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Someone once called Naxalites “Gandhians with guns”.
The truth is totally different…
In India…
Naxalites are Communists with guns.
Editors are Communists with pens.
NGOs are Communists with foreign funds.
Historians are Communists with textbooks.
Activists are Communists with a cause.
Politicians are Communists with power.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
How the Indian cricket team celebrated Independence Day…
The 11 batsmen scored the following amount of runs…
18-0-4-6-0-82-5-13-5-1-7.
If you rearrange the above numbers, then you get…
15-08-2014. 68. 1,3,5,7…..
15-08-2014 stands for 15th August 2014, the Independence Day on which they scored these runs.
68 stands for India’s 68th Independence Day.
The progressive sequence 1,3,5,7… stands for the resolve on this day to keep doing better from now on.
Ref: Fifth India-England Test at the Kensington Oval.
#IndVsEng #Oval
© Sunil Rajguru
(Ref: Fifth India-England Test.)
India’s last 3 Test innings, runs scored by…
All batsmen = 117.
All bowlers = 141.
Dhoni = 180.
Team India is the new brand ambassador for Rupa.
With so many rest days after early Test results they’ll say…
Ye aaraam ka maamla hai!
Indian Test batsmen looking at the red cricket ball and singing…
Ye laal rang kab mujhe chhodega…
Dhoni’s autobiography will be…
Last Man Standing.
First in ODIs, now in Tests too.
Tests then…
Aaj Sachin century maarega kya?
Now…
Aaj India century maarega kya?
August 15, 1947: Indians get Independence from the English.
August 15, 2014: Indian batsmen get quick Independence from English bowlers.
Finish the Tests in 3 days, destroy the ECB economy and relax for 2 days.
Smart strategy!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Modi: There is no humour in Parliament.
Pappu: I protest! You are wrong as usual! What about the Congress being reduced to a joke?
Started in 2002, it still continues…
Baithe, baithe, kya karein? Karna hai kuch kaam,
Shuru karo ek cooked up story, leke Modi ka naam!
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
10 years wasn’t enough time for Sonia.
What? Modi hasn’t transformed India in 3 months?
The Congressi Ratna…
23 political party members won the Bharat Ratna.
All 23 were current/former members of the Congress party.
Nehruvian Consensus is a misnomer.
Nehru was an autocrat and half his Cabinet quit in protest.
It should be Nehruvian Diktat.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
When Smriti Irani finally gets a degree, they can make the TV serial…
Kyunki Graduate Bhi Kabhi 12th Pass Thi!
Some university should just give her an honorary doctorate and then Dr Irani will be able to move on from all these controversies.
The Bharat Ratna has been devalued so much that soon they will introduce a Mahabharat Ratna.
Nitish on Laloo then…
Ye jungle raj hai!
Now…
Jungle main mangal!
September 2013: Laloo convicted.
May 2014: Laloo rejected at polls.
August 2014: Laloo accepted by Nitish.
From National Democratic Alliance to Nitish’s Doomed Alliance.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Ref: Fourth India-England Test at Old Trafford.
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust,
If Andy won’t get you, Broad must,
If Broad’s nose has gone bust,
Then in Moeen you can trust.
What do you think of the collapse?
Pappu: It is just a state of mind.
But what is the solution?
Pappu: The batsmen have to be empowered.
If England played with 10 bowlers we’d still be unable to get them all out.
If India played with 10 bowlers, we’d still make the same amount of runs.
Old…
Tigers at home, lambs abroad.
New…
Tigers at home, ducks abroad.
Fletcher before…
Don’t be a chicken or a cowardly or fearful person.
Indian batsmen: OK!
After…
Arrrgghhh!!!! A duck’s much worse!
On the English menu…
1. Duck soup.
2. Bombay duck.
3. Roast duck.
4. Pressed duck.
5. Peking duck.
6. Duck à l’orange.
What’s your phone number?
England: 40000001
These versions by Sunil Rajguru