Raj karenge Pappini aur Pappu

Work experience zero.
Talent zero.
Charisma zero.
Ideas zero.
Government expenditure on her tremendous.
Husband dubious.
Pappini the Great.

She may look a bit like Indira.
But she talks like Pappini.
And has far less experience than even nausikhiya Pappu.

Nehru created democracy.
Indira created economy.
Rajiv created technology.
Sonia created society.
Pappu will create Utopia.
-Book of Congress.

ISRO: We launched 104 satellites at one go and were successful!
Congress: That’s nothing! We’ll launch Sonia’s satellite 104 times and still fail!
#Pappu

Pappu has to perform just 1% for Congress leaders to dance on one leg.
Modi has to perform 99% for his haters to absolutely plaster him over the missing 1%.

Critic to Pappu: Your mother, father, grandmother and great grandfather responsible for mess.
Congressis: OK, let’s protest against Modi’s mother.

Rajiv humiliated Manmohan.
Sonia humiliated Manmohan.
Pappu humiliated Manmohan.
Next in line was Pappini.
Modi jumped the queue.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappini, Pappu and other stories…

Pappu/Pappini: Mere paas (SPG cover ki) gaadi hai, (Lutyens) bangla hai, bank balance hai… aur maa bhi hai! Tere paas kya hai?
Modi: Mere paas woh sab hai aur us ke saath kaam bhi hai!

Rajiv ¼ of Indira.
Sonia ¼ of Rajiv.
Pappu ¼ Sonia.
Pappini (Priyanka) ¼ of Pappu.
So the Pappini Raj begins in the Congress!

#PriyankaVadra
The woman who does nothing, achieved nothing and is nothing.
But for the party and media is everything.
#Pappini

Naidu.
Nitish.
Maya.
Patnaik.
Mulayam.
Mamata.
Any senior leader…
100 times more political achievements than Priyanka.
#Pappini

If Priyanka is like February 29 coming every 4 years, then media is like “365 24X7″: Any time ready to elevate and legitimize her!

Congress: We will double our power with Priyanka’s entry!
Problem: Pappu = 0. Pappini = 0.
0 X 2 = 0.

The fall.
Yesterday: Priyanka will get us a majority in 543 Lok Sabha seats!
Today: She will get us a majority in 105/403 UP Assembly seats!

Sonia’s Top 10 ruining India?
Look the other way.
Modi’s Top 10 trying to bring change?
Highlight some random Sangh leader’s remark 24X7.

Breaking news headline…
Politics of hate erupts in Uttar Pradesh!
So, that means Akhilesh’s Goonda Raj was spreading love for 5 years?

A man who is full of rhetoric and has no substance claims that #Budget2017 is full of rhetoric and has no substance.
#Pappu

A Tale of Two Pappus.
#SPCongAlliance

Congress doesn’t need mass leaders but managers*: Krishna.
(*=managers of the Dynasty’s egos)

West Bengal went from Centre Left (Congress) to Left (CPM) to far Left (Mamata).
Truly Left Bengal.
Or like the Eastern Bloc, spiritually East Bengal.

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi.
AAP Wars Final Episode: The Last Jhadu.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Raj karenge Pappu-Pappini…

From before 2004 we have been hearing that Priyanka will campaign for Congress and do wonders for them.
Pappu-Pappini are forever young, forever hopeless.

An average 21-year-old Indian has more achievements than Priyanka Vadra.
But still the media goes batshit crazy every time she’s rumoured to campaign.

Yesterday.
Akhilesh has a corrupt lawless cycle!
Today.
Can you give me a lift on that cycle?
#Pappu

Rajiv: The last dynastic Prime Minister. (1989)
Sonia: The last dynastic kingmaker. (2014)
Pappu: The last would be dynastic Prime Minister.
Pappini: Beyond hope, but they’ll still push her.

If there’s anyone with lesser achievements than Pappu, it’s Priyanka “Pappini” Vadra.
Media always dying to promote her and give her credit.
#UPPolls

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Another never-ending round of Pappu musings…

Pappu: Has no brain.
Puppet: Can’t use his brain.

Rahul is about
½ of Manmohan’s age
¼ of his grace
1/6 of his experience
1/8 of his intellect
But Manmohan is zero.
So they are both same in the end.

Nehru pushed Indira into politics.
Indira pushed Sanjay/Rahul politics.
Sonia pushing Pappu into politics.

Advisor: We are at an all-time low of 45 Lok Sabha seats. We can’t go any lower!
Pappu: Challenge accepted!

Manmohan Singh’s biography…
The Accidental Prime Minister.
Rahul Gandhi’s biography…
The Accident.

All dynasts got Prime Ministership/Remote Control on platter.
Pappu has been an MP for 12 years and is still struggling.
#AccheDin

In 15 years, Indira won party leadership, elections, wars, did Pokhran, made many bold moves…
In last 15 years, #Pappini Priyanka bagged Sidhu.

Modi 2019 strategy: Development + Governance + #SurgicalStrikes + FDI windfall + 500 rallies…
Congress 2019 strategy: Hey! #Pappini Priyanka looks like Indira!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

For them the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty still rules…

When she wants privacy she’s…
‪#‎PriyankaVadra‬
When she wants publicity she’s…
‪#‎PriyankaGandhi‬
Thanks to media, she has her cake and eats it too.
‪#‎Pappini‬

2002-14: Intense witch hunt against Modi, dozens of charges, zero court cases.
Liberals-Intellectuals-Media: Guilty!
Now court cases piling against Kejri-Dynasty.
Liberals-Intellectuals-Media: Innocent!

RSS killed Mahatma Gandhi. ✖
Rahul Gandhi will kill the Congress. ✓

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty: The law of diminishing returns…

Nehru was less than 50% of Patel/Netaji.

Indira was less than 50% of Nehru.

Rajiv was less than 50% of Indira.

Sonia is less than 50% of Rajiv.

Pappu is less than 50% of Sonia.

Pappini will be less than 50% of Pappu.

Still the slogan will be…
Pappini laao, desh bachao,
Aur uske baad uske baccho ko bhi lao.

© Sunil Rajguru

Priyanka is coming, coming, coming…

No story!
No problem, just fabricate…
Priyanka to join politics?
Next day…
Priyanka rubbishes rumours of her joining politics.
Final analysis: Two stories for the price of none!

The headline that never goes away…
1998: Will Priyanka join politics?
1999: Will Priyanka join politics?
2004: Will Priyanka join politics?
2009: Will Priyanka join politics?
2014: Will Priyanka join politics?
2019: Will Priyanka join politics?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Dynasty Rules OK?

Nehru-Gandhi dynasty…
Education: Not required.
Experience: Not required.
Common sense: Not required.
Grace: Not required.
Genetics triumphs all of the above.

Similar question. Similar answer.
1947-2014
After Nehru who?
Indira!
After Indira who?
Sanjay!
After Sanjay who?
Rajiv!
After Rajiv who?
Sonia!
After Sonia who?
Rahul!
After Rahul who?
Priyanka!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

2014 Congress debacle musings…

Osho’s epitaph…
Never born, never died—Only visited this planet Earth between December 11, 1931 and January 19, 1990.
Manmohan’s epitaph…
Never sworn in, never sworn out—Only visited the PMO between May 22, 2004 and May 17, 2014.

Observe…
Two minutes silence for the Congress.
Two minutes speech for Manmohan.

Pappu: We are a pro-poor party.
Voter: You are a poor party.

2014…
Pappu lao, Congress dubao.
2019…
Pappini lao, Congress dubao.
Dare to think beyond the dynasty?

Song…
Where’s the party tonight?
Swann Song…
Where’s the Congress party, no fight?

Q: Will you resign?
Pappu: I resigned to my fate long back.
Q: What about your PM dreams?
A: PM? I prefer just dreams.

1991—Madam you’re great, please lead us.
1998—Madam you’re great, please lead us.
2004—Madam you’re great, please lead us.
2014—Madam you’re great, please lead us.
#Congress #Sonia

Pappu: We are India’s default programme.
Voter: Arre pahale kyun nahin bataya! Chalo naya programma install karta hu. Thanks Pappu!

In a parallel universe, #AbkiBaarPappuSarkaar has won and India has been Pappufied.

Problem…
Pappu lao Congress dubao.
Solution…
Pappini lao poori tarah se Congress dubao.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty musings…

Give me 60 months and I’ll change India: Narendra Modi.
Give me 1 month’s limelight every 60 months and I’ll change India: Priyanka Vadra.

1966: Indira desh bachayegi.
1977: Sanjay desh bachayega.
1984: Rajiv desh bachayega.
2004: Sonia desh bachayegi.
2009: Pappu desh bachayega.
2014: Pappini desh bachayegi.
Desh: Arre koi to mujhe Nehru-Gandhi dynasty se bachao!!!

Total days spent by Sonia+Pappu+Pappini as PM/CM/Minister = Zero.
Number of really tough questions asked of them till date = Zero.
Amount looted in scams committed in last 10 years = 1ZeroZeroZeroZeroZeroZeroZero…

1999: Will Priyanka contest polls?
2004: Will she contest?
2009: Will she contest?
2014: Will she contest?
2019…
2024…
#MrsVadra

Mera dynasty parameshwar: Congress man.
Mera pati paramaeshwar: Priyanka Vadra.
Hai na Vadra mahaan!

Waise “Pappu Model” kya hai?
Aur “Vadra Model” kya hai?
(Both Robert and Priyanka versions)
#GujaratModel

Congress: We have a larger role for Priyanka!
Q: How?
Congress: In 2009 elections she spent a total 10 hours campaigning. This time she’ll do 15 hours!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru