#IndVsEng series musings…

Jo shatak banayega wohi Sikander.
#Sachin
Jo Jeeta wohi Sikander.
#Sachin
MC-BC. Sikander gaya tel lene.
Shatak bhi mera, jeet bhi meri!
#Kohli

Test captaincy.
Test anchor.
ODI anchor.
iT20 anchor.
RCB captaincy.
RCB anchor.
3500+ runs in all the above.
Pressure? Woh kya hota hai?
#Kohli

Batsman Kohli—May surpass Sachin.
Captain Kohli—May surpass Dhoni.
Spinner Ashwin—May surpass Kumble.
All-rounder Ashwin—May surpass Kapil.

Batting Averages.
Great player…
Tests—55.
ODIs—50.
iT20s—40.
Kohli…
Tests—50.
ODIs—53.
iT20s—57.

Only two active cricketers have scored more than 650 runs in a Test series versus Australia in Australia.
#Cook #Kohli
Funny Anderson thinks Kohli needs pitches to score.

Prophecy: A Karnataka batsman will cross 200 at the Chennai Test.
Rahul out on 199: Damn! The prophecy was wrong!
Karun Nair: No it wasn’t!

#Dravid #Kumble #Laxman #Dhoni #Kohli
Greater match-winners than Sachin.
Sachin is not even the greatest in his own team.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India-England debacle musings…

Globalization of cricket…
When a bunch of Indians fail in England, Australia, South Africa and New Zealand, sack those who are from Zimbabwe and Australia.
‪#‎Fletcher‬ ‪#‎Dawes‬ ‪#‎Penney‬

Ravi “Interim” Shastri…
1987/88/91: Interim ODI Captain.
1988: Interim Test Captain.
2007: Interim Manager/Coach.
2014: Interim Director.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Oval massacre musings…

(Ref: Fifth India-England Test.)

In 2011, the English coach showed his cricket team Lagaan.
He is still getting his ROI over that masterstroke to this very day.

2011: 0-4.
Ab tumhe teeguna lagaan dena padega.
2012: 1-2.
Ab tumhe paanch guna lagaan dena padega.
2014: 1-3.
Ab… abbe tumne hame bankrupt kar diya teen-teen din main match khatam kar ke. Kam ticket sales aur ads se barbaad ho gaye hum! Ab dus guna lagaan dene ka bhi koi faayada nahin hai!

The next angry birds game will feature Indian batsmen as the targets and become popular among cricket fans.

Critic: What kind of a game is Test cricket? You don’t get a result in 5 days?
Indian fan: Oh, we are masters. We can get a result in 3 days flat.

The Indian batsmen’s favourite nursery rhyme is…
Ring a Ring o’ Roses.
They especially love the part…
Atishoo, atishoo, we all fall down!

Team India seniors get Rs 5 lakh per Test, or Rs 1 lakh a day.
By losing in 3 days, they’re getting Rs 1.67 lakh a day.
Boora khelo, jyaada paisa kamao!!!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Total time pass of a vella Indian cricket fan…

How the Indian cricket team celebrated Independence Day…

The 11 batsmen scored the following amount of runs…
18-0-4-6-0-82-5-13-5-1-7.

If you rearrange the above numbers, then you get…
15-08-2014. 68. 1,3,5,7…..

15-08-2014 stands for 15th August 2014, the Independence Day on which they scored these runs.

68 stands for India’s 68th Independence Day.

The progressive sequence 1,3,5,7… stands for the resolve on this day to keep doing better from now on.

Ref: Fifth India-England Test at the Kensington Oval.
#IndVsEng #Oval

© Sunil Rajguru

Day 1 musings from Oval Test…

(Ref: Fifth India-England Test.)

India’s last 3 Test innings, runs scored by…
All batsmen = 117.
All bowlers = 141.
Dhoni = 180.

Team India is the new brand ambassador for Rupa.
With so many rest days after early Test results they’ll say…
Ye aaraam ka maamla hai!

Indian Test batsmen looking at the red cricket ball and singing…
Ye laal rang kab mujhe chhodega…

Dhoni’s autobiography will be…
Last Man Standing.
First in ODIs, now in Tests too.

Tests then…
Aaj Sachin century maarega kya?
Now…
Aaj India century maarega kya?

August 15, 1947: Indians get Independence from the English.
August 15, 2014: Indian batsmen get quick Independence from English bowlers.

