The biggest question…

In the last couple of years in politics…

Biggest scam: Coalgate.

Most high profile scam: 2G.

Biggest contradiction: MMS is Coal Minister and economic whiz (2G) and yet not accountable.

Biggest scam to claim a CM: Adarsh.

Most scams: UPA2. (All-time record)

Most powerful person: Sonia.

Biggest irony: Sonia gets minimum blame.

Most narcissist leader: Maya. (Statues! Statues! Statues!)

Most paranoid leader: Mamata. (Maoist! Arrest them! Conspiracy!)

Most arrogant: The average Congress spokesperson.

Most Draconian legislation: Section 66A.

Most idiotic statements: Diggy Raja.

Most reluctant leader: Pappu.

Most high-handed action: Water cannons against the anti-rape protestors.

Most riots: UP.

Most fake encounters: UP.

The biggest disappointment: Akhilesh.

Most irrelevant leader: Advani.

The biggest headaches for the aam aadmi: Economy, inflation, petrol-onion prices, job market, agricultural woes…

The biggest question…
If this is the case, then why is most of the time spent in rubbishing, attacking, maligning and going after Modi?

© Sunil Rajguru

More on Advani and Modi’s PM dreams…

Most TV anchors have just stopped short of wearing “I love Advani” T-shirts.

62-year-old retires to pave way for new generation.
62-year-old struggles to retire 85-year-old to launch new generation.

Advani, the 100% man…
1% relevant in Politics.
99% relevant in Political Analysis.

The NaMo Rocket…
Stage 1: Can’t stay as CM.
Stage 2: Can’t be PM candidate.
You are now entering Stage 3…
Can’t be PM.

Friday the 13th.
Lucky for some. (#NaMo)
Unlucky for others. (Too many to list!)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Advani and Modi’s PM dreams…

Advani: From Giant to Pygmy…
1991: Future PM.
2002: Deputy PM.
2009: Shadow PM.
2013: Overshadowed by Shadow PM.

Jab tak sooraj chand rahega,
Advani ko PM ka sapna rahega.

Modi was dead and buried in 2009.
Congress self-goals have revived him.
So if Modi becomes PM in 2014, Pappu’s first statement will be…
Modi kaun laya?

If 10 RSS men are charged in a riot, then Modi is guilty and must be hanged.
If 10 Central Ministries are charged with corruption, then Manmohan and Sonia are squeaky clean.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The sum of news reporting in India…

UPA a train wreck?
Say Modi isn’t the alternative.

Riots in UP?
Point fingers at BJP.

Thousands of fake encounters?
Just focus on one in Gujarat.

Anything remotely positive on Gujarat?
Focus sharply on the negatives.

Congress a disaster?
Censor even the mention of Sonia.

Vadra in scam?
Say “private citizen” a thousand times.

Vadra’s name at airports?
Royal ignore.

Food bill an economy wrecker?
Call critics elitists.

Pappu a disaster?
Still back him blindly anyway.

Heavy criticism on Twitter?
Launch “Attack of the Trolls” campaign.

More heavy criticism on Twitter?
Call for Tweeple to be arrested.

Blow to Modi.
Is the new “Hello! How are you?”

Economy in ruins?
Global economy. Syria. Cycles. Anything but…

Diggy Raja?
The gospel truth.

The year Indira was assassinated and Rajiv elected.

That’s about it, isn’t it?

1969, 1980, 1983, 1989, and 1991-92 major riots?
What? Riots took place in those years?

Now you’re talking! Keep talking!

Amartya Sen?
Nobel Laureates are always right!

VS Naipaul?
Communal! Fascist!

Sonia unhappy?
Shiver. Shiver. Shake. Shake.

Modi furious at 11-year witch-hunt?
Serves him right! He should be hanged!

© Sunil Rajguru

It’s still Congress all the way…

Plans for UPA3?
Ho Raha Pappu Nirman.
Pappu Shining.
Mera Pappu Mahan.
Then Aam Admi’s slogan will be…
Pappu Hatao!

Rahul is about
½ of Manmohan’s age
¼ of his grace
1/6 of his experience
1/8 of his intellect
But Manmohan is zero.
So they are both same in the end.

In 2009, the Triumvirate ruled.
In 2014…
Sonia: The Mistaker.
Manmohan: The Caretaker.
Pappu: The Undertaker.

Then: Queen Victoria.
Now: Queen Sonia.
Then: Foreign hand.
Now: Saffron hand.
Then: Gareebi Hatao Slogan.
Now: Gareebi Hatao Bill.

India invented the Zero.
Then the Congress kept adding a Zero to their scam amount every time they got re-elected.

