If Pappu was inspired by Chetan Bhagat, he’d write…

Five Point No-one: What Not To Do at Parliament.
(Movie: 1 Idiot.)

One Night Dinner @ The Dalit Hut.
(Movie: Goodbye.)

The 3 Thousand Mistakes of My Life.

2 Countries: The Story of My Vacations.

Revolution 4040: That’s How Many Years It’ll Take.

What Rural India Wants: Visiting Dinner Guests and Padyatras.

Half Politician (Or Maybe Just One-tenth).

Bonus film…
Kick: How the Electorate Treated Me in 2014.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The AAP grand nautakni continues…

Governance Kejri style…
Delhi Govt—Less money.
AAP—Power subsidy.
Delhi Govt—Practically no money.
AAP—Water subsidy.
Delhi Govt—No money!
AAP—Subsidised AAP canteens all over!
New Delhi to be renamed New Subsidy.

Spot the difference…
We will protect Muslims—Sonia.
We will protect lower castes—Laloo.
We will protect middle class—Kejri.

By 2019, the bankrupt Delhi government coffers will get to know of a new term.
‪#‎AAPrupt‬‬‬‬

Kora kaagaz tha ye mann mera, likh diya uspe naam tera.
Kejri to corruption, nepotism and dirty politics.

Imran Khan’s PTI should rename itself to…
Aam Aadmi’s PTI.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Greece went over the edge…

Q—How does a Greek say EU?
A—Ewwww!!!!

In cricket, the umpire gives Out.
In EU, the umpire gives BailOut.

Are you worried about Climate Change?
Greece—No, Currency Change is more frightening!
‪#‎Greekment‬ ‪#‎ThisIsACoup‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

The G in Greece now stands for Germany.
The e in Germany stands for Euro.
And how long the Euro will stand no-one knows.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

IPL goes really murky musings…

Indian Paupers League.

Chennai Super Paupers.
Rajasthan Commoners.
Deccan Discharged.
Kochi Detusked Kerala.
Pune Absentees India.
Next is what?

IPL—Have brand new teams every year.
Loads of money and no need to ban wrongdoing teams.

What may happen…
India Cements changes name to Chennai Cements.
Chennai Super Kings changes name to Chennai Sooper Kings.
Srinivasan also changes name.
IPL 2016: All Izz Well!

After Tests, will you retire from IPL too?
Dhoni—I think the IPL just got retired!
‪#‎IPLVerdict‬‬‬‬

From 2008-15, more than 500 IPL matches were played while Team India played only 44 international T20s.

BCCI = Betting Corruption Cash IPL.
The remaining is a Tiny TOT.
(TOT = Tests ODIs T20 internationals)

A brief history of IPL…
IPL founder fled India.
Half of owners arrested/being probed.
5 teams out.
Many match-fixing plus other scandals.

What’s the IPL score?
8 for 5.
8 = Seasons of IPL.
5 = Wickets (teams) down.
1. KTK.
2. DC.
3. PWI.
4. CSK.
5. RR.

Srinivasan’s son-in-law=Guilty.
Srinivasan’s team=Guilty.
Srinivasan’s fiefdom=Guilty.
Srinivasan=Squeaky clean.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The never-ending Modi hater musings…

#‎AdarshLiberal‬ logic…
Hang Modi even if there’s no proof.
Don’t hang Kasab/Yakub even if Supreme Court convicts and President turns down clemency.

Media and BJP share a love-hate relationship.
Media hates BJP.
BJP loves media.

Media attacks Modi. Wins 2002.
Media attacks Modi. Wins 2007.
Media attacks Modi. Wins 2012.
Media attacks Modi. Wins 2014.
Media attacks Modi. Wins 2019???

For ‪#‎ModiHaters‬…‬‬‬
Celebrities maliciously attacking for 12 years = Freedom of Speech.
For ‪#‎ModiSupporters‬…‬‬‬
Anonymous accounts = Abusive trolling = Modi is guilty.

#‎AmartyaSen‬
More time in England than India.
More time in TV studios than Nalanda.
More time on politics than economics.
More time on nonsense than sense.

Said…
The remarkable neglect of elementary education in India is striking.
—Amartya Sen.
Unsaid…
That’s why I was only ruining higher education via Nalanda University!

Indian Twitter troll: A person who attacks a Modi hater for abusing him.
(Or even criticizes him or points out his/her mistakes)

1-year-report of activists, intellectuals and media…
We were OK with the Fascism of the Congress (mainly because we were a part of it) but not the perceived Fascism of the BJP (from which we are excluded).

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Film and Television Institute of India musings…

Bureaucrat heads film institute. OK.
Cartoonist heads film institute. OK.
Writer heads film institute. OK.
Actor heads film institute. Sparta!!!
‪#‎FTII‬‬‬‬

Politician heading cricket body. OK.
Dance teacher heading censor board. OK.
Novice heading India. OK.
Actor heading Film institute. Sparta!!!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Ho raha Bharat Nirman from 1947-2147…

Congress in 1947—We will make India No. 1 in 25 years!
Media-Civil Society—Wah wah! Bahut khoob! Beautiful! Maja aa gaya!

