2014 Congress debacle musings…

Osho’s epitaph…
Never born, never died—Only visited this planet Earth between December 11, 1931 and January 19, 1990.
Manmohan’s epitaph…
Never sworn in, never sworn out—Only visited the PMO between May 22, 2004 and May 17, 2014.

Observe…
Two minutes silence for the Congress.
Two minutes speech for Manmohan.

Pappu: We are a pro-poor party.
Voter: You are a poor party.

2014…
Pappu lao, Congress dubao.
2019…
Pappini lao, Congress dubao.
Dare to think beyond the dynasty?

Song…
Where’s the party tonight?
Swann Song…
Where’s the Congress party, no fight?

Q: Will you resign?
Pappu: I resigned to my fate long back.
Q: What about your PM dreams?
A: PM? I prefer just dreams.

1991—Madam you’re great, please lead us.
1998—Madam you’re great, please lead us.
2004—Madam you’re great, please lead us.
2014—Madam you’re great, please lead us.
#Congress #Sonia

Pappu: We are India’s default programme.
Voter: Arre pahale kyun nahin bataya! Chalo naya programma install karta hu. Thanks Pappu!

In a parallel universe, #AbkiBaarPappuSarkaar has won and India has been Pappufied.

Problem…
Pappu lao Congress dubao.
Solution…
Pappini lao poori tarah se Congress dubao.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

2014 general elections results musings…

171 million people voted for the BJP.
That’s a new world record.
Congress 2009: 153 million.
Obama 2008: 69 million.

80 million people watched Kolaveri D on YouTube.
135 million Indians watched the 2011 World Cup cricket final.
171 million Indians voted for the BJP in 2014.

Directions from the 2014 electorate…
No Left turns and U-turns.
Turn Right and keep straight.

Bees Saal Baad finally gets a sequel.
Greatest mandate since 1984 or…
Tees Saal Baad.

End of the Lohiaites?
LS Seats: Mulayam (5), Laloo (5), Nitish (2), Ajit (0).
(Paswan: 0 in 2009, survives with the help of Modi in 2014)

PM pretenders…
Pappu: No numbers even for Opposition Leader.
Kejri: No entry to Lok Sabha.
Nitish: 2 seats.

Making chai for The Wife.
She came tired from office and said…
Chaiwallah Pradhan Mantri bana hai, kamse kam chai to bana do!

2002-14: Blow to Modi.
2014: Blow to Modi Haters.

Strange Indian TV channels…
He’ll be sacked as CM.
He’ll lose as CM.
He’ll never be PM candidate.
BJP will just fall short.
May 16: We were right! We were right! We were right!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

2014 general election musings…

Give me some sunshine,
Give voters less brain,
Give me another chance,
I want to loot India once again.
#UPA3

Sonia on May 16…
Accha baba maine maan li haar,
Abki baar Modi sarkaar.

Modi has decided to Face The Nation by giving interviews Left, Right and Centre and is gracing (nearly) everyone’s Newshour.

Every deleted voter also counts.
For the party he or she would have voted against.

3 rights…
1. Right to vote.
2. Right not to vote.
3. Right to prevent you from voting.
#MissingVoters #VoterLists

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

New Third Front formula…

1. Head of party with most number of seats will become Prime Minister.
Second and Third parties will get a Deputy Prime Minister each.
Head of other parties will get plum posts: Home Minister, Defence Minister, Foreign Minister etc….

2. All regional parties that participate will get a special package for their respective states.

3. Railway Minister will only announce projects only for participating states. Same will apply to all other ministries and projects.

4. All heads of participating parties will form a Special Panel which the CBI will report to.

5. Special efforts will be made to clip the wings of the Congress and BJP. Let them get a taste of their own medicine!

6. The rest of India can go to hell, so States which don’t participate, beware!

7. In case all of the above fails, then the grand power sharing formula will be unveiled.
Every year will see one Prime Minister and two Deputy Prime Ministers.
This will be decided by a draw of lots and so for 5 years we can have 5 PMs and 10 Dy PMs, thereby fulfilling the ambitions of the Top 15 political parties in India apart from the Congress and BJP!

Bonus: If all the non-Congress and non-BJP parties have the required numbers then we could even impose a permanent Emergency!

Slogans…

United we rule, divided the Congress or BJP rules.

United we can divide this nation.

Ho raha hai Third Front Nirmaan.

Make Third Front your First Choice.

Third Front Shining.

Too many cooks spoil the broth, but can you actually do without cooks?

India is actually a Third Class country and therefore deserves the Third Front.

One’s lonely, two’s company and three’s not a crowd.

© Sunil Rajguru

The Dumbest Electorate in the World?

Sometimes I think India (and I’m very much part of it) is the dumbest electorate in the world. While at the end of every election, the media goes ballistic on how mature the electorate is and how the people cannot be fooled, the truth is far from that.

It all began with Jawaharlal Nehru. What were his policies? Were they good or bad? Should alternatives be looked at? No-one cared. Nehru was such a gigantic personality, that the people voted for the Congress in general election after general election no matter what state the country was in. He would probably have been elected easily even if he had lived till the age of 100.

They say that the common man wants peace and hates war and that in reality war benefits no-one. But the electorate loves all-out wars.

Lal Bahadur Shastri brokered a peace in the Rann of Kutch. He was seen as weak. Then he won the 1965 war and was suddenly seen as strong, even though his policies remained the same. Indira Gandhi built her seventies rule on the Indo-Pak war even though it ruined the economy and led to the Emergency. The Siachen maneuver boosted Rajiv Gandhi’s image while the Kargil War put a spring in AB Vajpayee’s step.

Talking of the above Emergency, it was the Opposition which got the worst out it. What about the common man? He lived in a clean and efficient India where government officers did their work and trains came on time. Of course the common man hated the new efficient India and kicked Indira out at the first given chance.

They say the common man is interested in development: All he wants is roads, water, electricity, education etc. But pro-development Chief Ministers like SM Krishna and Chandrababu Naidu were unceremoniously shown the door. Even J Jayalalitha in her last term concentrated on development and was hence booted out.

Laloo Prasad Yadav had nothing to show for his 5 years rule. So he got re-elected. Then he had nothing to show for his 10 years rule, so he got re-elected again. The electorate loved his non-development so much that they even backed his wife, Rabri Devi, a total novice. When he was finally seen as an efficient Railway Minister, he was booted out both in his Centre and State as punishment for this new clean image!

In fact Mayawati after coming to power in Uttar Pradesh showed she could be as inefficient as Laloo. The electorate rewarded her with 21 Lok Sabha seats. The state that has shown minimum development in the last 30 odd years is West Bengal. So it is no wonder that the Left is the country’s longest lasting government there.

Now we have entered the era of Coalitions. That could also be because we have entered the era of the Confused Electorate, nothing else.

Of course, there are exceptions where the electorate has really made a wise choice. But there are so few of them that we could say that exception proves the rule.

The Indian electorate is always swayed by vague thing like sentiments, sympathy waves and communal/secular “images”. They are never worried about the real issues that concern them.

The Indian electorate is much like the stock market. You don’t know what really drives it and when and why it will suddenly crash.

© Sunil Rajguru