Pappu-Kejri get #Demonetized

Modi is really lucky that he has clowns like Pappu and Kejri as his chief political opponents.

Kejri has sunk so low off late that he has emerged on the other side of the globe.

Under Nehru-Indira-Rajiv, queues (wait) for gas connections, phones, scooters and cars used to last for years.
Now Congress screams for a wait of hours.

Pappu visits yet another ATM.
For him ATM has become…
Any Time Mockery.

Tumhara votebank?
Pappu: Minorities, par unke liye kuch nahin kiya! LOL!
Kejri: Mera corruption plank aur maine bhi corruption ke liye kuch nahin kiya. LOL!

Many politicians in India today…
Nahin chalegi nahin chalegi,
Bharashtachar ke khilaaf tanashaahi nahin chalegi!

2011.
India Against Corruption.
2016.
Politicians have just stopped short of officially launching…
India For Corruption.

Rahul looks like Rajiv.
But sounds like a Pappu.
Mrs Vadra looks like Indira.
But sounds like Sonia.
#Pappini #Priyanka #UPPolls

The 2017 August Kranti agitation will be against Kejri.
Anna Hazare could still lead it.

2000: Rajesh Pilot died.
2001: Madhavrao Scindia died.
2012: Pranab Mukherjee became President.
2014: Manmohan Singh era ended.
No real leaders left in Congress.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

General random political musings…

2014…
Pradhan Mantri Jan Dhan Yojana.
2016…
Pradhan Mantri Kala Dhan Yojana.

Paap Ko Jalaa Kar Raakh Kar Doonga.
#Dharmendra1988 #Modi2016

#AdarshLiberal
If India is bad, you will support Pakistan?
If Capitalism is bad, you will support Communism?
If Indian Army is bad, you will support terrorists?

#Pappu
2000s: Angry young man.
2010s: Angry middle-aged man.
2020s: Angry old man.
2030s: Angry retired man.

#Dharmendra1988
Paap Ko Jalaa Kar Raakh Kar Doonga.
Kejri: Replace paap with New Delhi.
Lalu: Bihar for me.
Didi: 2 changes, West Bengal and last letter i.

Bihar’s MahaGatbandhan cannot be replicated in Uttar Pradesh.
It will become MahaGadbad.

Eat in a Dalit’s hut.
Take a few months off.
Travel in a Mumbai local.
Take a few months off.
Stand in an ATM queue.
Take a few months off.
#PappuPolitics

The glorious 2010s…
___got re-elected and destroyed___
1. Laloo-Bihar.
2. Mulayam-UP.
3. Kejri-Delhi.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me a million times since 1947 and you’re the Indian Left and I’m an ordinary citizen.

In cricketing parlance, Modi is a captain who has won the World Cup while Pappu is still on the benches of a Ranji team.
Media will equalize them in 2019.

All Congress spokespersons get up every morning with the same thought.
How do I rubbish Modi’s achievements today?

Past tense…
Modi has won many times.
Present tense…
Modi is winning everything.
Future tense…
Modi will lose each and every time.
#Haters

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Raj karega Pappu

Sonia to stay President.
Pappu to be Working President.
Priyanka may well become Non-working President.
Robert President-in-law.

In their twenties…
Motilal—Sole breadwinner of family.
Jawaharlal—Freedom fighter.
Sanjay—Virtual dictator of India.
Pappu—Still struggling in his forties.

If Congress goes from 45 to 90 seats in 2019, there will be hundreds of banner headlines all over of how miraculous Pappu doubles tally.

Congress is always ruthless.
Destroys its enemies.
BJP is always confused.
Tries to “Love Thy Enemy”.

100 years of dynasty…
1919: Motilal first Congress President.
2019: Pappu last Congress President after general elections.

Hearing from late 1990s…
Priyanka entering politics.
From early 2010s…
Pappu becoming Congress President.
At all times…
Sonia is unhappy.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi ✔ #OROP, Pappu-Kejri ✖ but asked for proof…

Modi is the only Indian to be attacked, rubbished, vilified and demonized for working and actually delivering the goods.
#OROP

Defence procurement speeded up.
Army given free hand, #SurgicalStrike.
#OROP implemented.
#AdarshLiberals: Sparta! Modi is anti-Army!

