Those lucky children of the dynasty…

Life doesn’t give us all a second chance.

But Rahul will get at least 10 more chances to become PM.

(Read: Lok Sabha Polls)

P.S. Priyanka aur Robert ka number bhi aayega! Abhi haso, baad main jhelo.

P.P.S. 2012 main Pappu fail ho gaya, par agle baar zaroor pass hoga! (Nahin to uske agle baar, nahin to uske bhi agle baar… till 2050)

© Sunil Rajguru

Every day is a Sonday 8…

∙ When I told him the US was involved in the Afghanistan war, he was aghast.
“But didn’t Obama get the Nobel Prize for Peace?”
“So is he allowed to do that?
“Then he might as well attach his Nobel Peace medal to a Cruise missile and send it to Afghanistan!

∙ Once I was having trouble explaining how America is the most powerful country in the world.
He asked, “Is it so powerful that it can get hold of any country and tell it to commit suicide?”

∙ His cyber jargon is everywhere. I asked him why he hadn’t gone for a bath yet when he said, “The water is still loading.” (The bucket was still filling with water)

∙ When I couldn’t get the gift he wanted on the day of his birthday, I promised to get a small gift that day and his actual one later.
He was very pleased and then looked worried.
He asked, “I hope this is not what they call Corruption!”

∙ His idea of a “political” joke…
He flew a plane and said, “It’s not going high.”
Then he wrote something on it and threw it and it went pretty high.
“Guess what I wrote,” he asked and showed me the plane.
He had written “Petrol prices” on both sides.

∙ At times it is very difficult to react to their absolutely nonsensical statements…
Once when I was discussing Shakespeare, he commented, “Shakespeare was a punk. Everyone writes better than him nowadays.”
I have absolutely no idea where children get such ideas from nowadays.

∙ Whenever he does something without our permission, he says that he is doing it “illegally”.

∙ It was tough watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with him.
He demanded to know the exact physical and mental age of Brad Pitt at the beginning of every new scene.

∙ Once while discussing the future of civil aviation, my son commented that in 2100, Indian planes would be like passenger trains, stopping at every city and there would be vendors yelling “chai chai” in the aisles.

∙ Me: When I was of your age, I used to eat less than half the amount of chocolates you eat.
Him: That’s nothing, when I’ll be of your age, I won’t be eating chocolates at all!

© Sunil Rajguru

2012 Assembly poll result musings…

Maya: Sab Rahul ne bigaada!
Rahul: Ye sab Maya hai!

∙ Akhilesh: Mere paas UP hai, satta hai, power hai, , future hai, state main goonda log, minorities, even middle class, sab kuch mere paas hai… tere paas kya hai?
Rahul: Mere paas maa hai!

∙ The Congress glass is half-full/half-empty spin (Con)…
Detractors: The glass is 7/8ths empty
Cong: The glass is 1/8ths full.
(Roughly based on UP Assembly seat share)

∙ RAHUL will now stand for Rahul After Humiliating Uttarpradesh Loss.
Or maybe…
Rahul nahin Akhilesh Hain Uttarpradesh ka Lal.

∙ In UP, BSP will stand for…
Bahumat: Samajwadi Party.

∙ Looks like Rahul gave more speeches than seats that the Congress party won.

∙ How Rahul spectacularly succeeded…
Rahul through his aggressive campaigning opened the eyes of the voters to Maya’s misrule. That’s why they promptly went ahead and voted for the SP!

∙ The Law of the Diminishing Dynasty…
Rajiv: 404 LS Seats.
Sonia: 206 LS seats.
Rahul: Less than 50 UP Assembly seats (In alliance!).

© Sunil Rajguru

Cricket then and now…

The more things change…

Pre-2011: You can’t win em all. (On home pitches)
Post-2011: You can lose em all! (On foreign pitches)

2007 WC: Nothing to celebrate.
2011 WC: No time to celebrate.

1996: Matches are fixed.
2012: Cricket is in a fix.

The more they remain the same…

1992: Sachin scores an international century after a year!
2012: Sachin scores an international century after a year?

1974: Sack the captain who won our first ever series on West Indies and England soil!
1987: Sack the captain who won us the World Cup!
1988-90 & 1996-07:  Sack whoever is the captain!
2012: Sack the captain who won us two world cups and the Test No. 1 crown!

© Sunil Rajguru

General musings for the day…

∙ Happy First Anniversary to Sachin’s 99th International 100.
Will you have many more?
(Mark your calendar for March 12, 2012)

∙ Sachin will probably retire on an innings of 99 not out and then retire from international cricket to prove a point.
(Even if that takes two years!)

