Random Thoughts 8

· At times…
…there is so much talk of Connectivity, that I feel Disconnected.
…there is so much talk of the Online World, that I feel totally Put Off.
…there is so much talk of the Unlimited potential of Cyberspace, that I feel Cramped.

· If the Earth stopped rotating and moving around the Sun and the Moon drifted off, then would the Days, Months and Years cease to exist? Would we become immortal in some quaint way?

· Isn’t there any software that makes Human Beings Interoperable?

· In 2570 BC, the Great Pyramid of Giza became the tallest man-made structure at 146 metres. Recently, Burj Khalifa claimed that record at 828m. Forget 828m, Bangalore (the place where I live) is yet to break the record set about 4500 years ago.

· You should use the Mobile phone when you are mobile. When you become stationary for long period of time: Switch the mobile off.

© Sunil Rajguru

Short Takes December 2009

· Today’s Wisdom: Stress pushes up cholestrol levels. Eating what you want makes you happy, hence stress-free. Eating what you don’t like stresses you, pushing up cholestrol. You do the Maths!

(December 29)

· When will the “Obama Hype Era” end?

· Thank God Headley is not being extradited to India. otherwise we would have had a Kasab Part 2

· The Kotla Pitch is actually the graveyard of the Future of Sporting ODI pitches in India. Now everyone will say: Make it Flat & Dead, let all the teams make 300-400. I’m Happy: You’re Happy.

(December 28)

· Tiger Woods has 14 major Pro titles in 10 odd years. And it was revealed that he had 14 girlfriends in 2009. Now that’s really balancing your personal-professional life perfectly!

· India finally has an answer to Tiger Woods: Tiger Tiwari!

· T… T… T… Telangana… T… T… T…Tiwari… T… T… T…Tera kya hoga re Andhra Pradesh?

(December 26)

· Dan Brown’s Lost Symbol should be called The Lost Plot (or The Lost Climax) (But I’m still a fan)

· Split Andhra… Split Jharkhand verdict… Split Home Ministry… This country has a splitting headache.

· A girl is molested. Her family is harassed. She commits suicide. More harassment. A 19-year wait. 6 months imprisonment. A 1000-Rupee fine. Justice Denied, Delayed, Mocked and Nullified?

· Overheard: Indian Fielder to Lankan Fielder: Tera haath mera haath se slippery kaisa? Raaz kya hain?

· Indo-Lanka Series Review: Matches 1&2: Batsman Star Wars. Match 3: The Bowling Empire Strikes Back. Match 4: Return of the Batting Jedis…

(December 25)

· Ah! I love the Cold Night Dew when India is chasing in a cricket match!

· A lesson on how to chase 300+ in singles.

· Mahi ke bina Way, Yuvi ke bina Raj! India all the way..

· Captain Dhoni and Matchwinner Yuvraj both missing. Cool! We’ll just do a Eden Garden Record Chase of 300+, Thank You!

· Will there be Tele-presence in Hyderabad, or will it go Independent?

· Dan Brown should write only the first 95% of each of his novels. The Final 5% he should leave to another writer, a good finisher. The results would be awesome.

(December 24)

· Andhra main sirf Telangana raaj karega… baaki sab issues gaye Tel lene…

· They recently discovered a planet with water. Cool! So if we ever run out of water, we have to travel just 40 light years to get some more…

(December 23)

· We are all waiting for the the Modern World’s First Big Environmental Global Disaster. Action will be taken after that. Till then enjoy life, bicker and rejoice compromises…

· Sometimes I think Kasab doesn’t exist & he’s a fictional character like Santa Claus

(December 22)

· Breaking News: The Copenhagen Summit just increased the temperature of the Earth by 0.00000000001 degrees!

· The Climate Meeting was a great success! We have agreed on the Agenda of the next Climate Meeting!

· Copenhagen. The Day After. Business as usual.

· If you really want to check climate change, then you don’t need a fancy summit at a fancy venue to do so.

· We will climb all the No. 1 pinnacles in cricket except the No. 1 in Fielding…

(December 19)

· Ek din ki chandini, phir andheri din/raat match hain…

· Change, like Charity, begins at home. But Climate Change, it seems, has to begin in the other person’s home.

· Golfer: OK, I’ll g… g… g… g…give up g… g… g… g…golf. Wife: The G word is Girlfriend you idiot, not Golf! Bye!

· Just like a Random Number Generator, the Twitter Home Page is a Random Message Generator

· Change Of Political Environment Not Happening Again, Greenbacks Ensure Nothing

(December 18)

· Kyoto. Bonn. Milan… Copenhagen… Venues anek. Nateeja ek?

· In the future, Tiger Woods will be respected and admired as the man who gave up both Golf and Girlfriends for his wife.

Googly Wave. Mere liye to woh ek Googly hi hain.

(December 15)

· For Google it was Brave, for most of us it was as dead as a Grave, anyone still want Wave?

· Looks like the slowdown has ended in India. OK! Now you can start wasting money, buying things you don’t really need and putting your money in highly risky money-making schemes.

· Dharti Maa hamse bahut naraaz aur ghusse se garam hain, isiliye Global Warming ho raha hain, sirf pradushan ke waje se nahin

· Pak’s employer is the US Govt. Their PR agency is the Taliban. Their policies are more about foreigners than citizens. Pak desperately needs a Second Independence.

· Post-Telangana, the concept of Mil baat ke khaayenge has been taken to a totally new level.

(December 14)

· So Tiger Woods is not in competition with Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer etc, but with Bill Clinton, Hugh Hefner and Casanova.

· Facebookers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your brains!

· With the retirement of Bajaj Scooters, a Bit of the Old India just died.

· Raja says 3G in India is on schedule. He is right actually. He had probably scheduled it for 2015 in the first place.

· Green Summits aate hain, Green Summits jaate hain, par CO2 emissions wahi pe raha jaate hain…

· Indian Fielders were playing for Lankan Batsman. Lankan Fielders were playing for Indian Batsman. That’s one battle that the Lankan Fielders won.

· That’s why it’s called a Great Match. Our pathetic fielding was Matched by Lanka. India 211/11 beat Lanka 206/13

· Al-Qaeda can’t be defeated till Osama killed: US. That means if he’s already dead, then the US have already beaten Al-Qaeda, only they don’t know it.

(December 13)

· RGV is coming out with Rann 2 featuring the Telangana crisis. The theme song will be: Telan-Gana-Mana adhinayak jaya hain…

· Meri saas aspatal main. Biwi ghar chod ke chali gayi. Teesri, chauthi, paanchvi… (bolte rahahiye) aurat ka pol khul gaya. Ye sab shaurat, naam mitti main mil gaya… Main ek vishaal golfer bol raha hu, koi Ekta Kapoor character nahin!

· Angrez jaake 62 saal ho gaye, par “Divide and Rule” ka keeda ab tak Bharatvarsha ke system main buland hain…

(December 12)

· Very soon Farmville may demand statehood from Facebook (Which is already the 3rd biggest country in the world)

· From “Akhand Bharat” to Khandistan…

· KCR is the New Mahatma. Hyderabad is the New Chandigarh. Manmohan is the New Nehru.

· Change is inevitable. So is Climate Change. Change is resisted. So is Climate Change. Ultimately Change is accepted and adapted to. So will Climate Change be. Copenhagen will not even be able to reduce even the gas in the speeches of world leaders.

(December 11)

· Andhra Pradesh just went on a diet and shed a few districts. This fad may Fast catch on in other States.

(December 10)

· Sachin will retire from ODIs when he has 50 100s and a 100 50s.

· Carbon emissions 5% jyaada ho rahe hain, 5% kam karo… is-se vishaal duniya ko sacchi main kuch farak padega kya? Is Mother earth impressed?

· Woh Sikander hi dosto… kahalata hain… jyaada ICC anko ko jeetna… jise aata hain…

· Zimbly weight for thee Dubai griziz to enfold, eet eez note aze baed aze u theengk.

(December 7)

· South Africa were Test No. 1 for a record Less Time. Now that’s one record we don’t want to break!

· Don’t know if Copenhagen will reduce the Global Climate, but it has sure heated the Global Political Climate, especially in India.

· Dhoni ka hat-trick! At some point in his tenure, India has been No. 1 in T20s, ODIs and Tests!

(December 6)

· Great! After some decades, maybe a few hundred billion dollars and the loss of thousands of lives, the US is finally acting tough with Pak. (But is it really?)

· The Sehwag Saga… 309: The Fast & the Furious. 319: 2Fast2Furious. If not today, I’m sure that 3F3F will come one day…

· If the US wasn’t a friend of Pak, I think today Pak would have been much more balanced and developed…

(December 4)

·Bush let Osama get away because if he had caught him, then he would have had nothing left to do after that..

· Somewhere along the way, Sehwag lost his Test & ODI technique… so he simply decided to use his T20 technique in all forms of the game.

(December 3)

· 1 2 ka 4, 4 2 ka 1, yahi hain India ki ICC ranking ki kahani…

(December 2)

· “Change” has come in Indo-US ties. From “I Love Bush” it’s “I’ll do whatever Obama says”

(December 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 3

· All the roads, walls and grounds in India are public toilets. Our Nation should be renamed UriNation.

· Credit Cards should actually be called Debt Cards. Debt Cards and Debit Cards go well together.

· If horns and honking was banned on Indian roads, then most motorists would die of boredom and silence.

· Why call them Moral Police? Immoral Goondas would be better.

· Population Explosion? I think it has already happened in India and we are living in the Post-Blast Holocaust.

· It’s not death I’m scared of… it’s rebirth…

· Inventions keep continuously coming and make things easier and easier for us… then why is life getting tougher and tougher?

· The more you progress, the more time you spend working hard at doing nothing.

· Is Wikipedia turning into a Weakipedia?

© Sunil Rajguru

Short Takes November 2009

· India and US are natural allies. But then the US always has unnatural choices.

· Is it me or is India suddenly getting very weak-kneed vis a vis US, China and Climate Change. Congress: Strong nationally, Weak internationally?

· Karl Marx died in 1883. China liberalized in 1978. The Berlin Wall fell in 1989. Russia launched shock therapy economic reforms in 1991. So what’s with West Bengal? Till when will their Laissez-faire last?

· In the last 5 years, there have been more Elvis Sightings than Osama Sightings.

(November 30)

· With the Smita episode, we finally have a Sasur-Bahu Saga.

(November 29)

· The Gulf’s Ivory Towers are sinking in Economic Quicksand. When Recession seems to be receding in one country, it goes on the ascendant in another one.

· Zardari wanted to be like Obama. But the way his poweres are diminishing, he’ll end up like Pratibha Patil.

· Sangh Parivar bikhra. Sena Parivar Bikhra. Kayam hain Gandhi Dynasty. Unka catchline: Majboot Pariwar, Nirnayak Sarkar.

(November 28)

· 26/11. A year on. We’re just as vulnerable. No new comprehensive strategy. Kasab still undergoing trial. The state and central Govts still the same! India never learns from its mistakes, where history repeats itself as a farce over and over again.

· Indo-Amrika Bhai-Bhai, beech main hain bas Pak ki Khai…

(November 25)

· I don’t understand China’s assertiveness: Manmohan. Nehru said the same thing and look what happened!

· 1992 was the Year that Babri Masjid was demolished. 2009 was the Year that the BJP was demolished.

· African Americans constitute 13.4% of the US population. Sikhs constitute 1.9% of the Indian population. It’s a great moment when two great leaders of the world’s two biggest democracies shake hands…

(November 24)

· I don’t think we would get the Nobel Prize for Filth. Somebody would beat us there too…

· Why is the ICC suppressing national teams playing T20s? Very few matches apart from the WC. On the other hand non-national team leagues are being done to death. But then again, contradictions define the ICC: International Committee of Contradictions.

· Reddy’s Philosophy: Everything is Mine. Yeddy’s Counter Philosophy: We are a team, there is no place for “Mine”.

(November 22)

· A report says that India’s population will be close to 2 billion by 2050. Where will the extra people live? Or will we be forced to have a billion NRIs at that point of time?

(November 21)

· Kabhi 32/4, Kabhi 412/4* (Sirf chaar din ka farak): Nobody Swings like the Indian Cricket Team, not even an old cricket ball…

(November 20)

· Bow to Japan, kowtow to China, dollar chow to Pakistan, no nuclear know-how for Iran and consistent dipolmatic pow-wow with India: The sum of Obama’s Foreign Policy.

· Maharashtra grew up in the nineties and was at its pinnacle. Now it is going through a mid-life-crisis. Hope it gets out of it and becomes wise and mature soon.

· First the Ore Commitee Threat and now the Core Committee Threat, Yeddy is still not out of the woods.

· Gold touches 17K (May go down). Sensex touches 17K (Has to go down). Sachin touches 17K (Atleast you know he’ll most probably touch 20K and stay there!)

(November 19)

· The weekend always seems so far off. And when it finally comes, it’s gone in a flash!

· Suna hain Teacher Amrika ne Bharat aur Pak ke jhagde ke liye Class Monitor Cheen ko niyukta kiya hain. Bharat Beta thoda mayoos hain kyuni use laga tha ki 2009 main kuch accha “Badlav” aane wala tha…

(November 18)

· Maharashtra has only one true Tiger. And he plays cricket. All the rest are pale imitations.

· A generation of cricketers learnt cricket watching Sachin on TV. Then that generation got a chance to play with Sachin in the team. Then that generation retired. And Sachin’s still playing…

(November 17)

· Coalition Delay Drama. Raj-Azmi. More MLA hungama. Kurban Protests… Is anyone even “thinking” about any of the real problems Maharashtra is facing right now?

· More Sachin landmarks: 30000 international runs. 500 ODIs. 50 ODI centuries. 100 ODI fifties. 100 first class fifties. 200 ODI 6s… The records will keep accelerating and the media will keep going crazy. Bear it Just for a few more years…

· Actually the truth is that Yeddy and Reddy got tired of fighting. They’ve taken a sabbatical. They’ll resume soon.

(November 16)

· Keep Crying. Keep Hugging. Keep Bitching. Keep Plotting. Keep Playing. Keep Acting. Keep Watching. Bigg Boss 3.

· In India, the more corrupt you are, the longer you live.