After 25 years…
Congress in 1972—We will make India No. 1 in 25 years!
Media-Civil Society—Wah wah! Bahut khoob! Beautiful! Maja aa gaya!

After another 25 years…
Congress in 1997—We will make India No. 1 in 25 years!
Media-Civil Society—Wah wah! Bahut khoob! Beautiful! Maja aa gaya!

2015 …
Amit Shah—We will make India No. 1 in 25 years!
Media-Civil Society—Fraud! Jumla! Where are the accha din???!!!???

If Pappu becomes PM in 2019…
Congress in 2020—We will make India No. 1 in 25 years!
Media-Civil Society—Wah wah! Bahut khoob! Beautiful! Maja aa gaya!

© Sunil Rajguru

The great fall of the once mighty newspaper…

newspaper-412452_640After Independence…
Indian father—Son, believe 100% of the things you read in the newspapers.

After TV news proliferated…
Indian father—Son, believe only 50% of the things you read in the newspapers.

After the advent of the Internet…
Indian father—Son, believe only 10% of the things you read in the newspapers.

After Twitter and other social media…
Indian father—Son, you can believe absolutely nothing that you read in the newspapers or watch on TV news channels.

Tomorrow…
Indian father—Son, can you believe that once upon a time there were newspapers, magazines and TV channels where you couldn’t choose what to read/watch and they forced their sinister agendas down your gullible throat?

The flip side…
Many people have already started believing 100% of their Twitter/WhatsApp/Facebook feeds!

© Sunil Rajguru

6 reasons why Arnab’s screaming can be extremely useful…

remote-control-isolated-2116231_6401. When an unwanted guest comes, put News Hour at full blast. With Arnab’s booming voice the guest will go running for cover and never return.

2. If you are disturbed by a neighbour’s loud music at a party, then put Arnab at high volume. He will come running to beg you to put the volume down and you can get him to do the same.

3. Make a recording of Arnab’s rants as your morning alarm. That will get you wide awake and you won’t be able to go back to sleep for the entire day.

4. Same thing with a burglar alarm. The thief will go running scared and never think of returning once he hears it.

5. Investigating agencies can use it as a form of torture to get confessions. Imagine being tied in a room with back to back News Hours at full blast playing throughout the day.

6. Use Arnab’s recordings to permanently chase away howling stray dogs that disturb your sleep at night.

© Sunil Rajguru

More #ArnabGate musings…

Indian TV news Channel 1: We relayed news 2.34 seconds after it broke.
Channel 2: That’s nothing. We did it in 1.04 seconds.
Channel 3: LOL! We did it in 0.52 seconds.
Viewer: What about checking it first and giving a good analysis?
Channels 1-2-3: Woh kya hota hai?

Problems…
Raje must resign.
Sushma must resign.
Shivraj must resign.
X must resign.
Y must resign.
Z must resign.
Solution…
Arnab must resign!
‪#‎ArnabGate‬

Superman—Man of Steel.
SuperPrimeTimeArnab—Throat of Steel.
‪#‎ArnabGate‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

General political musings…

Criticize Modi—Humanist.
Criticize BJP—Neutral.
Criticize Congress—Hater.
Criticize Congress supporter—Venomous.
Criticize media—Troll.
Criticize Sonia—Criminal.

Citizen—When will we get justice in ‪#‎VyapamScam‬?
Justice—Kripaya intezaar keejiye. Aap kartaar main hai.

I hereby declare myself an independent, mobile republic.
Said by Arundhati Roy.
Implemented by Kejri.

There are so many chargesheeted politicians. We will be better.
—Kejri.
I didn’t know “better” meant he’ll give us more chargesheeted politicians!
—Voter.
Karnataka Unity.
Government. Opposition. Lokayukta.
Hum Sab Scam Main Saath Saath Hain.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The amazing Indian Left and their bare-faced hypocrisy…

hammer-and-sickle-1183328_640Only in India…

…can the worshippers and followers of brutal tyrants and dictators like Mao Zedong (whose policies may have killed up to 70 million people) and Josef Stalin (whose policies may have killed and imprisoned tens of millions of people) and total supporters of dictatorial Emergency/Dynasty Congress regimes absolutely froth at the mouth and fume 24X7 when any other Right-leaning democratically government comes to power attacking it for being Fascist, dictatorial and intolerant.

…can thousands of Left-leaning committee/institute/board heads scream murder/Fascism/intolerance when just one such post is given to a Right-wing leaner and get the support of the entire media and civil society to boot!

…can all school textbooks be filled with Communist-leaning drivel and when anything even remotely minor and different is written to the contrary, it’s attacked virulently as “Saffronization”.

…can a Left-wing TV anchor working for a Left-wing media house unofficially reporting to a Left-wing politician pack a panel with Left-wing commentators and introduce the sole ideological opposite panellist as a “Right-wing commentator” with the entire above-mentioned lot shamelessly passed off as neutral.

…can so many people espouse an austere ideology to sickening levels and still wear designer clothes, revel in international travel and spend half of their working life in five star hotels.

© Sunil Rajguru