Short Takes March 2010

· Nowadays to become a film journalist all you need is an internet connection. Most of the news is coming from film stars’ blogs and Twitter accounts.

· Amitabh Tips: If you want free publicity, rubbish him. If you want the Congress to stay away, invite him. If you want him to stay away, criticize him. If you want him to endorse anything on Earth, make sure you have enough money…

(March 29)

· Bharti & Lakshmi. Mittal & Mittal. Separated at birth, united in global ambitions.

(March 23)

· USSR = United States is a Socialist Republic (Housing, Insurance, Healthcare…)

· Raju got inspired and came out with Rancho-type solutions with a mobile for an ad campaign…

(March 22)

· Corny Joke #23: Thiruvananthapuram: Mere paas Capital hain, CM hain, size hain, IT hain, Sarabhai Space Centre hain… tere paas kya hain? Kochi: Mere paas IPL hain!

(March 21)

· India’s TPR is approximately 1 million. (Tiger Person Ratio) For every 1 million Indians there’s a solitary tiger.

(March 20)

· Google to bid adieu thanks to China’s Baidu Googly? C for China. C for Censorship. B for Baidu. B for Bye-Bye. (Or Google hates being No. 2)

· ATM (Any Time Money) is passe. Maya’s EWM (Every Where Money) is in.

(March 19)

· After hundreds of years archaelogists will discover a memorial made solely of compressed Rs 1000 notes and melted coins titled: Mahamaya Malamalawati the Daulat.

· New Lingo. Peti = 1 Lakh. Khoka = 1 crore. Mala = 10 crores.

· Bhagwan ke naam pe ek Mala dede re baba!

(March 18)

· Something Maya can still be: PM of India (after 10-20 years, who knows?) Something Maya can’t be: Brand ambassador for Credit Card companies.

· Cong main Madam ko Salaam karo. BSP main Madam ko Salaam karo. BJP LS main Madam ko Salaam karo. Trinamool main Madam ko Salaam karo.Defence chiefs: Madam ko Salaam karo. Jahan Madam Salaam nahin, waha decline hain: SP, CPM, Senas (all limelight no power) And you talk of woman empowerment!

· Today: Maya’s 2nd Garland of Notes. BSP: We will continue this. Prediction: During the 2012 UP polls all banks in India will run out of Rs 500/1000 notes as Maya is planning hundreds of rallies.

· Maya calls party meet. For what? To tell them: Why didn’t you use One Rupee notes instead to represent the poor?

· Maya’s 5-crore garland doesn’t come under the IT Dept (I’m sure she’ll show it as party’s earned income). It comes under the Disrespect and Misuse of Money Dept.

(March 17)

· SRK. KKR. IPL. PWD. MNIK. SS-MNS. NIA… no wonder he feels so short-changed…

(March 16)

· Officially, Modi is a Resident of Gandhinagar. But unofficially, some part of him has always been a Resident of Godhra since 2002.

· PJ Time. Did you know that Sarkozy is Eco-friendly? He is allegedly dating his Environment Minister…

· What if there was a Counter on our Facebook Home Page that kept track of Total Logins and Total Time spent on Facebook in our life. Notifications like: Congrats, this is your 10,000th login. Congrats, you’ve completed 10,000 hours in Facebook…

(March 12)

· Wheels within Wheels. Reservations within Reservations.

(March 11)

· Tired of the continuous match-fixing allegations, PCB decided to Fix Pak cricket & cricketers once and for all…

· Pak cricket first put its foot in its mouth, then shot itself in the foot. Didn’t think that was possible.

· Phir Dil Do Football Ko. Phir Dil Do Athletics Ko. Phir Dil Do Sports Ko. Authorities: Phir Dil Do Sportspersons Ko.

(March 10)

· History will see the Women’s Bill being passed in the RS by a whopping margin of 186-1 and wonder how that “1″ vote held a 1-billion-nation to ransom…

· One-half of India wants one-third of Parliament. Hmm, I guess many people find that pretty unfair…

(March 9)

· Bacillus thuringiensis (Bt) is a bacteria. When added to Brinjal, it helps in fighting pests. When added to Indian politics, it becomes a major Pest and transforms into Bt Politics. (Remember Bt cotton anyone?)

· Jab saath na ho apne hi brand ambassadors ka, apne hi management ka… to hockey ka band bajega hi na? Bechare players aur fans.

· You can atleast Dream of India wining the Cricket World Cup. When it comes to the Hockey World Cup, however, just go ahead and have a Nightmare…

· Even a cat has nine lives. How many times can Indian hockey die?

(March 7)

· To Angrezo ne aakhir apna cricket ka Lagaan hockey main vasool kar hi liya…

(March 6)

· Cricket has plenty of highs with lows thrown in between. Hockey has plenty of lows with highs tossed in between.

· Poochte hain woh ki Ghalib kaun hain, arre Ghalib gaya tel lene, hum khud kaun hain yahi pata nahin hain…

· Indo-Pak bhai bhai, dono haare 2-5…

(March 5)

· What a pain, we lost to Spain, hopes going down the Drain…

· India, please beat Spain, otherwise it’ll be: Phir Funeral karo hockey ka!

(March 4)

· Excuse No 23: Yaar, IPL aa raha hain, practice. Excuse No 79: Film Shooting se time hi nahin milta! Excuse No 114: Duty hain, Commonwealth Games aa rahe hain… New Catchline: Dil gaya tel lene, Phir Time Do Hockey Ko!

· Pak match: Phir dil do hockey ko. Aus match: Phir heartbreak do hockey ko. Next match: Phir chance do hockey ko…

(March 2)

© Sunil Rajguru