(November 14)

· If all our politicians suddenly went clean, then the Swiss Banking System would probably collapse and that country would go into economic depression.

· If our politicians pool in their black money together, then they could launch a separate country.

· The Google Wave just passed me by. Neither could I ride it and neither did it leave me wet.

(November 13)

· India finally has a counter to Rajneesh’s 93 Rolls Royces: Koda’s 600 bikes and 30 SUVs.

· Google should not have been so exclusive with Wave. You need lots of people to collaborate and right now there are too few people on Wave. A lot of people have switched off already as there’s nothing to do on Wave.

(11 November)

· Do you want to see your country win the 2011 World Cup? Then it’s not too late, you can still emigrate to Australia.

· Bangalore is the new London: Never leave home without an umbrella.

· While the dabbawallahs of Mumbai have reached Six Sigma, the efficiency of many darshinis in Bangalore would run them close.

· One day when India becomes 100% Internet Literate, will people like Shashi Tharoor be seen as legends?

· Question of the Son: AFTER getting the Nobel Peace Prize, can one do as much violence as one wants?

· The Chinese claim Arunachal as their own… so they should be happy that the Dali Lama is setting foot on Chinese soil…

(10 November)

· A few decades from now, when the Internet-addicted generation will start dying in large numbers, will inheritance of Inboxes and Social Networking Accounts be a big thing?

· Last choice Aussie bowler > First choice Indian bowler

· If Reddy is Ready, Yeddy is Steady.

(November 9)

· Is the Lotus slowly becoming extinct across India?

· The Hand has well and truly plucked the Lotus this year.

· Paisa<Rupee<Peti<Khoka<Koda

· Aussie Revival. Indian Decline. We were No. 1 for a day and couldn’t handle it. Aussies weren’t No. 1 for a few months and they couldn’t take it.

· If Obama actually visited Bangalore, saw the state of the roads and infrastructure, he would be tempted to give the $4 billion grant to Bangalore…

· When the Indian top order collapses, the Tail fires. When the top order is on song, the Tail presses the self-destruct button. Sigh!

· There seems to be no ReddyMade formula for the Karnataka Government Crisis.

· Looks like Bigg Boss 3 is a Crying Season Special.

(November 8 )

· Bush became an Oil Billionaire. Gore a Carbon Billionaire. Koda a Black Money Billionaire. To each his own, I guess…

(November 7)

· Tendulkar is the Rock Star of cricket. And all the commentators are his groupies.

· Bangalore is the Underpass capital of India. With so many rains all the time, hope they are floodproof!

· Karnataka Govt Race: Reddy! (not) Steady! (Yeddy will) Go!

· Progress in cricket. Before we used to sometimes self-destruct 50-100 runs before the end, now we do so 2-3 runs before the target.

(November 6)

· Deja vu! Tendulkar falls just 19 short of the target. Scores a brilliant century. Breaks another record. India lose the match anyway.

· Code of Koda: Apna Sapna Money Money

(November 5)

· Let’s have an Obama Day… A day when all day we will talk and talk good things but actually do no work.

· There is an old English saying: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. Obama has a pound of image, which translates into an apparent ton of performance.

· Reports say Obama is getting thinner during his Presidency. I’m not surprised: Talking burns a lot of calories.

(November 4)

· In Google Wave, you can do Multiple things like chat, email, upload photos, files, blog… with Multiple people over Multiple periods and replay it all in the end. Personally, that would give me Multiple headaches. Wave is totally ahead of “my time” atleast…

(November 3)

· Robin Singh sacked. India gives one of their best days on the field. A tribute? The law of averages catching up? We don’t need a fielding coach?

(November 2)

· After 2.5 years, he’s still Captain Cool and Captain Courageous. At this stage most Indian captains in the past have looked quite jaded or simply retired. World No. 1 for a record number of weeks + Victories galore = Still most people don’t rate him as a great all-time batsman!

(November 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 1

· Yesterday: He is my Friend, Philosopher and Guide.
Today: He is my Friend, Follower and Connection.

· Women are from this Universe. Men are from one that is yet to be discovered.

· Money can’t buy you happiness, but it sure can buy your kids’ peace.

· A tooth for a tooth will only make all the dentists of the world very rich.

· First we used to turn to fiction to escape reality, so now why do we turn to Reality shows?

· Expenditure does not automatically rise to meet income, you make it rise, because you have nothing else better to do in life.

· I love wasting time. I feel so rich when I do it!

· They are not at all “Social” in any way and should be called Virtual Networking Sites.

· Some children’s clothes are priceless, 100% cotton, but the threads are synthetic. So on a full iron, they come out well, but the threads burn.

· I get so less salary that today my Inbox directed my Salary Slip to the Junk Mail folder!

© Sunil Rajguru

Short Takes October 2009

· India needs the very mildest excuse to burst crackers at night or set up a pandal with 20,000 watt loudspeakers and spoil everyone’s sleep: Any vague festival, a cricket victory, a marriage…

· Obama is laying all the groundwork in his first term. All the achievements will flow like a waterfall in his second term.

· 2010 Commonwealth Games Baton Relay will cover the longest route. That symbolizes the longest delay in constructing Commonwealth Games infrastructure.

· BJP ke paas bache the do bade cheez: Karnataka aur Gujarat. Karnataka main infighting aur Gujarat main Flu. BJP ko bura waqt kab khatam hoga?

· First it was: Are you online or offline. Now: Are you Waveline?

(30 October)

·  Idiom: Hoist by one’s own petard. Meaning: Destroyed by the very device one had intended for another. Replace: Device with terrorist, one with Pak, another with India. Sad. Very sad. Not good for India in the long run.

· Dhon-Dhoni-dhun-run!

(29 October)

· Says Facebook: “News Feed” picks stories that “we think you’ll enjoy”… Oh yeah Facebook! Now you can read my mind too!

· Bengaluru aur Baarish. Do purane dost mil rahe hain.

· All the Indian PMs have talked soooooo much on peace in Kashmir, so how come none of them won a Nobel Peace Prize?

· TV watching kills brain cells and is not actually harmful for eyesight. Computers are good for the brain and usually computer screens are very harmful for the eyes. So…

(28 October)

· 2 Elephants fight. Grass gets trampled. 2 Tigers fight. Congress Grass flourishes.

· Dost. Man ka Jharoka. Pasand. Deewar. Parchiya. KisanNagar. Bhai Logon ka Yudh. Prashna-Uttar jo apni dil ki baat, bhoot kaal, vartaman kaal aur bhavishya kaal sab bataye… Yahi sab hain CheheraKitaab Meri Jaan!

(22 October)

· The climate is sure changing! The ice is cracking. India is warming up to the US on Kyoto, trade and other international issues. Ram Jaane peeth peeche kya khichdi pak rahi hain!

· Have you noticed how there’s been a sudden spurt of violence in Pak ever since Obama won the Peace Prize?

· New Delhi. 1982 Asiads. 2010 Commonwealth. 2040 Olympics? (I have a dream…)

(21 October)

· The Diwali Wars have finally ended! For days the atmosphere, human ear drums & respiratory systems have been under incessant attack from noise and smoke. Har Bhartiya insaan paise ko dhue main udaata chala gaya… P.S. In other news, Burnol met their annual targets.

