Ra.One: Just one question for every one…

Dear Shahrukh Khan,
Have you ever played with a single video game in your entire life?

Dear SRK’s son,
Beta, are you aware that your father made a movie just for you and got the whole country to pay for it?

Dear Anubhav Sinha,
Are you aware that unless you tell SRK to act, he doesn’t?
(The same goes for Kareena.
And Priyanka, were you high during the shoot?)

Dear Shekhar Subramanium,
How come you have such a fake Tamil accent while speaking in English and none when mouthing Hindi wisdom?

Dear Ra.One,
“Waaah!!! I wanna finish my game. Waaah!!! I wanna finish my game. Come back or else…”
Are you for real?

Dear Kareena,
When is your next movie with SRK?
(Asoka was in 2001.
Ra.One in 2011.
Hope the next one isn’t before 2021.
Somehow you bring out the worst in him)

Dear Story Writer,
Do you exist?

Dear Special Effects Team,
Hollywood is impossible, but couldn’t you have at least come somewhere near Krrish or Enthiran?

Dear Marketing Team,
Who was the movie’s target audience?
(If it was for adults, then it’s way too childish.
If it was for children, then the language and one-liners are way too offensive)

Dear Prudes,
When any non-offensive movie comes, you go over the top protesting it all the same. Here’s a movie that is offensive towards Tamilians, Chinese, Gays… not to mention “sick sexual jokes in a kid’s movie” and there’s just a faint murmur.

Random Access One? Even if I Randomly Access all my memories, then I can’t think of One redeeming point!

© Sunil Rajguru

Strange co-incidences of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty…

After Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru, members of the ruling Nehru-Gandhi dynasty were born on different days of the week…

Indira Gandhi… November 19, 1917… Monday.

Raihan Vadra… August 29, 2000… Tuesday.

Priyanka Vadra… January 12, 1972… Wednesday.

Feroze Gandhi… September 12, 1912… Thursday.

Rahul  Gandhi… June 19, 1970… Friday.

Sanjay Gandhi… December 14, 1946… Saturday.

Rajiv Gandhi… August 20, 1944… Sunday!

Interestingly, Feroze, Indira, Sanjay and Rajiv all died on different days too!

The world is full of such co-incidences, though no-one quite knows what they mean.

(Note: Feroze and Indira’s two sons were Rajiv and Sanjay. Rajiv’s two children are Rahul and Priyanka. Raihan is Priyanka’s eldest child. Rahul is unmarried.)

These calculations by Sunil Rajguru

News in Limericks 4

There was this movie called Ra.One,
Which was worse than this film called Raavan,
But it made its crores n crores n crores,
Despite all its bores n bores n bores,
Aur abhi viewers ka aa gaya hai maran!

There was this concert of Metallica,
That finally hit New Delhi in India,
But it quickly became a no show,
And the fans just didn’t want to go,
Aur sab ne mil kar stage ka barricade ko hi phod diya!

There was this Team of the Anna,
Jiska unity gaya khaane ganna,
One talked Kashmir and two did quit,
The others didn’t like it one little bit,
Aur ab credibility solah aane se ho gaya chaar aana!

There was this man called Diggy Raja,
Jiska jab dekho bajta tha baaja,
He talked n talked and talked,
And talked n talked and talked,
Hey Bhagwan Bharat ko kyun dee itni badi saza!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The A to Z of Facebook

ADHDbook

Boastbook

Commentbook

Dataminebook

Egobook

Friendbook

Gargantuanbook

Hollowbook

iBook

Jokebook

Kaleidoscopicbook

Likebook

Mentalbook

Nonprivacybook

Openbook

Plagiarizingbook

Quackbook

Rantbook

Stalkbook

Timewastebook

Unconstrainedbook

Voyeurbook

Wackobook

Xenocraticbook

Yourbook

Zeitgeistbook

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more DRPJs (Diggy Raja PJs)

∙ Diggy Raja’s infalliable logic…
The RSS was founded in 1925.
That proves that everything that went wrong in India over the last 86 years is the fault of the RSS!

∙ Someone recently said that Diggy Raja is not part of the Government.
That’s false.
He’s the Lifelong and Honorary Minister of State for Spin.
A Bollywood film of his life story will be called Wag the Cow.

∙ Once Diggy Raja was presented with a box of oranges.
He called the police.
Nagpur is famous for oranges and also the founding of the RSS.
There are no such things as co-incidences.

∙ The RSS wanted Tere Sang to be banned because a 15-year-old girl gets pregnant in that Bollywood movie.
Diggy Raja wanted it banned because he thought it was part of the Sangh Parivar and spelt as Tere Sangh.

∙ Why doesn’t Diggy Raja celebrate Vijay Dashami?
Because the RSS was founded on that day!

∙ Another Faaltu full form of RSS…
(Diggy) Raja’s Swayam-banaye-hue Surmises.

∙ During Independence, some Congress leaders wanted the RSS to merge with the Congress.
That contradiction made Diggy Raja’s head spin.
His head is still spinning.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Star Wars and Corruption Wars

Inspired by the two Hollywood Star Wars trilogies, Bollywood is making its own Corruption Wars trilogies. A sneak peek at what they are all about…

Episode I: The Anna Menace.
A fasting Yoda-like Phantom Hazare bursts into the national scene foxing the high and mighty of the land. He is being compared to Mahatma Gandhi. But doesn’t the Mahatma copyright lie solely with the Congress Empire? Sacrilege!

Episode II: The Attack of the Clones.
Main bhi
Anna, tu bhi Anna, saara desh hai Anna! Anna topis everywhere! Another copyright infringement on the Mahatma Gandhi topi legacy! But how does an Empire fight against thousands of Anna Clones?

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.
Both the Apprentice (Prime Minister) and Master (Congress Empire President) take their revenge when they end the Fast, agitation, get the Parliament to promise absolutely nothing concrete and after a few weeks it’s business as usual.

Episode IV: Corruption Wars: A New Hope.
But the fight against corruption continues and the Congress Empire keeps going on the backfoot as more and more skeletons keep jumping out of the closet. Tihar keeps adding more and more politicians. Bad news just refuses to go away even as offices like the CAG and courts tighten the screws.

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.
The Jedi brotherhood is almost disbanded. Team Anna is in total disarray. Hazare is on a maun vrat. Prashant Bhushan has been neutralized. Kiran Bedi faces corruption charges herself. Arvind Kejriwal has the I-T sword hanging on his head. Two other members quit and Justice Hegde has serious doubts about the whole campaign.

Episode VI: Return of the Anna.
Can Anna Hazare make a comeback? Can he silence his critics once and for all? Can he keep his promise to the nation? Can a strong Lokpal Act finally become a reality? Will electoral reform happen? This concluding trilogy is among the most eagerly awaited blockbusters in recent times.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru