Short Takes December 2009

· Today’s Wisdom: Stress pushes up cholestrol levels. Eating what you want makes you happy, hence stress-free. Eating what you don’t like stresses you, pushing up cholestrol. You do the Maths!

(December 29)

· When will the “Obama Hype Era” end?

· Thank God Headley is not being extradited to India. otherwise we would have had a Kasab Part 2

· The Kotla Pitch is actually the graveyard of the Future of Sporting ODI pitches in India. Now everyone will say: Make it Flat & Dead, let all the teams make 300-400. I’m Happy: You’re Happy.

(December 28)

· Tiger Woods has 14 major Pro titles in 10 odd years. And it was revealed that he had 14 girlfriends in 2009. Now that’s really balancing your personal-professional life perfectly!

· India finally has an answer to Tiger Woods: Tiger Tiwari!

· T… T… T… Telangana… T… T… T…Tiwari… T… T… T…Tera kya hoga re Andhra Pradesh?

(December 26)

· Dan Brown’s Lost Symbol should be called The Lost Plot (or The Lost Climax) (But I’m still a fan)

· Split Andhra… Split Jharkhand verdict… Split Home Ministry… This country has a splitting headache.

· A girl is molested. Her family is harassed. She commits suicide. More harassment. A 19-year wait. 6 months imprisonment. A 1000-Rupee fine. Justice Denied, Delayed, Mocked and Nullified?

· Overheard: Indian Fielder to Lankan Fielder: Tera haath mera haath se slippery kaisa? Raaz kya hain?

· Indo-Lanka Series Review: Matches 1&2: Batsman Star Wars. Match 3: The Bowling Empire Strikes Back. Match 4: Return of the Batting Jedis…

(December 25)

· Ah! I love the Cold Night Dew when India is chasing in a cricket match!

· A lesson on how to chase 300+ in singles.

· Mahi ke bina Way, Yuvi ke bina Raj! India all the way..

· Captain Dhoni and Matchwinner Yuvraj both missing. Cool! We’ll just do a Eden Garden Record Chase of 300+, Thank You!

· Will there be Tele-presence in Hyderabad, or will it go Independent?

· Dan Brown should write only the first 95% of each of his novels. The Final 5% he should leave to another writer, a good finisher. The results would be awesome.

(December 24)

· Andhra main sirf Telangana raaj karega… baaki sab issues gaye Tel lene…

· They recently discovered a planet with water. Cool! So if we ever run out of water, we have to travel just 40 light years to get some more…

(December 23)

· We are all waiting for the the Modern World’s First Big Environmental Global Disaster. Action will be taken after that. Till then enjoy life, bicker and rejoice compromises…

· Sometimes I think Kasab doesn’t exist & he’s a fictional character like Santa Claus

(December 22)

· Breaking News: The Copenhagen Summit just increased the temperature of the Earth by 0.00000000001 degrees!

· The Climate Meeting was a great success! We have agreed on the Agenda of the next Climate Meeting!

· Copenhagen. The Day After. Business as usual.

· If you really want to check climate change, then you don’t need a fancy summit at a fancy venue to do so.

· We will climb all the No. 1 pinnacles in cricket except the No. 1 in Fielding…

(December 19)

· Ek din ki chandini, phir andheri din/raat match hain…

· Change, like Charity, begins at home. But Climate Change, it seems, has to begin in the other person’s home.

· Golfer: OK, I’ll g… g… g… g…give up g… g… g… g…golf. Wife: The G word is Girlfriend you idiot, not Golf! Bye!

· Just like a Random Number Generator, the Twitter Home Page is a Random Message Generator

· Change Of Political Environment Not Happening Again, Greenbacks Ensure Nothing

(December 18)

· Kyoto. Bonn. Milan… Copenhagen… Venues anek. Nateeja ek?

· In the future, Tiger Woods will be respected and admired as the man who gave up both Golf and Girlfriends for his wife.

Googly Wave. Mere liye to woh ek Googly hi hain.

(December 15)

· For Google it was Brave, for most of us it was as dead as a Grave, anyone still want Wave?

· Looks like the slowdown has ended in India. OK! Now you can start wasting money, buying things you don’t really need and putting your money in highly risky money-making schemes.

· Dharti Maa hamse bahut naraaz aur ghusse se garam hain, isiliye Global Warming ho raha hain, sirf pradushan ke waje se nahin

· Pak’s employer is the US Govt. Their PR agency is the Taliban. Their policies are more about foreigners than citizens. Pak desperately needs a Second Independence.

· Post-Telangana, the concept of Mil baat ke khaayenge has been taken to a totally new level.

(December 14)

· So Tiger Woods is not in competition with Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer etc, but with Bill Clinton, Hugh Hefner and Casanova.

· Facebookers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your brains!

· With the retirement of Bajaj Scooters, a Bit of the Old India just died.

· Raja says 3G in India is on schedule. He is right actually. He had probably scheduled it for 2015 in the first place.

· Green Summits aate hain, Green Summits jaate hain, par CO2 emissions wahi pe raha jaate hain…

· Indian Fielders were playing for Lankan Batsman. Lankan Fielders were playing for Indian Batsman. That’s one battle that the Lankan Fielders won.

· That’s why it’s called a Great Match. Our pathetic fielding was Matched by Lanka. India 211/11 beat Lanka 206/13

· Al-Qaeda can’t be defeated till Osama killed: US. That means if he’s already dead, then the US have already beaten Al-Qaeda, only they don’t know it.

(December 13)

· RGV is coming out with Rann 2 featuring the Telangana crisis. The theme song will be: Telan-Gana-Mana adhinayak jaya hain…

· Meri saas aspatal main. Biwi ghar chod ke chali gayi. Teesri, chauthi, paanchvi… (bolte rahahiye) aurat ka pol khul gaya. Ye sab shaurat, naam mitti main mil gaya… Main ek vishaal golfer bol raha hu, koi Ekta Kapoor character nahin!

· Angrez jaake 62 saal ho gaye, par “Divide and Rule” ka keeda ab tak Bharatvarsha ke system main buland hain…

(December 12)

· Very soon Farmville may demand statehood from Facebook (Which is already the 3rd biggest country in the world)

· From “Akhand Bharat” to Khandistan…

· KCR is the New Mahatma. Hyderabad is the New Chandigarh. Manmohan is the New Nehru.

· Change is inevitable. So is Climate Change. Change is resisted. So is Climate Change. Ultimately Change is accepted and adapted to. So will Climate Change be. Copenhagen will not even be able to reduce even the gas in the speeches of world leaders.

(December 11)

· Andhra Pradesh just went on a diet and shed a few districts. This fad may Fast catch on in other States.

(December 10)

· Sachin will retire from ODIs when he has 50 100s and a 100 50s.

· Carbon emissions 5% jyaada ho rahe hain, 5% kam karo… is-se vishaal duniya ko sacchi main kuch farak padega kya? Is Mother earth impressed?

· Woh Sikander hi dosto… kahalata hain… jyaada ICC anko ko jeetna… jise aata hain…

· Zimbly weight for thee Dubai griziz to enfold, eet eez note aze baed aze u theengk.

(December 7)

· South Africa were Test No. 1 for a record Less Time. Now that’s one record we don’t want to break!

· Don’t know if Copenhagen will reduce the Global Climate, but it has sure heated the Global Political Climate, especially in India.

· Dhoni ka hat-trick! At some point in his tenure, India has been No. 1 in T20s, ODIs and Tests!

(December 6)

· Great! After some decades, maybe a few hundred billion dollars and the loss of thousands of lives, the US is finally acting tough with Pak. (But is it really?)

· The Sehwag Saga… 309: The Fast & the Furious. 319: 2Fast2Furious. If not today, I’m sure that 3F3F will come one day…

· If the US wasn’t a friend of Pak, I think today Pak would have been much more balanced and developed…

(December 4)

·Bush let Osama get away because if he had caught him, then he would have had nothing left to do after that..

· Somewhere along the way, Sehwag lost his Test & ODI technique… so he simply decided to use his T20 technique in all forms of the game.

(December 3)

· 1 2 ka 4, 4 2 ka 1, yahi hain India ki ICC ranking ki kahani…

(December 2)

· “Change” has come in Indo-US ties. From “I Love Bush” it’s “I’ll do whatever Obama says”

(December 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

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