Oppose Congress corruption…

…in front of Diggy Raja: You are RSS!

…in Cyberspace: That’s a hate crime!

…in Parliament: The BJP’s corrupt too!

…in front of Congress spokespersons: There is no corruption!

…in a nationwide agitation: You’re a criminal, off to Tihar!

…in a CAG report: The author has political ambitions!

…in court: The courts can’t decide policy!

…in front of the CBI: Err, isn’t CBI=Congress Bureau of Investigation?

…in mainstream media: Bias! Katju, where are you?

© Sunil Rajguru

August 2012 Status Updates

· When the UPA falls, there will be a great reduction in Noise Pollution levels thanks to the wind being taken out of the sails of the Congress spokespersons.

· Old speculation: Will the Sensex cross 20K?
New speculation: Will the next scam cross Rs 2 lakh crore?

(August 31)

· Come! Be corrupt. Bunk office. Don’t be accountable. Shout loudly at work. Go on junkets. Promote your children shamelessly. Get chargesheeted freely. Never retire. Live long.
(Ad for Indian politics)

· Modi made a really stupid statement on malnutrition.
Score: Modi: 1. Congress Spokespersons: 10,786.

· Kasa kay barah aahe?
I am Kasab bhai,
fret kartos bhai,
Still some time before I die…

(August 30)

· Confused birds: For Assam violence, Home Minister goes chicken (Pak Pak Pak Pak) and Prime Minister goes Tweet Tweet Tweet Tweet.

· The UPA machine can count only upto 12 digits.
Any number in 13 digits (1 lakh crore) and it sets itself to Zero.
Hence the multitude of “Zero Scams”.

· British rule: Loot India, subdue regional players, play politics of religion, believe in Queen and dynasty…
(Now replace British with Congress.)

· BJP twisted logic No. 24…
More the UPA works, the more scams it creates.
Parliament disruption leads to No Work = No Scams.

(August 29)

· Manmohan at NAM might well declare, “I am not aligned to any superpower scam!”

· Sholay ran for 5 years for its 15 crores.
Today films get Rs 100 crore in 5 days.
But Sholay still rules after 37 years.
These other films will be forgotten in 37 days.

· My wife complains that post-Twitter, my attention span is also 140 characters and that’s how much I listen to her at a time!

(August 28)

· Emergency 1975: Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi.
Emergency 2012: Hazaaron Scams Aisi.

· Coalgate was exactly the 1000th question that MMS had refused to answer to the nation and hence Hazaron jawabo se achchi hai khamoshi meri…

· 2009-12: UPA’s Opposition is Courts, CAG, Anna, Swamy and itself. BJP absent.
2012: BJP in the news only by being absent.

· PM Said: Hazaaron jawabo se acchhi hai meri khamoshi…
Unsaid: Hazaaron scams pe jawab dene se acchi hai khamoshi…

· Indian democracy…
Hamaam main sab nange,
Koyle ke khaan main sab kaale,
Hamaare saare vote bekaar.

(August 27)

· MSM agenda: Break the news. Break the back of Social Media news.

· Overseas: 10 Indian batsmen=1 Foreign one. Trent Bridge 2011: India 158. Bell 159. At home, reverse: NZ 159. Pujara 159.

· Armstrong. Live Strong. Fall Strong. Doping committee Headstrong?

(August 25)

· Coalgate: Right now the Congress and BJP are singing to each other: Jo tera hai who mera hai, jo mera hai who tera hai…

· Swamy and Chidu are like Bollywood brothers separated at birth.
Ek hero bana, ek villain bana.
Climax main kya hoga?

· Casablanca quotes for TV…
Breaking News! Let’s have a panel discussion! Round up the usual suspects!
Anchors to Usual Suspects: I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

· The Cricketing Monk who sold his Ferrari and gave away his BMW.

(August 24)

· Right now Cheteshwar Pujara is The Brick. It takes time to build The Wall.
(Note: Gavaskar, Manjrekar & Dravid were called The Wall in that order).

· Pre 1947: Angrez. Post 1947: Congrez.

· There’s a Coald war between the Congress & BJP over a Coallosal scam.
The BJP thinks the Coalition with Coallapse.
Coald comfort! Coald shoulder in Parliament won’t work.

· This is the first time in years we won’t be able to unleash the D/L method on our Test opponents.

(August 23)

∙ NDA, 1998-2004: We can’t help it, we are clearing the mess the Congress made.
UPA, 2004-12: We can’t help it, we are simply following the policies of NDA.
Third Front, 2014: We don’t care. Either way, you’re screwed!

∙ Everyone will get their 15 minutes of fame.
Every Modi basher will get his or her 15 years of fame.

∙ Wilfred Rhodes of England played Test cricket till the age of 52.
Sachin Tendulkar has declared that will be the last record he will break before retiring.
(Just joking!)

∙ Congress: Ban SMS!
Internet Hindus: Ban MSM!

∙ Coalmine: A mine from which coal is obtained.
Coalnotmine: Both the BJP and Congress blaming the other for Coalgate.
Scam? Not mine!

∙ 2004 reality: BJP is Bad so let’s replace it with something Worse. Enter the Congress.
2014 expectation: Congress is Worse so let’s upgrade to the Worst and Hang Parliament.

(August 22)

∙ Forecast: Dark Knight (Rahul) to Rise in 2014 thanks to the likes of Bane (Prasad Verma).

∙ In 2014, Rahul will act in a movie called Ek Tha Dynasty.

∙ Beni Prasad Verma is happy with both Financial Inflation (as symbolised by UPA2) and Intellectual Recession (as symbolised by Rahul Gandhi).

∙ SMS temporarily stands for Scarce Messaging Service.

∙ Today will be celebrated as Happy Inflation Day! (Patron: Beni Prasad Verma)

Ek anar (Rahul) sau bimaar (entire Congress leadership).

(August 20)

∙ Before you find out whether a movie starring the 3 Khans, Devgan or Akshay is great or pathetic, it has already made Rs 100 crores. Business beats Logic any day.

(August 19)

∙ BSY should be renamed the Trinity.
He Created the BJP government in Karnataka; he Preserved his chair for years and now he is bent on Destroying his party in the state.

(August 18)

∙ As the Centre watches, the North East madness goes West and then South.

∙ Asylum is fine. But will Assange be able to “Leak” into Ecuador wiki wiki?

(August 16)

Gali gali main shor hain,
Sab neta chor hain,
Par ye
corruption andolan ab bore hain.

(August 13)

∙ What the UP minister actually meant…
Steal a little (crores), but don’t loot (lakhs)…

∙ The writings relating to Chetan Bhagat are infinitely more interesting than the writings of Chetan Bhagat.

∙ 1980s Bollywood cliche: Bas chahiye naukri aur chhokri.
2012 Baba Bhagat wisdom: Young India wants good job and girlfriend.
P.S. Girls are not part of Young India or do they want girlfriends too?

(August 10)

Main bhi Anna, tu bhi Anna aur lo ban gaya Anna ek aur neta.

(August 5)

∙ Bharatiya Anna Party. Indian National Anna. Anna Party of India. Annawadi Party. Anna Dal. Team Anna Anshan Party. Team Anna (United)…

(August 3)

∙ If only Team Anna could get one vote for every Anna status message in cyberspace, it’d get a landslide in 2014!

Bura na maano Rakhi hai!
Today is the birth day of many new brothers.

(August 2)

© Sunil Rajguru