Hillary and US Presidential musings…

200 million voted for “Fascist” Modi.
52% voted for “racist” Brexit.
Roughly half of US supports “Hitler” Trump.
Maybe problem with “allegation hurlers”, not people.

Obama 2008 slogan…
Change we can believe in!
Hillary 2016 slogan…
That change which never came which we’re still trying to believe in!

Obama 2008 slogan…
Yes we can!
Hillary 2016 slogan…
We didn’t, but we still can, just 4 more years!

No Pak terror state.
No suing Saudis.
Surveillance State.
Targeting Snowden-Manning-Assange.
Negligence with secret mails OK.

Hillary to Pak: You can’t keep snakes in your backyard and expect them only to bite your neighbors. You know, eventually those snakes are going to turn on whoever has them in the backyard.
Q: Great! But aren’t you the handler of the snake handler?

US pensioners’ polls…
No matter who wins, towards the end of the term the President will be 70+ and the Vice President 60+.
Obama retires at 55.

Had Sanders become President, he would have turned his country into the USSR.
(United States Socialist Republic)

From 2017, we should have an Obama Day.
When all day we will talk and talk great things and vow “Yes we can!” but actually do no work.

Sanders, like all Communists, is a coward at heart.
Now forget fighting Hillary, he can’t even speak against her.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu and a family of Pappus…

Rajiv oversees Sikh genocide and Kashmiri Pandit exodus.
Sonia: Modi—Maut ka saudagar!
Sonia oversaw massive defence decline 2004-14.
Pappu: Modi—Jawano ka khoon ka dalaal!

Nehru let PoK get away.
Indira communalized J&K.
Rajiv allowed Pandit exodus to happen.
Terrorism gained foothold under Rao.
Huge mess to clean.

Don’t want J&K!
Don’t want UN SC seat!
Don’t want Indus water!
Don’t want Aksai Chin!
Don’t want US N-deal!
Don’t want…
#AdarshLiberal: Wow! Foreign Policy whiz!

Computers kaun laya?
Reforms kaun laya?
Democracy kaun laya?
X100 kaun laya?
Aside: Ab Cong jeetega?
Modi: Pappu kaun laya?
Cong haara!

US film on alcoholism: The Lost Weekend.
Indian film on UPA’s corruption, inefficiency, misgovernance and defence decline: The Lost Decade.

#PrashantKishore slowing down…
4th Gear: Helped Modi.
3rd Gear: Helped Nitish.
2nd Gear: Invariably helped Lalu too.
1st Gear: Struggling with Pappu.
Next: The brakes. The End.

Pappu cannot do one thing wrong. (Mera Pappu mahaan)
Modi cannot do one thing right. (Tera Modi beimaan)
#AdarshLiberal #Congress

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

General cricketing musings…

Champs for 10 years and counting…
2007-09—T20 World Champs.
2009-11—Test World Champs.
2011-15—ODI World Champs.
2013-17—Defenders of Champions Trophy.
Shortest T20 Champions 2009-10: 329 days.
Shortest Test champions in 2016: 42 days.

Have you seen the Rocky series?
Sir Ravindra Jadeja: No I am busy creating the Ronchi series.
There’s already Ronchi 1, 2, 3 and 4.
I am looking forward to Ronchi 5 in the next match.

When he comes in to bat.
When he takes a wicket.

ICC Test No. 1 rankings began in 2003.
Ganguly-Dravid-Kumble couldn’t take us past No. 3.
Now both Dhoni and Kohli have taken us to No. 1.

Our bowlers carry our #SurgicalStrikes against Kiwi batting and Pakistan loses the ICC Test rankings No. 1 battle to India.
MS Dhoni Biopic makes Rs 66 crore in first weekend.
All I see is Dhoni and 6 6. Makes perfect sense!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The truth about war and violence…

war-469503_640War made the greatest lasting empires of all time… 1. Roman. 2. British. 3 American.
War defeated Hitler.
War built Israel.
War ended the Communist Bloc.
War created Bangladesh.
War led to many rights for the people.
War led to the greatest technologies.
War shaped the modern world.
A decisive war leads to a lasting peace.
Sad but undeniable truth.

Violence against the English Kings led to democarcy.
French Revolution violence led to democracy.
The American nation was built on violence against native Americans.
Suffragette violence got women’s rights.
Sepoy Mutiny violence kickstarted the Indian Independence movement… Bombay Mutiny violence secured it.
War leads to suffering, but so may peace.
Sometimes violence against you can only be ended by counter-violence.
Always push for peace, but realize sometimes that war is inevitable.

Everyone is crying out for peace, yes,
None is crying out for justice,
I don’t want no peace,
I need equal rights and justice.
—Peter Tosh, Equal Rights.

More musings of meaningless Communism…

Synonyms for Communist…
US Democrat.
UK Labour.
Indian Congress.

There is no such thing as Left and Right.
Communism doesn’t have a single benefit.
Capitalism has many benefits.
Totally fake parity.

Industrial Revolution of 1760 still powers the world.
Communist Revolution of 1848 is yet to benefit even one country.
Commies mask this by calling it “Left” and “Right”.

There is no such thing as Left and Right.
Communism is a destructive killer.
Capitalism is all you’ve currently got.
Capitalism = Centre.
Communism = Outside the circle.

Dear Karl Marx,
Jab tak JNU, Cuba aur North Korea rahega,
Tab tak tera naam rahega.
Sooraj aur chand gaye tel lene.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

September 2016 Status Updates

Sehwag on the commentary bench.
Gambhir on Team India bench.
#IndVsNZ #EdenGardens

(September 30)

Mainstream media’s name has become mud.
Call it maindirtystream media.

(September 29)


Release Raees at Id.
Sir, Sultan!
OK, Aug 15.
Sir, Rustom-Hrithik.
OK, Diwali.
Sir, Shivaay.
OK, Christmas.
Sir, Dangal.
OK Republic Day.
Sir, hit!
Raj Thackeray: RD pe Pakistani actress?

(September 25)

April-May: Summer Vacations.
July: Transport Bandh Vacations.
September: Cauvery Vacations.
October: Dussehra Vacations.
December: Christmas Vacatio

(September 22)

SRK Fandom Awards for his biggest fans?
After Shah Rukh Khan killed his biggest fan with his bare hands in his last movie?

(September 21)

If Modi wins in 2019, then in 2020 we will still be discussing UPA corruption.

(September 14)

Number of Rs 100 crore films for certain actors…
Riteish Deshmukh = 4.
Abhishek Bachchan = 4.
Aamir Khan = 4.
Hrithik Roshan = 3.
Ranbir Kapoor = 2.
Saif Ali Khan = 1.
Shahid Kapoor = 0.

(September 13)

PoK = Pakistan occupied Kashmir.
PoB = Pakistan occupied Balochistan.
CoK = China occupied Kashmir. (Aksai Chin)
CoT = China occupied Tibet.

Front Page headline…
Girl sits on fast for toilets in her village.
(Details Page 5)
Flips the pages and comes to Page 5 in 30 seconds to see headline…
Girl calls off hunger strike as officials promise toilets in her village in a week.
Methinks: Wow, that was pretty fast!

(September 8)

Pakistan cricket continues to live in the extremes.
Tests: Best ever No. 1
ODIs: Worst ever No. 9.

(September 5)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru


#IndVsNZ #EdenGardens: Greatest batting line-up ever…

Here’s looking at the highest scores of all 11 batsmen in the second Test between India and New Zealand at Eden Gardens…

1. Shikhar Dhawn 187.
2. Murali Vijay 167.
3. Cheteshwar Pujara 206*.
4. Virat Kohli 200.
5. Ajinkya Rahane 147.
6. Rohit Sharma 177.
7. Ravichandran Ashwin 124.
8. Wriddhiman Saha 104.
9. Ravindra Jadeja 68.
10. Bhuvneshwar Kumar 63*.
11. Mohammed Shami 51*.

That means a whopping 8 have scored a century and the remaining 3 have scored a century.

The number 9 batsman is also the only Indian to have three first class triple centuries including 2 in a month.
Gautam Gambhir with 4000 Test runs is on the bench and injured KL Rahul got 3 centuries in his first 6 Tests including a 158.
Pujara with four 150+ scores finds himself in and out of the team.

By Sunil Rajguru

Engaging Pak over Kashmir…

Pak began Kashmir terror group policy 9 years before they officially became a nuclear power. A year after they lost a war.
N-threat is irrelevant, India’s tolerance the key.

The two biggest stakeholders of the Pakistani Army are America and terrorist groups.
The government is a mute spectator.
Who will you talk to?

Kashmir has already destroyed Pakistan and hasn’t even realized it and still claims Kashmir.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru