Money for nothing and arms for free

Pakistan sure knows how to play America to get billions of dollars for nothing in return for most of the time.

Please sing to the tune of Money for Nothing by Dire Straits…

I want my military fee…

Now look at them generals, that’s the way you do it,
You play the terrorists and then set them free,
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it,
Money for nothin’ and arms for free,
Now that ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it.
Lemme tell ya them guys ain’t dumb,
Maybe get a little sinister on your swagger,
Maybe get a swagger on your n-bomb.

We gotta install nuclear-tipped missiles,
Custom Chinese and North Korean deliveries,
We gotta move these armies,
We gotta move these hidden Al-Qaidis,

(See the little president with spectacles and the grin,
Yeah buddy that’s his own hair,
That little president got his own jet airplane,
That little president he’s a millionaire)

We gotta install nuclear-tipped missiles,
Custom Chinese and North Korean deliveries,
We gotta move these armies,
We gotta move these hidden Al-Qaidis,

I shoulda learned to play the superpowers,
I shoulda learned to play them dumbs,
Look at that drama, they’ve got the bloody moolah,
Man we could have some,
And they’re up there, what’s that? Nuclear noises?
Bangin’ on the missiles like a chimpanzee,
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it,
Get your money for nothin’ get your arms for free

We gotta install nuclear-tipped missiles,
Custom Chinese and North Korean deliveries,
We gotta move these armies,
We gotta move these hidden Al-Qaidis.
Money for nothin’ and your arms for free,

Look at that, look at that…

Money for nothin’ and your arms for free,
I want my, I want my, I want my military fee,
Money for nothin’ and arms for free…

I want my, I want my, I want my military fee…

(Original Song: Money for Nothing.
Group: Dire Straits.
Year: 1985)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Remixed election jingles for the Yuvraj…

The last couple of decades have thrown many an election jingle…

Here are the Rahul Gandhi remix versions of the same…

Na billi hain na parcha hai,
Bas Rahul ka hi charcha hain,
Par ye kya wakayi accha hai?
Kyunki ye to baccha hain,
Uska soch bhi kuch kaccha hai,
Ye sab solaah aane saccha hai…

Jab tak suraj chand rahega,
Bhrashtachar tera naam rahega,
Rahul beta tu kya karega?

Rahul hai aur Gandhi hai,
Chai ke pyaale main aandhi hai.

Rahul ka haath,
Aam aadmi ke saath,
Maro Manmohan ko laat,
Aur lagao desh ki waat.

Rahul ko lana hai,
Congress ko bachana hai,
Bhale hi desh ko marwana hai.

Manmohan hatao, Rahul lao,
Desh ko dubao, mewa khao,
Congress log naacho, kudo aur gaao.

Koi jaat, koi biradar,
Congress main sabhi barabar,

Unless you’re in the Gandhi biradar.

Aadhi roti hawa main,
Rahul Gandhi tawa pe,
Kya ye desh ki dawa hai?
Abbe kya tu daaru pee ke pada hai?

These jingle versions by Sunil Rajguru

Aayega Aayega Aanewala Shatak Aayega

An existential question is whether the Mahashatak really exists… or is it just a myth… a legend… a figment of somebody’s imagination…

A theme song for Sachin Tendulkar’s 100th international hundred…

Please sing to the tune of Aayega aayega aanewala aayega from Mahal…

Aayega aayega aayega,
Aayega aanewala shatak, aayega aayega aayega,
Mahashatak bagair kaise ye din hi kat rahe hain,

Out nahin hai phir bhi, unglee uth rahe hai,
Tadpega koi kab tak beshatak besahaare,
Tadpega koi kab tak beshatak besahaare,
Lekin ye kahe rahe hain dil ke mere ishaare,
Aayega aayega aayega,
Aayega aanewala shatak, aayega aayega aayega.

Bhatki hui form manzil ko dhoondti hai,
Maheeno rashtra ki ruh shatak ko dhoond rahi hai,
Kya jaane uska balla kab tak lage kinaare,
Lekin ye kahe rahe hain dil ke mere ishaare,
Aayega aayega aayega,
Aayega aane waala shatak, aayega aayega aayega aayega.
..

(Original Song: Aayega aayega aanewala aayega.
Film: Mahal.
Year: 1949)

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Said and unsaid…

What Rahul told the voters of UP: How long will you have to continue begging?
What he meant: How long will I have to continue begging for Prime Ministership?

What the official said over 2G: The Rs 1.76 lakh crore figure is grossly inflated.
What he meant: The intense pressure from the Centre has squeezed and flattened the actual amount.

What Maya said: I am dividing UP into four states.
What she meant: Is Congress the only empire? Why can’t I “Divide and Rule” and have a Mayawi empire?

What happened: Petrol prices cheaper by Rs 2.
What it means: Two steps backward and two steps forward. True progress, India ishtyle!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

UB’s new mantras…

Daru 1

Fly less, drink more. Race less, drink more.

Play less, drink more. Build less, drink more.

Stay afloat, drink more. Drown, still drink more.

No more takeovers. Only hangovers.

New Slogan: The King of Bewda Times.

Next round of diversification to include UB Pubs, Hospitals and Alcohol Rehab Institutes…

Next campaigns: Reduce voting age for drinking. Build planes and racing cars that run on alcohol.

Stick to your core competency, I say!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru