How Manmohan Singh is still King…

Singh is sinKing.

Singh is shrinKing.

Singh is wrecKing.

Singh is panicKing.

Singh is breaKing.

Singh is faKing.

Singh is choKing.

Singh is creaKing.

Singh is forsaKing.

Singh is hoodwinKing.

Singh is backtracKing.

Singh is unmaKing.

Singh is cracKing.

Singh is mismaKing.

Singh is mistaKing.

Singh is mythmaKing.

Singh is ransacKing.

Singh is ShylocKing.


These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Gali gali main shor hai, mera PM…

Gali gali main squeak hai,
Mera PM weak hai,
Dus saal main seekh ye,
Mera PM meek hai,
Aakhir main sab #TheekHai.

The movie on UPA’s #DecadeOfDecay will be called…
Because it’s full of “Chors” all of whom have been given clean “Chits”.

PM: The core issue is you!
Opposition: The chor issue is you!

UPA + Utopia
= UPAtopia
= Upar se topi pahana liya.

When he should speak, he keeps quiet.
When he speaks, no-one listens.
His economics don’t help the economy.
His politics don’t help the polity.

A movie on Manmohan Singh’s life would be called O.H.M.S.
On Her Majesty’s Service.
He has been serving the Dynasty and not the nation since 1998.

Tweet Tweet main shor hai,
Mera PM chor hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

August 2013 Status Updates

According to them, India became Independent in 1947, liberalized in 1991 and communalized in 2002.

Syrian Government: Wrong.
Syrian Rebels: Wrong.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
US Strikes: Wrong.
Three wrongs will finish off Syria outright.

Just like banks have floating interest rates, soon restaurants will have floating menu rates depending on the price of vegetables.

(August 30)

FSB ke baad pet bhar khaa liya?
Now on to Pappu Zameen (Vote) Bachao Yojana.

PJ of the day…
Sir, your reaction to the BRICS report?
PM: Hum eenth (BRICS) ka jawaab pathar (stone(-age economy)) se denge…

The Congress is securing Roti (Food Security Bill), Kapda(???), Makaan (Right to Homestead Bill) and Bandwidth (Section 66A).
So next: ???=Kapda Security Bill?

All the foreign currencies are having the Rupee for Dinar.
It’s getting royally Pounded and Dollared too.

(August 29)

MMS-Chidu: Rupee! In kutto ke saamne mat naachna!
Rupee: Hai! Ye doosre mulk ke log nahin, tum mujhe nacha rahe ho MMS-Chidu!

The 100 Crore Club Chiefs…
1. Xi Jinping (Dictatorial Leader, China).
2. Mark Zuckerberg (Virtual Leader, Facebook).
3. Manmohan Singh (Invisible Leader, India).

1st Century: Pax Romana.
13th Century: Pax Mongolica.
19th Century: Pax Britannica.
21st Century: Pax Americana.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
—Mark Twain
Manmohan Singh—Be careful about reading economic books. Your country may die of a misprint.

1970s: After Gareebi Hatao, Economy was ruined and Emergency imposed.
2013: FSB is the sequel to that and what it will lead to is anyone’s guess.

Nirman=Under construction.
Right now the International Border of India looks as if it’s under construction.
Ho raha Bharat Sarhad Nirman.
#Pak #China #Myanmar

India is turning to be a tourism hotspot for foreign troops.
First the Pakistanis, then the Italian Marines…
…Chinese and now Myanmar troops…
#MMS #TheekHai

Every night they’re pissed drunk.
When they lose, they’re pissed.
When they win, they piss.
What’s it with the Poms?

Heard she did two item numbers in one shot…
Miley Cyrus ki jawani + Miley Cyrus badnaam hui.

(August 28 )

Modi versus Rahul…
BJP: A lion leading an army of lambs.
Congress: A lamb leading an army of wolves.

Every night they’re pissed drunk.
When they lose, they’re pissed.
When they win, they piss.
What’s it with the Poms?

The Khans are recession-proof.
Despite economy, petrol and ticket prices, halls are still full.
If Dollar/Pound shoots up, so do worldwide collections.

(August 27)

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Intruder who?
In through the LAC, out through the LAC: It’s that simple!

Pigeons: Shit all day.
Politicians: Bullshit all day.
Pigeons: Stubborn: Can’t be chased away for good.
Politicians: Neither can these blokes.

BJP chances for 2014 with…
Modi: Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai…
Advani: Aaj phir marne ka iraada hai…

(August 26)

Feeding the terror fire…
The more Pak terror rises, the more US funds it gets, which further fuels extra terror, which still gets more funds, which…

Tens of thousands of cops are always on VIP security duty.
VIP = Very Insecure Person.

(August 25)

Sheesha ho ya dil ya khabar ho, toot jaata hai, toot jaata hai…

You require just 3 things to be Batman…
1. Great Eyes.
2. Great Lips.
3. Great Chin.

(August 24)

All political parties supporting their criminals…
Teda hai, magar mera hai!

(August 23)

Sun: When the Poms play well, I’ll watch.
Rain: When the Aussies play well, I’ll watch.

It’s sad that despite scores of superhits, hundreds of crores of rupees and millions of fans, SRK still needs to use fairness cream.

(August 22)

Watch the Delhi Cocktail Circuit debate itself again and again endlessly.
(This catchline describes news nights on all TV news channels)

Tests like trunk of a tree: Dravid.
He probably hasn’t heard of grafting, where branches are broken and planted to become bigger trees.
That branch is T20 and it may become bigger.

(August 21)

Local Village beats Global Village.
Gram Sabhas beat Multinational.
#Vedanta #Odisha

After Bhaag Milkha Bhaag, the movie on Usain would be called…
Bolt Bhaag Gaya!!!

bolt means run, dash, speed, scoot, flee, rush, fly, bound…
From now on, the B in that word should always be in caps: Bolt.

(August 19)

My food is made of homegrown vegetables, shuddh ghee and mother’s love.
My food made of imported vegetables, shuddh chemicals and all the brands I love.

Dabangg actor: Salman Khan.
Dabangg writer: Salman Rushdie.
Dabangg fixer: Salman Butt.
Dabangg politician: Salman Khurshid.

Cyber Sangam…
Follower follower na raha,
Troll main badal gaya,
Twitter hame tera aitbaar na raha…

UK-Australia jhaaki hai,
Saari duniya baaki hai.

Egypt is perennially on the cusp of Winter and Spring.

(August 17)

To each his own…
North Korea: Ban Internet.
Pakistan: Ban YouTube.
Tunisia: Hack Facebook accounts.
America: Snoop online.
China: Arrest cyber activists.
India: Create fake accounts.

(August 15)

To paraphrase the original…
To err is a human umpire; to really foul things up requires a DRS.

(August 8 )

Newspaper/magazine: Mere paas history hai, tradition hai, respect hai, jyaada reliable reporters hai, behetar editing hai, Internet illiterate readership/circulation hai, tere paas kya hai?
Online baron: Mere paas tujhe khareedne ka paisa hai.

(August 7)

In the US, online barons are buying out newspapers and magazines.
In India, political barons are buying out newspapers and magazines.

(August 6)

Sooraj ek, chanda ek, rajya anek…

(August 1)

© Sunil Rajguru