Empty vessels make much noise.
Kejri is the emptiest vessel in India and hence makes maximum noise.

Mind-boggling spin.
Indira scraps #OROP.
Rajiv does nothing.
Sonia does nothing.
Modi implements #OROP.
Gets royally demonized for it.

Modi attacks his enemies failures.
His enemies attack Modi’s successes.
#OROP

Muslims in fear.
Churches under attack.
Dalits targeted.
Beef bans.
Servicemen woes…
Began only after 2014.
India was paradise from 1947-2014.

When Modi achieves India’s 100% electrification, he’ll be attacked for all electrical injuries, late night TV watching, high power bills…

Kejri-Pappu.
Kaam kaaj to kuch hai nahin.
Bas Bharat Darshan karo aur halla karo.

Tomorrow Pappu will walk on a highway built by the Government and claim there is no highway.
Kejri will ask for proof and flee without waiting for an answer.

2011—They ranted and raved against the worst politicians.
2016—They have surpassed those worst politicians to become the new mud standard.

Fake leaders.
Fake in government.
Fake causes.
Fake even as an Opposition.
#Congress #PoliticsOfDeath #KhoonKiDalali

#OROP
Congress = One Raag Only Pappu.
AAP = One Rut Only PM.

Priyanka-Robert have Lutyens’ bungalow & SPG despite doing nothing.
Pappu has paraphernalia beyond common MP.
One Family One Lifelong Pension.

Senior Leader of Opposition = Kejri.
Junior Leader of Opposition = Pappu.

Mahatma Gandhi went to jail for a cause.
Pappu Gandhi went to jail for #AdarshLiberals’ applause.

Funny.
Anti Army Party and Anti OROP Party screaming the loudest.
#OROPSucidePolitics

#Kejri.
Doing work for Delhi = 0%.
Commenting on everything that doesn’t concern him = 100%.
#OROP

#Pappu
Part time politician.
Time pass politics.
#Kejri
Full time nautanki.
Faltu politics.

#Kejri
2015: I promise this, this, that, that… sun, moon… falana dhimkana…
2020: Since I did none of that, same promises.

2 years after 2014, many successes.
5 years after 2011, still no Lokpal.
#Kejri

Greatest case of intolerance ever is still that which #AdarshLiberals show for Modi’s good work.
#OROP

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The #SurgicalStrike debate continues…

Why we are a soft nation.
1939-45 World War 2: Full might of Air Force realized.
1962 China war: Nehru refuses to use IAF.
1999 Kargil War: Vajpayee reluctantly uses IAF, that too with restrictions.

India: Officially declare Pak a terror state and stop funds!
US: Have you officially declared Pak a terror state and snapped ties?
Apna haath Jagannath.

4 stages of Congress…
1. Denial.
No #SurgicalStrike took place.
2. Lies.
We did many #SurgicalStrikes.
3. Pettiness.
Army did strike, not government.
4. Ugliness.
Modi doing #KhoonKiDalaali of Jawans.

Pappu’s speechwriter has been steadily killing off his political career for ages and Pappu hasn’t even noticed it.
#KhoonKiDalaali

#ModiHaters
They have run out of valid attacks, then outlandish attacks, then stupid attacks and now have reached the realm of the bizarre.
#KhoonKiDalaali

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#SurgicalStrike? Show me the proof!

Do you see the pattern?
No Gujarat development.
No Modi wave.
No Modi mandate (31%).
No India development.
No #SurgicalStrike.

Schrodinger’s Strike.
It is claimed to have not happened and condemned for having happened at the same time.
#SurgicalStrike

Why release #SurgicalStrike proof to satisfy #AdarshLiberals who will never be satisfied. Ever.

Those happy with #SurgicalStrike don’t want proof.
Those asking for proof will never be convinced anyway and may spend time debunking proof.

Einstein—E = mc².
Kejri—Abhi ke abhi convert karke dikha!
Schrondinger—If we take a box and close it…
Kejri—Abhi ke abhi box khol ke dikha!

I will offer 0.00% proof for my 1001 allegations…
…but…
Modi must offer proof of #SurgicalStrike to prove Pak is not a liar.
#Kejri

Abuse up front.
Backhanded compliments.
That’s all that Kejri has to offer Modi.
Modi is India. India is Modi.
Modi Haters are India Haters. India Haters are Modi Haters.
#SurgicalStrike

Things are coming to such a head that even if Modi wins 2019, Kejri-Pappu & Co. will agitate saying: Show us the proof!

They called the Ishrat case a Fake Encounter.
They have supersized that.
Now they are calling it a Fake #SurgicalStrike Encounter.
#SanjayNirupam

A. #SurgicalStrikes are bad. They go against the spirit of Nehru.
B. #SurgicalStrikes are good. Nehru masterminded them.
Congressi: OK, now let’s toss the coin.

Had PV Narasimha Rao launched #SurgicalStrikes in the 1990s, terrorism may have ended then and he might have won another term.

1989-2014—Thousands killed in Kashmir terrorism.
This is before Modi came, Balochistan was raised & #SurgicalStrike happened.

#AdarshLiberals
Hundreds of strikes by Pakistani Army trained terrorists.
Yawn!
1 #SurgicalStrike by Indian Army.
Sparta!!!

Height of expectations…
Calling for Pakistani artistes to condemn #UriAttacks when many Indian artistes refuse point blank to do so.

Kanoon saboot mangta hai!
In the case of #SurgicalStrike…
Chor saboot mangta hai!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu and a family of Pappus…

Rajiv oversees Sikh genocide and Kashmiri Pandit exodus.
Sonia: Modi—Maut ka saudagar!
Sonia oversaw massive defence decline 2004-14.
Pappu: Modi—Jawano ka khoon ka dalaal!

Nehru let PoK get away.
Indira communalized J&K.
Rajiv allowed Pandit exodus to happen.
Terrorism gained foothold under Rao.
Huge mess to clean.

#Nehru
Don’t want J&K!
Don’t want UN SC seat!
Don’t want Indus water!
Don’t want Aksai Chin!
Don’t want US N-deal!
Don’t want…
#AdarshLiberal: Wow! Foreign Policy whiz!

Pappu…
Computers kaun laya?
Reforms kaun laya?
Democracy kaun laya?
X100 kaun laya?
Aside: Ab Cong jeetega?
Modi: Pappu kaun laya?
Cong haara!

US film on alcoholism: The Lost Weekend.
Indian film on UPA’s corruption, inefficiency, misgovernance and defence decline: The Lost Decade.

#PrashantKishore slowing down…
4th Gear: Helped Modi.
3rd Gear: Helped Nitish.
2nd Gear: Invariably helped Lalu too.
1st Gear: Struggling with Pappu.
Next: The brakes. The End.

Pappu cannot do one thing wrong. (Mera Pappu mahaan)
Modi cannot do one thing right. (Tera Modi beimaan)
#AdarshLiberal #Congress

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The never ending Indian political musings…

1000 crimes in WB—Yawn!!!
1000 crimes in Bihar—I love Lalu!!!
1000 crimes in UP—Ignore till Dadri.
1 crime in Modi’s BJP-ruled State—This is Sparta!!!

Student: Bharat tere tukde!
Liberal: Wah wah! Maja aa gaya!
Citizen: Bharat Mata ki Jai!
Liberal: Sanghi! Bigot!
Arnab: India first!
Liberal: Pathetic journalism!

#‎SleepingBeautyRahul‬
Ye bechaara kaam ka maara, ise chaahiye chhutkaara.
Congress: Par hum denge ise party President ka tiara.

Advisor: Apologize or we will have a lengthy court case.
Pappu: Suits me. I have nothing to do. Ye sab accha time pass hai!
‪#‎RSSCase‬

In 2009 the BJP was done and dusted.
Social Media biggest factor in its revival.
If BJP cracks down on Social Media, backlash will be colossal.

