Faaltu differences…

Posted on November 7, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

…between MMS (Multimedia Messaging Service) and MMS (Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister of India)

∙ Mobile MMS allows for unlimited exchange of messages between two parties.
Political MMS allows for absolutely no exchange of messages, with one party always being on mute or silent mode.

∙ In the Mobile MMS scandal, the MMS was directly responsible for the scandal that affected the many lives around it and cost only a few Rupees.
In the Political MMS scams, MMS was not directly responsible for the same which involved the whole nation and cost thousands of crores of Rupees.

∙ Mobile MMS is barely 10 years old and has a bright future.
Political MMS is 79 years old with an uncertain future.

∙ Political MMS is based in India and does occasional global roaming.
Mobile MMS is based everywhere in the globe and is also on roaming.

∙ Political MMS liberalized India.
Mobile MMS liberalized the world.

∙ Political MMS is an economic wizard.
Mobile MMS is a technical wizard.

∙ LK Advani hates Political MMS.
LK Advani is too old to love or hate Mobile MMS.

∙ Political MMS can use Mobile MMS.
Mobile MMS can include content related to Political MMS.

∙ Political MMS rules India.
Mobile MMS rules large sections of the youth in the world.

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 9

Posted on November 7, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Euro.
Euro who?
You wrong all of you economists, this common currency is not at all working.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Oil
Oil who?
I’ll give the full tank a miss this time thank you. Can’t afford it with all these damn hikes!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
An’ now you find yourself on the same boat as the government, with dissension, controversies, charges and media scrutiny!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Mahashatak.
Mahashatak who?
Mahashatak where and how? More importantly “when” is the biggest question!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

A government of extremes…

Posted on November 6, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

Sonia kam bolti hain aur baaki sab kuch jyaada hi,

Manmohan ki umar ab jyaada lagti aur Rahul ki kam,

Prices are continuously soaring and allies’ trust is crashing,

There’s inflation in the economy, but a recession in credibility,

Congress is 54 short of majority, but behaves as if it’s 54 in excess,

Rs 1.76 lakh crore bahut kam hai, par Team Anna Hazare ke hazaron kuch jyaada hi,

2014 bahut door hai aur 2011 ko jhelna bahut hi mushkil!

Tu mera Anna No. 1

Posted on November 6, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

OK, Team Anna is facing really tough times and the movement needs a theme song to pep it up.

Here’s one for Anna Hazare…

Please sing to the tune of Sona Kitna Sona Hai (Tu mera Hero No. 1) from the film Hero No. 1…

Sona kitna sona hai, sone jaise tera jan andolan,
Sun zara sun kya kehti hai, krantikari desh ki dhadkan,
Sona kitna sona hai, sone jaise tera jan andolan,
Sun zara sun kya kehti hai, krantikari desh ki dhadkan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

Anna tu mera Anna hai, Baba jaisa kaam na kar,
Usne jo bhi kaam kiya, bilkul waisa kaam na kar,
Anna tu mera Anna hai, Baba jaisa kaam na kar,
Usne jo bhi kaam kiya, bilkul waisa kaam na kar,
Gandhiji kehete hai anshan, achchha nahin ye netapan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

Sarkar main kitni sampatti hai, baahar kitni kadki hai,
Sarkar ne bedardi meri haalat kaisi kar di hai,
Oof sarkar main kitni sampatti hai, baahar kitni kadki hai,
Sarkar ne bedardi meri haalat kaisi kar di hai,
Lokpal ko sanwidhaan main basaale, tod le sab tu uljhan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

(Original Song: Sona kitna sona hai.
Film: Hero No. 1.
Year: 1997)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Dealdaara dealdaara …

Posted on November 4, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

SRK is not the Dildaara of Ra.One, but the “Deal”daara of the real world and just seems want money, not the viewer, to Stand by him… After many years he has made enough money to fill his coffers thanks to hype and multiple deals…
Please read to the tune of Dildaara (Stand By Me)…

When the kadki has come,
When the kadki has come,
Then the money coffers are dark,
And the moolah is the only light,
And the moolah is the only light,
We will see… Darling money, darling money…

O paisa O paisa, mera pyaara paisa,
O… poori hai dua, ab kuch bhi…
To ant nahin, tujhe pa ke lage…
Muqammal hai khuda.

O paisa O paisa, mera pyaara paisa,
O… tere naam sa… ab koi… bhi lafz nahi…
Ra.One ko dekhe… Sau crore log sau dafa.

Dealdaara dealdaara … Ye rati bhar ka talent bhala,
Dealdaara dealdaara …Ye movie ho superhit sabse bada…

O… Dealdaara dealdaara … Main jeeta bhale hi viewer haara,
Dealdaara dealdaara …
Darling money, darling money, Stand By me…
Come on and stand… Stand by me…

O box office ka khuda, yaane ki mere khuda,
O… tujhse hi hai vastha (and the moolah is the only light)
Tu… manzil… hai aur tu hi uss manzil ki…
Aage ka rasta (The sequel will come when the money coffers are dark)

Dealdaara dealdaara …
Tere 3D nazaro se mila extra paisa (Now the money coffers are no longer dark)
O… Dealdaara dealdaara …
Main jeeta bhale hi viewer haara (Now the money coffers are no longer dark)

Darling money, darling money… Stand by me…
Won’t you stand… stand by me…

(Original Song: Dildaara (Stand By Me)
Film: Ra.One.
Year: 2011)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Money can and cannot buy…

Posted on November 4, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

Money can’t buy you love, but it sure can buy you sex.

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it sure can get you temporary gratification.

Money can’t buy you God, but it sure can influence religious leaders.

Money can’t buy you a happy marriage, but it sure can settle a messy divorce.

Money can’t buy you respect, but it sure can buy you fear.

Money can’t buy you a happy family, but it sure can shut them up.

Money can’t buy the world, but it sure can help you see most of it.

P.S. Who has seen true love and happiness anyway?

And who has really met God?

…and that brings us straight back to Money…