November 2011 Status Updates

∙ India Philosophy: Take two steps forward and one step backward.
New India Oil Price Philosophy: First hike price by 2 Rupees, then reduce by 1 Rupee.

∙ Pakbanistan… ban Facebook, YouTube… ban cricketers… ban SMS Text words… ban NATO’s supply route… ban Bollywood’s Dirty Picture… ban BBC… in fact ban everything except Taliban…

∙ Match report…
India snatched defeat from the jaws of victory yet again…
…only the West Indies got furious and snatched it right back!

(November 30)

∙ Tests + ODIs combined results…
England main 0-7, aur ab home soil pe 7-0 (Eng +WI)…
Team India’s new logo: Win or Lose, Make it Large!
P.S. In WC also: In 2007, they exited in Round 1. In 2011 did a record Final chase.

(November 26)

∙ Chain reaction… Global economy slaps India… UPA government slaps continuous hikes… Man slaps Sharad Pawar… NCP slaps Maharashtra… Aage kya hoga?

∙ Mr Sharad Pawar meets Mr Slap Power.

(November 24)

∙ That country is sure undergoing severe PMS.
(Pakistani Messaging Service).

(November 23)

∙ Today’s PJ…
Devotee: Oh God! Please let Sachin score his Mahashatak ASAP!
God: Why don’t you guys just leave me alone and let me concentrate on my batting!
Devotee: Aila Sachin!
Note: Tum hi log bolte rahate ho ki Sachin is God…

(November 22)

∙ Masterchef India was always less cooking and more nautanki.
They realised they had a problem.
So now they’ve doubled the nautanki.

(November 13)

∙ Has anyone else noticed that the Aishwarya-Abhishek Bachchan child was probably conceived about a month before Sachin Tendulkar scored his 99th Century?
(Section: Amazing Facts about the Mahashatak)

(November 12)

∙ There is only one way India can Lose in a Fourth Innings Test chase…
…and that is if we Lose VVS Laxman’s wicket!
The God of Fourth Innings strikes again!

∙ When I was small, my mother decided which friends I should listen to.
Now the Facebook Algorithm has taken over that responsibility!

(November 9)

∙ What Agnivesh said: I am going to use Bigg Boss to address social issues.
What he meant: I am using it to address financial and publicity issues.

∙ Mamata’s masterstroke: Either roll back the petrol price hike, or pay the cumulative amount lost by all of India’s petrol consumers in the form of financial aid to my State (West Bengal).

(November 8 )

∙ Swami Agnivesh in Bigg Boss?
Don’t we already have a national level political and media powered anti-corruption reality show with Anna Hazare as the Big Boss?

∙ Someone please organize a Bangladesh-Zimbabwe-India ODI triangular series and Sachin can score his 100th ton and we all can quietly move on in life and cricket.

(November 7)

∙ Satyam Raju’s release followed a predictable pattern…
First Jail. Then case Fail. Hence Bail.

(November 4)

∙ After the commercial success of Ra.One, SRK is changing his name to Sabki Lee.

(November 3)

© Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 9…

First Pak official: There’s a mistake here… it says “Unclear Safeguard Plan”. Shouldn’t it be “Nuclear Safeguard Plan”?
Second Official: Both spellings are correct.

Indian Official:
I cannot give a positive spin on oil prices any more.
PM: Please explain to them that in exactly the same way that I am in charge of the government and not the Congress President; the oil companies are in charge of the oil prices and not the government!

First Official: Anna Hazare, nuclear plants, Chidambaram, 2G… we need something to take the heat away from these issues…
Second Official: FDI in retail?

© Sunil Rajguru