(20 October)

· Happy (Cough! Cough!) Diwali. P.S. I want to see and feel Diwali, not smell and hear it 24/7.

(18 October)

· It’s fast turning out to be an Indian Pointless League

· Hope one day we all can have a Noisefree and Smokefree Diwali. Happy Diwali!

(17 October)

· Indo-Chinese ties: Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger

(14 October)

· Obama finally reaches the cult status of George W Bush.
All the stand-up comedians are making fun of him.

· Faith can move Mountains. Hope can win Nobel Prizes.

· We are truly the Gypsy Generation, hum logo ka koi thikana nahin hain job/citywise.

· Obama is donating his prize money to charity. The prize itself he’ll donate to Pakistan, that’s his only Hope to Peace.

· They are renaming the Nobel Prize, from now on it will be called the Nobel Prize for Hope.

(10 October)

· 2010: Obama gets Nobel Literature Prize for his books and compiled speeches
2011: Obama get Nobel Economics Prize for taking the world out of recession
2012: Obama gets Nobel Medicine Prize for healthcare reforms
2013: Obama gets second Nobel Peace Prize for actually bringing peace, the first time he got for just talking about it…

· I guess Obama must be as surprised as we are. Let’s see how “Peaceful” the rest of his term is. For us, it just means more and more billions in aid to our dear neighbour…

· What will happen to these trillions of words we are writing in cyberspace…

· In the last 25 years, Aus, SL and Pak are the only teams to have won an ODI WC. They are in one group and India is in another. It doesn’t get simpler than that.

(9 October)

© Sunil Rajguru

September 2009 Short Takes

Facebook=Cyberia, where we all have a life sentence. We get out on parole from time to time, but we always have to return.
September 25

Krishna and Taliban. While the Junior Minister’s miniscule gaffes are being blown out of proportion, the Senior Minister’s major ones are being quietly swept under the carpet.
September 25

The KPL came and went. Did anybody really notice???
September 25

Opened a Facebook Fortune Cookie and got the following fortune: “Stop wasting your time on Facebook and Fortune Cookies and get back to work, that’s the only way you’ll be able to make any kind of Fortune!”
September 23

Season 1: Rakhi ka Swayamwar. Season 2: Rahul ka Swayamwar. Season 3: When Rakhi met Rahul. Season 4: Rakhi-Rahul Splitsvilla. Season 5: Jilted lovers of Rahul and Rakhi form a reality couples show…
September 23

Why do Indian politicians have such a long lifespan?
September 18

Shashi Tharoor is the nearest politician to “People Like Us”
September 18

Recession! It looks like we may be sighting the half-way mark. But if that’s so, will the second half be as long as the first half or longer?
September 17

Shashi Tharoor is such a Tweet Fellow!
September 17

Facebook Status ko status quo kitna der rakh sakte hain?
September 17

Last time Eng won the Ashes, they crashed and went on a losing spree for years. At 0-5, they look like doing it again.
September 16

I guess Aus Open main bahut maja aayega… FedNadaldelPotro zindabad!
September 16

2009. When Sonia Gandhi travels economy class, 5 rows are booked for security/entourage. 1946. When Mahatma Gandhi travels Third Class, 2-3 bogies are booked for family/supporters. Austerity Congress Style!
September 16

Our whole life is a result of a series of miracles and we don’t even realize it!
September 11

I still don’t get it! Every politician is worth hundreds of crores and still he has to show an amazing amount of hypocritic austerity and wear kurta and not stay in star hotels.
September 11

Injured Premier League. Jaise koi theek hota hain, doosra koi injured ho jata hain.
September 11

Jet was India’s No. 1 airline. Now, it’s so sick, I tell you.
September 11

Jet pilots should have claimed “suspected” Swine Flu. Then everyone would have just left them alone.
September 11

West Bengal has just logged off. (Actually, had it ever logged on in the first place?)
September 11

My son says that it’s necessary for small kids to scream every now and then for no reason to reduce the stress in their life…
September 10

When politicians squander crores of public money, no-one says anything. When Tharoor spends lakhs of his personal money to stay in a 5-star hotel, Pranab Babu goes red-faced. Is desh ka kuch nahin ho sakta.
September 10

Prashna: Jeevan ke baad kya aata hain? Ans: G2
September 7

2011. Nano in full production. Many cars. 2nd hand market crashes. Many more cars. Recession ends, economy booms. Many more luxury cars and 2-wheelers. So enjoy a comparitively less congested 2009. :)
September 7

Big B = Big Boss Means Colors stays Big Boss, Star fading, Z will still struggle to maintain A grade
September 5

If you believe in a miracle, it will happen…
September 4

I like Friends. But all these Seasons back and forth on multiple channels gives me a headache. It’s like doing a virtual time travel in their lives all the time.
September 4

If you really want a thing badly enough then the whole universe conspires to see that you get it. Problems: 1. Knowing what you really want. 2. Wanting it badly enough. 3. Fear of fulfilment. Where will I go from there? … So the universe keeps waiting.
September 3

The head of a 76 million population state vanishes without a trace for atleast 10-12 hours. Planes, fighters and other forces search… Makes us realize how powerless we can be at times. Sad!
September 2

God always gives you subtle hints on which direction you should take in life. If you don’t listen, then he keeps showing you signs. If you still don’t get it, then he gives you a hard celestial kick in that direction. Don’t believe me?… Analyze your life objectively and you’ll see it’s true.
September 2

An old family friend used to say: The government pays government servants to sit on their chairs. YOU have to pay them to make them work.
September 2

In the olden days, when a cricketer stopped wearing his country’s colours, it was RIP for his career. Now, it’s more like RIIPL.
September 2

A lot of gyms opening in my area… the Recession Effect?
September 1

Many of my FB friends I haven’t met and yet I interact with them regularly. What are they? Virtual Friends? Internet Friends? Pen Friends? Keyboard Friends?
September 1

© Sunil Rajguru

August 2009 Short Takes

Is Concrete Jungle se Mujha Bachao!
August 31

In Sprite of their excellent ad campaign, I still prefer Pepsi
August 31

MJ finally reaches the cult status of Elvis! People claim that he is now alive.
August 31

Nowadays RSS feeds drive the BJP. Incoming RSS feeds decide strategy and important issues. Outgoing RSS feeds supply inside dope to the media.
August 31

The Force is always with Mallya
August 31

JP ruled from 1977-80. Then it disintegrated. JD ruled from 1989-91, 1996-98. The it disintegrated. BJP ruled from 1998-2004. Then it disintegrated??? The curse of the Second Party in India?
August 28

If anything, the BJP has suddenly won the battle of TRPs. For an outsider watching Indian TV, it’s as if the Congress just doesn’t exist…
August 28

What’s on your mind?” is incorrect. It’s actually “What do you want to say?”
August 28

I think we should Leapfrog straight to 4G. With the way its going, it’ll take the same amount of time as 3G
August 28

The maturity of a nation should be judged by the way it disposes its garbage.
August 27

Sinha Salvo. Jaswant Astra. Shourie Chakra. Sudarshan Chakra. It’s open war now and the BJP has just become the MBJP: MahaBharat Janata Party
August 26

