This is a Roti (vote-catching expensive Food Security Bill), Kapda (itna corruption hua hain ki badan pe kapde bache hi nahin hain) aur Makaan (Adarsh housing scam) government.
(Aur Bandwidth? 2G main hi atka hain abhi bhi!)
∙ UPA1: Nuke Deal.
UPA2: Nuked deals.
∙ Q: What is IT?
Kapil Sibal: Indira Technology.
Q: Matlab?
Sibal: Is desh ko Emergency ki zaroorat hai!
∙ A comes before B.
Umpteen Amendments before the actual Bill!
Wah re Lokpal!
© Sunil Rajguru
A Raja: +Rs 1.76 lakh crore.
Kapil Sibal: -Rs 1.76 lakh crore.
Congress Spokespersons: Speak so much gas that they are a serious threat to global warming.
Congress High Command: Speak so less that if they actually lost their voices, then the nation wouldn’t notice for 10 odd years.
Baba Ramdev was handled with Physical Violence.
Anna Hazare was handled with Verbal Violence.
Manmohan Singh is the Picture of Sanity.
Diggy Raja is the Picture of Insanity.
Kapil Sibal as Education Minister ultimately Virtually achieved nothing.
As IT Minister, he tried to Educate the Virtual World.
Pranab Mukherjee is the No. 1 Trouble shooter.
The rest of the Cabinet are No. 1 Trouble Creators.
Rahul Gandhi is invisible in the Lok Sabha.
He’s Ultra-Visible in Uttar Pradesh.
© Sunil Rajguru
Dear A Raja’s parents…
Your son will be very famous, will roll in wealth and always be in the news. Raja will spend a lot of time in the capital Delhi and will always be in the mind of the Prime Minister of India. His actions will lead to a revolution in India in the year 2011.
Dear Anna Hazare’s parents,
Your son will not get married, will not have a house to live in in his old age, be hungry most of the time and the Government of India will keep hurling abuses at him all the time.
Dear LK Advani’s parents,
Your son will have a very very long life, never retire and travel extensively throughout the country.
Dear Mayawati’s parents,
Your daughter will be so rich that she will have special planes to ferry her footwear.
Dear Mamata Banerjee’s parents,
Your daughter has Rajyog and will be Chief Minister of West Bengal one day. What the previous government did to the state in 34 years, your daughter will do in 34 months!
Dear Diggy Raja’s parents,
Your son will always be on TV and entertain the nation like no-one else.
Dear Narendra Modi’s parents,
Your son will be one of the most loved persons within his state and one of the most hated persons outside it.
© Sunil Rajguru
Social activist Anna Hazare has spawned a group of services all across India and is doing a lot of things for a lot of people…
Anna Political Opposition Services
Have you been a poor Opposition and been unable to stand up to the Government of the day? Have you been ineffective and invisible for too many years? Then never fear! Anna will do your dirty work for you!
Clients: BJP and other Opposition parties.
Anna Legislative Consultancy Services
Have your bill drafts been weak and unable to gain wide acceptance of the masses? Have you been unable to pass a particular bill for four odd decades? Well then, Anna will help you on your way!
Client: Congress and Lok Sabha. (Unwillingly)
Anna TV Programming Services
Tired of showing the same ole shit related to Bollywood, cricket and other mundane happenings of India? Anna will provide you with enough TV content to last 25 hours comfortably, if ever the day was to be extended.
Clients: All Indian TV news channels.
Anna Image Management Services
Do you want to be political stars without being politicians? Simply join our team!
Clients: Kiran Bedi, Arvind Kejriwal, Prashant Bhushan, Kumar Vishwas…
Anna Alcoholics Anonymous
Do you want to give up your drinking habit for good? Well, step this way please! We will flog you within an inch of your life and you will be too scared to look at a single peg in your entire life!
Clients: The anonymous alcoholics of Ralegaon Siddhi.
Anna Recruitment Agency
Have you been unable to hire an effective Lokayukta for your states? Are all your prospective candidates jinxed? Don’t worry: Team Anna will give you a workable list and push hard in the public domain.
Client: Karnataka Lokayukta (trial in progress).
Anna International Services
Coming Soon.
Anna Catering Services
Disclaimer: Please simply go on a fast!
© Sunil Rajguru
∙LM Singhvi: I gave birth to the Lokpal Bill.
Abhishek Manu Singhvi: That’s nothing. I killed its effectiveness.
Anna: Wait for the Second Coming.
Lokpal Terminator: I’ll be back!
∙ Sonia: Now I’m ready to fight for the Lokpal Bill!
Anna: OK, wear the boxing gloves and let’s get in the ring.
Spokesperson: No. No. No. That’s against our sanskriti. What it means is that when someone else writes a speech, she reads it out and when she writes a statement, someone else reads it out. It’s nothing more than that!
∙ Maybe it’s all a problem of numerology while naming it the Lokpal.
Some alternative names…
Latepal… Lamepal… (go jump in the) Lakepal… Mockpal… (chaaku ki) Nokepal… Roke(sako to rok lo)pal… Tokepal… (un)Luckypal… Netapal… Votepal… Waatpal… Quotapal… (zero+joke)Zokepal…
© Sunil Rajguru