Divide, rule and enjoy!

Advisor: Madam, aapke chaar problems hai: Bhrashtachar, anti-incumbency, image aur development.
Madam: Rajya ke chaar tukde kar do!

Diggy Raja: Yuvraj, woh aapka stepping stone hai pradhan mantri ke pad ke liye.
Yuvraj: Mummy! Woh mere stepping stone ke chaar tukde kar rahi hai!

Mulayam: Ek tukda Maya ke paas. Ek Ajit le jaayega. Ek shaayad Congress ya BJP le jaayega. Phir bhi mere liye ek tukda bachta hai. Waise, idea bura nahin hai!

Amar Singh: Actually, mera network bhi bad jaayega!

At Rashtrapati Bhawan: Three more Governors to lord over!

Government contractors: More assemblies! More offices! More quarters! More orders! More development…

The ghost of Mountbatten: Hmmm… the United Provinces is finally getting Divided…

© Sunil Rajguru

Thak Thak Chutkule 7

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Zardari.
Zardari kaun?
Zara dar gaya tha bechara ki
military coup hoga, ab theek lag raha hai.

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Telangana.
Telangana kaun.
Telan…gaana gaa rahi hain Maya, aur do tukde nahin, chaar chahati hai!

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
2G ka paisa khaaya.
2G ka paisa khaaya kaun?
Hahahaha… aise sawal mat pooch jiska koi jawab nahin, ye scam aur cases aur bahut saal chalne waale hai.

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Rockstar.
Rockstar kaun?
Rocks stars pe pheko, dher saare, ek ek karke, sab paisa bataurne main lage hue hain, koi achha film nahin bana raha hai aaj kal…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

A Brief History of Indian Civil Aviation …

<1953>. JRD says Tata to Air India.

East-West goes South.

ModiLuft fails to Lift.

Passengers enter Jet age.

Sahara “Lite”ns up.

Paramount Amounts to Naught.

Kingfisher-Air Deccan go Red.

SpiceJet still has Spice…

GoAir & Indigo: How far will you Go?

Hawa (Air) main abhi bhi Bharat (India). <2011>

© Sunil Rajguru

Overheard by a media house…

SR: Vijaysahab, main Sahara dene ke liye tayar hu, Maal leke jaana!

VM: Jai Sahara!

SR: Lucknow aa rahe ho, par JetLite se katai nahin aana.

VM: Main Red main aa raha hu!

SR (apne aap se): Dhakkan!

VM: To Kingfisher bach gaya!

SR: Arre main to Racing waala Formula ki baat kar raha tha, Flying ka nahin!

VM: Kya??? Sab Maya hai… Ab main is udan khatola sena ka kya karunga…

(News Source: But we already flashed that Sahara is bailing them out…
Reply: Move on yaar, who really cares anyway!)

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Diary of a perpetual Rath Yatri…

Corruption had reached its peak in 1998. Then it hit a new low in 2004.
Now the heights of 1998 have been surpassed in 2011.

I simply have to educate the poor ignorant masses of India against the evils of the Congress Empire…

Time for Yatra No. 6!

Let me personally call it “Yatra to the PM’s chair”, but publicly call it Jan Chetna Yatra instead!

(If it doesn’t succeed then I still have 3-4 more Yatras in me before I’m done!)

1: Yatra kicks off. BJP workers give cash to journalists : Fight corruption with corruption!

2: Reach Karnataka, the glorious land of land scams, BS Yedurappa, Reddy Brothers and “overmining” Bellary. (But Deve Gowda and Co. are far more corrupt)

3: Reach Daman and share stage with a criminal. (What’s all the fuss? Aren’t all politicians criminals at one level? Anyway, I am only focusing on “exposed political corruption directly related to black money”. Get it?)

4: Reach Ahmedabad and share dais with Narendra Modi. Now I wonder why I feel uncomfortable with him. Let me Praise Nitish Kumar instead!

5: Someone was planning to attack me in one place and a pipe bomb was found in another. That shows that I am on the right track. The corrupt of the land are nervous!

6: Sudheendra Kulkarni, accused in the cash-for-votes scandal, gets bail! I invite him to join the Yatra. He is not corrupt, but a poor victim of corruption. Many people gave been “stung” by him!

7: Why are people throwing eggs, showing black flags and protesting? Forget it. They are in a “minority”. (But the only problem is that they may be keeping the “majority” away and hence the sparse crowds at certain places!)

8: Uttarakhand! The corruption-free air smells so fresh here! We told Ramesh Pokhriyal to step down from the CM’s chair over corruption charges! Why don’t all the Congress ministers follow his example?

9: Me White Money only. Me no Black Money. Me Indian Bank only. Me no Swiss Bank!
(Wah! Kya Pledge hai! (Pat on the back))

10: What? The Yatra has ended? I can’t believe how fast time flies!
(I can’t wait for the next one!)

11: 40-odd days of non-stop media coverage! And you thought nobody would notice!

P.S. Can someone please tell me when the mid-term general elections are taking place?

© Sunil Rajguru

There’s no difference between old news and very old news…

My morning paper comes late.
So I don’t read today’s paper and save it for tomorrow early morning.
I’ve been doing it for months now and haven’t noticed any difference…

∙ It is said that the Yomiuri Shimbun of Japan has a circulation of 14 million, the highest in the world.
But doesn’t the Facebook News Feed have a readership of 800 million?

∙ The future of the newspaper will depend on the time spent by mankind to conclude it’s bowel movement early in the morning.

∙ Isn’t it time to change the name of Newspaper to Oldpaper?

∙ If a newspaper ever runs a campaign to increase Internet literacy, it is in effect running a campaign to kill itself in the long run.

∙ The Obituary of the Newspaper will one day come on the Internet.

© Sunil Rajguru