Monthly Archives: November 2011

Why India is not developed…

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Rahul Gandhi: Bihar is not developed because NDA is not focusing on the poor.
Rahul Again: Orissa is not developed because though it is rich, the people are poor.
Rahul Yet Again: Punjab is not developed because Central funds don’t reach the poor thanks to the State government.
And Rahul Yet Again: UP is not developed because of people like Mayawati.
Who Else but Rahul: India will not develop till UP is developed.

First Voter: What do you think?
Second Voter: I think Rahul is not developed!

PJ of the day…

Yesterday’s slogan if you didn’t have enough money to do something…
Majboori ka naam Mahatma Gandhi

Today’s Congress slogan if you don’t have any more ideas to revive your party…
Majboori ka naam Rahul Gandhi

© Sunil Rajguru

Random musings of the day…

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United States of India
Uttar Pradesh to be carved into four states for better governance and more prosperity.
At this rate we will be at par with America.
I mean we will also have 50 states just like them.

A Tale of Two Dynasties

Sheikh Abdullah in 1953: Don’t worry, the next generation and my children will sort out the Kashmir issue.
Jawaharlal Nehru in 1966: Don’t worry, the next generation and my children will sort out the Kashmir issue.
Rajiv Gandhi to Farooq Abdullah in 1986: Don’t worry, the next generation and our children will sort out the Kashmir issue.

Question to Omar Abdullah: Why are you not solving the Kashmir issue with urgency?
Answer: I am waiting for Rahul Gandhi to become Prime Minister and he will tell me: Don’t worry, the next generation and our children will sort out the Kashmir issue.

Question: When will the Kashmir issue be sorted out?
Answer: Tomorrow, definitely!

More Poriborton
The future of West Bengal is pretty bright.
2011: Poriborton! Kick out the Left!
2016: More Poriborton! Kick out Mamata!

© Sunil Rajguru

Today’s random musings…

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Look up and look down…
Vijay Mallya (Looking up): Can someone please bail me out?
Manmohan Singh (Looking up): Can someone please bail my government out?
Barack Obama (Looking up): Can someone please bail my country out?
God (Looking down): Can someone please bail me out of handling these humans?

The Modern Day Descartes
The Economy: I sink therefore I am.
Anna Hazare: I drink therefore I… Bam!
Indian Politician: I hoodwink therefore I am.
Social Media Enthusiast: I hyperlink therefore I am.

Differences in perspective
Rahul Gandhi on his “Join the poor” road show to a chaiwallah: Ek “By two” chai dena!
Mayawati to the Centre: Ek “By four” State dena!

The Law of Diminishing Returns
Rahul to Maya: Main tere tukde tukde kar doonga…
Maya to UP: Main tere tukde tukde kar doongi…
Rahul: Kya mujhe sirf ek tukda mil sakta hai?

Democracy versus Mobocracy
How many people does it take to elect a government in Egypt?
—30-40 million in a nationwide ballot.
How many people does it take to topple a government in Egypt?
—1 million at Tahrir Square!

Abbreviated governance…
BJP: 2G!
UPA: JPC!
BJP: CAG!
UPA: PAC!
BJP: PC!
UPA: CBI!

Spot the difference…
What’s the difference between Rahul Gandhi and LK Advani?
—Both want to be prime minister and are perpetually touring the country to achieve their ends, the only difference is that Rahul is Rathless.

Downright abysmal PJ of the day…
India without Kashmir will be like a headless chicken going Pak Pak Pak Pak PoK PoK PoK PoK…

© Sunil Rajguru

Absolutely faaltu, meaningless and disjointed statistics…

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Number of People killed by Ghosts every year: Practically Zero
Number of People scared by Ghosts every year: Millions

Maximum number of People killed by Sharks in a single modern year: 11
Number of Sharks killed by People in the modern world: Billions

Number of People who theoretically can be Vegetarians if they want to: All 7 Billion
Number of People who would rather be Non-vegetarians and kill Trillions of living beings: Billions

Number of People who are “believed” to have seen God: Dozens
Number of People who actually believe in the existence of God: Billions
Number of People killed directly or indirectly in the name of God in History: Billions

Number of People killed by People in the history of man“kind”: Tens of Billions

Key takeaways…
…ghosts are real… sharks are monsters… God exists and is our benevolent protector… man is a civilized, sophisticated and highly evolved intelligent being that is the most superior life form on this planet and maybe even in the universe…

© Sunil Rajguru

Jab Yuvraj Uttar Pradesh ko bachane chale the…

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Yuvraj: Ab main Uttar Pradesh ke baare main baat karunga…

(Par kuch log use bolne hi nahin dete…)

Pahala Prashna: UP se pahala Pradhan Mantri kaun bana tha?

Yuvraj: Errr… mere pardada…

Doosra Prashna: Aur aapki dadi kahan se chun ke aayi thi?

Yuvraj: Errr… UP…

Teesra Prashna: 1984 main kaunsa Pradhan Mantri Uttar Pradesh se chun ke aaye the aur saare Lok Sabha ke seats le gaye the?

Yuvraj: Errr… mere papa…

Chautha Prashna: Aap aur Sonia kahan se chunav jeet ke aaye hain?

Yuvraj: Errr… UP… par woh sab chhodiye, mujhe ye rajya sirf dus saal ke liye deejiye…

Paanchva Prashna: Congress ne UP main kitne saal raj kiya?

Yuvraj: Errr… lagbhag  paitees saal… par woh sab chhodiye… Mayawati galat hain…

Chhatha Prashna: To sahi kya hain? Aapka vision kya hain? Strategy kya hai?

Yuvraj: Errr… koi vision nahin, koi strategy bhi nahin aur sahi kya hai main nahin jaanta, main sirf itna jaanta hu ki aap please please bheek mat mangiye doosre rajya ja ke!

Saatva Prashna: To kya isi rajya main bheek maange?

Yuvraj: Errr… errr… errr…

(Aur kuch log hasne lagte hain…)

Diggy Raja: Khaamosh! Haso mat! Ek din ye Pradhan Mantri ban-ne hi waale hain, tab hum sab hasenge aur aap sab roenge! Ha ha ha ha…

Moral of the story: He who laughs last, laughs the longest…

© Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 13

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Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
PC.
PC who?
PC you see in Parliament, but PC we no see, says the Opposition and decision making goes out of the window. Chee chee!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Dawood.
Dawood who?
They would still deny the existence of all dons, terrorists and accused hiding in their country.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Rahul.
Rahul who?
Dravid, if you want to save a Test match and Gandhi if you want to save the Congress.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kasab.
Kasab who?
Kasab ka hisaab aaya hain, Rs 16 crore spent in 3 years!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru