March 2017 Status Updates

UK triggers Brexit.
EU chief vows to break up USA.
Two break-ups don’t make one unification.
(People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones)

Random alternate reality universe…
PMs…
1947-60: Netaji.
1960-75: Shastri.
1975-85: Vajpayee
1985-95: Rao.
1995-2000: Advani
2000-10: Scindia.

(March 30)

Does anyone remember that 6 years back the nation came to a standstill, an old man fasted, a new party was born over Lokpal?
Where’s the Lokpal?

(March 29)

How do you counter Eve-teasing?
By Romeo bashing.
#MixedMetaphors Adam & Eve + Romeo & Juliet.

Priyanka’s daughter will be saviour: Poojary.
Sonia couldn’t be PM.
Pappu can’t be PM.
Pappini won’t be PM.
Can’t dare to think beyond dynasty.

(March 24)

Schrodinger on steroids.
If you go by the TV news channels, Uttar Pradesh currently has one dozen “next” Chief Ministers.

(March 18)

Assange is a bigger name than Jack.
Yet Jack refuses to give Assange a verified Twitter account.
Tells you what’s wrong with the Left-Liberal ecosystem.

(March 17)

It is the right moment for the Right.
But things are still far off for the Far Right.
#GeertWilders #DutchElections

(March 16)

Till 1945-Colonialism.
1945-91: Big 2.
1991-2000s: Pax Americana.
2010s: US, China, Russia, India, Turkey, Iran etc all being assertive as EU collpases.

(March 13)

Till 1980s it was the BBC.
1990s was the decade of CNN.
In the 2010s its WikiLeaks all the way.
#Vault7

The “Internet of Things” simply means that every device in your home can become a snooping device and be used against you.
#Vault7

Team India’s Women’s Day gift.
They finished the match on March 7 to keep March 8 free from cricketing distractions.
#IndVsAus

(March 8)

On any day, in any match, for any reason, from any position of strength, no matter what the mahurat, India can lose 5 wickets for 10 runs.

Imran has 1 World Cup.
Darren Sammy has 2.
Sammy graces PSL, so Imran calls him phateechar.
And you ask what’s wrong with Pak cricket.

(March 7)

If you want to be really politically correct, then you also need other names for woMAN and feMALE and maybe even huMANkind.
(March 6)

Incredible India.
Three straight matches of 600+ scores. (World record).
Followed by…
Three straight innings of 200- scores. (Business as usual)

Ashes to ashes ashes and dust to dust,
If O’Keefe don’t get you Lyons must.
#IndVsAus

Return of the Nair.
India last two Test innings: 212 for 20.
Karun last Test inning: 303 for 0.

Communist Contradiction.
The Global Bourgeoisie are trying to lead a Proletarian Revolution.

Casualties of war.
1947: 1500.
1965: 3000.
1971: 3800.
1000s more in Kargil, Siachen and terror attacks.
Par Pakistan ne ek ko bhi na maara.

(March 4)

American politics has transformed into a 1980s Bollywood movie.
Foreign hand in everything.
The man in power must be stopped with violence.
Bad script.

Sasikala-Stalin drama.
Kejri-Pappu nautanki.
Lalu-Nitish ka bhai bhai Jungle Raj…
No matter how badly Modi does, his rivals will do worse.

(March 3)

Uber led to the English word super.
As in: Uber was a super taxi service.
The literal translation of uber is “over” or “above”.
As in: Uber drivers are asking benefits “over” and “above” what they are getting now.

(March 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

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