Monthly Archives: April 2010

Bangalore Theme Song: Here Comes The Rain…

Posted on by
5

100_3542

Please read to the tune of the Beatles song Here Comes The Sun…

Here comes the rain, here comes the rain,
and I say it’s all right

Little darling, it’s been a long hot lonely summer
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the rain, here comes the rain
and I say it’s all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here
Here comes the rain, here comes the rain
and I say it’s all right

Rain, rain, rain, here it comes…
Rain, rain, rain, here it comes…
Rain, rain, rain, here it comes…
Rain, rain, rain, here it comes…
Rain, rain, rain, here it comes…

Little darling, I feel the cool breeze slowly coming
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been cloudy
Here comes the rain, here comes the rain,
and I say it’s all right
It’s all right…

(Spoof By Sunil Rajguru)

(Original Song: Here Comes the Sun
Group: Beatles
Year: 1969)

Bangalore Rain Facts:
The moment the temperature touches a vague tangible high, it rains.
Thanks to this, the highest ever temperature recorded in Bangalore is 38.9°C. The average temperature is just 17°C.
Bangalore is blessed with two monsoons: Northeast & Southwest. Then there are those regular thunderstorms totally unrelated to the monsoons.
Bangalore averages atleast 100mm of rainfall for as many as 10 months in a year (from March to December), pretty rare for any Indian city.

Things I don’t dig about the IPL

Posted on by
1

It’s a Mad Ad World
How many ads can a cricket match take? I think this theory has been stretched to the max by IPL. It’s the height of irritation and I am surprised that most of the people are taking it lying down. (But then again, what can we do anyway?) All that is left is for an ad to be shown between a bowler releasing the ball and the batsman hitting it. Then there are those corny sponsored phrases like Citi Moment of Success…

Why is it soooo Loooooong?
In the 1996 ODI WC, there were 12 teams and every team had to play each other. On top of that there were quarter finals. That seemed way to long. In IPL, why does every team play each other twice? (OK, OK, I know: Home and way matches, but still…) But I wonder what will happen next year with nearly a 100 matches. IPL will go on for about 2.5 months. Where will they get the time in the ICC calendar? And will viewer interest continue till the end?

A case of Megalomodimania
Let’s get a few things clear. The English invented T20. The 2007 WC win popularized it in India. The ICL brought T20 club cricket in India. Then the BCCI’s resolve brought about IPL. Lalit Modi has great business acumen, but he happened to be at the right place at the right time. But it looks like Modi invented T20. He’s everywhere on TV and has an opinion on every little thing and looks like a control freak. And why are you telling us so much about the Kochi team on your Twitter account? Didn’t you check properly when you accepted the bid?

Over-the-top commentators
Listening to the commentators, one could be forgiven for thinking that the IPL is actually a World Cup that happens every 20 years. I’ve never seen them so enthusiastic and gush so much at each and every shot. Does the IPL pay far more that other tournaments? Money not only talks, but shouts.

Exorbitant Ticket Prices
Why are the ticket prices so high? Who buys them? And if they are sold out most of the time, then why do we still see empty stands?

© Sunil Rajguru

It all began in Canaan…

Posted on by
6

Pak’s got nukes because India has them.
India went nuclear to counter China.
China got the A-bomb to match Russia and America.
Russia made nukes to keep up with America.
America went nuclear because it was scared of Hitler.
Hitler was hopping mad at the humiliation of World War 1 and wanted to take German domination to a totally new level.
WW1 happened because the European colonial powers wanted to maintain a balance of power.
European colonial powers were merely aping the ancient colonial trends set by the Greeks, Romans and Egyptians more than a thousand years before them.
The first Egyptian colony was established in Canaan before 3000 BC.
So tomorrow if a Pak nuke goes rogue, just blame it on an ancient colony that was established 5000 years ago…

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 13

Posted on by
3

• Indian whitening creams are getting so effective that Dark Skin will be turned to Light. Light Skin will be turned to Pure White. And Pure White Skin? That’ll become Transparent… so that you may apply whichever colour you may to suit your day every day.

• News in India is broken so many times on so many channels every day that it’s a wonder it’s not in a trillion unbreakable pieces and dead by now.

• The stuff on Indian TV news channels is so trivial that we should coin a new term called TVial. TVia. TVial coverage. TVial pursuit…

• In India, people with noisy fans sleep well as they drown out all the other surrounding disturbing sounds.

• If a man is one in a million, then will he have a problem if he undergoes an operation where the chances of going wrong are one in a million?

© Sunil Rajguru

Mangetar, Mangetar aur Woh…

Posted on by
1

Everyone’s talking about the Sania-Shoiab match. Looks like there are plenty of book and Bollywood movie ideas in the saga…

Some sample titles…

Mangetar, Mangetar aur Woh

Everything but Tennis and Anything but Cricket

Kasab gaya. Shoiab aaya. How to be a famous Pakistani in India.

Work-Life Balance: How to Excel at Match-Fixing Professionally and Personally Too

The Cricketer who Double-faulted and the Tennis Player Who Hit Her Own Wicket

Alternative Reality: Had Sania Won a Grand Slam Early in Her Life, She May Have Led an Anonymous Life

Jab Sania-Shoiab Raazi To Kya Karega Media?

Samjhauta Express Derailed: A Look at The Biggest Indo-Pak Crisis Since Kargil

No Weddings & a Media Funeral

© Sunil Rajguru

Short Takes March 2010

Posted on by
Reply

· Nowadays to become a film journalist all you need is an internet connection. Most of the news is coming from film stars’ blogs and Twitter accounts.