Log poochte hain ki Modi sahab videsh main itna khush kyun rahate hai.
Arre bhai Bharat main to kucch log unko 24X7 gaali dete hai, to kaise khush rahe?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

If Pappu had to formally apply for the post of Indian Prime Minister…

Dear glorious citizens of India,

I would like to apply for the post of Prime Minister of India. First let me tell you a bit about myself.

Professional qualifications: I have studied something in some foreign universities and I did some work somewhere for some time, but please don’t ask anything more about all of it. I don’t like talking about all these experiences. You have to take my word for it.

Government experience: I have never been a central minister or Chief Minister or anything like that as it requires a lot of hard work. I have never been a bureaucrat. I have never been part of committees that did something ground-breaking. I inherited the constituency of Amethi in Uttar Pradesh and I have been hanging around in the
Lok Sabha (on and off) for a whopping 12 years now. But in my defence, that is far far more experience than any Nehru-Gandhi dynast had when he or she took over as Prime Minister.

Speeches: This is my biggest body of experience. I have made millions and millions of speeches in the length and breadth of this great land, in rural and urban centres and for Assembly and general elections. I believe I am already the most experienced speech giver in my party.

So what if I spout nonsense from time to time. So what if my speech writers appear to be imbeciles? So what if I’m met by empty venues at times? So what if none of my speeches can be converted to votes? So what if most of them are disastrous?

Please look at my immense body of work and honour it.

Social media presence: I have already become a legend in the social media circuit. If you combine all the word counts and images of all the Pappu jokes, spoofs and laughs on Twitter, Facebook and the like, then I have already surpassed the combined publicity of the entire Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty manifold.

Haven’t you heard of the phrase: There is no such thing as bad publicity! Even on YouTube, the 1 hour plus interview with Arnab Goswami making a fool of myself got a good 3.2 million views. The channel was really happy. In fact all media houses really adore me.

As it is most wise men are insisting that Gross National Happiness is more important than Gross Domestic Product. Think how much laughter and happiness I will be able to give to the country of India when I become Prime Minister!

My recent achievements: Our friend Kejriwal thrashed Modi in Delhi. The Mahagatbandhan thrashed Modi in Bihar. Modi got thrashed in Uttarakhand President’s Rule fiasco. Modi got thrashed in Arunachal Pradesh President’s Rule fiasco.

Even when Modi is not getting thrashed I am totally useless and Modi is doing so much work. Yet the media, intellectuals and liberals attack Modi far far more. That’s the power of my personality. If I become Prime Minister, I will have the entire mainstream media, intellectuals and liberals eating out of my hand. That hasn’t happened to Modi, has it?

My trump card: So why should I be made Prime Minister? It’s simple really.
1. My great grandfather was Prime Minister.
2. My grandmother was Prime Minister.
3. My uncle was de facto Prime Minister.
4. My father was Prime Minister.
5. My mother was de facto Prime Minister.

That’s five good reasons while the mean chaiwallah had none and still you made him Prime Minister! I am the system (at least I was till 2014) and therefore only I can really change the system.

Anyway, please do not worry as I am in no hurry. If things go wrong with the chaiwallah then I automatically win in 2019. If things go right then there’s always anti-incumbency in 2024. Even if that fails there’s always 2029 and 2034.

I can emulate Manmohan Singh chachaji. He became Prime Minister quite late. Come to think of it Morarji Desai first became Prime Minister at the age of 81! I will turn 81 in 2051. So that’s how long you have to bear me! Better to make me Prime Minister as early as possible and get it done with!

(P.S. When I finally become Prime Minister, I will require more than six months of vacation in a year. But I am very happy with the chaiwallah for setting precedence. I will simply try to break his foreign trips record. I can holiday for one month at a time and maybe have just a couple of chai meeting with foreign leaders to justify it! Chaiwallah zindabad! Actually come to think of it, I can simply take a vacation till 2019! Hmmm… how tempting!)

Yours in good earnest,

Pappu.

(In case you haven’t guessed it, this is a spoof about Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi)

© Sunil Rajguru

Yet more musings on the #NehruGandhiDynasty…

When media wants to make her a private citizen, it’s Priyanka Vadra.
When media wants to make her a politician, it’s Priyanka Gandhi.
‪#‎Pappini‬

#‎DynastyCliches‬
Priyanka is coming.
Sonia is unhappy.
Pappu is relaunching.
Rajiv invented a, b, c… x, y, z.
Vadra is a private citizen.

Priyanka bas aa rahi hai politics main.
Sab ki chutti kar degi. Indira jaisi hai.
“Coming soon” since 1998. Yawn!
‪#‎Pappini‬

The roles of Pappu and Pappini keep getting larger and larger with each passing year and yet they are still so teeny weeny.
‪#‎CongressSinking‬

Great progress…
1947: Nehru Dynasty.
1966: Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty.
2019: Nehru-Gandhi-Vadra Dynasty?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more Mera Pappu Mahaan musings…

He will definitely get the top job for the sake of symmetry.
1919: Congress President Motilal Nehru creates Dynasty.
2019: Congress President Rahul Gandhi destroys Dynasty.

Hit Hollywood film…
Last King of Scotland.
Hit Bollywood film on Pappu…
Last King of Congressland.
(Party will shut down after that)

BJP second in taking ‪#‎CongressMuktBharat‬ seriously.
First is Congress itself which keeps insisting on hurtling from one disaster to another.

This august house is full of adarsh people whom we should call ji.
This Agusta house is full of Adarsh people whom we should call 2G.

Nehru went back in time (even when there was no time) before the Big Bang and created the Universe.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu banayega #CongressMuktBharat…

In 1915, Mahatma “the first” Gandhi came to India and freed us from the Angrez.
A 100 years later Rahul “the last” Gandhi will free us from the Congrez.

Pappu and Modi are actually brothers in arms doing a joint operation called ‪#‎CongressMuktBharat‬
One from the inside and the other from the outside.

If Congress will win in 2019, India will be renamed Pappu Pradesh and the capital will be Vadra Nagar.

If the Congress had ruled continuously from 1947-2016, India would have been renamed Nehrudesh, the capital Indirabad and the moon would have been called Rajivchand.

You can go from Kasturba Gandhi Marg near Rajiv Chowk (within Indira Chowk) to Indira Gandhi Airport cutting the Mahatma Gandhi Ring Road for a flight to Rajiv Gandhi Airport and onto another Mahatma Gandhi Road there.
There are thousands of such route possibilities in India.

Online, Twitter wit finished off the Congress.
Offline, a bunch of Twits finished off the Congress.

In 2013 they declared Pappu as the future of Congress and proceeded to lose Rajasthan, Delhi, Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh, Haryana, Telangana, Kerala, Assam (and of course Lok Sabha polls) since then!

IND(ira & son)IA

Congress Lok Sabha seats…
Nehru: 364, 371, 361.
Indira: 283, 352, 189, 374.
Sympathy waves: 404, 244.
Rajiv: 197.
Rao: 140.
Kesri: 144.
Sonia: 114, 145.
MMS: 206.
Pappu: 44.
In 2019 they can have Priyanka lead to ensure at least 20 seats.

#‎CongressMuktBharat‬ was actually launched by DMK’s CN Annadurai in Tamil Nadu in 1967.
They kicked out the Congress permanently that year.

Congress was the king of MLAs-MLCs from 1947 (with a brief blip in 1977) till Modi fully hit them.
Now BJP leads Congress 1147 to 972.

Time to rename ‪#‎GrandOldParty‬ as the ‪#‎PappuParty‬.
‪#‎CongressSinking‬ ‪#‎DynastyDaysEnd‬

Nehru ek. Gandhi anek.
Things named after Nehru-Gandhi anek X 1000.

#‎SoniaPappuBail‬
‪#‎IshratRevelations‬
‪#‎AgustaScam‬
‪#‎PCinSoup‬
‪#‎25terroristsFreedDisclosure‬
‪#‎2002AccusedNabbed‬
Paasa palating and how!

If the Congress comes back to power in 2019, it’ll be with a vengeance.
Forget Gandhi-Nehru, they may even start naming things after Vadra.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru