How FDI in retail is very much relevant in UP…

Rahul: Don’t worry, FDI in retail in UP is irrelevant!
First voter: Two double negatives is a positive, na?
Second voter: Yes!
First voter: Then if an irrelevant person says that an issue is irrelevant, then that thing becomes relevant, na?
Second voter: I guess!

The two ailing stages of every politician arrested in India for a scam.
ail1…
Guilty!
How?
Jail!
ail2…
Innocent
How?
Bail!
…or how Kanimozhi went from being guilty to innocent and how her father celebrated this transformation in Chennai…

© Sunil Rajguru

Thak Thak Chutkule 8

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Cyrus.
Cyrus kaun?
Sahi raste pe jaa raha hain, chinta mat karo,
Tata nahin to kya, wohi pariwar ka hain bhaaya ye Mistry.

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Raja.
Raja kaun?
Raja ka to baj gaya tha baja, par ab Chiddu bhi jaayega bidu, but money on Kani finally getting bail.

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Haqqani.
Haqqani kaun?
Haq nahin sarkar ke paas lagta hain,
in fact sabka haq knees pe aa gaya hain us desh main.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Main politician to nahin…

(Original Lyrics: Main shaayar to nahin, magar ae haseen jab se dekha maine tujhko, mujhko shaayari aa gayi…
Song: Main shayar to nahin. Film: Bobby. Year: 1973.)

Now Kanimozhi was a shaayar to begin with. So how did she enter politics?
Her take…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae haseen rokda jab se dekha maine tujhko, mujhko politics aa gayi…

Manmohan’s take…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae kambakht Raja ko jabse dekha, mujhko politics aa gayi…

Anna’s take…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae haseen andolan aur mauka jab se dekha maine tujhko, mujhko politics aa gayi…

Diggy Raja’s take…
Main spokesperson to nahin, magar ae Congress bachane ka bhoot ka virus jab se dimaag main ghusa, mujhko verbal diarrhoea aa gayi…

Rahul…
Main politician to nahin, magar kya karu, mere DNA main hain, politics aaye ya na aaye, ek din to pradhan mantra ban-na hi padega! Meri duvidha samjha karo bhai log!

Advani…
Main pradhan mantri to nahin, magar marte dum tak pradhan mantrigiri jaayegi nahin…

Maya…
Ye koi maya to nahin, par jabse maine pradhan mantri ki kursi ko dekha, aur kuch dikhai deta hi nahin…

Sonia…
Na main politician hu, na main shaayar hu, bus ek behind the scenes player hu…

Chidambaram…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae Subramanian Swamy ko jab se dekha, lagta hai ki bachi kuchi politics bhi chali jaayegi…

Pawar…
Main politician to nahin, main billionaire bhi nahin, main BCCI main bhi koi nahin, in fact main kuch bhi nahin…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Thak Thak Chutkule 4

(Knock Knock Jokes in Hindi)

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
Gadaffi.
Gadaffi kaun?
Gadha, fir bhi is tarah se ant nahin hona chahiye tha!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
Kanimozhi.
Kanimozhi kaun?
Kahanai mai koi twist nahin, woh jail main hi rahegi!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
Karunanidhi.
Karunanidhi kaun?
Karuna dikhao meri beti ko, usne koi nidhi (wealth) nahin maara hai.

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
Prashant.
Prashant who?
Prashant nahin ashant ho gaya hain Team Anna suddenly!

Thak Thak!
Kaun hain bhaaya?
Mera baap.
Mera baap kaun?
Mujhe kya maloom?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

First DMK, then ADMK, now ARDMK…

New party launched in Tamil Nadu called ARDMK.

ARDMK stands for…

Andimuthu Raja Dayanidhi Maran Kanimozhi party.

Motto: United by 2G and unfettered by zeroes.

Strengths: Unlimited funds.

Ideology: Totally mobile across any political spectrum.

Qualifications:
Engineered Independent India’s biggest ever exposed scam. All founders chargesheeted and two jailed.

Future Outlook: Waiting for the famous Tamil Nadu anti-incumbency in 2016, by which time all chargesheets, jailings and scams would have been forgotten.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Modern bakwaas shayari…

Hum bhi kabhi sub-editor the,
Kanimozhi bhi kabhi sub-editor thi!
Hum hain gareeb par azaad,
Woh hain Arabpati magar qaid…
Chalo, filaal yahi sahi!

Ghalib bhi shayar tha,
Kanimozhi bhi shayar kahalati,
Ghalib aur shayari dono gaye tel lene,
Ab paisa hi kavita hain…
Paisa hi nagma hain…
Paisa hi shayar hain…
Paisa hi shayar ki shayari…

Waise sabsa bada ameer to hain Mahatma Gandhi,
Lakhon nahin…
Crore-o nahin…
Arabo nahin…
Kharabo ke note-o ke dher pe muskura rahe hain,
Note gora ho ya kaala,
Paise ka hain bol baala!

This version by Sunil Rajguru