial teachers.
We are all perennial students.
Happy Teacher’s Day, to everyone, from everyone!

Dear Anna Hazare,
Happy Teacher’s Day,
Warm regards,
The BJP.
(P.S. You sure did teach the Congress a good lesson!)

(September 5)

© Sunil Rajguru