Finish the Tests in 3 days, destroy the ECB economy and relax for 2 days.
Smart strategy!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Old Trafford loss musings…

Ref: Fourth India-England Test at Old Trafford.

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust,
If Andy won’t get you, Broad must,
If Broad’s nose has gone bust,
Then in Moeen you can trust.

What do you think of the collapse?
Pappu: It is just a state of mind.
But what is the solution?
Pappu: The batsmen have to be empowered.

If England played with 10 bowlers we’d still be unable to get them all out.
If India played with 10 bowlers, we’d still make the same amount of runs.

Old…
Tigers at home, lambs abroad.
New…
Tigers at home, ducks abroad.

Fletcher before…
Don’t be a chicken or a cowardly or fearful person.
Indian batsmen: OK!
After…
Arrrgghhh!!!! A duck’s much worse!

On the English menu…
1. Duck soup.
2. Bombay duck.
3. Roast duck.
4. Pressed duck.
5. Peking duck.
6. Duck à l’orange.

What’s your phone number?
England: 40000001

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Lord’s Test match report…

England on the Matt at Lord’s. Indians Cooked their goose with a Ballanced all-round performance. Alarm Bells were ringing in the dressing room as they got out to horrendous Stokes. They will have to bring about Broad-based changes and get to the Root of the problem. Same tactics will work no more. Now a grim reAlity stares England in the face. Such a defeat by India would have been discussed even by our parLiament. As for the last ball of the match, one can only quote the Matrix
You hear that Mr Anderson?… That is the sound of inevitability… It is the sound of your death… Goodbye, Mr Anderson…

(Reference: India-England Second Test, 2014)

© Sunil Rajguru

Lord’s Test victory musings…

Charles Dickens on Ishant Sharma…
He was the best of bowlers, he was the worst of bowlers, he had a mind of wisdom, he had a mind of foolishness, his bowling was the epoch of belief, his bowling was the epoch of incredulity, he was the season of Light, he was the season of Darkness, he gave his fans the spring of hope, he gave his fans the winter of despair…
#IndVsEng #Lords

Captain MS Dhoni is in the Guinness Book of World Records for the largest collection of victory stumps in the world.

Rohit ka majaak udaaya: ODI 200 maara.
Jadeja ka majaak udaaya: Sir ban gaya.
Ishant ka majaak udaaya: 7-for@Lord’s.
Ab kiska majaak udaane waale ho?
#TeamIndia

A tale of three Sharmas…
Ishant on the field.
Rohit on the bench.
Anushka in the pavilion.

Strange Twitter…
Ishant took 7.
Bhuvi took 6.
Rahane hit a ton.
Vijay belted 95.
Sir Jadeja dazzled.
And Virat Kohli is trending!

Indian bowlers treat the innings like a video game…
Level 1—Top order—Easy to dismiss.
Level 2—Middle order—Average.
Level 3—Tail—Very difficult.

(Reference: India-England Second Test, 2014)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Lords Test victory: Numerology for the sake of numerology…

7 is captain MS Dhoni’s lucky number.

Ishant Sharma took 7 wickets for the first time ever 7 years after he made his Test debut in 200”7”.

In both innings of India a match saving/winning partnership came after the 7th wicket fell.

The victory took place on the 7(7X1)th month of the 14(7X2)th year and on the date 21 (7X3) while India won after 28(7X4) years in Lords.

(Reference: India-England Second Test, 2014)

© Sunil Rajguru

Trent Bridge Test musings…

Three Tall Tails at the Trent Bridge Test.
#IndVsEng

Team India can snatch victory/defeat/draw from the jaws of defeat/draw/victory.
#IndVsEng #Cricket

It is just a matter of time before a tail-ender hits a triple century against India in a Test match.
#IndVsEng #Cricket

2010: The last time Team India made a Test score of 450+ in a foreign Test innings.
Like a World Cup, does it happen every 4 years?
#IndVsEng

Last time Indian openers put up a 50-run Test partnership on foreign soil: July 23, 2011.
Last time 10th wicket partnership put up a 50-run Test partnership on foreign soil: July 10, 2014.

#ThinkLarge
#5Tests
#18SquadPlayers
#5Bowlers
#IndVsEng
#TrentBridge

These versions by Sunil Rajguru