∙ It was probably match-fixing between BCCI and Sahara…
Pehele inkaar, phir pyaar.

∙ If Behenji, Amma and Didi get together, then the acronym will be BAD… hmmm…

∙ Old saying: The last straw on the camel’s back.
New saying: The last nuke on the world’s back.
Reference: The alarming danger of Iran building their First Nuke which will probably happen to be the 31,234th nuke built in the world.

∙ Strange UPA mathematics…
(272 Lok Sabha Seats=Half-way mark.)
114 Seats=Out of power.
145 Seats=Shaky power for 5 years.
206 Seats=License for Dictatorship.

© Sunil Rajguru

February 2012 Status Updates

∙ India are the Fair Weather Chokers and the Do or Die World Champs.

∙ If Victory is our Religion, then Kohli is God.

(February 28)

∙ They may take away our victories, but they’ll never take away our freedom… (to call ourselves ODI World Champions till 2015)
-Indian Braveheart.

(February 26)

∙ IRAN now stands for… International Rage Against Nukes.

(February 17)

∙ Overheard in heaven…
Celebrity 1: My death got 4 million Google search pages.
Celebrity 2: My fan page message got 6 million likes.
Celebrity 3: That’s nothing. I went out at 10,000 Tweets per second!

(February 14)

∙ The UPA Ministers play a game call “Passing the Foot in the Mouth Parcel”.
Right now the parcel has stopped at Salman Khurshid.

(February 11)

∙ BCCI gets in the “All Out” mode after WC…
Gary Kirsten: Out! Nimbus: Out! Sahara: Out! Kochi Tuskers: Out! Pune Warriors: Out! Test No. 1 Status: Out! Indian Batsmen on Foreign Pitches: All Out! Third Umpire Decision Pending: Dhoni’s Captaincy & Seniors’ place in Test side.

(February 10)

∙ Political parties boasting in India…
Your (scam) is bigger than mine!

(February 9)

∙ Overheard…
1. Rahul is not looking good, send someone more inexperienced to make him look good.
Enter Priyanka!
2. Priyanka is not looking good, send someone more inexperienced to make her look good.
Enter Robert!
P.S. Why no Raabberrt jokes, Ajit fans?

∙ 1919: Nehru Dynasty begins.
1966: Extended to Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty.
2012: Extended to Nehru-Gandhi-Vadra Dynasty?

License license na raha, service service na raha, spectrum hame tera aitbaar na raha…

(February 7)

∙ The RSS Pariwar finally has a foil.
The Gandhi-Vadra Pariwar!

∙ Revised Indian telecom slogans…
Ab mera number (kata) hai.
Har ek
operator zaroori nahin hota hai.

∙ New Congress UP election offer…
3 for the price of 1!

(February 6)

∙ How will the great man’s career end?
Sachin: 100*.
Sachin: 99, Retired Hurt.

∙ Before the IPL auction, Bowler Jadeja goes for 5.33 R/O in a T20 game.
After the IPL auction, Bowler Jadeja goes for 15.37 R/O in an ODI game.

(February 5)

∙ Right now the 3 Cs of entertainment in India are…
Cricket. Cinema. Corruption.

(February 4)

∙ Unknown Progressive Alliance…
“There are known knowns,” Donald Rumsfeld.
“There are unknown unknowns,” UPA.
Exact magnitude of the 2G scam: Unknown.
Army chief’s age: Unknown.
Time when Lokpal will be passed: Unknown.
What Manmohan knows about all these scams: Unknown.
Existence of Governance within UPA: Unknown.

∙ Brick and mortar company: Earns $1 billion, worth $1 billion.
IT Company: Earns $1 billion, worth $10 billion.
Facebook: Earns $1 billion, worth $100 billion.

(February 3)

∙ BCCI must be seriously thinking of opting out of Tests and launching T10 cricket.
ICC chief bhi apna aadmi hai.
Big 3 also can debut as this new format won’t be that taxing at their age.

∙ Egypt.
1953: Fight for Republic.
2011: Fight for democracy.
2012: Fight for football.

∙ Even in the last IPL, CSK won all their matches at home and lost most of their matches away.
It’s a simple case of home sickness for bechra Dhoni!

(February 3)

∙ In 2011, India entered the Golden Age of Journalism… no shortage of scams, stories, confrontations, snafus…

(February 2)

∙ Democracy is the worst form of government, but there is no better.
-GB Shaw
Dhoni is the worst Indian Test captain, but there is no better.

∙ 20 June 2011.
The last India won ANY international cricket match on foreign soil.
17 matches and counting.
Make it laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarge!

(February 1)

© Sunil Rajguru