Choose your crime. Choose your size.

If you want to thrash a prominent person, then first form a fancy group with a fancy name…

If you want to kill someone, make sure you have a bigger group with a bigger sounding cause…

If you want to kill a few more people, make sure you end up in politics to escape in the end…

If you want some chance of success at any stupid cause, make sure you do enough rail and rasta rokos, disrupting life as much as possible…

If you want to kill a few million people however, make sure you head a respectable government first…

For all other common citizens, even if you steal 10 Rupees or threaten someone, you could end up in jail for a very long time…

© Sunil Rajguru

Indian employment exchange Wanted Ads…

Journalist: Wanted someone who can fabricate stories and make mountains out of molehills and vice versa without a conscience.

PR: Do you have a bit of Niira Radia within you?

Banker: If you can ensure your salary and bonus for just one year and have great short-term financial goals (the overall economy and Sensex be damned) then please apply.

Banking Consultant: If you are a small-time goonda, here’s your chance to become a respectable recovery agent.

Lawyer: Just head to any political party after your law degree. Most of them end up there anyway.

Commercial Pilot: Just make sure you have enough money to buy a fake degree.

Sales Job: But can you lie 24X7 and be confident about it?

Accountant: Knowing all the rules and being good with numbers is not enough. Apply if you can manipulate rules at will and make numbers dance in any way you want.

Real Estate: Do you have it within you to handle the land mafia to make it big?

Army: Adarsh hai to wahan pe apply karo…

Politician: If you have all the above mentioned skills, then we already welcome you to the wonderful world of Indian politics.

© Sunil Rajguru

The Diggy Raja Doublespeak Show of 2011

After reading Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, Diggy Raja turned to George Orwell’s 1984 and was quite impressed with the whole concept of Doublespeak…

Prashant Bhushan attacks corruption… The BJP is backing him!
Prashant Bhushan gets attacked… The BJP is beating him!

Anna Hazare attacks RSS… He is lying!
RSS backs Anna Hazare… They are telling the truth, hence proved that Anna Hazare was lying as my previous statement showed!

Manmohan Singh as PM… He is the best PM and so should stay.
Rahul Gandhi as PM… He will be even greater and so should become.

On Anna Hazare… Anna is RSS RSS RSS!
On Team Anna… Anna Hazare is an honest and simple man. People are misusing his name.

On Anna Hazare’s fast… We will give him the Baba Ramdev treatment!
On Sanjiv Bhatt’s arrest… This is a burning example of fascist thinking and fascist government.

Chidambaram and Naxalism… He is intellectually arrogant.
Chidambaram and corruption… Sangh has made him a target.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 8…

Federer: If only Nadal wasn’t there, I would have had 3-4 more titles.
Nadal: If only Federer wasn’t there, I would have been the greatest.
Djokovic: Despite both of you I’ve won 3 Grand Slams this year, been No.1 for 3 months and lost just one completed match in 2011!
The greatest challenger to the greats?

Somewhere in FedEx Land…
Bhagwan ke naam pe sirf ek aur Grand Slam de de re baba!

Rafa…
Caught between a Novak and a FedEx.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How the Con grass grows below their feet…

There has been a total Pawar failure…

Great problems with Raja Yog…

Thanks to the 2G, lagta hain ki is government ka Maran aa gaya hai

That man keeps Singhing and Digging the party’s grave…

The response to Civil Society was totally UnSibalized

The spokesmen have totally Tewarized the nation…

There has been a great amount of Mamata lost between the allies…

The Government was doing so fine in 2009, the problems were almost overcome: Sonia and yet so far…

Ab to kisi ka bhi Man nahi moh liya, Singh is no longer King….

Singh is SinKing? Singh is BreaKing? Singh is ConKing? Singh is ChoKing? Singh is CracKing? Singh is PanicKing? Singh is BacktracKing? Singh is HoodwinKing? Singh is ShaKing? Singh is SulKing? Singh is ShrinKing? …

These versions by Sunil Rajguru