Jethmalani at 90 still thunders.
Mugabe at 89 is Prez.
Lee Kuan Yew retired at 87.
Advani at 85 still hopes to be PM.
Manmohan at 80 to jawan hai!

Macbeth Manmohan…
This government’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets its hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a regime,
Led by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
(With due apologies to William Shakespeare)

Manmohan: I am ready to work under Rahul.
Unsaid: I am just a remote control. Doesn’t matter who handles it.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

“Communal” BJP musings…

The MSM 95-95 rule…
95% scams and riots take place under Congress regimes.
95% coverage by media will be given to BJP scams and riots.

Rulers: SP.
Opposition: BSP.
Central rulers: Congress.
Yet for riots, BJP has to be invoked.

Even if it was a Robert Vadra versus Narendra Modi fight for Prime Minister, these people would blindly back Vadra.

If it was a BJP Chief Minister in UP today, then President’s Rule would already have been invoked.
“Secular” parties have a right to be communal.
“Communal” parties can’t even talk of development.

While you were sleeping, sorry, attacking Modi…
UPA was destroying economy.
SP was communalizing UP.
China-Pak were mocking our borders…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi coronation musings…

Shivraj: Don’t announce before 2013 Assembly polls.
Sushma: Don’t announce before 2014 LS polls.
Advani: Don’t announce before 2019 LS polls!

A: Is Modi peaking too early?
B: Looks like the mud-slinging against him is peaking too early. At this rate they’ll have nothing left by 2014.

Guru: The real enemy is always within and around you.
Modi: I know. Congress ko to main dekh loonga, par ye…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

China in India musings…

It seems the Indian Government has given Double Citizenship to Bangladeshi Immigrants, Pakistani Militants and Chinese Soldiers.

Antony: The 640 sq km land is 100% Indian land.
It is just dressed up as Chinese land.

Manmohan outdoes Nehru…
In 1962, China captured Indian land with war.
In 2013, China captured Indian land without war.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh and state of the nation musings 7…

Beta, tu bada ho kar kya banega?
Beta: (Chup).
Beta, tu bada ho kar kya banega?
Beta: (Chup).
Beta, tu bada ho kar kya banega?
Beta: Arre! Kabse Manmohan ki acting kar raha hu!

Three reasons why the economy collapsed…
1. Finance Minister took wrong decisions.
2. FM took wrong inputs from PM.
3. PM took wrong inputs from Sonia.

Andhra Congressman: Sir our State is on autopilot. How long can such a situation last?
Manmohan Singh: Don’t worry! I put India on autopilot in 2004. It’s still running, na?

Manmohanomics Version 1.0, 1991-96: Decent performance.
Manmohanomics Version 2.0, 2004-13: Full of bugs, glitches, hangs frequently, F1 not working, but works silently.

One Finance Minister’s lonely.
Two’s company.
Three’s a crowd (and mess).

Finance Minister’s blame game…
Chidu: Mere pahale Pranabda tha.
Pranabda: Mere pahale tu tha!
Chidu: Tab mere pahale Jaswant tha!
Jaswant: Aur mere baad tu. Financial cycles seedhe chalte hai ya reverse main?

Sy₹ia! P₹anab!
Blame it on anything but $ingh.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress-BJP musings…

India’s Rainbow Coalition…
No matter what happens, the SP and BSP will save Congress.
No matter what happens, the BJP will pass a Congress Bill.
And these 4 are supposed to be intense enemies in UP?

BJP = B-Team (to the Congress) Janata Party?
Congress has no “political” Opposition.
Most Opposition comes from courts, CAG and social media.

BJP as an Opposition to the Congress viewpoint…
Pahale inkaar, fir pyaar…
#FSB #LandBill #Lokpal #Telangana #RTI #…

Indian TV news sting rules…
BJP in power: Only stings against ruling Government will come to light.
Congress in power: Only stings against Opposition will come to light.

If Pappu fails and the Dynasty collapses, then the Congress and BJP are ripe for a merger.
At times I can’t spot the difference between them.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How Manmohan Singh is still King…

Singh is sinKing.

Singh is shrinKing.

Singh is wrecKing.

Singh is panicKing.

Singh is breaKing.

Singh is faKing.

Singh is choKing.

Singh is creaKing.

Singh is forsaKing.

Singh is hoodwinKing.

Singh is backtracKing.

Singh is unmaKing.

Singh is cracKing.

Singh is mismaKing.

Singh is mistaKing.

Singh is mythmaKing.

Singh is ransacKing.

Singh is ShylocKing.


These versions by Sunil Rajguru