The Let’s give each other the Bharat Ratna Game…

The “You scratch my back, I scratch yours” troika of founding fathers…

In 1954, Jawaharlal Nehru recommended that Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan get the Bharat Ratna and Rajendra Prasad conferred it to him.

In 1955, Jawaharlal Nehru recommended that Jawaharlal Nehru get the Bharat Ratna and Rajendra Prasad conferred it to him.

In 1962, Jawaharlal Nehru recommended that Rajendra Prasad get the Bharat Ratna and Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan conferred it to him.

Like father like daughter…

In 1971, Indira Gandhi recommended that Indira Gandhi get the Bharat Ratna and VV Giri conferred it to her.

In 1975, Indira Gandhi recommended that VV Giri get the Bharat Ratna and VV Giri’s successor conferred it to him.

© Sunil Rajguru

Modi and other political musings…

Modi: There is no humour in Parliament.
Pappu: I protest! You are wrong as usual! What about the Congress being reduced to a joke?

Started in 2002, it still continues…
Baithe, baithe, kya karein? Karna hai kuch kaam,
Shuru karo ek cooked up story, leke Modi ka naam!

Rome wasn’t built in a day.
10 years wasn’t enough time for Sonia.
What? Modi hasn’t transformed India in 3 months?

The Congressi Ratna…
23 political party members won the Bharat Ratna.
All 23 were current/former members of the Congress party.

Nehruvian Consensus is a misnomer.
Nehru was an autocrat and half his Cabinet quit in protest.
It should be Nehruvian Diktat.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India’s glorious Bharat Ratna…

If you become the first person in the history of the world to climb Mount Everest, you get India’s third highest award, the Padma Bhushan.
(Tenzing Norgay)

If you lead your army to the most decisive war in your country’s history and liberate a brand new country, you get India’s second highest award, the Padma Vibhushan.
(Field Marshal Sam Manekshaw)

Wow, that means all the people who won India’s highest award, the Bharat Ratna, must be the greatest people who ever walked this Earth!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Terms and conditions for the Bharat Ratna…

Congratulations! You are the proud recipient of a Bharat Ratna.

Here are the following terms and conditions that come along with it…

1. You cannot endorse Narendra Modi for Prime Minister in absolutely any way. That will severely devalue the Ratna. We may then consider withdrawing it.

2. You now rank seventh in order of precedence: Above CMs and Governors outside their respective States. That means outside Gujarat, you rank above Modi and hence he is beneath you and hence there is no need for you to endorse him in the first place! Plus if you visit Gujarat, then you will become below Modi, so under any circumstances, do not visit Gujarat!

3. You will sever all links (if any) with the Shiv Sena, the MNS, the RSS and any right-wing Fascist forces.

4. You will always be a paragon of secularism and shun anything to do with any form of communalism whatsoever.

5. This decision may be used for political mileage and we may invoke you in our election campaign.

6. We may be voted out in the next general elections and the next government may try to impose new terms and conditions on your Ratna. We hope then you will fondly remember who gave it to you in the first place!

Happy gloating!

Warm regards,

The Grand Old Party of India

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Jab MF Hussain sahab zinda the…

Jab zinda hain to joote pheko, jab mare to maala pahanao tasveer ko,
Jab zinda hain to nautanki artist, jab mare to sirf hamra Picasso,

Jab zinda hain to parties chup, jab mare to dukh khed aur Bharat Ratna ki baat,
Jab zinda hain to anti-national, jab mare to true Indian and Hindu to boot,

Jab zinda hain to har cheez galat, jab mare to har cheez sahi,
Life hi hain sabse badi galti, maut se badkar koi cheez nahin.

© Sunil Rajguru

5 things required ASAP vis a vis Sachin Tendulkar…

The following things should be done immediately for World Peace, Fan Peace and Peace on TV channels…

1. Mr Manmohan Singh, please give Sachin the Bharat Ratna.
More Indians want this man to get it than all the supporters of all the Bharat Ratna awardees combined.

2. Mr Ajay Maken, begin your tenure in style.
Institute a “Sachin Tendulkar Maha Global Sportsman Award” and give Donald Bradman the first one posthumously.

3. Mr Shashank Manohar, may a foreign player be allowed to join IPL only after he has signed a statement stating Sachin is the greatest of all.
I doubt whether they read the fine print anyway, they just want the moolah!

4. Someone get hold of Pele, Federer and Woods… anyone and get them to make a statement that Sachin is the greatest sportsperson of all time.

5. There are tonnes of Indian billionaires.
Can’t one of them buy Sports Illustrated Magazine and do a cover story on how Sachin’s the greatest of all time?

© Sunil Rajguru

Late recognition

It is the general practice for an individual to first get national and then international recognition for any outstanding achievement. In this country, the contrary seems to be true. That was proved by the fact that Mother Teresa got the Nobel Prize in 1979 and the Bharat Ratna a year later in 1980. The same has been the case with Satyajit Ray.

Right from Pather Panchali in 1955, Mr Ray has been steadily producing films of great acclaim. Now, when he has been given the Oscar, the government wakes up and confers upon him the Bharat Ratna and gets Doordarshan to telecast his films.

(This appeared as a Letter to the Editor in The Times of India)

The Devalued Ratna

The Bharat Ratna awards have been made a mockery in the past few years. The last worthy recipient of this award was Acharya Vinobha Bhave in 1983. After that all the awards given, without exception, have been controversial. MGR was conferred with this award posthumously. A political stunt. Ambedkar was rightly given the award, but after nearly 40 years. Then it was awarded to Nelson Mandela, who is not even an Indian. The honour bestowed on the other non-Indian though was fully justified. Khan Abdul Ghaffar Khan was an Indian before Partition and had contributed immensely towards the freedom struggle and he fully deserved it. Conferring Morarji Desai with the Bharat Ratna was the biggest joke, and his accepting was more so, considering his totally negative attitude towards the awards which he himself abolished as prime minister. Like Ambedkar, Sardar Patel deserved it too. But not as an afterthought after so many years. These last few years have nullified the glory of the prestigious Bharat Ratna, the highest award of this land.

(This appeared as a Letter to the Editor in the Illustrated Weekly of India magazine in 1991)