Daily Archives: December 9, 2011

What Kapil Sibal said and didn’t say…

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Said: We believe that you have the right to say whatever you want…
Unsaid: …as long as it agrees with us.

Said: We do not believe in censorship, but pre-screening.
Unsaid: How about a compulsory Anti-Offensive Software for every computer? Think of the effectiveness! Think of the revenue for such a project! Think of the kickbacks!

Said: I will defend your right to freedom of speech till the very end.
Unsaid: Till your end at least!

Said: Look at these photos. Aren’t they offensive? (At the press conference)
Unsaid: A voracious Facebooker like me hadn’t even seen these photos! Now thanks to you, millions are exchanging the same on the Internet all over the world.

Said: We asked the Internet companies to come out with a mechanism in four long weeks.
Unsaid: Even though the Lokpal Bill has been hanging fire with us politicos for four short decades.

Said: We asked them to give it in writing!
Unsaid: Even though our written “sense of the house” had absolutely no bearing on the Lokpal Bill.

Said: We will come out with the guidelines soon.
Unsaid: I have seen what problems this silly move has created and as usual we are going to make the problem so big that we will be forced to beat a hasty retreat.

© Sunil Rajguru

The United Prisoners’ Association

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With so many of the UPA’s ministers in jail, FIRed or facing allegations of impropriety and their nemesis Subramanian Swamy breathing down their necks, very soon UPA could well stand for the United Prisoners’ Association!

Fire in the UPA belly…

A Raja, Suresh Kamladi, M Kanimozhi, Shashi Tharoor…. Fired!
SM Krishna, Dharam Singh… “FIR”ed!
P Chidambaram, Manmohan Singh, Sonia Gandhi… Facing the Subramanian Swamy Fire
All other Ministers firefighting all the time on all sorts of issues, the latest being Kapil Sibal…

You’re Blind without Vision…

Mamata Banerjee became the General Secretary of the Congress in West Bengal in 1976.
After that the Congress never came to power in the state till date.

She joined the NDA alliance in 1999.
That Central government got voted out in the very next elections.

She joined the UPA in 2009 as Railways Minister.
Both the UPA and the Railways have been in decline since then.

Now she’s become the Chief Minister of West Bengal.
Dear West Bengal. Best of Luck! You’ll need it.
Just because you voted out a really bad government is no guarantee that the next one will not be much worse.

50% Firebrand + 50% Absolute Sincerity + 0% Strategy and Vision = Still 100% Disaster.

© Sunil Rajguru

There’s Very Good Logic, then there’s Viru Good Logic…

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The history of cricket has never ever seen a batsman like Virender Sehwag.

He’s a Big Blaster like the Big Bang itself and a Vehemently Virulent Viru for the bowlers.

He’s the only player in the history of Tests to have a strike rate of 80+ and a batting average of 50+.

He’s the only player in the history of ODIs to have a strike rate of 100+ and a batting average of 35+.

Add the two to understand the very exclusive Club of One that he inhabits.

And of course, he has his very own logic…

Very Good Logic: In Tests, give the first hour to the bowlers, then the next five hours are yours.
Viru Good Logic: If I take the first hour, then the next five automatically become mine!

Very Good Logic: Higher the strike rate, lower the batting average, so bat steadily.
Viru Good Logic: Higher the strike rate, more the runs scored per hour. More the runs means higher the batting average, so bat like mad!

Very Good Logic: Flighting the ball increases the chances of getting caught out.
Viru Good Logic: Flighting the ball increases the chances of the ball going out of the ground, thereby minimizing the fielders’ chances of even touching the ball!

Very Good Logic: Show a good ball some respect.
Viru Good Logic: Ha! Main usko salaam karke hi ground ke bahar bhejta hu!

Very Good Logic: Everyone gets stuck in the Nervous Nineties.
Viru Good Logic: Nervous? Woh kya hota hai? Nineties? Maaf kijiye, main jyaada der waha rukta nahin hu isisliye uske bare main mujhe koi idea nahin hai!

Very Good Logic: There are some pitches where it is difficult to score freely.
Viru Good Logic: Abbe! Batsman ball ko maarta hai ya pitch ko???

Very Good Logic: Singles are very important to rotate the strike.
Viru Good Logic: 4s and 6s are very important to rotate the bowlers!

Very Good Logic: An old ball will start reversing, so be careful.
Viru Good Logic: An old ball should be sent out of the stadium, so the opposition will be forced to take a replacement ball that doesn’t reverse!

Very Good Logic: Records are meant to be broken.
Viru Good Logic: Your experts’ silly rules and logic are meant to be broken!

© Sunil Rajguru