The Real issue is not the Partition of India in 1947. It is the Partition of the BJP in 2009.
August 26

BJP is a party heading towards Suspended Animation. (So many of its leaders are getting agitated and Animated and subsequently Suspended)
August 25

Jinnah yahan, Nehru wahan, Partition ke siwa, chaara bhi kya…
August 25

2005. Advani: Jinnah Jinnah! Jaswant: A friend in need is a friend in deed. 2009. Jaswant: Jinnah Jinnah! Advani: A friend in need is a friend to run away from.
August 25

Agar BJP ek insaan hota, to cheekhta: Mujhe apne aap se bachao!
August 25

India is finally ahead of Australia in both Test and ODI rankings. And yet we are not No. 1.
August 24

Kalyan was Mr UP. He was expelled. Uma was Firebrand No. 1. She was expelled. Govindacharya was the soul of the BJP. He was expelled. After Vajpayee retired, Advani instead of consolidating, got sidelined. In the BJP, it’s not lonely at the Top, the Top is from where you get kicked out.
August 24

BJP’s theme song: Jinnah yahan, marna yahan, iske siwa jaana kahan…
August 24

In IPL 1 the only two teams that had non-Icon captains made it to the finals. In IPL2, two teams which stripped Icons of captaincy made it to the finals. In IPL 3…
August 24

Please observe a two-minute-silence. The Aussie team is finally dead. But do not mock them. They won 3 straight World Cups and dominated Tests like Tyrants for more than a decade. And there will be an upheaval and in a year we will see whether the new team will be stronger or weaker.
August 24

Goodbye Freddie! Thanks for the Test memories! See you in IPL3.
August 24

Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust / Like a Phoenix, England rose from the Dust…
August 24

Prince aur saathiyo ki Jai Ho! Saakshaat Krishna lagte hain. And yes, India’s definitely got talent, a wider and richer spectrum than other countries.
August 22

Morning Tea. Morning Newspaper. Morning Facebook Update. That’s where the Real World, the Written Word and the Virtual World all meet… (Or is that going too far???)
August 21

Connecting with long lost friends of 10, 20 and even 30 years ago on a daily basis… that’s the best part I like about Facebook.
August 21

What’s on my mind? Do even I really know?
August 21

Let’s Face it, we are all Booked and addicted for Life, here on FaceBook…
August 21

Indra Nooyi kya kisiki zindagi badlegi? Ya to logo ko kam Pepsi pilayegi ya zyaada. She’s at No. 3. Sonia has rebuilt the Cong party given stability and has influence on policies that affect hundreds of millions of people. She’s at No. 13. These lists are utter rubbish.
August 21

Why are all flashbacks in movies shown in Black & White? In the olden days, was everyone colour blind?
August 21

Inside News: Jaswant wanted to retire and become a writer. The party by banning the book and expelling him, gave him a “controversial and flying start” to his career. Nothing sells like controversy.
August 21

At the virtual entrance of Facebook is the message: Abandon hope all ye who enter here…
August 19

Henceforth, the term will be: An Usain of lightning
August 18

Ekta is planning to revive her career with the following new serials: Kahani Swine Flu Ki, Kyunki “Swine” Flu bhi kabhi “Human” thi, Kasauiti Swine Flu ki…
August 18

Fanta: Mujhe bahut acchi bimaari hui hain. Banta: Accha? Kaunsi? Fanta: Shahid se pakdi hain. Woh use Fine Flu kahata hain!
August 18

Post-Kaminey, they are coming out with a new line of jokes called Fanta-Banta jokes.
August 18

Fast Food: Always take a combo meal. The burger has processed meat made from useless animal parts and high on preservatives. Fries are high on saturated fat (Cholestrol alert!). And Colas have very high sugar and caffiene. Body ka band bajana hain to acchi tarah se bajao.
August 18

When I see an irritating ad, I have 3 reactions: 1. The dude who made this ad is a retard or 2. This dude should be banned from admaking or 3. This dude should be hanged from the nearest lamp post. Anyone else feels that way? (Sincere apologies to my dear Facebook friends in the ad industry)
August 18

I am very Statusified with Facebook, unlike may other social networking sites.
August 14

If someone writes “Love in the Time of Swine Flu“, it’s sure to be a 2009 bestseller.
August 14

Mr friend’s tip: Invest your money in the stock of companies dealing with swine flu vaccines, face masks and hand sanitizers.
August 14

Once air travel used to be exciting. Now it just spells fear. Flu fear.
August 14

The World is Flut
August 14

Achoo! Swine Flu! Bless you! Why does it all rhyme?
August 13

Tu mera, tu mera, tu mera, tu mera… tu mera Hero H1N1
August 13

Right now, up there, is a pig’s soul looking down in wonder and amusement at the global furore it has created. Maybe it’s exchanging notes with a monkey and a bird.
August 13

Fact: Even the mosquito can catch the flu. Conjecture: Will we have Mosquito Flu one day? Question: Does the mosquito sneeze when it catches the flu?
August 13

Hey! Let’s all collect our FB Status messages and come out with a Great Big Fat Bestselling PJBook!
August 12

Will Nadal’s knees withstand the onslaught of a Fully Filled, Fulfilled and Fed Federer?
August 12

Early privatization and liberalization of Swine Flu testing and treatment would have prevented the current epidemic. Ye Government disease pe bhi monopoly chahata hain!
August 12

If you want long leave from office: Pretend to be short of breath, hold your chest, look dizzy and confused, keep coughing and tell everyone you feel nauseous, all the while refusing to take leave.
August 12

Federer and Saina don’t get death threats. SL cricketers faced terrorists in an attack that could have been meant for the Indian team. If the Indian cricketers get jittery giving their location to WADA 365 days a year, then atleast they have a right to do so. We are all paranoid to some extent.
August 10

Heard: Kasab is going to act in a Bollywood movie… It will be titled Kabhi Ha, Kabhi Na
August 10

Fact of the day: Tiruvalluvar lived more than 2000 years ago, at a time when there was no Karnataka, No Tamil Nadu and not even the idea of India.
August 10

Even the boy/girl who comes last in Sa Re Ga Ma Li’l Champs, hats off to him/her.
August 8

Great pavements are coming up in India. But they are mainly used for hawkers, garbage, as toilets and for dog poop. Government apathy–>Citizen action. Government action–>Citizen apathy.
August 8

Coming soon after IPL & KPL: Bangalore Premier League, Banashankari Premier League, 7th Stage Premier League, 3rd Cross Premier League…
August 7

How do you do? No flu thank you
August 7

Seems I missed the 12.34.56 7-8-9 today. Not to worry, I’m soon going to catch the 12.3456789 seconds in the next minute.
August 7

Dum dum digga digga, sab kuch digga digga, road repair digga digga, phone cables digga digga, storm water drains digga digga, Metro Rail digga digga, main to gira, main to gira hai…. (Almost fell into a digging zone today. Ye furious digging kab tak chalega???)
August 6

Khubh jamega rang jab char yaar milenge computer, internet connection aur Facebook ke sang.
August 5

Coming Soon: Rakhi ki Shaadi. Rakhi ka Honeymoon. Kyuni Ab Rakhi ki Saas Bhi Hain… I’m sure the creative team of NDTV Imagine is working overtime. (Picture abhi baaki hain mere dost)
August 5

