In India you have to be single to rule…

modi-7753158_1280Jawaharlal Nehru was Prime Minister from 1947-64. He was a widower. Kamala Nehru died in 1936.

Indira Gandhi was PM from 1966-77 and 1980-84. She was a widow. Feroze Gandhi died in 1960.

PV Narasimha Rao was PM from 1991-96. He was a widower. His wife Satyamma died in 1970.

AB Vajpayee* was PM from 1996-96 and 1998-2004. He was a bachelor.

Sonia was Super PM from 2004-14. She is a widow. Rajiv Gandhi died in 1991.

Narendra Modi is a bachelor/single, depending on how you look at it because he was a victim of an illegal child marriage which did not go forward.

That covers about 65/77 years of India’s Independence.

*The run up to 2004 was interesting because Vajpayee was PM, bachelor APJ Abdul Kalam was President and Sonia was Leader of the Opposition.

When Manmohan Singh went onTwitter…

Dear Manmohan… idea for your first Tweet… 140 Zeroes… since you are a zero loss government…

∙ The PM has just completed a Thousand Tweets.
The only reason Twitter or anyone else hasn’t noticed is because all those Tweets were of Zero characters each, complying fully with his offline image.

∙ Why hasn’t Manmohan Singh Tweeted anything yet?
Because he was told that Twitter allows only 140 characters.
He’s making that list right now…
Character 1: Sonia, Character 2: Rahul, Character 3…

∙ Why is Manmohan Singh’s Twitter account like James Bond? Because it also has a 00 (double zero) in front of it: 0 (Tweets) 0 (Following).

© Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 12…

Prime Minister: Army chief problems… Supreme Courts raps… Corruption charges… Maybe a new President this year… Say it one more time: I am an honest and independent head of state… Nobody can remote control me… Running a coalition government is tough…
Errr… who’s speaking: Manmohan Singh or Yousaf Raza Gilani?

∙ One Indian player to another: OK, now Indian Test cricket is in serious trouble.
Our ad endorsement rates are falling!

∙ Umpire: This is your last warning if you don’t go faster, then you could face a one-match ban.
Captain (to himself): Good idea to get out of this dratted losing streak. As it is the board will never give me rest.
(To his bowlers): OK guys, forget the over rate, wickets are important!

∙ Indian Board official: Right, we are here to discuss Indian Test cricket’s biggest crisis in decades. Matches are getting over in just 3-4 days! We are losing so much revenue in terms of telecast days!

© Sunil Rajguru

Remixed election jingles for the Yuvraj…

The last couple of decades have thrown many an election jingle…

Here are the Rahul Gandhi remix versions of the same…

Na billi hain na parcha hai,
Bas Rahul ka hi charcha hain,
Par ye kya wakayi accha hai?
Kyunki ye to baccha hain,
Uska soch bhi kuch kaccha hai,
Ye sab solaah aane saccha hai…

Jab tak suraj chand rahega,
Bhrashtachar tera naam rahega,
Rahul beta tu kya karega?

Rahul hai aur Gandhi hai,
Chai ke pyaale main aandhi hai.

Rahul ka haath,
Aam aadmi ke saath,
Maro Manmohan ko laat,
Aur lagao desh ki waat.

Rahul ko lana hai,
Congress ko bachana hai,
Bhale hi desh ko marwana hai.

Manmohan hatao, Rahul lao,
Desh ko dubao, mewa khao,
Congress log naacho, kudo aur gaao.

Koi jaat, koi biradar,
Congress main sabhi barabar,

Unless you’re in the Gandhi biradar.

Aadhi roti hawa main,
Rahul Gandhi tawa pe,
Kya ye desh ki dawa hai?
Abbe kya tu daaru pee ke pada hai?

These jingle versions by Sunil Rajguru

What “Manmohan Singh” really wants to say…

Main azaad nahin hu!

Anna Hazare se mujhe bachao!

Nuclear policy ki waat lag gayi!

Mukherjeeda, main tujhe pradhan mantra nahin ban-ne doonga!

Oil prices, inflation, high taxation ka magic wand kahan hai!

Hisar chhootha, ab hisaab hi chhuthha ho jaayega!

Andimuthu Raja ye tune kya kiya!

Notes se votes nahin milte hain, cash-for-votes file bandh karo!

Swiss Bank list ki talwar abhi bhi sar par latak rahi hai!

Information ka Right ko bahaar pheko!

NREGA aur kitna paisa lega? Tijori hi khaali ho rahi ha!

G se bahut dar lagta hai… 2G, CWG, CAG, Soniaji, Rahulji…

Hum phir bhi chup rahenge… hahaha… tum sab chillaate raho!

This version by Sunil Rajguru