Monthly Archives: April 2010

Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye… (IPL remix)

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Please sing to the tune of Sab ganda hai from Company…

Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Ghapla baar baar, jhootha hai karobaar, hain ye political war,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Cricket ki sadan, sab kala hai dhan, rivals ki jalan,
Jhoothe hain hote, maange bas note, raho tum lotpot,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Sab political parties ek, IPL pathshala main classmate, paise hi phek,
Cricket-fixing baar baar, betting ka karobaar, golmaal ka czar,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Hazaaron hain raaz, dekho aas paas, paise ki pyaas,
Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: Ganda Hai
Film: Company
Year: 2002)

What they really wanted to say on Tharoor…

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Laloo: What a loser! The fodder scam was worth thousands of crores and here I’ve heard that only 50-70 crores was involved! And that too not directly attributed to him! (Though I’ve heard he’s marrying her, in that case it’s OK as in politics wives have full access to the husband’s legacy. P.S. Rabri has already been CM so I am no longer interested in the Women’s Reservation Bill)

Mulayam: I hate cricket. I hate IPL. I hate British sports. Ban everything. (Actually the real reason why I want him out is that I’ve been meaning to ban computers and here’s a guy who’s taken Indian politics into the computer! Dangerous!)

Left: We don’t have any real issues and our policies are irrelevant to modern India, but we like protesting, which is on our blood, so we will protest any way. As it is, this guy is our No.1 Enemy as he spends thousands of Rupees on 5-star hotels. (Politicians’ thousands of crores of hidden money doesn’t bother us though)

Pranab: When I talked of austerity, he stayed in 5-star. Serves him right!

Modi: When we are together-together, I am Mr Clean. When we are against-against, I am Mr Shady? What a hypocrite!

Shashank Manohar: Ye IPL ke haath dede mujhe Thakur!

Balasaheb: This is not fair. I’ve been ruling politics for decades. I hate the IPL jamboree but no-one listened to me! Who’s this upstart who hasn’t been in politics even for a year! He’s been more successful than me this year. And he’s making Pawar squirm. That’s my department!

Manmohan: I really like this guy. With all these controversies, is anyone even talking about me? I am quietly doing what exactly I want to do. I’m loving it! I’ll definitely get this guy back when the entire furor ends.

© Sunil Rajguru

Cricketing Full Forms…

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Lalit Modi = Lakhs And Lakhs Initially, Then Millions Of Dollars Income

Shashi Tharoor = Sunanda Has A Sweat Holding in IPL. Tweeting Had A Really Optimistic Outlook Recently.

Sharad Pawar = So Happy And Relaxed At Developments. Personally Am Way Above Recrimination.

BCCI = Board of Control of Cricketing Income

IPL = Infinite Paisa League

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 14

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• Passing rains during peak summer are just a momentary lapse of season.

• I always believe that Prayer is the only thing that can do time travel. If you Pray hard enough, it can travel to the past and set things right. And you think the Miracle instantly appeared when it actually was a result of a series of events of a changed past. The Prayer can travel to the future and stop bad things there too.

• I think God is also a bureaucrat. He puts all our curses, bad wishes and jinxes for our fellow human beings in an in folder which he doesn’t check till Eternity. If he acted on all of them, then we’d all surely be dead by now!

• Celebrity comes from the word celebration. It should have come from the word destruction instead. We love to destroy our celebrities. They should be called delebrities instead.

• As microprocessors go faster, RAMs ramp up and software gets smarter, why does the computer experience feel just as slow?

© Sunil Rajguru

You have no moral right…

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BJP to Congress: You have no moral right because of 1984 Sikh Riots.
Congress to BJP: You have no moral right because of Babri Masjid.

Advani to Manmohan: You have no moral right because of you’re spineless.
Manmohan to Advani: You have no moral right because of communalism.

Mulayam to Maya: You have no moral right because of statues and garlands.
Maya to Mulayam: You have no moral right because of criminals.

Detractors to Modi: You have no moral right because of Godhra.
Modi to detractors: You have no moral right because you govern worse than me.

Lalit Modi to Shashi Tharoor: You have no moral right because of Sweat equity.
Tharoor to Modi: You have no moral right because of the way you run IPL.

Politician A to Politician B: You have no moral right because of corruption, nepotism, incompetence and minimal development.
Politician B to Politician A: You have no moral right because of corruption, nepotism, incompetence and minimal development.

For once they are all Right. Nobody really has any Moral Right any more.

In Indian politics, if you’re in the Right, you’re not Morally Right.
If you’re in the Left, you’re Morally Wrong.
Nothing changes even if you move to the Centre.

Elsewhere Great Politicians have achieved Immortality.
Our Politicians have achieved Immorality.

© Sunil Rajguru

Twisted quotes for Indian TV news channels…

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Great men said great things. Here’s twisting them to suit a topic…

• Breaking News at all costs, Breaking News in spite of all terror, Breaking News however long and hard the road may be; for without Breaking News, there is no survival.

• When all the IPL controversies have ended, when all the Rahul-Rakhi-Sania swayamwars are over, when all the trivial news items have been squeezed like lemons, when all the viewers have deserted you, only then will you discover you cannot remember how to cover the real issues anymore.

• We have long observed that every news item has the result, and therefore probably the purpose, of forcing the viewer out of real life, of alienating him from actuality.

• There is no hunting like the hunting of celebrity, and those who have hunted the greatest celebrities long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

• I know Indian news channels as few other men now living know it, and nothing to me is more revolting. I have long advocated its complete abolition, as its very destructiveness on both friend and foe has rendered it useless as a method of settling issues.

• I’m afraid that if you analyze a thing long enough on TV news, it loses all of its meaning.

• We believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the news item in order to obtain the TRP ratings.

• As long as people believe in absurdities they will continue to watch Indian news channels.

• We may find in the long run that TV news is a deadlier weapon than the machine-gun.

• God sends ten thousands truths, which come about us like birds seeking inlet; but we are shut up to them, and so they bring us nothing, but sit and sing awhile upon the roof, and then fly away. Meanwhile, inside, we prefer to watch falsehoods on TV.

• In the long run, all news items are dead.

(Can you guess the original quotes?)

This Version By Sunil Rajguru