Does Happy Rakhi mean Happy Festival or a Happy Sawant?
August 5

The stock market is not all Bull. Learn to grin and Bear it.
August 4

Why is the stock market so sensitive, sentimental and touchy about everything?
August 4

Dhanda hain bhai dhanda hain. Thanda hain bhai sab thanda hain. (Arthath: Thanda matlab Dhanda)
August 4

For the next couple of years, RoI will be referred to as Recession on Investment.
August 4

WADA is all this happening in cricket nowadays?
August 4

The latest Reliance controversy is a load of gas…
August 3

There is no harm in eating your words. They are not fattening and they don’t give you indigestion.
August 3

Rakhi ka Swayamwar: Ek ko mala pahanayi, 15 ko rakhi aur millions of viewers ko topi
August 3

People say the stock exchange is on a Roll. Par Roll nahin hain, Roller Coaster hain. Neeche bhi speed se hi jaata hain.
August 1

© Sunil Rajguru

July 2009 Short Takes

People say the stock exchange is on a Roll. Par Roll nahin hain, Roller Coaster hain. Neeche bhi speed se hi jaata hain.
July 31

Fact of the day: Cocoa brings down cholestrol. Other ingredients of chocolate bring it up. Net effect=Zero. Advice of the day: Roz chocolate khao aur mast raho.
July 31

The law of diminishing returns: Magnum Opus. Novel. Novella. Short Story. Newspaper article. FB Status Message. (But they’re all forms of literature)
July 31

Cauvery to “Ganga of the South” hain na? To dhanya ho: Hum Bangaloreans roz Ganga Jal peete hain.
July 31

News. Something that hits the Internet in seconds, the TV channels in minutes and the newspapers after a day.
July 31

SRK ke itne bure din aa gaye hain kya, ki woh Arindam Chaudhuri ka quizmaster ban baitha hain, aur woh bhi teen saal ke liye?
July 30

Learnt the hard way today: In Bangalore, the more numerically precise an address is (e.g. 1st cross, 1st main, 1st phase, 1st stage) the more difficult it is to find and get directions.
July 30

MS and Yahoo are two totally different animals. Will they complement each other or cancel out each other? Will it be 2+2=4 or 2-2=0 (Keeping in mind that Google is 5+)
July 30

The new realities are BRIC, Indo-China and Af-Pak. Aur ye kya hain Manmohan sahab, aap abhi tak Indo-Pak ke daldal main phase hue hain?
July 30

Digging digging everywhere and not a place to walk…
July 30

Advani: From PM-in-Waiting to Waiting-for-Nothing. Modi: From “Usko PM banao” to “Uska Narco Test karao”… BJP kab tak slide karta rahega?
July 30

After seeing the Kashmir squabble, the region feels very much part of the Indian Parliamentary system.
July 30

We learn of the concept of Death and its inevitability as children. We all know we will die one day. Millions of people die every day. And yet when we come face to face with even one Death, it totally Devastates us.
July 25

My life is so F********d! (I wanted to say that My life is so Facebooked, but that wouldn’t have the same effect, would it?)
July 25

In politics women are better than men. Rajiv had to be a PM to run the nation. Sonia is doing it without that post. If Mulayam is King of goondas, Maya is Empress. If Buddha is Left, Mamta is Left Ultra. If Karuna is dictatorial, what do you make of Jaya?
July 24

Kasab pleads not guilty and they cry foul. Kasab pleads guilty and they cry foul.
July 23

“My life is an open book” has much more meaning with FB status updates
July 22

“We did not concede any ground to Pak on terror” Mr Foreign Secy, if you have no ground in the first place, there is no chance of conceding it!
July 22

“Son, whatever goes up, must come down”… “But Papa, that doesn’t hold true in space, right?” Sigh! Today’s kids: Try telling them anything at your own risk.
July 22

Suspend Continental’s license. Kick the employees who frisked Kalam out of our airports. Do we have no pride or what?
July 22

Did you hear about India’s Total Political Eclipse? It started on August 15, 1947 and continues to this very day
July 22

Schools were invented not to educate children, but to give free time to parents and keep them away from insanity.
July 21

Manmohan will find himself very cold and lonely on his stand on climate change and warming up to Pak
July 21

is going to start cheering for Aus soon. They seem the perennial underdogs now.
July 21

Test cricket isn’t getting extinct. Test cricketers are
July 20

Kambli blasts Sachin. Kambli clarifies. Kambli backtracks. Kambli patches up with Sachin. All this before the programme is even aired! Stock Market speculation is out. It’s TV speculation all the way.
July 20

BJP vanquished. Mulayam fading. In UP it’s just Sonia aur Maya. Will we have a statue-breaking poll in 2012?
July 17

A friend points out to me that while other cities have their Skylines, Bangalore will always have its Treeline. Thank God for that!
July 17

A man should just work from sunrise to sunset and do nothing else. A man should just rest from sunset to sunrise and do nothing else.
July 17

Coming Soon! Gay Yoga by Baba Ramdev
July 11

Rakhi Swayamwar theek hain. But after that, will it be a real marriage and will it really last? Or will we have another reality show: Rakhi ka war swayam chala gaya… Greater TRP ratings!!!
July 10

Dear Manmohan, Calling up Tata or seeking a Global Advisory Council won’t solve Air India’s problems. Uska kuch nahin ho sakta. That’s one PSU you’ll have to sell lock, stock and barrel. (That’ll help the fiscal defecit too to a bit)
July 10

Why are they using words like ‘Lover’ and ‘Suitor’ in the Sania stalking cases. Plain Stalker is enough. No need to find synonyms for words like Criminal, Convict, Murderer just for the sake of variety in headlines.
July 10

Whenever it rains heavily in Bangalore, trees fall. Considering it rains from April to November, I wonder how Bangalore is still so green!
July 10

Abhi hum Beta nahin hain hain bhai, abhi hum aapke Baap ban-ne wale hain (Google)
July 9

Pak: OK, we trained the terrorists, we accept it, what are you going to do? India: Hum bahut khush hain. Aapne kabul kiya, yahi hamare liye bahut hain. Safal hui hamari aradhana.
July 9

Aayega, aayega, aayega ek din 3G aayega…
July 8

Yippeee!!! US-Russia to have just 3000 nuclear warheads! Now I can sleep in peace. (As it is more space is required in the Nuclear Cabinet for Pak, NKorea, Iran… (and of course India, China) Nuclear Democracy is great, isn’t it???
July 7

Pahale Murli, phir Mendis, ab ye Herath kaun hain? The Spin God is shifting next door to the island or what?
July 7

The Indian cricket team has just won 5 ODI series in a row. Pathetic performance! Start panicking! Bring out all the guys from retirement!
July 7

Bubble Bubble Market Trouble!
July 6

If you’re not a Fed fan, then 2003-09 is actually the most boring period in Men’s tennis. Nothing beats the Lendl-Becker-McEnroe-Connors-Wilander-Edberg rivalry of the 1980s. We even had a lot of 1-time winners like Cash, Noah and Chang. There was glorious uncertainty. Then it was: Who will win??? Now it is: Will Fed win???
July 6

