Monthly Archives: November 2011

4 reasons why Sachin has still not scored his Mahashatak…

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So it’s been close to 250 days since Sachin Tendulkar scored his 99th international century, but the 100th (the Mahashatak) eludes him.

4 reasons why this could be happening…

1. The number of prayers that have reached God have crashed the Prayer Counter. It is unable to handle such a record number of prayers. Either that or the counter is such that the moment it receives 1 billion prayers for a single event, the counter sets back to zero.

2. After winning the World Cup final, Indian cricket is passing through an extraordinarily long  Rahukaalam. That’s why (less importantly) India got thrashed 0-4 in England and (more importantly) Sachin’s Mahashatak eludes him. The country’s top astrologers are calculating when this dark period will come to an end.

3. When Sachin got up in the morning his Facebook notification told him that it was World Kindness Day today. (It was actually set to Pacific Standard Time, which is time, which is 13.30 hours behind IST). He sub-consciously decided to be kind to the West Indies team. (And this is how they repaid him?)

4. The collective thoughts, aspirations worries, tensions and fears of millions and millions of Indian fans is warping the very spacetime around Sachin, thereby creating a disturbance in the force that will create the Mahashatak.

© Sunil Rajguru

News in Limericks 5

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There was this leader from Italy,
Who was known for many a Bunga Bunga party,
Sex scams, court cases and wiretaps his premiership surrounded,
Sexism, gay bashing, Nazi barbs and the like abounded,
But in the end he was ousted over the economy.

There was this airline curse from India,
That first rendered an ineffective Air India,
East-West, ModiLuft, Vayudoot, Paramount & Co just shut down,
Air Deccan and Sahara got eaten, while Jet’s wearing a perpetual frown,
Aur ab Kingfisher bhi red main chala gaya.

There was this team from Aussie land,
That fell like an infamous Sidhu cycle stand,
A wicket fell, then the other, then another and another…
and another and another and another and another…
…and now their championship lies firmly in wonderland.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 11

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Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kingfisher.
Kingfisher who?
King fishing for funds, bailout, restructuring, lucrative air routes… anything will do.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kudankulam.
Kudankulam who?
Could a nuke lemon be in the making for Prime Minister Manmohan Singh?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Don 2.
Don 2 who?
Don’t worry, be happy, last month I made loads of money, next month I’ll make loads more.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Absolutely faaltu 11.11.11 musings…

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∙ Today 111111 people will share 111111111111 status messages, emails, articles, facts and blogs (like this particular inane one) and waste 111111 man hours in the process.

∙ Is today is a good day for doing everything at the 11th hour?

∙ If 111 is called Nelson, then should today’s date be called the Double Nelson Day?
Or…
Did you know eleventyone is an obscure slang for over-exclamation???!!!
So better still, today is…
Double Eleventyone!!!!!!

∙ P.S. I missed 11.11.11@11.11.11!
I saw the clock at 11.40.
Now I am doomed to miss all such earth-shattering events 11111111 times in my life!

© Sunil Rajguru

How India’s Red Baron operates…

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Worker: Sahab, woh petrol to airlines ke liye hain!
Business Tycoon: Koi baat nahin, F1 main daal do.

Worker: Sahab, woh paisa to airlines ke liye hain!
Tycoon: Koi baat nahin, IPL pe udaa do.

Moral of the story: When you’re on a high, then the world looks totally different.
Handling that same world during a hangover is a different matter altogether.

P.S. Also overheard…

Retired Captain: Mere dhakkan main kya burai thi? Sasta tha par theek thaak udtaa to tha. Uspe laal rang thopoge to ye sab to hona hi tha na!
Tycoon: Ye laal rang kab mujhe chhodega…
Worker: Ab to peena band karo!

© Sunil Rajguru

Things to do on 11.11.11…

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∙ First jump on 1 leg, then jump on 1 more leg. (11)
Then balance your body on 1 hand then on 1 more hand. (11)
Then bang your head against 1 wall, then 1 other. (11)
Repeat this process when the time is 11.11.11.

∙ 11.11.11 in the morning on the date 11.11.11 is so rare that there will be a never seen before heavenly alignment that will grant every wish to everyone who asks it, no matter how fantastic.
The wish will come true after 111111111111 years.

∙ If you have a stopwatch, then try to stop it at 11.11.11.11 (11 hours 11 minutes 11.11 seconds) and frame it till 11.11.11.11, 2111.11.11.

∙ Watch Ra.One twice, then it will become Ra.OneOne or Ra.11.

∙ If you want to do good charity work, give 11 Rupees to 11 beggars at 11.11.11.
Richer people can give 11(hundred, thousand, lakh…) accordingly.

∙ At exactly 11.11.11, jump on 1 leg 111111 times.

∙ On the order of Pope Gregory XIII, the world went straight from October 4, 1582 to October 15, 1582 as a result of calendar adjustment.
Since we lost those days, purists can celebrate all of the above on November 22.

© Sunil Rajguru