Iran nuke static…

West Asia peace going South… Middle East’s stuck in the middle…  I ran away with the nukes… Israel ho gaya hai derail… Obama ka drama… Cameron’s off too… So’s Hillary Clintoff… Ali Khamenei’s brought them on their knees… Ahmadinejad’s jihad… Egypt’s easy no more… Obama’s Nobel Prize of Piece(s)… Belligerent Benjamin Netanyahu’s NoToNukes… Shimon Peace?… or political nuclear meltdown…

© Sunil Rajguru

February 2012 Status Updates

∙ India are the Fair Weather Chokers and the Do or Die World Champs.

∙ If Victory is our Religion, then Kohli is God.

(February 28)

∙ They may take away our victories, but they’ll never take away our freedom… (to call ourselves ODI World Champions till 2015)
-Indian Braveheart.

(February 26)

∙ IRAN now stands for… International Rage Against Nukes.

(February 17)

∙ Overheard in heaven…
Celebrity 1: My death got 4 million Google search pages.
Celebrity 2: My fan page message got 6 million likes.
Celebrity 3: That’s nothing. I went out at 10,000 Tweets per second!

(February 14)

∙ The UPA Ministers play a game call “Passing the Foot in the Mouth Parcel”.
Right now the parcel has stopped at Salman Khurshid.

(February 11)

∙ BCCI gets in the “All Out” mode after WC…
Gary Kirsten: Out! Nimbus: Out! Sahara: Out! Kochi Tuskers: Out! Pune Warriors: Out! Test No. 1 Status: Out! Indian Batsmen on Foreign Pitches: All Out! Third Umpire Decision Pending: Dhoni’s Captaincy & Seniors’ place in Test side.

(February 10)

∙ Political parties boasting in India…
Your (scam) is bigger than mine!

(February 9)

∙ Overheard…
1. Rahul is not looking good, send someone more inexperienced to make him look good.
Enter Priyanka!
2. Priyanka is not looking good, send someone more inexperienced to make her look good.
Enter Robert!
P.S. Why no Raabberrt jokes, Ajit fans?

∙ 1919: Nehru Dynasty begins.
1966: Extended to Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty.
2012: Extended to Nehru-Gandhi-Vadra Dynasty?

License license na raha, service service na raha, spectrum hame tera aitbaar na raha…

(February 7)

∙ The RSS Pariwar finally has a foil.
The Gandhi-Vadra Pariwar!

∙ Revised Indian telecom slogans…
Ab mera number (kata) hai.
Har ek
operator zaroori nahin hota hai.

∙ New Congress UP election offer…
3 for the price of 1!

(February 6)

∙ How will the great man’s career end?
Sachin: 100*.
Sachin: 99, Retired Hurt.

∙ Before the IPL auction, Bowler Jadeja goes for 5.33 R/O in a T20 game.
After the IPL auction, Bowler Jadeja goes for 15.37 R/O in an ODI game.

(February 5)

∙ Right now the 3 Cs of entertainment in India are…
Cricket. Cinema. Corruption.

(February 4)

∙ Unknown Progressive Alliance…
“There are known knowns,” Donald Rumsfeld.
“There are unknown unknowns,” UPA.
Exact magnitude of the 2G scam: Unknown.
Army chief’s age: Unknown.
Time when Lokpal will be passed: Unknown.
What Manmohan knows about all these scams: Unknown.
Existence of Governance within UPA: Unknown.

∙ Brick and mortar company: Earns $1 billion, worth $1 billion.
IT Company: Earns $1 billion, worth $10 billion.
Facebook: Earns $1 billion, worth $100 billion.

(February 3)

∙ BCCI must be seriously thinking of opting out of Tests and launching T10 cricket.
ICC chief bhi apna aadmi hai.
Big 3 also can debut as this new format won’t be that taxing at their age.

∙ Egypt.
1953: Fight for Republic.
2011: Fight for democracy.
2012: Fight for football.

∙ Even in the last IPL, CSK won all their matches at home and lost most of their matches away.
It’s a simple case of home sickness for bechra Dhoni!

(February 3)

∙ In 2011, India entered the Golden Age of Journalism… no shortage of scams, stories, confrontations, snafus…

(February 2)

∙ Democracy is the worst form of government, but there is no better.
-GB Shaw
Dhoni is the worst Indian Test captain, but there is no better.

∙ 20 June 2011.
The last India won ANY international cricket match on foreign soil.
17 matches and counting.
Make it laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarge!

(February 1)

© Sunil Rajguru