Great Expectations! Pranab Babu koi Santa Claus hain kya?
July 6

In school, never thought Borg would be bettered. A mere 3-4 years back, never thought Sampras would be bettered. Impossible is Nothing. Grand Fed has made every other Great an Ex-
July 6

Dhoni has led ODI series wins against Pak, Eng, SL, NZ and WI. He beat Aus 2-0 in a triangular final. Ab SA aur WC baaki hain. Best of Luck dude!
July 6

The Rule of Two. Bangalore has two seasons: Wet and Dry. Delhi has two seasons: Wish it was Cold and Wish it was Hot. Chennai has two seasons: Hot and Humid and Very Hot and Humid. India has two seasons: When there’s Monsoon and When there isn’t a Monsoon
July 5

OK Mamata is Partisan and Populist and Political. But I like her efforts at complexes, shops, hotels, water, toilets, onboard infotainment… that will change my user experience greatly and not great looking grand schemes that can be presented at IIM seminars.
July 4

Whenever Dhoni looks tired, the BCCI should rest him, that’s the only way Team India will remain fresh
July 4

Photo0140

Laga ungli pe abhi bhi (halka) daag… Ye kaunsa poll dye use karte hain? Die hi nahin hota.
July 4

They want to ban cow slaughter. But man slaughter is fine if it suits their political objectives.
July 3

India and Pak want to Talk too much. They should just avoid each other and listen to the Sounds of Silence for a decade or so. The Wall will come down when it has to…
July 3

My son’s first self-made PJ. What is the opposite of Rajeswarinagar? — Rajesh Don’t Worry Nagar!
July 3

Cricket PJ of the day: What is the biography of a chucker called? The Man Who Threw Too Much
July 3

Star Plus is bruised Black and Blue, is Green with envy and Red with rage. Basically, it is seeing Colors
July 2

Thousands of years hence, when mankind will cease to exist, aliens will go through our ruins and find hundreds of statues of Maya. They will conclude that she was the greatest human to walk the Earth. And you think she has no foresight!
July 2

Stand straight n upright and keep to the centre in these troubled political times. Leaning excessively to the Left or Right may severely erode your votebank.
July 2

Will they be able to apply the Statue of Limitations on Maya?
July 2

Not So Vicious Circle: 1 IPL = Just 1 extra ad endorsement for top cricketers. Miss IPL = Be fresh for major tournaments = More victories = More endorsements = No need for IPL = …
July 1

Cricket is a game where 11 fools play and 1100 fools watch (GB Shaw) Today I think it’s more like 1100 lakh fools watch and I am proud to be one of them, so my cricket related statuses will continue, kindly adjust…
July 1

June 2009 Short Takes

15,000 cops for VIP security in Delhi. Never knew VIP stood for Very Insecure Person
June 30

Mousavi: I ran for President and I lost, unfairly. Ahmadinejad: I ran and I won, fairly! Bottomline: Iran lost
June 30

monsoon comesoon
June 30

Strange attractors: Drugs and popstars
June 30

It is the duty of any government to come out with many statutes to counter changing political realities. I think Maya read that as statues.
June 29

Buddha’s 8-fold path: Fight 1. Lalgarh violence 2. Statewide Naxals 3. Mamata 4. Centre 5. Karat 6. Anti-incumbency 7. Singur fallout 8. Low party morale –> all at once
June 24

Federer’s theme song: “I want to break free…” (from Sampras) (He’s already broken free of the Nadal jinx)
June 23

For those still mourning cricket, har saal ek wish karo… 2009: ICC Champions Trophy, 2010: T20 WC, 2011: ODI WC, 2012: T20 WC…
June 23

Will Formula 1 become two?
June 23

My friend’s recession mantra: Less pay, less targets, less budget, less resources. But more pressure, more meetings, more ideas, more hard work. And Tension? Well “More” or “Less” is totally in your hands.
June 22

Will South Africa ever win a World Cup in their lives?
June 19

And reporting live from Iran is… er… Twitter! A social networking site as a window to reality? Web 3.0?
18 June

2008: Dada sacked. 2009: Buchanan sacked. 2010: SRK sacked. 2011: KKR sacked. 2012: IPL sacked (Coz by then there will be 16 teams, 3 IPLs a year and all the players will suffer a permanent nervous breakdown due to Fatigue)
18 June

Manmohan sahab ne Bharat ki Man ki baat Zara deri se batayi Pakistan ko…
17 June

Sigh! No more Royal Daredevilry in England. The Indian Knight Riders Charge has been brought down. From Superkings, we are mere Challengers for 2011.
16 June

Bravo India, you are at the Side and Bottom of cricket. From here, there is only one way and that’s up…
16 June

R.I.P. India T20 World Champs. Nice feeling while it lasted. Till 2011, when there are two World Cups. Hope we can get one atleast :)
15 June

When you watch TV, it’s joy and bliss. When anyone else watches, it’s a Royal Headache.
June 14

The more Pak terror rises, the more funds it gets, which further fuels terror, which gets more funds… And only India gets rammed. In this aspect atleast Obama=Bush. So much for change!
June 13

In India, 5 million children die of malnutrition a year. 5 million are HIV+. 3 lakh die of TB. Swine Flu deaths: Zero. And yet Swine Flu is the only disease that gets maximum airtime in the TV channels. Interesting. Very interesting.
June 13

So the media was right after all. There’s a rift between Dhoni and Sehwag. And it’s going to be a 6700km wide one soon.
June 9

Australia’s T20 status will now be referred to as the Ashes.
June 9

$1.35 million for 1 month+1 week’s play. I can see Symonds’ point of view of not wanting to play for Aus. IPL is a fab Retirement Home for Aussie Cricketers
June 5

Makes us realize how small we are. And how big this world is. 200+ air passengers can vanish without a trace along with the whole plane…
June 5

Every country gets the news channels it deserves.
June 5

If only the BCCI took off their 2020 Blinkers, then maybe they’d get some 2020 Vision.
June 5

Does anyone remember the Tiananmen men? (And to think, in Chinese, Tianenmen means “Gate of Heavenly Peace”)
June 5

I wonder why the Rain Gods of Bangalore get to work mainly in the post-lunch session.
June 4

Wisdom of the Son: You have such a nice office. It only gives. It gives you work. It gives you money.
June 2

Required for total peace in my house: 3 TVs, 3 Sat TV connections, 3 desktops, 3 laptops, 3 broadband connections, 3 soundproof headphones much better than the current Bose ones. I’m serious!
June 1

Australia is fast becoming the Down Under Civilization and if it doesn’t get its act together, its Globalization Act will go Down Under
June 1
© Sunil Rajguru

May 2009 Short Takes

Last heard: Karunanidhi’s fourth wife’s fifth cousin’s brother-in-law’s eldest son has been made Deputy Minister of State for Family Affairs in the Union Cabinet.
May 29

Archie has no choice but to marry the millionaire’s daughter during such a severe economic recession…
May 28

Archie marries Betty/Veronica. Everyone loves the issue, but after that the strip dies a slow death. Then Balaji Telefilms buys the rights and makes “Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bhau Thi in America” and gets back its TRP ratings, drawing the youth audience, the oldies and the NRIs. The love triangle continues post-marriage. Archie ko kabhi mukti nahin milegi!
May 28

Dear Mr Mittal, The only thing your customers need is more+better towers and a helpful+polite customer care. It’s been noticed that the more Airtel ‘Grows’, the more the network ‘Groans’. Hope the MTN deal won’t strain+stress the already strained+stressed consumer. Regards, An Average Airtel Customer
May 27

How can a Virgin control the fortunes of a Playboy?
May 27

By the time the Bangalore Metro is finally ready, civilization as we know it would have ceased to exist.
May 25

Bangalore Bangalored in the final! An Aussie lifts the “Indian” Premier League cup yet again.
May 24

6 icon players. Sachin. Dada. Wall. Yuvi. Sehwag. VVS. Two IPLs. Not even one of them could captain their team to a single final! What a con the icon concept was!
May 24

If the Government performs and is stable and steady, won’t the TV channels get bored out of their skulls for the next 5 years?
May 23

Chennai’s Dhon it! Deccan fully charged. Ab “Vijay Kumble” kaho. Trophy se Dilli door nahin. Punjab isn’t sitting Preity. KKR Khan’t do Dadagiri. Warne ka Raj khatam. Mumbai Sachi in nahin hain re!
May 22

There’s no such thing as the Peter Principle. George W Bush rose 20-25 levels above his competency level and stayed there till the US constitution allowed him.
May 20

From Moral Policing in Mangalore Pubs to Midnight Dining in Bangalore Restaurants. Karnataka is finally making progress!
May 20

Sidelines Election 2009: A tiger cub mauled an ageing tiger in Mumbai.
May 19

Rain, rain, don’t go away. And still come again another day.
May 19

Hopes & prays IPL2 isn’t fixed. Too many matches going too close. Too many set batsmen throwing it away. Looks to be following some script.
May 19

Looks like a lot of Indians were secretly, involuntarily and sub-consciously part of the Save The Tiger campaign in Sri Lanka.
May 19

Swine Flew. Tamil Tigers finished. Sensex soared 2000 points. And KKR won!!!
May 19

Bangalore has two seasons. The Rainy Season. The Non-Rainy Season.
May 18

Nowadays many people are Singhing praises, something Missingh in the past.
May 18

In West Bengal, is Mamta the Fast Forward button, or is she the Rewind button?
May 18

The Indian electorate always votes randomly. They get it right once in a while. Maturity is impossible. Remember 200-year-old America elected George W Bush for 2 consecutive terms.
May 17

Spotted in a Museum: Advani’s Dreams, Mayawati’s Ambitions, Laloo’s Pride, Left’s Ego and the Ruins of the Third and Fourth Fronts.
May 17

Suna hain aaj shyam ko Manmohan aur Sonia ne Yechury Khichdi khaaya aur raat ko desserts ke taur par Karat halwa. Burp!
May 16

Released on May 16: The sequel to Singh is King. Expected to run for 5 years.

Jo Jeeta Wohi Singhendar
May 16

CPM: From 24-Karat Gold to Zero-Karat Gold.
May 16

Manmohanomics will counter Recessiononomics
May 16

Centre in Recession. 1984: Rajiv did 5 years with 400+ of his party MPs. 1989: Rao with 245. 1999: Vajpayee with 182. 2004: Manmohan with 145. Good news: At this rate, 2009: 100 seats enough to last 5 years! Jai Ho!
May 16

Driving directions for 2009: Go Left to destroy the country, turn Right for more communal violence, stick to the Centre for the same set of problems you’ve had for the last 5 years
May 16

Hey you’re in the middle of a Great Depression! You’ll recall these moments fondly in 2041 in your retirement home when the 3rd Great Depression will be on :)
May 13

KKR Management: No Seedhi Baat, Only Bakwas
May 13

SRK ke do k..k..kamzoriya… k..k..k.. k kiran aur k..k..k..k.. kolkata k..k..k..k knight riders…
May 12

In 1999 the BJP was in power, in 2004 Congress, in 2009… it doesn’t matter actually, the people are always out of power in India.
May 11

When the people want to punish parliament, they hang it.
May 10

Captain Gopinath for Prime Minister. He’ll start a helicopter charter Air Dhakkan for politicians and we’d be rid of their city traffic jams forever.
May 10

I never knew the Ad in Advani stood for Advertisements: They’re just all over the place!
May 9

PMs in waiting: 2009: Advani, 2014: Rahul, 2019: Modi, 2024: Priyanka, 2029: Arun Jaitley, 2034: Priyanka’s First Kid, 2039: Varun Gandhi, 2044: Priyanka’s 2nd kid… 2069: priyanka’s 2nd grandchild….
May 9

If Obama has his way, then Bangalore will be Bangalored!
May 9

IPL main dher saara Maal laya, phir bhi Vijay nahin ho paya bechara
May 9

Bengal has been leaning Left for decades. Hasn’t it got a crick in the neck and feel like stretching and maybe moving right for a change?
May 9

I hope the Third Front will be Left behind after these polls…
May 8

Aren’t you missing Bush? He loved India and the standard of international cartooning has crashed. No funny quotes and gestures, only goody-goody and boring Obama.
May 7

In 1934, 90% of Germany’s 95% registered voters voted for Hitler in a referendum. So much for high voter turnout being the solution…
May 6

If Cong wins, BJP will be Modified. If BJP wins, Cong will see a Sonrise. If both lose, we’ll all be Left in Front of a Mayajaal.
May 4

Strange Mathematics: The Greatest Indian Captain + The Greatest Australian Coach + The Reigning Bollywood Badshah = The Worst IPL Team
May 4

From now on, the swine shall be referred to as H1N1. Usage examples: This country is ruled by H1N1s! You H1N1! What do you think of yourself? That H1N1, wait till I get him…
May 3

And the Good Big Wolf ran away from the Three Little Bad Pigs because they had Swine Flu…
May 3

Chappell, More, Vengsarkar, Buchanan, SRK… poor ole Sourav can have a “Challengers Against the Royal Prince XI” play against him
May 1

Never enter into a fight with your children. If you lose, you’ll feel bad. But if they lose, you’ll feel worse.
May 1

© Sunil Rajguru

April 2009 Short Takes

Yusuf Pathan for Prime Minister. He can spin India out of any trouble and hit its enemies for a six.
Apr 30

In every democracy, people get the government they deserve. To hum sab bhale logo ne peechle janamo main kya kya paap kiye honge re!
Apr 30

Does the state of Pakistan come with a self-destruct button?
Apr 30

Kadam kadam badaye ja,
Chappal aur joote barsae ja,
Politicians ki band bajaye ja,
Ye corrupt hain politicians sab,
Tu politicians pe joote barsae ja…
Apr 29

Have you noticed, for our kids, we actually “buy” the “free gift”. The biscuit/noodles/Bournvita etc that comes with it becomes the “free gift”.
Apr 27

The debate is settled! The Shoe is mightier than both the Pen and the Sword.
Apr 26

Laaga Ungali Pe Daag…
Apr 23

My Voter ID name is Sunil Gajagun. Should I change my name to: Quick Gun GajaGun?
Apr 17

© Sunil Rajguru