· Amitabh Tips: If you want free publicity, rubbish him. If you want the Congress to stay away, invite him. If you want him to stay away, criticize him. If you want him to endorse anything on Earth, make sure you have enough money…

(March 29)

· Bharti & Lakshmi. Mittal & Mittal. Separated at birth, united in global ambitions.

(March 23)

· USSR = United States is a Socialist Republic (Housing, Insurance, Healthcare…)

· Raju got inspired and came out with Rancho-type solutions with a mobile for an ad campaign…

(March 22)

· Corny Joke #23: Thiruvananthapuram: Mere paas Capital hain, CM hain, size hain, IT hain, Sarabhai Space Centre hain… tere paas kya hain? Kochi: Mere paas IPL hain!

(March 21)

· India’s TPR is approximately 1 million. (Tiger Person Ratio) For every 1 million Indians there’s a solitary tiger.

(March 20)

· Google to bid adieu thanks to China’s Baidu Googly? C for China. C for Censorship. B for Baidu. B for Bye-Bye. (Or Google hates being No. 2)

· ATM (Any Time Money) is passe. Maya’s EWM (Every Where Money) is in.

(March 19)

· After hundreds of years archaelogists will discover a memorial made solely of compressed Rs 1000 notes and melted coins titled: Mahamaya Malamalawati the Daulat.

· New Lingo. Peti = 1 Lakh. Khoka = 1 crore. Mala = 10 crores.

· Bhagwan ke naam pe ek Mala dede re baba!

(March 18)

· Something Maya can still be: PM of India (after 10-20 years, who knows?) Something Maya can’t be: Brand ambassador for Credit Card companies.

· Cong main Madam ko Salaam karo. BSP main Madam ko Salaam karo. BJP LS main Madam ko Salaam karo. Trinamool main Madam ko Salaam karo.Defence chiefs: Madam ko Salaam karo. Jahan Madam Salaam nahin, waha decline hain: SP, CPM, Senas (all limelight no power) And you talk of woman empowerment!

· Today: Maya’s 2nd Garland of Notes. BSP: We will continue this. Prediction: During the 2012 UP polls all banks in India will run out of Rs 500/1000 notes as Maya is planning hundreds of rallies.

· Maya calls party meet. For what? To tell them: Why didn’t you use One Rupee notes instead to represent the poor?

· Maya’s 5-crore garland doesn’t come under the IT Dept (I’m sure she’ll show it as party’s earned income). It comes under the Disrespect and Misuse of Money Dept.

(March 17)

· SRK. KKR. IPL. PWD. MNIK. SS-MNS. NIA… no wonder he feels so short-changed…

(March 16)

· Officially, Modi is a Resident of Gandhinagar. But unofficially, some part of him has always been a Resident of Godhra since 2002.

· PJ Time. Did you know that Sarkozy is Eco-friendly? He is allegedly dating his Environment Minister…

· What if there was a Counter on our Facebook Home Page that kept track of Total Logins and Total Time spent on Facebook in our life. Notifications like: Congrats, this is your 10,000th login. Congrats, you’ve completed 10,000 hours in Facebook…

(March 12)

· Wheels within Wheels. Reservations within Reservations.

(March 11)

· Tired of the continuous match-fixing allegations, PCB decided to Fix Pak cricket & cricketers once and for all…

· Pak cricket first put its foot in its mouth, then shot itself in the foot. Didn’t think that was possible.

· Phir Dil Do Football Ko. Phir Dil Do Athletics Ko. Phir Dil Do Sports Ko. Authorities: Phir Dil Do Sportspersons Ko.

(March 10)

· History will see the Women’s Bill being passed in the RS by a whopping margin of 186-1 and wonder how that “1″ vote held a 1-billion-nation to ransom…

· One-half of India wants one-third of Parliament. Hmm, I guess many people find that pretty unfair…

(March 9)

· Bacillus thuringiensis (Bt) is a bacteria. When added to Brinjal, it helps in fighting pests. When added to Indian politics, it becomes a major Pest and transforms into Bt Politics. (Remember Bt cotton anyone?)

· Jab saath na ho apne hi brand ambassadors ka, apne hi management ka… to hockey ka band bajega hi na? Bechare players aur fans.

· You can atleast Dream of India wining the Cricket World Cup. When it comes to the Hockey World Cup, however, just go ahead and have a Nightmare…

· Even a cat has nine lives. How many times can Indian hockey die?

(March 7)

· To Angrezo ne aakhir apna cricket ka Lagaan hockey main vasool kar hi liya…

(March 6)

· Cricket has plenty of highs with lows thrown in between. Hockey has plenty of lows with highs tossed in between.

· Poochte hain woh ki Ghalib kaun hain, arre Ghalib gaya tel lene, hum khud kaun hain yahi pata nahin hain…

· Indo-Pak bhai bhai, dono haare 2-5…

(March 5)

· What a pain, we lost to Spain, hopes going down the Drain…

· India, please beat Spain, otherwise it’ll be: Phir Funeral karo hockey ka!

(March 4)

· Excuse No 23: Yaar, IPL aa raha hain, practice. Excuse No 79: Film Shooting se time hi nahin milta! Excuse No 114: Duty hain, Commonwealth Games aa rahe hain… New Catchline: Dil gaya tel lene, Phir Time Do Hockey Ko!

· Pak match: Phir dil do hockey ko. Aus match: Phir heartbreak do hockey ko. Next match: Phir chance do hockey ko…

(March 2)

© Sunil Rajguru