Sonia nahi ye aandhi hai, doosri Indira Gandhi hai.
Kejri nahi ye anarchist hai, doosra Laloo Yadav hai.
Rahul nahi ye Pappu hai, doosra Junior Mehmood hai.
Yesterday Pappu learnt E for Elephant in his nursery class.
That’s why all the political elephant quotes are out.
All of Pappu’s speech writers are double agents actually working for the BJP.
Q: Who are the most famous, powerful and influential Non Resident Indians ever?
A: Sonia, Pappu and Priyanka.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Rajiv—I will take India to the Computer Age.
Rao—I will take India to the Space Age.
Kejri—I will take New Delhi to the GarbAge.
Jaise monsoon Mumbai ko bandh karega,
Waise Kejri Delhi ko har mausam main bandh karega.
One promise will be kept…
AAP leaders: We will lead a simple disciplined life without privileges.
(That’s the kind of life you simply have to lead in jail!)
Jitender Tomar had 3 fake degrees.
1. BSc.
2. LLB.
3. Kejri’s honesty certificate from AAP Internal Academy.
Pappu won it for Modi in 2014.
Kejri will win it for Modi in 2019.
(New Delhi elections) haar ke bhi jeetnewaale ko Baazigar kahate hai.
2014: Pappu-Kejri fighting over PM’s chair.
2015: Pappu-Kejri fighting over Delhi kachra responsibility.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Hum Aam Aadmi hai.
(You know the Aam Aadmi of India wants perks, power & privileges and is a bit crooked too.)
Hum Adarsh waale log hain.
(You know, like the Adarsh scam.)
We respect women.
(We politely asked for their urine samples. The trouble started only after they refused.)
All chargesheeted politicians should be banned from politics.
(By the way all the chargesheets against us are false.)
Sheila Dikshit was a powerless CM who didn’t deliver results.
(Our situation is the same but then we are fighting Modi aren’t we?)
Modi is a dictator.
(So are we, but then its nullified because we are fighting Modi, right?)
We will solve all the problems of Delhi.
(But whatever went wrong after we came to power is because of Modi.)
We will give power, water, WiFi for free.
(But only if Modi gives all of that to us and that is why we are attacking him.)
There is too much violence in politics.
(But all our violence is against this very violence.)
We encourage criticism from our fellow party men.
(But first we kick them out of the party to make them free to criticize us.)
Please ignore the negatives and focus on our positives.
(For all our opponents, simply reverse this logic!)
Media should be put in jail.
(Only when they are criticizing us instead of praising us and promoting us for absolutely no rhyme or reason.)
It is our right to drive this country.
(Isn’t a u-turn part of driving?)
Every political party is arrogant, corrupt and relies for criminals.
(Including ours but we take the high ground because… because… well we have already taken the moral high ground haven’t we, so buzz off!)
Sonia is an angel and Modi is a dictator.
(I have taken my Supreme Leader’s permission to say this.)
Our motto is: Insaan se insaan ka ho bhaichara…
(But insaan sirf AAP main hote hain our woh bhi jo Supreme Leader ki baat maane.)
© Sunil Rajguru
Hum kuch bhi pAAP kare, fir bhi hum doodh ke dhule hue hai.
Hum kucch bhi karenge, AAP bas dekhte raho—Kejri to voters.
Hum tumhaare bAAP hai—Kejri to Laloo.
Hum Delhi ke liye shAAP bhi hai to kya, 2020 tak hai.
AAP’s first Law Minister didn’t believe in law.
AAP’s second Law Minister doesn’t believe in law degree.
Idiots! My Honesty Certificate is greater than a University Degree Certificate!
—Sri Sri Kejriwal.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Most polluted: Air. Drinking water. Vegetable/fruit field soil. Street food.
Most outrage: Colas. Mineral water. Maggi noodles.
An alien monitoring Indian TV news channels would conclude that 1+ billion Indians eats Maggi noodles 3 times a day.
It’s called 2-minute noodles because every bulletin on every news channel has made it mandatory to cover Maggi for at least 2 minutes.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
“Why hasn’t Modi delivered in one year?” asks the man whose great grandfather ruled India for 17 years, grandmother for 15 years, father for 5 years and mother for 10 years.
“Why hasn’t Modi delivered One Rank One Pension in one year?” asks the man who was Defence Minister for the longest straight stint ever in Independent India (8 years).
“Why hasn’t Modi’s government developed Amethi?” asks the family which has ruled it (with its friends) for 34 of the last 35 years.
“Why has Modi been hogging all the foreign policy for the last one year?” asks the party whose inaugural Prime Minister was Foreign Minister for 17 straight years and proved to be quite a joke at it.
“Ruling (and destroying) India is our sole birth right and we shall have it.”
—The Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty.
© Sunil Rajguru